golda21 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 The other day when my bf was showing me photos on his phone, ı noticed a folder on the picture page with a woman photos. When I asked him about it, he openly told me that he has a big folder of photos of friends, colleagues, women and other people from the last recent years that he received and got via email and Whatsapp and that they are stored in there. I got upset and told him that out of respect for our relationship I do not wish to keep such things so close to me. He is now upset and defensive that I have made him justify something he hasnt done. and said that despite his love and committment for me (which is real by the way and I do trust him), I am questioning him. He has failed to understand my view on this topic, which is not about insecurity or jealousy but out respect and consideration. He furthermore told me that it would be impossible for him to go through all these mix of photos and delete something that is in the past and he raise my suspicion for no reason at all. I didnt ask him to get rid of the photos or delete them. In my mind I would prefer that he not keep these on his phone. Now we seem to be frustrated at each other. and althought I have heard him, I am still very uneasy about this. I dont know whether I need to stand my ground or let it go and still be uneasy about it. After all, I have hundreds of photos of my past, but I keep them archived in an external software and rarely look at them. So I expect the same from him. Any ideas? If you were in a great relationship with a guy you trust, would you choose to fight this battle? Link to post Share on other sites
Author golda21 Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 No I did not ask him to delete any photos nor did I verbally suggest that he gets rid of them. I showed my dislike for having such things kept so close to oneself. I made the point to him that since I do not keep my photos on my device, I would ideally like the same from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Keke1 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 No I did not ask him to delete any photos nor did I verbally suggest that he gets rid of them. I showed my dislike for having such things kept so close to oneself. I made the point to him that since I do not keep my photos on my device, I would ideally like the same from him. Where should he put them then? Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 No I did not ask him to delete any photos nor did I verbally suggest that he gets rid of them. I showed my dislike for having such things kept so close to oneself. I made the point to him that since I do not keep my photos on my device, I would ideally like the same from him. So to be clear, you're not asking him to delete the photos?....What's the difference if he transfers the photo album from his phone to his laptop? Do you think he is opening that folder and scrolling through pics of his ex girlfriends throughout his day? Highly doubtful. Are the photos he has all of ex girlfriends? Or is it mixed with friends, places, etc over the course of his life? If you trust him and know he's not keeping pictures of ex's just to look at them when you're not around then this might be a "pick your battle" type situation where you really consider dropping it because in reality... He's not doing anything wrong or hurtful to you. If he transferred them to his computer or an external drive like you then what changes? He can still have access to them when you're not around. If the pics were ones of scantily clad or x rated of other women or past relationships then you have every right to be upset and ask him to delete them forever out of respect for you. If the pictures are of him and his ex's just through their relationship and typical BF/gf pics then it's a little immature for you to tell him to delete them. That makes you look insecure and wanting him to erase any trace of a life before you. From what you said he's not in contact or have any kind of feelings for other women or past ex's and hasn't given you any inkling to believe he is shady or disrespectful to you. I wouldn't want to go into my girlfriends photo album on her phone and find a picture of her and her ex kidding but if I did it's not going to break my heart and make me hate her either. Your BF has had past gf's. Hes with you now and a good BF. Let him have his photo memories , it's unlikely that he ever looks at them anyways. Just something that is transferred into his phone when he first got it and linked it to his computer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 The other day when my bf was showing me photos on his phone, ı noticed a folder on the picture page with a woman photos. When I asked him about it, he openly told me that he has a big folder of photos of friends, colleagues, women and other people from the last recent years that he received and got via email and Whatsapp and that they are stored in there. I got upset and told him that out of respect for our relationship I do not wish to keep such things so close to me. He is now upset and defensive that I have made him justify something he hasnt done. and said that despite his love and committment for me (which is real by the way and I do trust him), I am questioning him. He has failed to understand my view on this topic, which is not about insecurity or jealousy but out respect and consideration. He furthermore told me that it would be impossible for him to go through all these mix of photos and delete something that is in the past and he raise my suspicion for no reason at all. I didnt ask him to get rid of the photos or delete them. In my mind I would prefer that he not keep these on his phone. Now we seem to be frustrated at each other. and althought I have heard him, I am still very uneasy about this. I dont know whether I need to stand my ground or let it go and still be uneasy about it. After all, I have hundreds of photos of my past, but I keep them archived in an external software and rarely look at them. So I expect the same from him. Any ideas? If you were in a great relationship with a guy you trust, would you choose to fight this battle? The weirdness of the keeping pics of old flames would take me aback. I'm an old curmudgeon, but being so, it would give me pause. Obviously you took the time to write here, so you are disturbed by it. I would choose to sit back and observe . Since you let the cat out of the bag with your discontent he will most likely internalize a bit of resentment. It's kind of natural with us guys because as I've told people before , we have more fragile egos than we care to admit. You actually have reached a watershed moment in your relationship without the intent of doing so. If you are at loggerheads with him over this, his actions in the very near future will be key. Some people would use this as an excuse to rethink their relationship. so please be on the lookout. You have not made demands apparently, so you have left the proverbial ball in his court. Watch his actions to see if they line up with his words. You may see him attach his mobile phone at the hip or change his password on the device, bitching and moaning about the "Privacy" issue. Well, that's all fine and good but those who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. It's too early to tell...just keep your mouth shut and your eyes and ears open. If he is up to something, he will trip up. Let him hang himself of his own accord. He's a big boy, he should take the hint. