jbrent890 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 You really think libido suppression would be good for my marriage? That's insane. As for all that other stuff, I don't even know where to start. That's a lot of questions. Do you really think cheating on your husband would be good for your marriage? That's insane. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 I think you need to seek out an IC as vigorously as you are seeking out this OM. We all have people other than our spouses that we are attracted to and some even act on it (hence the reason some of us are on LS). However most people see this for what it is, just an infatuation that is best left in the fantasy world. You are determined to do this regardless of the consequences, regardless that this man has rejected your advances. This it Seems to me to be a deeper issue than just an attraction to another person, get yourself into counselling before you ruin your life. Actually I asked a friend who is a Family Counselor for a IC recommendation I'm going to follow up with this week, but I need to look at financial feasibility first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Do you really think cheating on your husband would be good for your marriage? That's insane. No I don't. But suppressing my sexuality isn't an option for me. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 No I don't. But suppressing my sexuality isn't an option for me. the problem is that a single ONS will not satisfy you either. what are you going to do after that, ask every man you have a crush on to sleep with you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Get your husband's ok and go see him together. At the meeting, your husband can give him explicit permission to have sex with you. Who'd watch the kids? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 At this point I'd have to be. That's silly question. Plus, that'd be basically a free pass to do what I want. No it wasn't a silly question it was a fair question. I didn't tell you you'd have to be okay with it; I asked if you would be okay with it. You are right that it would give you a pass; but would you mind him having sex with a woman that he's been lusting after? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 So here we may have a break-through... You have confessed the lusty feelings to your husband. I think the next step is to confess to him that you are trying to figure out ways to attract the other guy. Get THOSE thoughts out in the open with your husband and they will start to diffuse. Or, if you don't want those feelings of lust and desire to diffuse because you truly want to act upon them, then you should tell your husband you want an open relationship and give him the opportunity to decide if he wants to be a marriage with someone who values their vows differently than he does. Look, I was exactly where you are right now in my first marriage - 30 years ago. There was a guy that I had uncontrollable lust over and I told my husband how much I wanted to bang this guy. We were young (early 20s) and he understood that neither of us had really sown any wild oats so he was okay with me getting my rocks off with another guy. We ostensibly started having an open marriage as long as I fully confessed what I was doing, with whom and when. He started doing the same and on some occasions, we did so together. Ultimately it imploded because of it. So you don't think you want to or can remain monogamous in your marriage? Than give your husband the right to also choose if he wants to stay in the marriage before you start on the road of deceit. Those are actually interesting and thought provoking points. Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 No it wasn't a silly question it was a fair question. I didn't tell you you'd have to be okay with it; I asked if you would be okay with it. You are right that it would give you a pass; but would you mind him having sex with a woman that he's been lusting after? No. I wouldn't mind at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 You really think libido suppression would be good for my marriage? That's insane. No, I don't think it would be good for your marriage, I think in this situation it would be FANTASTIC for your marriage. As for all that other stuff, I don't even know where to start. That's a lot of questions. Actually, there are only 2 questions, but apparently you don't want to think about them. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I think it's more the fact we live several states apart. He's already told me if we lived closer this would have gone down by now, but the distance gives him time to second guess his instinct to.hook up. Now he's getting to know me on a interpersonal level and letting familiarity get in the way of a mindless hookup. He definitely likes wear I look like though. I'm pretty confident there Since your on site that has a lot of betrayed spouses posting on it, very likely your going to get replies from people like me who can better tell you what they did to a spouse that cheated on them. But since your asking for advice on how to get him to agree to help you cheat on your husband I suggest you post your question on the Other Man, Other Woman section. That is where people who actively cheat post about their affairs. I can't use my ex's example of how she enticed men because she didn't fare very well after I got rid of her. If I think about my ex player friend who we referred to as "Slutty Jim"(He slept with a ton of married women and his favorite saying was "I've never met an ugly vagina.") women would often send him pictures of their vagina's, some at rest others being worked over by an assortment of manual and pneumatic tools. Why not send him a picture of your vagina with something cute and enticing written on your tummy in marker pen? Just a thought. Don't use other mans name in the script in case your husband finds it that way you can tell your husband it was meant for him but you haven't sent it yet. Hope that helps you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Like I said, I've asked for an STD result from the OM. I'm not reckless, just horny and intrigued. Plus I've grilled him about his sexual history. He is more than willing to oblige, which shows me he too is looking for a possibility of a physical relationship. I do care about my husband, I am not going to bring anything home. If anything does happen between OM and me, I will get tested afterwards before engaging my husband in sexual activity. My OBGYN would be discrete, they aren't allowed to revel anything to my spouse without my permission, and getting tested under the guise of women problems isn't hard to pull off. Anyone with a modicum of intelligence knows that clean STD test results are effective for all of 12 minutes before they no longer are. Considering this guy is trying to avoid you like the plague by claiming he won't even have any free time until NEW YEAR'S (did he REALLY make that ridiculous claim????) those STD results by then wouldn't be worth the powder to blow them up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Why you would, of course. Just let them watch their mom banging strange men. Why not? You'd be training them right - no morals, do what they want and damn the consequences. Heck lady, you sound like a woman who lives a few doors down from me - if you want, I'll come over when your hubby's busy reading the bible and finger bang you to within an inch of your life. If hubby hears the screams of delight just tell him the holy ghost spoke to