My office is rife with pregnant women...

[impatiently_patient]

...and it's kinda bumming me out.

 

My younger brother just had his first child too and here I am not even married at 38. Haven't had a date in like two years. I love my job and pays me near six-figures, retirement, benis, all that... but I feel like I gotta get outta here or I'm going age into a sad, creepy, old guy.

[oohlala]

...and it's kinda bumming me out.

 

My younger brother just had his first child too and here I am not even married at 38. Haven't had a date in like two years. I love my job and pays me near six-figures, retirement, benis, all that... but I feel like I gotta get outta here or I'm going age into a sad, creepy, old guy.

 

But a pretty good-looking and otherwise normal-seeming dateable fellow! Are you trying to meet people? Where and how?

[impatiently_patient]

But a pretty good-looking and otherwise normal-seeming dateable fellow! Are you trying to meet people? Where and how?

 

Anywhere and everywhere. I don't know of any venues here that are singles specific that aren't dudebro, gay, or cougar clubs. I do the sorts of things I enjoy. I'm into the live music and arts scene so it would be nice to meet women who at least appreciate that as I'd like to get back into making music. I've had online dating profiles and no one seems to think I'm worth responding to, and gone to singles Meetups but they seem to attract an older crowd.

Edited September 1, 2015 by impatiently_patient

[O'Malley]

I'm into the live music and arts scene so it would be nice to meet women who at least appreciate that as I'd like to get back into making music. I've had online dating profiles and no one seems to think I'm worth responding to, and gone to singles Meetups but they seem to attract an older crowd.

 

Do you travel to any larger music festivals in the states or in Europe (correct me if I'm wrong, but I'll take a stab that you're into metal)? Are you open to dating a woman who doesn't live in your immediate vicinity? Unfortunately some regions, depending on your interests, can be quite limiting, which means you might have to move to a region friendlier to your lifestyle or be open to a long distance dating situation (if you can afford repeat visits and are fine with a slower progression in a relationship). I'd never have met SO if I had stayed in the rural community I grew up in.

 

I go to many shows myself, both here and abroad, so I'm aware that more of the women at these events are usually with SOs, but there are an increasing amount of women at metal shows than there were even a decade ago. Hopefully that will work in your favor at some point. Have you asked your friends if they know any women they could introduce you to?

[edgygirl]

The only thing I can tell you is it's worse for us single women... we have expiration date on those eggs and seeing everyone moving on with their lives while you're stuck for some unknown reason... ugh

[Frank2thepoint]

The only thing I can tell you is it's worse for us single women... we have expiration date on those eggs and seeing everyone moving on with their lives while you're stuck for some unknown reason... ugh

 

There's nothing wrong with that. Women that have expired eggs need loving too.

[edgygirl]

Of course they do!

 

But the clock ticking phase, before the eggs expire... it's not pleasant.

 

In my case, I'm cool though. Mine are frozen.

 

There's nothing wrong with that. Women that have expired eggs need loving too.

[kilgore]

Of course they do!

 

But the clock ticking phase, before the eggs expire... it's not pleasant.

 

In my case, I'm cool though. Mine are frozen.

 

Do you think you might decide to have a baby in your own?

[impatiently_patient]

Do you travel to any larger music festivals in the states or in Europe

 

I was kind of waiting for a significant other to travel with. Traveling alone really isn't much fun for me. My friends are all too tied up with their relationships and responsibilities to travel as well. Sucks because for once in my life I have the money and then some.

 

 

 

Are you open to dating a woman who doesn't live in your immediate vicinity? Unfortunately some regions, depending on your interests, can be quite limiting, which means you might have to move to a region friendlier to your lifestyle or be open to a long distance dating situation (if you can afford repeat visits and are fine with a slower progression in a relationship). I'd never have met SO if I had stayed in the rural community I grew up in.

I live in a major metro area... one of the bigger ones in the U.S. I'm open to dating anyone within any of the metro if that's what you're asking(?) Outside of it, I'm not sure how that would work. I'd have to meet them first, and there'd have to be some serious intent to move to the other's respective area sooner than later. I'm not really looking for a pen pal.

 

 

 

(correct me if I'm wrong, but I'll take a stab that you're into metal)?

I'm a modern metal musician, yes. I'm also really big into underground hip hop (stuff like D. Dolan, Scroobius Pip, No Bird Sing, etc.), and dig stuff like ambient electronica, IDM, synthwave, darkwave... Fever Ray, Chelsea Wolfe kinda stuff. My next project would theoretically fuse all those styles, if I could ever find some like-minded musicians.

