d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I even told my.husband how I felt, and he said he'd be disappointed if I gsve in to my urges but he wouldn't stop loving me and he wouldn't leave me. . If you believe your husband that he will only be disappointed in you but won't stop loving you & won't leave you, do what you want. Personally I think that once your religious husband who doesn't believe in per-marital sex finds out that you had sex with this other guy, I think his feelings will change. He will also decide that he previous statement to you was a lie & that lie is the lesser sin then adultery so he will divorce you. You stand to lose too much by doing this. You can't un-ring the bell. The sickest part of this is that your fantasy of this guy is probably so much better than the reality of the sex with him will be that all of this will be for naught. You will have sullied yourself & ruined your marriage for nothing. On the other hand if this guy is all that plus a bag of chips, once you do have sex with him & find out what you are missing, how are you going to stay married? There is no upside to satisfying your curiosity here. Find a way to banish this fantasy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Well, I can't do anything until around New Years anyway. It's the only time OM has off. He runs a small business and can't just take off whenever. So I'll back off with the propositions and won't ask again to come see him until closer to the end of November. That will give me enough time to make travel arrangements and give him space without me pressuring him. Who knows, by that time I may not even be interested anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Like I said, I've never cheated, ever. This came outta no where and I don't want to ignore it just to please everyone else. The only person you should consider 'pleasing' in this horrid scenario is your husband. You made a vow to him. By not telling him the whole sordid truth about your obsession with your 'friend' you are denying him the choice of whether he wants to be married to you after you've gone and changed the rules. If you are really looking for advice as to how to win your friend around and cheat on your husband, I fear you've come to the wrong board. You are about to throw a massive grenade into your marriage, hoping for some pretty fireworks... Good luck with that. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Oh, so the old degrees if sin argument? And yes, mememememe. It's never been memememe because I'm always worried about what others think or want. You started the old "Cast the stone" argument. That's no way to validate yourself. You're basically admitting to what you are doing is wrong by using that. Yeah yeah, when you talk about cheating... the one thing you AREN'T doing is worrying about anyone else. Specially not the man you married. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 And this thread shows all the reasons men fear marriage. Because guess what, even if they get a divorce he gets to pay for her mistake. Gosh, you're a real winner OP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Well, I can't do anything until around New Years anyway. It's the only time OM has off. He runs a small business and can't just take off whenever. So I'll back off with the propositions and won't ask again to come see him until closer to the end of November. That will give me enough time to make travel arrangements and give him space without me pressuring him. Who knows, by that time I may not even be interested anymore. OMFG! You don't even really know this other guy. You remember who he WAS from childhood & you have travel to blow your marriage to smithereens. This gets more ridiculous by the post For your husband's sake I really hope you come to your senses soon 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Tobin Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 It doesn't matter if you don't want to leave your husband, as soon as you do this your husband will leave you. . This forum is filled with threads started by betrayed spouses who refuse to leave the partner who cheated on them. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 People talk about digging their own grave, and it seems you've just rented a backhoe and are getting right to work on digging. Link to post Share on other sites
Tobin Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 People talk about digging their own grave, and it seems you've just rented a backhoe and are getting right to work on digging. I don't understand posts like these. She's "digging her own grave", "he will leave her", and other posts that make her out to be a horrible selfish person. Of course she's selfish and uncaring, but people ARE selfish, that's just basic human nature. If they weren't there wouldn't be corruption, extortion, tax evasion, cheating, you name it. So here we have an honest woman who says she wants to bang some guy, she doesn't give a crap about her husbands feelings, she's certain he won't leave her anyway, so what's the problem? Her marriage isn't in danger, her husband will forgive her, she doesn't respect him anyway so what's she got to lose? Assuming the OM agrees to it, she'll go have sex with him and satisfy her curiosity, if one time isn't enough (and it probably won't be) she'll go back for more if he's willing, and she'll be no different from the rest of the selfish cheaters that fill up the OM/OW on this board. It would be like me posting that I want to rob a bank and asking for suggestions about how to put it off, and people telling me it's a bad idea and all these terrible things that will happen if I rob a bank. People come here for advice not to be told that they're making a huge mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Especially since she asked not to get that kind of feedback. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 I guess I asked for it when I preemptively asked not for moral/ethical arguments. Some people can't help themselves but judge and assume they know me. I have never ever cheated on anyone before. I don't know why, now, at 32 I am so enticed and tempted by the idea and why by this particular guy. I can't explain it, and I am not trying to deny my feelings. What can I say, call that selfish if you will, but its real. I cannot deny its real anymore than I can deny I am in love with my husband. I have both feelings, and everyone is saying I deny one or the other, both options which will cause me pain. Why do I have to always think about others, how they may or may not feel? Why can't I be selfish for once. I have been upfront with the OM, I've told my husband how I was feeling, the only thing I haven't done is told him "I'm gonna bang this guy," because I really don't know if I am. I am testing the waters, seeing how far it can go. I'm tired of living my life for others. So yea, I may get seriously burned in the process, but I've never played with fire before. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 You started the old "Cast the stone" argument. That's no way to validate yourself. You're basically admitting to what you are doing is wrong by using that. Yeah yeah, when you talk about cheating... the one thing you AREN'T doing is worrying about anyone else. Specially not the man you married. heck yea it's "wrong" because its been deemed wrong by this society. Western, Puritanical society which deems women whores if they indulge in sexual urges and men studs. Go figure. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 And this thread shows all the reasons men fear marriage. Because guess what, even if they get a divorce he gets to pay for her mistake. Gosh, you're a real winner OP. HOw would he "pay?" I have a Master's degree and family that would take me in. If money was an issue for him, he wouldn't have to pay me a dime. I'm not a bitch. It isn't going to happen anyway, the only thing we would share would be custody and consumer debt since most of our loans and credit cards are under both our names. I worked to pay his way through school. If anything he owes me. But I would never be petty like that. It's not necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
MrBojangles Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I don't understand posts like these. She's "digging her own grave", "he will leave her", and other posts that make her out to be a horrible selfish person. Of course she's selfish and uncaring, but people ARE selfish, that's just basic human nature. If they weren't there wouldn't be corruption, extortion, tax evasion, cheating, you name it. So here we have an honest woman who says she wants to bang some guy, she doesn't give a crap about her husbands feelings, she's certain he won't leave her anyway, so what's the problem? Her marriage isn't in danger, her husband will forgive her, she doesn't respect him anyway so what's she got to lose? Assuming the OM agrees to it, she'll go have sex with him and satisfy her curiosity, if one time isn't enough (and it probably won't be) she'll go back for more if he's willing, and she'll be no different from the rest of the selfish cheaters that fill up the OM/OW on this board. It would be like me posting that I want to rob a bank and asking for suggestions about how to put it off, and people telling me it's a bad idea and all these terrible things that will happen if I rob a bank. People come here for advice not to be told that they're making a huge mistake. Especially since she asked not to get that kind of feedback. Well.... Let's try this advice: OP, just go for it! Go have your fling and enjoy it! If your husband finds out and doesn't like it, well that's his problem. He can't expect a wife with curiosities about other men to be faithful! Who do he think he is?? If you can live with you conscience after this fling, the heck with what anyone else thinks. You wanted morality and ethics free advice, there you have it! Now go and have that fling! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 sarcasm duly noted. But that wasn't advice. That was encouragement. I obviously don't need encouragement, I have enough of that in my own head. Link to post Share on other sites