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 You're making zero sense. You just want them off of his phone? This is an exercise in control. You make a demand, and now you expect him to comply, no questions asked, even though it makes no sense and is unreasonable. The man didn't do anything wrong, you are the one that has a problem with it. This is the exact same thing as saying some one needs to bury their photo album in the closet because youbarent insecure about him having the pictures. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Now we seem to be frustrated at each other. and althought I have heard him, I am still very uneasy about this. I dont know whether I need to stand my ground or let it go and still be uneasy about it. After all, I have hundreds of photos of my past, but I keep them archived in an external software and rarely look at them. So I expect the same from him. Any ideas? If you were in a great relationship with a guy you trust, would you choose to fight this battle? This is the crux of the problem. You organize your life differently than he does and you expect him to tow the line and change for you on something so silly? That would be like saying to someone, "When we move in together, I expect you to organize all your clothes the way I do. First by style (pants, short-sleeve shirts, long-sleeve shirts, dresses) and then in chromatic order (blue, green, yellow, orange, red, purple) hung up in a closet on plastic hangers - even though we don't wear the same clothes and you've been folding your clothes and putting them in a bureau for your entire life." See my analogy here? Just because you organize your life a certain way, you can't expect your partners to suddenly do the same thing with their belongings and past just because it makes you uncomfortable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I do trust him I don't believe you. If you did, it wouldn't matter 2 hoots what is on his phone. If you were in a great relationship with a guy you trust, would you choose to fight this battle? No, I would let them keep whatever they wanted on their phone because I trust them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 No I did not ask him to delete any photos nor did I verbally suggest that he gets rid of them. I showed my dislike for having such things kept so close to oneself. I made the point to him that since I do not keep my photos on my device, I would ideally like the same from him. This just screams insecure. Most people nowadays seem to think of their phones as their own mini computers with their whole lives stored on it. Where do you suggest he moves this folder? To some cloud? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OMC Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 What everyone else said. Check yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
kylle Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 (edited) If this was a folder full of his ex-girlfriends photos, I would also be suspicious and kinda mad...but apparently this is not the case. Why are you so upset? Edited September 2, 2015 by kylle typo Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Sounds a little unreasonable to me to require him to do anything with his phone. That's his domain, not yours. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I didnt ask him to get rid of the photos or delete them. In my mind I would prefer that he not keep these on his phone. Those two sentences contradict each other. Specially when you say this: I got upset and told him that out of respect for our relationship I do not wish to keep such things so close to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
giblesp Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 The other day when my bf was showing me photos on his phone, ı noticed a folder on the picture page with a woman photos. When I asked him about it, he openly told me that he has a big folder of photos of friends, colleagues, women and other people from the last recent years that he received and got via email and Whatsapp and that they are stored in there. I got upset and told him that out of respect for our relationship I do not wish to keep such things so close to me. He is now upset and defensive that I have made him justify something he hasnt done. and said that despite his love and committment for me (which is real by the way and I do trust him), I am questioning him. He has failed to understand my view on this topic, which is not about insecurity or jealousy but out respect and consideration. He furthermore told me that it would be impossible for him to go through all these mix of photos and delete something that is in the past and he raise my suspicion for no reason at all. I didnt ask him to get rid of the photos or delete them. In my mind I would prefer that he not keep these on his phone. Now we seem to be frustrated at each other. and althought I have heard him, I am still very uneasy about this. I dont know whether I need to stand my ground or let it go and still be uneasy about it. After all, I have hundreds of photos of my past, but I keep them archived in an external software and rarely look at them. So I expect the same from him. Any ideas? If you were in a great relationship with a guy you trust, would you choose to fight this battle? You keep your photos also, so what's the problem? You cant expect him to keep his photos in the same storage media and capacity as you do. Its not your place to dictate where he keeps his photos, or anything else in his life. If he's a good boyfriend to you, then there isn't an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 When my bf moved in with me I took all my physical photos and videos of my exes and put them in a shoe box and gave them to my friend to put them in her basement. I also put all the digital photos of my former life into one of many folders on my external hard drive and that hard drive is in the drawer, and we use it rarely. He will probably never stumble upon that folder and if he does, he does. He knows everything, I just thought he does not need to see it as well, as we use interchangeably each others laptops at home. He does not need to see me kiss another guy not even on photos from the past. He does not need to see places we travelled, or how they look... It is just unnecessary and easy to eliminate as a possibility. It should not be a big deal for your bf to transfer the photos elsewhere, on the press of the sync button. But if they are not exes, crushes, or naked women who sent him his photos, then I do not understand what are you bothered by. Is there something else? