Should I confront this guy?

[Mr Mind of Shazam]

Look, it appears your wife is just making her story up as she goes along. There's no need to contact this guy. Decide if you want this woman in your life and proceed.

[SSJROMANCE]

I feel for you. Once a cheater always a cheater. I think there are some good suggestions on here as to how to approach this guy. If you just ask the question if he was having an affair with your wife his first instinct is going to be to lie and cover for her. That's probably not the best approach.

 

You could bluff like someone else suggested and see if he bites. But that could backfire. You could also say that you have her side of the story and you wanted to get his side of the story and that you have forgiven her and you are only looking for discrepancies. There are things besides sex that you can verify like how he got to the restaurant what did they do etc.

 

I think the most important thing to do if you ARE going to confront is that you keep it a very "professional" conversation otherwise you will get nothing from this guy except a dial tone. But I agree with you. She sure has shown she is capable of this behavior and I think your suspicions are right on target. Good luck.

[healingsoul]

First off, I want to thank you for serving our Nation in the military. My son is in the military and I know that this can often be a difficult job. I always make an effort to thank everyone I meet who serves. Being that I know many military families, your request is very dear to my heart. Secondly, I want to tell you how sorry I am that your wife has been unfaithful several times during your marriage.

 

I have been married 31 years, so I know a little about keeping a marriage strong and healthy, of course, as in every marriage we have been through our hard times. Counseling might help you both identify where things got off track in the first place, and what each of you might do to restore your relationship.

 

If your wife is willing I would seek getting a marriage counselor, my husband and I have gone to a few through our married years and it has helped tremendously. It is not easy but worth it.

 

Also, I am concerned about the fact that you keep pursuing a way to check up on what is in the past. Sometimes digging up old facts can be a trap of keeping us in the past and not moving forward. I would not contact her person from the past. It will do no good and only cause more hurt for you and bring someone into your life that you do not need involved in it.

[Darren Steez]

This whiffs of " If I find out this fact then I can do this but now I need to find out about this other fact then I can do this"

 

Evidence gathering when the evidence is plainly clear in front of you. Unless you ask your wife to take a poly then all you're going to get is I don't remember and infinite conversations to where you won't get the truth.

 

She's a serial cheater. If gathering evidence is what you need to do to delay making the hard decisions then keep gathering and keep questioning.

 

The guy is not the problem. And even if you did confront him he's not very likely to front up with the truth is he?

[bigman1]

You are falling into the spiral of needless investigation. You have confirmation of a physical affair, an emotional affair, and now you want to find out what happened in 2010 with some other guy? What possible power position does this put you in? You can continue to try to get every little detail so that you can then yell out what?

 

At some point you're going to have to decide why are you going to stay in this relationship? In light of the history that you have just given, it certainly seems foolish, but you can do whatever you want to do. If your goal is to spend your time chasing down every rabbit in the name of finding out how many rabbits there are as opposed to ending this relationship then you can continue on the rabbit hunt.