 

 

 

I go to many shows myself, both here and abroad, so I'm aware that more of the women at these events are usually with SOs, but there are an increasing amount of women at metal shows than there were even a decade ago. Hopefully that will work in your favor at some point. Have you asked your friends if they know any women they could introduce you to?

The shows here are abysmal, gender-wise, gotten worse not better if you ask me... and like you said, if someone does show up, it's with their boyfriend.

[O'Malley]

I was kind of waiting for a significant other to travel with. Traveling alone really isn't much fun for me. My friends are all too tied up with their relationships and responsibilities to travel as well. Sucks because for once in my life I have the money and then some.

 

You're only in your thirties, so it's a great time to step out of your comfort zone a bit. There's not many well run metal festivals in the U.S., but in my experience you can find interesting things to do in most major cities here. Europe generally has better festivals, plus opportunities to meet people and have experiences you'd never have otherwise, especially if you have the time and means to explore more than a country's traditional tourist junkets. There's certainly no guarantees, but if you're wanting to meet women that would be more compatible with you than the typical OLD crapshoot, you have to put yourself where these women tend to be.

 

Part of the issue might also be the insularity of many people in their thirties and forties. Even if they're single, some tend to keep to their own limited social circle, it's a bit harder to make new acquaintances than in your twenties. If you're not open to dating single parents (I don't know whether you are or not), you also have to accept the limitations of that. I'm 39, no children, live in the suburbs of a city larger than yours and most of the men and women around my age have either been previously married and/or had children. Just my experience, some cities tend to have more open minded, creative women in your age bracket; you'd probably find more women you share commonalities with in Austin or Portland than Tulsa (or possibly Phoenix).

[edgygirl]

Probably not. Not for me. That's not how I see my life going... but who knows. I never say never.

 

I don't even know if I really want a baby anymore. I just like the idea of leaving the possibility open. What if I meet the perfect partner in 1-2 years, want a baby and my body says no? I will have my own egg bank there waiting It was one of the smartest decisions I've made. And one of the most expensive too lol.

 

Do you think you might decide to have a baby in your own?

[edgygirl]

Love synth and darwave! And some IDM too.

 

Chelsea Wolfe is really cool!

 

and dig stuff like ambient electronica, IDM, synthwave, darkwave... Fever Ray, Chelsea Wolfe kinda stuff. My next project would theoretically fuse all those styles, if I could ever find some like-minded musicians.

 

[kilgore]

Probably not. Not for me. That's not how I see my life going... but who knows. I never say never.

 

I don't even know if I really want a baby anymore. I just like the idea of leaving the possibility open. What if I meet the perfect partner in 1-2 years, want a baby and my body says no? I will have my own egg bank there waiting It was one of the smartest decisions I've made. And one of the most expensive too lol.

 

Yeah but who's life ever goes how they see their life going?

 

Curiously how long are frozen eggs usable?

[JP100]

women love old guys....the older the better. in their mind it equals more money and more "maturity."

 

yeah looking for a wife at work is not a good place to start. because when your at home fighting, you want to leave to work as a stress relief and escape. You dont want her with you at work.

 

how does one go looking for a someone...............thats an open ended question. if your looking for a women who is stable and has a logical mental state....i suggest do NOT go to dance clubs. you will find the worse women at dance clubs.....

[impatiently_patient]

You're only in your thirties, so it's a great time to step out of your comfort zone a bit. There's not many well run metal festivals in the U.S., but in my experience you can find interesting things to do in most major cities here. Europe generally has better festivals, plus opportunities to meet people and have experiences you'd never have otherwise, especially if you have the time and means to explore more than a country's traditional tourist junkets. There's certainly no guarantees, but if you're wanting to meet women that would be more compatible with you than the typical OLD crapshoot, you have to put yourself where these women tend to be.

 

Part of the issue might also be the insularity of many people in their thirties and forties. Even if they're single, some tend to keep to their own limited social circle, it's a bit harder to make new acquaintances than in your twenties. If you're not open to dating single parents (I don't know whether you are or not), you also have to accept the limitations of that. I'm 39, no children, live in the suburbs of a city larger than yours and most of the men and women around my age have either been previously married and/or had children. Just my experience, some cities tend to have more open minded, creative women in your age bracket; you'd probably find more women you share commonalities with in Austin or Portland than Tulsa (or possibly Phoenix).

 

I like your idea and may end up doing such things anyway (got a possible trip to a Nordic festival on the docket, and maybe SXSW next year), but it's a real longshot so far as meeting a future wife might go. I mean, why can't I just meet a nice girl in the 4 million plus metro I live in? Am I that uninteresting of a person?