you...seriously, you are one of the most **cked up amoral humans I've ever seen. I really feel sorry for you husband. That is neither helpful or true. I doubt I'm more screwed up than others, I'm just able to be honest about it in this forum. And one transgression doesn't mean I'm completely amoral, so your obtuse outrage and questioning of my children's welfare is laughable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Anyone with a modicum of intelligence knows that clean STD test results are effective for all of 12 minutes before they no longer are. Considering this guy is trying to avoid you like the plague by claiming he won't even have any free time until NEW YEAR'S (did he REALLY make that ridiculous claim????) those STD results by then wouldn't be worth the powder to blow them up. How is that ridiculous. He works at a place that instructs martial arts to children and adults. He is the only head instructor and runs the business on.behalf of the owner as a managing partner. He only gets major holidays off and they stay open.for most school brakes like fall and spring break, so his only holiday break of more than a few dais is two weeks around Christmas and New Year's. We both want to be with family for Christmas, so the week of New Year's is the only opportunity right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Anyone with a modicum of intelligence knows that clean STD test results are effective for all of 12 minutes before they no longer are. : What does this even mean? Your test is negative it's negative. I don't understand what you mean by the 12 min comment. If you don't have sexual contact you can't get an STD. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 (edited) The 12 minute remark means that you can get all negative STD results, but the possibility remains that the second you pick up your results, you could have sex on the way home - completely negating all the results you just got. Just because he CLAIMS he hasn't done one single thing since his STD testing doesn't mean it's true. Edited September 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Response to removed content redacted 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I stopped following your train on thoughts, OP. You got OK from your husband you say. You got OK from OM. You want it. Go do it the first opportunity. Why bother posting on the forum and what was that question again... how can you get OM to do it...? You say you already have as he is interested. I really don't see the problem for you here. What are you all worked up about? Link to post Share on other sites
martaldn Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 considering that he would f**k anything able to breath ( you said he cheated several times ) but he not willing to bang you, you should do the math and understand how appealing and interesting you look at his eyes. you sound only desperate and I am pretty sure he sensed that already. good luck 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 cross that bridge if we come to it. He's already said cheating isn't a marriage ender for him. Instead of "crossing that bridge," I would recommend you spend time in this Other Man/Other Woman forum and read the voluminous threads by people who have been hurt by infidelity. It may be an eye-opener to you on how acting on lust has driven people to destroy otherwise happy marriages. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 (edited) The 12 minute remark means that you can get all negative STD results, but the possibility remains that the second you pick up your results, you could have sex on the way home - completely negating all the results you just got. Just because he CLAIMS he hasn't done one single thing since his STD testing doesn't mean it's true. I know that. It's a risk. It's a risk you take with any sexual relationship. With that attitude how can I or anyone trust our monogamous partner they are telling the truth about being STD free? If he says he hasn't had sex since his last test I choose to believe him at this point. I may have reason not to believe him later. Anything physical can't happen between us for at least 3 more months so he can do whatever he wants between now and then. Edited September 3, 2015 by maymaymay Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Yes I have. And I know it would be hypocritical to get upset if he did what I'm doing, so I would accept it. It would hurt if my husband wanted to leave our marriage for a fling, but the fling itself wouldn't upset me. Like I said, this is the first time in my 32 yrs on earth I've ever thought about extramarital relations as anything other than morally reprehensible. But I can now see how that isn't necessarily the case. Don't you see...it's not the act of having sex outside of your marriage that is, in and of itself, reprehensible. If your husband knew about it was was okay with it, that would be between the two of you. It's the lying to him, it's the putting his mental health at risk, it's putting your kids stable home life ( you say your h is a great father) at risk, it's trying to drag this other guy into the situation he has already stated he is not interested in, it's feeling that it's okay to ask everyone else to pay the price for your few minutes of satisfaction...these are what is morally reprehensible. If you do have kids, picture their faces as they find out your and your husband are divorcing ( one possible outcome of your affair, which, by the way, has been going on for some time via the internet) . Can you honestly say their pain is a fair price to pay for your few minutes of satisfaction? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Instead of "crossing that bridge," I would recommend you spend time in this Other Man/Other Woman forum and read the voluminous threads by people who have been hurt by infidelity. It may be an eye-opener to you on how acting on lust has driven people to destroy otherwise happy marriages. It wouldn't be an eye opener. My dad was a cheater. But he cheated specifically to hurt my mom because he didn't like her anymore and felt she got too fat. Intention is everything. I am not enticed by this OM for any other reason than sexual attraction. I am still very sexually attracted to my husband as well. Link to post Share on other sites
kenji_t Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 You clearly want to cheat...it's bound to happen soon. If it's not with this guy, it's gonna be with another one, I bet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 This is a horrifying thread. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
truncated Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 It wouldn't be an eye opener. My dad was a cheater. But he cheated specifically to hurt my mom because he didn't like her anymore and felt she got too fat. Intention is everything. I am not enticed by this OM for any other reason than sexual attraction. I am still very sexually attracted to my husband as well. This is really hard to take seriously. The way you feel morally about this sort of thing is irrelevant as it will be your husband ad kids who will be the ones who will be hurt. I assume that part of your marriage vows included fidelity. Stop being so frickin' selfish. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 so open marriage it is? your gonna tell your husband? your gonna have sex with another guy? there is really no problem so long as everyone is honest about it? Link to post Share on other sites
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