Monkeyonmyback Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 So heres my question, I have a wonder fiance whom i have been with for 7 years, however i go through periods where i do not trust him and think he doesnt love me like he says he does. I'V been through alot in my life, seen my mother die in front of me when i was 10 and my father died when i was 15 and then my sister died in front of me in 2000. I have been with this wonderful man for 7 years,this year he proposed and i happily agreed, however that sneeky feeling always sneeks up on my and i began to feel doubtful again. So in my mind im thinking , "he" must be cheating with so and so and he must like her better. Its really tiresome to feel this way and i end up feeling guilty and saying sorry to him a thousand times. I have had many dreams about him cheating and i wake up mad. You see i met my first husband when i was 15 and all he did was accuse and abuse and i lived that way for 9 years. Now when i have these moments i feel guilty because this guy im with a a awesome man and we love each other dearly. I just want to stop these feelings of jealsousy before they ruin our relationship. Any advice. Link to post Share on other sites
st8toftheheart Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Needless to say you've been through alot. That has an impact on everyone. ALmost liek Post Tramatic Stress Disorder. These doubts which lead to feelings like these are normal. Its another big formal commitment, once burned, fear of being hurt. Just keeping talking things through with him to determine what do you need to help those thoughts feeling of cheating and fear of possible commitment go away. Just don't go running off to New Mexico and telling people you've been abducted. Apparently that doesn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted May 12, 2005 Share Posted May 12, 2005 Originally posted by Monkeyonmyback I just want to stop these feelings of jealsousy before they ruin our relationship. Any advice. Have you considered therapy? It sounds to me that you have trust and abandonment issues. You should work with a professional. Link to post Share on other sites
Bunnylove Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 I think these jeliousy issues can come from fear of losing your partner. I think since you have experienced loss to such extent, you might fear that you will also lose your hubby! I DO think you should try out some theropy though, you need to deal with these kinds of feelings head on beofre you end up destroying your relationship. I know people who have been through very simliar things. They have found it hard to really trust that anyone will stick around. It will also no doubt be making you feel insecure. I'm wondering if you have lost your confidence which might lead you to think that there isnt anything worth loving there...so why would another person love you. Remember we are all unltimatly alone in this life. You must learn to love your self and be strong enough to stand on your own two feet. You are wonderfull and beautifull who ever you are! Have you talked to your bf about these feelings? I'm thinking that they probably come from feeings of abandonment from your family's deaths. BUT you never really know. Maybe there is something about your guy that has changed? a different behavior pattern? Maybe he is feeling something about your relationship that isnt working well for him and he is too scared to talk to you, after all you HAVE been through enough. But relationships are tough and will brake your heart to some capacity. There is no such thing as a perfect person or perfect relationship. With love always comes pain, with good comes bad, ups and downs. Maybe he feels that you are not strong enough to deal with the downs. Do you think you ARE strong enough? Remember to have lots of friends to love and support you and continue to make new ones. Don't rely whole heartedly on your bf. Thats too big a responsibility. Once he feels that your strong and fighsty enough, then maybe he will come clean about what he is feeling. I dont think that niggling feeling comes out of no-where and its normally a women's intuition kicking in and telling you there is an underlying problem that wants to serfice. Keep strong sweetheart....there is much love in this world!!! xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
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