When should you give up on your crush?

[phyrespryte]

I work in the stock room of a women’s clothing store with a really hot guy named Sean. We’ve worked closely together for almost two years. We get along nicely and he’s mentioned a bunch of times that we make a great team. I’ve always been attracted to him, but I’ve never acted on it because up until recently he was involved in a serious relationship. Everyone at work thought they would get married, but she ended up dumping him a little before Valentine’s Day.

 

When she broke up with him my relationship with him started to get confusing. He started to flirt with me like crazy, started being nicer and more helpful than usual. On Valentine’s Day he asked me out, but I said no. I didn’t want to be the rebound girl, plus I thought he and his ex would get back together. They didn’t and a month later he already broke up with his rebound girl. He still kept flirting with me and took me out to lunch one day. It was more friendly than romantic, but I still liked him and he kept suggesting we do things together. So I asked him out and got his phone number and we made some plans for the following week. I got horribly sick and then got pink eye, so I had to cancel our plans. A week later I was better, but he was on vacation so I called and left a message. He called me back two days later and left a message. He then called me the next day at work and apologized for not calling sooner. He said it was because he was busy doing nothing! He invited me to go drinking with him and his buddy, but I passed b/c I’m not much of a drinker plus I was pissed at him for saying he was busy doing nothing.

 

Anyways a couple days later a new girl was hired and this girl started coming on to him strong. And he would flirt with her back. Well my good friend at work Lorenzo was also interested in this girl and tried to invite her to a party, but she turned him down b/c Sean had invited her to a party that night! Funny thing is they all ended up going to the same party that night. Lorenzo said nothing happened, but that the two did leave together.

 

OK I was a little hurt, but thinking rationally I’m not Sean’s girlfriend so I can’t be pissed. Right?

But here’s what totally confuses me. Sean still keeps flirting with me. Plus if I’m talking to Lorenzo, Sean appears

and either says mean things to him or finds ways to pull me away from him. What is going on? Sean doesn’t know that I know about him and the new girl going out. But I did mention that people were talking about them and he denied that they were dating. Is he trying to fool around with me and the new girl? Or was she just a hook up and he’s still interested in me? I still like him despite the other girl, but maybe I'm wasting my time? I don't know what to do.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Wow this is confusing. I think right now, being recently single, he's sowing his wild oats. He loves the new found freedom and is taking advantage if it. If someone flirts with him....b/c he can......he will flirt back 110%. If i were you I would ask him out. The only way to break him out of his bachelor phase is to try to get him to see that not all girls are like his ex and he can have a great relationship again. Unless he doesn't want to right now, then your just waisting your time. Seems like he's also casually dating. Most likely b/c he doesn't want to get tied down again. So why don't you just date him? Does he need to be your boy friend to be satisfied with him? But to asnwer your original question, If he's still a bachelor and is not looking for a GF, give it a rest in about 6 months. Then all you have to do is wait for him to come around. Good luck honey

[amerikajin]

Hard to say where he's at.

 

I think he's interested in you on some level, but he's also good enough to attract attention from other women. Sometimes, when a girl says "no" to a guy, even if he knows it's just a rebound date, it's enough to really stoke a man's pride into gear. A needy guy without a clue would probably ask you out a second - and maybe even a third - time, but a guy who knows he can attract ladies might not go back to a girl once he's been rejected. Male pride kicks in.

 

If you really want this guy, you're gonna have to make it obvious. That'll mean risking some face on your part, but it's all about what you want, and how badly you want it. If want to risk nothing, do nothing; if you want him, go for it.

[phyrespryte]

IhavenoFREAKINclue I think you're absolutely right about the oats and the casual dating. I guess my emotions got me all confused. I don't mind the casual dating idea. When I first asked him out all I was trying to do was spend some time with him outside of work to get to know him better. I wasn't looking for anything serious. It's just when that new girl came along I got so jealous and confused, especially after he invited her to that party. Now I realize that's he not really chasing her it's the other way around....I know I must be totally confusing. Basically he doesn't treat her the same way he treats me and that's a great thing.

 

I think I'm going to wait awhile before I try to ask him out again though. His ex is back sort of. She's been calling him and dropping by the store. I think he's got way too much drama with that woman.

[phyrespryte]

Originally posted by amerikajin

If you really want this guy, you're gonna have to make it obvious. That'll mean risking some face on your part, but it's all about what you want, and how badly you want it. If want to risk nothing, do nothing; if you want him, go for it.

 

What exactly is obvious? When I first asked him out, right before I got sick, I was so nervous. I had practiced over and over what I would say to him, but I never thought about what to do after that. When he said yes, I didn't know what to say and sweat started to gather on my brow. I gave him this really awkward smile and I'm sure my face was completely red. Thankfully he took over the situation and gave me his number. I thought by then he was sure I liked him. Maybe all the times I canceled our plans messed things up?

[amerikajin]

Yes, the cancellations have hurt your chances, but they haven't necessarily destroyed them. From what you've written, he still seems somewhat interested. As a guy, if I've really got a thing for a woman, and if I'm still confident that maybe it was just bad timing or that there was some other reason we never quite got together, I might give the girl one more shot...but I'll want to know that there's a pretty good likelihood that she'll say "Yes" if I ask her out. If I've already asked a girl out once or twice and for some reason we never got out, I might be willing to chalk that up to circumstances once or twice, but after a third time I'm thinking it's just not worth the effort anymore - even if she is good looking. If a guy gets too many mixed signals, he either doubts himself or just writes the girl off as "full of s***."