Never did get the girl back, and thank god for that.

[kacper]

I few weeks ago I had a dream I was back with my ex. And you know what? I was furious. I was so mad in the dream. I didn't want my ex, I wanted my current girlfriend. I woke up and saw her sleeping peacefully next to me. I was so grateful it was a dream. Honestly, I would have broken up with my ex 10 times over if it meant finally getting the girl I have now. But let me back track for a minute...

 

Long story short, I dated an awesome girl for a year. How awesome? She was oozing talent as an actress on a tv show, she sang as the lead in a band, she was incredibly open and her emotional intelligence was through through the roof. Oh, and she wanted to f*** all the time. I had hit the jackpot.

 

But a year later she dumped me, citing I was too aloof and absorbed with my work. There was always "something missing" and she felt she couldn't be with someone who was so emotionally absent. I never made her my priority and had enough. She left and I fell apart.

 

NC for a month, then I tried to make an appeal, offering real evidence I was willing to change. Yoga, gym, counceling, etc. Nothing. 2 more months of NC while I worked hard on myself. Then I broke down and got in touch. Over the course of a month, we chatted quite often. Though I knew she didn't want me back, I kept it up because I was hearing detailed information from her on what went wrong. Extremely painful but very enlightening.

 

I went back to NC when I saw her hook up with another guy. I went into a rebound relationship myself, but kept up the counselling, gym and yoga. Even got a puppy. I ended the rebound, and was finally content being alone. I felt like my old self again, but now with the support of all the work I had done on myself.

 

That's when I met a girl. Part of the sadness of the last breakup was how amazing my ex was and how I couldn't POSSIBLY find someone better. But lo and behold, I did. This new girl had the same upbringing as I did, she was clearly smarter than me, came from a strong family, and had traveled the world. And though my ex was pretty in a girl-next-door way, this girl could (and has) stopped traffic with her looks. Stunning, in that way only Eastern European girls can be. Did I mention she was a former gymnastics champion? . Frankly she was a out of my league. But because of the lessons I learned, I was in a great place, and putting my best foot forward.

 

Now we are a very happy couple, and nearly everyday I tell myself (and her) how lucky I feel. It's clear to me now that my ex was right when she said there was "something missing". It was passion. It just never ignited. Also, there were big parts of my personality that she never engaged (I'm a bit of a culture vulture, but she was oblivious.) I thought I could never do better than my ex, and yet I couldn't have been more wrong.

 

But to land my girl I had to go through hell with my ex. A lot of people advised against breaking NC but I don't regret doing it. Yes, it stalled the recovery process by about two months, but it gave me real closure, and a detailed map of what my ex was hurt by, and how I could go about fixing my bad habits. And fix it I did, (though it took a lot of work).

 

I guess the moral of the story is lean into the pain, and learn from it. Trust that the more painful it is, the more substantial the change in yourself will be. Real change only comes when you've put your ego aside, and there are few times your ego is more shattered than when you've been dumped. That change will open the door for the truly special people to take notice of you.

 

P.S. Read The Art Of Loving and maybe some Brene Brown. Very insightful.

 

Good luck out there!

[ManyDissapoint]

Now this is the kind of story I like to read. Thanks a lot for sharing.

[casey.lives]

i've heard you tell this story so much.. if you say it enough .. it might come true!!

[Friggia]

How long did it take for you to find that special person?