I fear she emotionally cheated on me and that may lead to more. Help!

[Ross21]

Hello,im new to the community and also first time ever posting anything on a forum.i will explain my situation as well as I can and I apologize in advanced for any confusion.

 

We'll I met this girl about to years ago at work(Judy) and we clicked right away.up to that point Id never been in a serious relationship,I lost my virginity to her at the age of 22,at the time she just turned 18.The first couple of months of our relationship were complicated.About 2-3 months into out relationship she cheated on me with her ex.I decided to forgive her, I really felt something special for her and thought that it was wort working trough it .

 

about 4-3 months after that she sought out the attention of some one she'd previously had a crush on .he happened to shop we're we work ,she told me how much she liked him in the past and how handsome she though he was. I was a bit uncomfortable about it but payed no attention to it .shed bring him up more and more often which started to worry me.eventually I happen to be on her face book(I might have been snooping or just bored I dont really remember ).

 

i came across a message shed sent to a mutual firend of there's(Vic) ,she kept asking Vic to start a conversation and bring her up.she asked Vic to tell tell her crush frank to contact her.she was very eager to know if he was gonna contact her,she'd ask for screenshots of the texts messages.he never contacted her but some how he found out who I was,one day he came to my place of work with his gf.When he saw me he quickly turned to his gf and whispered something to her,she quickly turned around to look at me.it was pretty humiliating,as if they were saying there's the sucker with gf that wants me.for about a year every time he came into the store I'd avoid him from how humiliated I was .at the time she didn't know that I knew.That whole sitution felt like such a betrayal of my trust,since In The end I was left wondering what she would of done if frank did contact her.

 

After this she met a guy at our place of work,they quickly became friends.they would text each other often and call each often.they would spend so much time together at work and also take there breaks together alone outside. It got to the point were people thought she was cheating on me with him. I told her it made me uncomfterable but all she had to say was "ur Smothering me and he's just a friend"I dropped it but wasn't happy about it.months passed by and they got closer,recently he started going trough some hard times and I noticed he'd vent to her a lot, he'd send her long text after long text for weeks.i feel for this guy but I feel as if he overstepping a boundary ,I dont know if I'm over reacting but I feel like he needs to understand that it's not ok for him to constantly seek her out.

 

she also told me that he's done things that have made it seem like he has feelings for her.For example one night she went out with her brother and this friend to drink a bit(which she doesn't do often).they went to a firends house ,the 3 of them were Ina a room and the brother was. Passed out,she was on the bed and the friend(Luis )was On the couch.from what she told me she was on her phone looking at some pics,Luis got of the couch and layed next to her on the bed, she told me she sat up and was weirded out but who knows if it's true. My issue with what he did is that the only reason I think he did that was in hopes that some thing would happen.i think it's pretty damn obvious that a guy shouldn't lay In a bed with some one else's gf,even If there friends.

 

I've noticed she locks her phone now, I don't think anything physical is going on but I fear she emotionally cheating on me and that may lead to more.i treat her well,i don't need to lose her to realize she some one special, I go out of my way for her and appreciate her.i don't know how to feel about there friends ship .

 

I have issues trusting her,I don't know if I'm just being ridiculous or if I have a reading to feel the way I do .I hope that what I've posted is understandable lol , I know it's a lot of reading but I hope u guys can give some advice

 

Thank you in advance

Edited August 31, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Title clarified and paragraphs added to wall of text.

[La.Primavera]

She already has a history of cheating so that isn't a good sign. You may have given her a free pass because it was early on in the relationship but the truth is it says a lot about her character. I think you know this deep down, and that's why you find it hard to trust her.

 

You say that you know how special she is and treat her well, but what about you? Does she treat you like you are special at all? If she continues to get close to other guys it is going to make you feel more humiliated and frustrated.

 

I think you deserve better.

[road]

She already has a history of cheating so that isn't a good sign. You may have given her a free pass because it was early on in the relationship but the truth is it says a lot about her character. I think you know this deep down, and that's why you find it hard to trust her.

 

You say that you know how special she is and treat her well, but what about you? Does she treat you like you are special at all? If she continues to get close to other guys it is going to make you feel more humiliated and frustrated.

 

I think you deserve better.

 

She has cheated continuously.

From the beginning of your relationship.

Dating is the job interview for marriage, she failed , dump her.

[PegNosePete]

About 2-3 months into out relationship she cheated on me with her ex.

about 4-3 months after that she sought out the attention of some one she'd previously had a crush on

After this she met a guy at our place of work,they quickly became friends

I've noticed she locks her phone now

I have issues trusting her

Well of course you have issues trusting her, she is totally not trustworthy. She has cheated on you multiple times. There is only one way to handle this situation and that is to dump her so fast it makes her head spin.