 

Also, I lived and played in a band in Portland for five-and-a-half years. Terrible place to meet women! Complete sausage festival everywhere you would go. I had a girlfriend that I moved there with most of the time I lived there, but the year I was single made me realize the place was just bad for single men.

 

And yes, people my age are in a non-compatable place a lot. The places I tend to hang out are more later 20s, early 30s crowds. I've resigned myself to that being a better fit and given up on my own age group for the most part. I don't see any other options.

Edited September 3, 2015 by impatiently_patient

[O'Malley]

I like your idea and may end up doing such things anyway (got a possible trip to a Nordic festival on the docket, and maybe SXSW next year), but it's a real longshot so far as meeting a future wife might go. I mean, why can't I just meet a nice girl in the 4 million plus metro I live in? Am I that uninteresting of a person?

 

Kudos for being open to different things. It also gives you a chance to explore other interests besides music, and you never know who you might meet. Being unhappy and feeling frustrated over this might be coming across in your attitude as well.

 

Just from my SO's experiences, you can be a well grounded person in most aspects of your life, but having that metalhead/guy in a band appearance (and the perceptions that go along with it) can cause the numbers to be stacked against you a bit more. That might not seem fair, but it's the same arbitrary criteria that we all apply. Which means that you need to interact with women who are at least open to that look (and sensible enough to know that it says little about your character or work ethic).

 

I don't think you're being unrealistic, it's just that dating tends to change once people get in the age bracket of marriage/kids/divorce. My divorced friends, even the ones without kids, don't always have an easy time of it. There's no one size fits all solution, other than altering how you approach interacting with and dating women, and going with the actions that have netted you results.

[impatiently_patient]

Kudos for being open to different things. It also gives you a chance to explore other interests besides music, and you never know who you might meet. Being unhappy and feeling frustrated over this might be coming across in your attitude as well.

 

Just from my SO's experiences, you can be a well grounded person in most aspects of your life, but having that metalhead/guy in a band appearance (and the perceptions that go along with it) can cause the numbers to be stacked against you a bit more. That might not seem fair, but it's the same arbitrary criteria that we all apply. Which means that you need to interact with women who are at least open to that look (and sensible enough to know that it says little about your character or work ethic).

 

I don't think you're being unrealistic, it's just that dating tends to change once people get in the age bracket of marriage/kids/divorce. My divorced friends, even the ones without kids, don't always have an easy time of it. There's no one size fits all solution, other than altering how you approach interacting with and dating women, and going with the actions that have netted you results.

 

I wouldn't say I was all that outwardly "metalhead" in appearance these days... heck, if you look at the bands themselves, they're all over the place. If anything, my look is more hipster (I hate that term, BTW) than anything: I haven't had long hair in a while now, I don't have any tattoos or piercings, and I dress pretty sharply. My gripe with being a muso has more to do with the lack of interest from the female side of the fence in anything that's not obnoxiously popular. That's not a metal problem: That's metal, alternative, hip hop, electronic music, etc. problem. Either way, I have no interest in being with someone that small minded and superficial either way. Better they get filtered out.

 

I dunno, every woman, no matter how compatible seeming, on online dating doesn't think I'm worth replying to... I don't have enough cool friends to go out with so apparently I look like a creepy loser when I go alone to the places where appropriate single women would be at... Meetups are loaded with people who are just too old and townie... my social circle has zero eligible women in it... It's just really maddening.

 

I do get interest occasionally, but I've not acted on it because it's always been women in their early twenties. A lot of guys are like, "How awesome is that?!", but really, the last girlfriend I had was 23, and while we got on great: Not being in a career, working retail, having non-standard hours, not being able to take time off, living paycheck-to-paycheck, etc. made things very difficult. I dunno, maybe that's all I'll get being who I am. There's a really cute girl that works at Starbucks who hits on me, tells me how much she likes my look. I should probably just ask her out, deal with the lack of lifestyle compatibility if something comes of it.

[Jacob_Duluoz]

Ask her out dude. A lot of people work Starbucks as a side job. You don't know what her story is until you talk to her about it.

[regine_phalange]

Go ahead and ask her, unless you can read the future! You never know how a story will go. Do you like her?

[impatiently_patient]

I dunno. I'm on the fence about it a bit. I don't know if I really want that kinda of age gap again. We'll see after I put some thought into it.

 

I just don't see why it's always got to be the early 20s girl. I'll even take a late 20s girl.

[Cupid's Puppet]

Well if you want a kid, the early 20s girl is your best bet.

[impatiently_patient]

Well if you want a kid' date=' the early 20s girl is your best bet.[/quote']

 

I really just want to date, meet some people, have some company. Take things one-step at a time.