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I once stumbled on some old photos of my wife before we met. She didn't have them, but one of her friends did. A couple of pictures are of my wife at a bar with one of the guys in the group of friends they had at the time. He's grinding up against her. Then there are pictures of her pre-drinking at her friend's house and there is the same guy on the couch literally putting his hand down her shirt, and she was smiling. Honestly............it really turned me on in a way. That guy was constantly after her back then and never got any further with her than what you saw in the picture. It was no big deal, it was before we even met and I would be naïve to think she never had a life before me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I once stumbled on some old photos of my wife before we met. She didn't have them, but one of her friends did. A couple of pictures are of my wife at a bar with one of the guys in the group of friends they had at the time. He's grinding up against her. Then there are pictures of her pre-drinking at her friend's house and there is the same guy on the couch literally putting his hand down her shirt, and she was smiling. Honestly............it really turned me on in a way. That guy was constantly after her back then and never got any further with her than what you saw in the picture. It was no big deal, it was before we even met and I would be naïve to think she never had a life before me. The issue here is not that someone is naive to think their partner did not have life before them. Such past life is very desirable in fact, how else would a person have any experience. However, much like I know my partner takes a poo every day but I don't want to see it, I know and am happy he had a life before me but I don't have any desire to see it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I wouldn't have not and do not keep photos / gifts / whatever from any ex. I would rather open space for new things, then walk around with a trail of footprints and useless reminders. There are more then enough attractive women around if just have to look. Anyhow I'm private, married...Just when dating, why would I expose a new person to dead and gone, and maybe even hurt thier feelings over those no longer in life.u 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author golda21 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 When my bf moved in with me I took all my physical photos and videos of my exes and put them in a shoe box and gave them to my friend to put them in her basement. I also put all the digital photos of my former life into one of many folders on my external hard drive and that hard drive is in the drawer, and we use it rarely. He will probably never stumble upon that folder and if he does, he does. He knows everything, I just thought he does not need to see it as well, as we use interchangeably each others laptops at home. He does not need to see me kiss another guy not even on photos from the past. He does not need to see places we travelled, or how they look... It is just unnecessary and easy to eliminate as a possibility. It should not be a big deal for your bf to transfer the photos elsewhere, on the press of the sync button. But if they are not exes, crushes, or naked women who sent him his photos, then I do not understand what are you bothered by. Is there something else? No, in fact he says the folder he has in his phone are a big mix of photos from the recent years that include everything like family, colleagues, friends and women. I did not look at this folder only saw a girl photo on the front cover. I do believe him when he says they are a mix of everything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author golda21 Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 No, in fact he says the folder he has in his phone are a big mix of photos from the recent years that include everything like family, colleagues, friends and women. I did not look at this folder only saw a girl photo on the front cover. I do believe him when he says they are a mix of everything. and furthermore, he told me that since he has photos from everyone in this folder, it would be very awkward to go through all these folders and take away any photo that may seem suspicious and raise doubts. I suppose I see his point. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 You are being ridiculous and very immature. Do you also expect him to untag himself in FB photos pre-you and get rid of his albums, I mean he could scroll through them at any time! Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 In the olden days those photos were stored in a shoe box shoved up on the top shelf of the bedroom closet. I have said shoe box and they are my memories, and would never erase that part of my life for anyone. You are being totally unreasonable and insecure. Let him keep his photos or dump him if it's such a deal breaker for you. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I wouldn't have not and do not keep photos / gifts / whatever from any ex. I would rather open space for new things, then walk around with a trail of footprints and useless reminders. There are more then enough attractive women around if just have to look. Anyhow I'm private, married...Just when dating, why would I expose a new person to dead and gone, and maybe even hurt thier feelings over those no longer in life.u So if an ex GF bought you a Corvette that you love so much, as an anniversary present you would hide it in the garage and never take your new GF for a ride in it? Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 So if an ex GF bought you a Corvette that you love so much, as an anniversary present you would hide it in the garage and never take your new GF for a ride in it? Stupid example with rolling eyes. I would sale it, buy something more sustainable, and pocket the money. I gave my house up to ex wife just to speed up agrements, so no nothing would keep. Past is dead, New things in future. Memories are in mind. Just me. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I would most definitely keep it and my husband would not care in the least and would want to drive it all the time. That's just us. Link to post Share on other sites
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