[kendahke]

I guess I don't understand why you are with her. I don't see any redeeming qualities from what you've written.

 

You're with a liar and a cheater and you wonder why you you can't trust her? She's a liar and a cheater. Why do you need her?

[Smitten and Bitten]

You're not being ridiculous at all. From what you've described she's a liar, a user and a cheater. You deserve better. Dump her and don't look back. It will hurt for little while but you'll be better for it. You'll see.

[autumnnight]

This is the neat thing about dating: there's no ring, no contract, no legalities, no assets to divide...no real attachment that requires a lot of red tape.

 

So if you cannot trust the person you are with, you can break up. It hurts, but it is a fairly easy decision. You can't trust them - you stop dating them.

[DKT3]

I sorry that this is what you got the first time out the gate. I understand you have a deep emotional connection, but this isn't what a relationship should be. Your girlfriend has issues and a need for male attention. Couple that with you seeming to be a good but naive guy, equals a very toxic dynamic. You need to RUN away from her, she is goin to ruin you if you stay.

[SycamoreCircle]

When he saw me he quickly turned to his gf and whispered something to her,she quickly turned around to look at me.it was pretty humiliating,as if they were saying there's the sucker with gf that wants me.for about a year every time he came into the store I'd avoid him from how humiliated I was .

In reality, you don't know what he said to his gf, but the way you filled in the blanks tells you what you feel about yourself. And how do you feel about yourself? Pretty low, I'd say. The only special thing about losing your virginity is being able to say you lost your virginity.

 

You need to make a list of things that make you feel good and a list of things that make you feel bad. When people do things in the second category, you make a choice: either extricate yourself from their proximity permanently or directly address the problem with them.

 

In the case of this girl, you have only one option. You know what that is. Everyone on this forum knows what that option is.

 

Now...get a crackin'!

[bubbaganoosh]

You lost your virginity to her. Now you also lost your self respect and dignity to her too so why do you want to be with someone like that.

 

Time for you to wake up and see who she really is and move on because it will get worse.

[Chi townD]

Dude, I'm convinced she's cheating on you not only emotionally but physically. Why do I feel this way? Because of that story about the guy getting in bed with her. She told you that bullsh*t story because I have a feeling that her brother woke up in the morning and saw them together in the bed. Chances are she thought, "Oh sh*t, I better tell him something before my brother says something". So, she came up with that story that he was on the couch and then snuck into her bed and she got "weirded" out by him. Funny, she never says she kicked him out of the bed. Trying to make it look like she was an innocent victim here.

 

 

Also, now she starts locking her phone when she never had done that before is a BIG red flag.

 

 

Dude, dump her and move on. She's untrustworthy.

[Ross21]

We'll it's pretty safe to say that I was and to an extent still am pretty naive, I have a lot more off a back bone today and I guess I just really wanted thing to work out which is why I've tolerated all off this.like I said I've never felt like this about any one else but I don't want to constantly have the question "is she cheating on me"hanging over my head. I guess I knew the best thing to do was to end things but I just needed to be sure that I wasn't being unreasonable ,just needed to hear it from some one that isn't going to choose sides.I really appreciate u guys taking time to tell me what I needed to hear. I now feel certain about what needs to happen, as much as it's gonna suck.thanks for listening and I Truly I hope the best for you guys.

[Space Ritual]

We'll it's pretty safe to say that I was and to an extent still am pretty naive, I have a lot more off a back bone today and I guess I just really wanted thing to work out which is why I've tolerated all off this.like I said I've never felt like this about any one else but I don't want to constantly have the question "is she cheating on me"hanging over my head. I guess I knew the best thing to do was to end things but I just needed to be sure that I wasn't being unreasonable ,just needed to hear it from some one that isn't going to choose sides.I really appreciate u guys taking time to tell me what I needed to hear. I now feel certain about what needs to happen, as much as it's gonna suck.thanks for listening and I Truly I hope the best for you guys.

 

Yes it will suck but by what you wrote the extent of her respect for you is she is under the impression that "I can do whatever I want, and Good Old Ross will be there no matter how crappy I treat him". She needs constant validation, and if you stick around she will eat you alive and drive you crazy.

 

You seem like a really nice guy. While in many instances that's a good thing, when it comes to relationships, it's a kiss of death.

 

I'd like to make a suggestion to you that may be a lifesaver. Once you do the much required deed of releasing this girl to her destiny, please Google "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It is available in PDF for free and it should be required reading for men who come to these threads who are in the same conundrum as you find yourself in. A lot of it may apply to you.

 

Best of luck. You are doing the right thing by moving on and letting her be some other guy's problem.