[Sunlight72]

I really just want to date, meet some people, have some company. Take things one-step at a time.

Well, in my experience, that is a good beginning.

 

You sound pretty together. The best suggestion I have is to keep a running list of things to do. The Phoenix area is Huge. Stuff happening all the time.

 

I hear in your posts that it's tiring, and I get that.

 

Also sounds like the music scene is not bringing you close to women you'd like to meet, so are there other things you like? Mountain biking, dance classes, are there Meetup day-trips (can you find groups that skew younger than 50 that you would enjoy?), volunteering with anything you find worthwhile.... these are ways I've met new friends and available women in the past.

 

If you do start making your own social calendar and have one or two things happening a week, then what I did was make some goofy comment to any woman I found generally cute that I ended up next to on the sidewalk, grocery store, bank, etc. and if she started a little conversation after about 3 or 4 sentences back and forth I'd offer my hand and say, "I'm Brice by the way", and if she smiled and shook my hand I'd say, "hey, I'm going to the concert in the park tomorrow at 7, it'd be fun if you came along".

 

She'd say yes or no, I didn't care too much because I had invested about 60 or 90 seconds. All I knew was I would be happy to spend another 5 minutes with her, and I would have fun at the show, or riding my bike on a trail, or what ever.

 

It was the way I broke my 22 year track record of nearly no dates, and in about 3 months I went out about 12 or 14 times with different women. Found out I didn't care to see a lot of them more than twice, but still had fun meeting new people.

 

The main points are;

- be doing stuff you like that you could invite someone to

- don't think about asking a girl out. Ask her out within 2 minutes of meeting her. I found it intimidating at first, and after a month of practice it became fun whether they said yes or no.

- just ask out the Starbucks girl the next time you go in. You don't know someone until you spend time with them. Instead of wondering if you'd like dating her, go do something with her, and then decide.

 

It's funny, but it really helped my outlook even though I got turned down as often as I made a little connection. I was having fun, and soon I saw just how many eligible women are around me (I live in a town of 8000, and was 40 at the time).

 

I hope this might be helpful, even if it gives you a different idea of your own.

 

Best Wishes

[impatiently_patient]

Well, in my experience, that is a good beginning.

 

You sound pretty together. The best suggestion I have is to keep a running list of things to do. The Phoenix area is Huge. Stuff happening all the time.

 

I hear in your posts that it's tiring, and I get that.

 

Also sounds like the music scene is not bringing you close to women you'd like to meet, so are there other things you like? Mountain biking, dance classes, are there Meetup day-trips (can you find groups that skew younger than 50 that you would enjoy?), volunteering with anything you find worthwhile.... these are ways I've met new friends and available women in the past.

 

If you do start making your own social calendar and have one or two things happening a week, then what I did was make some goofy comment to any woman I found generally cute that I ended up next to on the sidewalk, grocery store, bank, etc. and if she started a little conversation after about 3 or 4 sentences back and forth I'd offer my hand and say, "I'm Brice by the way", and if she smiled and shook my hand I'd say, "hey, I'm going to the concert in the park tomorrow at 7, it'd be fun if you came along".

 

She'd say yes or no, I didn't care too much because I had invested about 60 or 90 seconds. All I knew was I would be happy to spend another 5 minutes with her, and I would have fun at the show, or riding my bike on a trail, or what ever.

 

It was the way I broke my 22 year track record of nearly no dates, and in about 3 months I went out about 12 or 14 times with different women. Found out I didn't care to see a lot of them more than twice, but still had fun meeting new people.

 

The main points are;

- be doing stuff you like that you could invite someone to

- don't think about asking a girl out. Ask her out within 2 minutes of meeting her. I found it intimidating at first, and after a month of practice it became fun whether they said yes or no.

- just ask out the Starbucks girl the next time you go in. You don't know someone until you spend time with them. Instead of wondering if you'd like dating her, go do something with her, and then decide.

 

It's funny, but it really helped my outlook even though I got turned down as often as I made a little connection. I was having fun, and soon I saw just how many eligible women are around me (I live in a town of 8000, and was 40 at the time).

 

I hope this might be helpful, even if it gives you a different idea of your own.

 

Best Wishes

 

I'm just not that outgoing of a guy. I mean, I go out reasonably often... and I'm not shy. I just prefer to meet people organically, jive with someone, then ask them out (or they ask you out)... not really into the ask a bunch of randos on dates and get shot down until you don't methodology. It's awkward, and then you're 'that guy'. Not judging Sunlight, just not my thang.

 

Haven't seen the coffee shop girl there in quite a while.