She Doesn't Know What She Wants

[KS22]

We have been engaged for 6 months, together for 3 years now. Two weeks ago she started exhibiting behavior which I was suspicious of. Very protective over her phone and who she was talking to. She had just started working with a new manager whom I knew was interested in her. Whenever I confronted her about it she told me I was just being psycho and pushing her away. She said she wasn't lying and nothing was going on. Two days ago though, I saw she was texting him and she finally admitted that she had been talking to him behind my back and lied to me about it.

She then proceeded to saying she wasn't happy that it had nothing to do with him, but she needed space to figure out what she wants. I said I would give her space but that if she needed time alone to think about things it shouldn't include talking to this other man. She got angry at that and I fee that she wants to see if the "grass is greener on the other side" before choosing whether or not she wants to be with me. It makes me angry and feel like I'm not respected by her if she is wanting to see how it may be with someone she hardly knows over me who has been there for her for 3 years. I don't know what to do because in a perfect world I would want to spend my life with the girl I fell in love with, but it seems as she isnt that girl anymore.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

She's lying to you. She knows exactly what she wants. She just has to play the game right. What she is unsure about is how to deal with you, while she pursues the guy she's really interested in. Until she gets him in the bag, she has to keep you within arms reach.

 

 

Chill, be cool with her & get her guard down. Don't be obvious about it or play testing games. Pretend everything is good. Go into stealth detective mode. If done right, you will have solid evidence that she's cheating on you or has started an EA. Once you get proof, the healthy thing to do is leave & go hard full NC. Sucks but most likely true.

[KS22]

I actually confronted the other guy about it and when she and I talked after it she claimed that I "chased him away" and that he said he wasn't comfortable with the situation. I don't want to be with someone who "doesn't know" whether they want to be with me or not, but it isn't easy to make that choice because I love this woman and have put so much into a future with her.

[nescafe1982]

The situation sucks, but you also cannot 'throw good money after bad:' moves you've made to invest in a future with her mean nothing if she's not committed to you, too.

 

It sounds to me like she needs to sort out what she wants. Maybe it's just cold feet. But maybe it's something more concerning than that.

 

I would suggest you talk through her concerns about marriage, and if needed, give her some space/time to sort through her issues. Don't make this about you vs. the other guy. As long as she's got cold feet and commitment issues, you can chase away dude after dude and they will just keep coming. This is about her.

[Zagan]

Stand up for yourself.. Tell her to fk off and go be with whoever she wants but to stay away from you.. I'll never understand why people sit back and let someone they are suppsedly in a relationship with treat them like crap.. Come on fella, you deserve better.. She'll never respect you any other way. When there's another man involved? That's time to say go screw yourself lady I'm off. Not sit around waitng for her to come back, jeez.

[emi]

She knows you for too long, its getting boring, its getting serious, its getting alot of hardwork.

Then she got new attention, from a brand new man, and a manager! What do you expect?

[lolablue17]

I would cancel the wedding right now. I would call all of your friends and family (your side), and tell them that the wedding's off. after this session of calling everybody, then let her be notified about the cancelation.

 

It's natural and legitimate for her to have a dilemma before the wedding. But her way to sort out her dilemma shows a lot about her nature and character.

 

1. At the engagement stage, she started looking at other men.

 

2. When you confronted her about it, she lied, and only after you made some pressure, she told you some truth... (Trickle truth is what you gonna get in your marriage. Once it starts, there is no way to stop it

 

3. She didn't take even the smallest responsibility for her actions and feelings. If she was really in a deep solo crisis. she would have thought also about you. She should have break up, or telling you she needs space for a SHORT LIMITED TIME, in which she will not contact any other man during this space.

 

But she's faking. She just wants to be free to be with the other guy, while you're waiting like a doormat.

 

That is HUGE RED FLAG. It means that every time she will have some issues, She will automatically think only about her needs and never yours.

 

That is the kind of a girl you wanna marry? Are you sure? If that's how she is during the engagement, I promise you - when you're married it will only get worse.

 

The trick of letting her the last one to know is for your sake. That's how you assure yourself that she wouךdn't manipulate you with fake words and more lies just to control you. She'll be freaked out. She will be very very angry. But it's not your business any more. Be happy. You had yourself a gift that many of us don't get - The chance to find out who she really is - before the wedding.

[Diezel]

I really hope you cancelled the wedding. She's not marriage material.

Don't sign a certificate just so you can give her half your assets later in life when she eventually cheats.

[d0nnivain]

Please stop all wedding planning immediately & get all of your deposits back

if possible.

 

If you are going to try to make this work, (bad plan btw) get into per-marital counseling ASAP.

[Keenly]

She called you a psycho when you expressed concerns over her unusual behavior.

 

 

 

Is there a flag color that's darker than red?

[sandylee1]

Don't marry her.

Don't wait around for her to decide.

She should have told the OM she's engaged and marrying the love of her life. If she's like this now......why would you entertain marriage

 

You shouldn't have to scare a guy away from your fiancée.

 

Call it off, get your ring back and wish her good luck.

 

If you don't, you'll be a betrayed husband in a year or two, trying to make it work following her affair while she's still in fantasy land.

 

There's a heap of single girls who won't do this to you.

[WonderKid]

Don't ever get married man it is a waste of potential for a man. What will a piece of paper and license prove? That you didn't love her in the first place or something?

[Mr. Lucky]

I don't know what to do because in a perfect world I would want to spend my life with the girl I fell in love with, but it seems as she isnt that girl anymore.

 

It may be hard to hear but you're getting off relatively cheaply and quickly.

 

Fast forward a couple of years, you could be married with all the entanglements of kids, house and assets. Be glad she's shown you early on who she really is...

 

Mr. Lucky

[bathtub-row]

This relationship has all the signs of ending up in divorce if you end up getting married. I know it's hard to walk away when you have so much invested in this person but this is exactly what you should do. Best case, stay with her but don't make any wedding plans. You'll eventually get sick of her nonsense, or she'll end up cheating on you.

 

Too many of us ignore the signs before marriage. This is why there are so many divorces. Do yourself a favor and don't go down this path. If you think it's bad now, it actually can, and will, get much worse.