MrBojangles Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 sarcasm duly noted. But that wasn't advice. That was encouragement. I obviously don't need encouragement, I have enough of that in my own head. Okay, use protection to prevent STDs', be very discreet, use a burner cell phone to communicate with the OM, check your car for VARs' (voice activated recorder planted by your suspicious hubby), never use a home computer to communicate with the OM, and never use a credit card for trips to meet up with OM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Okay, use protection to prevent STDs', be very discreet, use a burner cell phone to communicate with the OM, check your car for VARs' (voice activated recorder planted by your suspicious hubby), never use a home computer to communicate with the OM, and never use a credit card for trips to meet up with OM. Woah, dude. It isn't that serious. I'm not going on a spy mission. As for STDs, he been tested and I'm in a monogamous relationship. I cannot get pregnant, took care of that a while ago, so no worries about protection. If I have to use a condom I'm not doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Admittedly, I'm a little biased since I think what you are doing is wrong. But I will comment on just what you are planning to do. You have been reading too many fantasy novels--what you are planning to say to him is cheesy as hell. I do think it signifies that you've made up more than half of this in your head. It's all about you. Secondly and probably most pertinent, the other guy told you in not so many words he's not interested. You are so high up on your own horse, you missed that one. Link to post Share on other sites
DrReplyInRhymes Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 The option to cheat exists for everyone, you are not special in that way, Your character is formed by your choices, and your choices reflect how you behave. I'm not going to sit here and tell you what you can or can't do, Nor am I going to advise you to commit an act that's considered taboo, What I AM going to do is bring up that everyone always has a choice, That you should do what you want, and follow your own little voice, Beware, however, the choice that you DO make, For it will be scrutinized, judged, and you won't be able to call it a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Admittedly, I'm a little biased since I think what you are doing is wrong. But I will comment on just what you are planning to do. You have been reading too many fantasy novels--what you are planning to say to him is cheesy as hell. I do think it signifies that you've made up more than half of this in your head. It's all about you. Secondly and probably most pertinent, the other guy told you in not so many words he's not interested. You are so high up on your own horse, you missed that one. I am not including all details, but he is interested. Daily texts and phone calls, admitting he is attracted to me, saying he would have sex with me if he wasn't worried about the morality of it. We've discussed turn ons, favorite sexual positions, experiences of past sexual encounters, individual attitudes about sex. Even sent sexy pics. But I agree with a previous poster that this kind of interaction needs to cool. I need to show him that yes, I do want him, but I am not a push over and he can't waffle on his ability to follow through with a tryst and have me just keep playing around with him. I can be a fabulous friend, but I'm not going to keep risking my marriage for a maybe. It's a yes or it's a no. If no, then it's back to casual convos every once in a while. I'll be alright with that, but upset I didn't get to try him out at least once. Link to post Share on other sites
SoulCat Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 As for STDs, he been tested and I'm in a monogamous relationship. If I have to use a condom I'm not doing it. And how about Mr Wonderful? You have no idea where his d*ck has been. Do you really want to risk infecting your husband with an STD as well as cheating on him? You are putting both his mental and sexual health at risk with your selfish and entitled behaviour. Geez honey, if that's how you 'love' your husband, I feel sorry for the poor guy. Who needs enemies, hey? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 And how about Mr Wonderful? You have no idea where his d*ck has been. Do you really want to risk infecting your husband with an STD as well as cheating on him? You are putting both his mental and sexual health at risk with your selfish and entitled behaviour. Geez honey, if that's how you 'love' your husband, I feel sorry for the poor guy. Who needs enemies, hey? Like I said, I've asked for an STD result from the OM. I'm not reckless, just horny and intrigued. Plus I've grilled him about his sexual history. He is more than willing to oblige, which shows me he too is looking for a possibility of a physical relationship. I do care about my husband, I am not going to bring anything home. If anything does happen between OM and me, I will get tested afterwards before engaging my husband in sexual activity. My OBGYN would be discrete, they aren't allowed to revel anything to my spouse without my permission, and getting tested under the guise of women problems isn't hard to pull off. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 I am not including all details, but he is interested. Daily texts and phone calls, admitting he is attracted to me, saying he would have sex with me if he wasn't worried about the morality of it. We've discussed turn ons, favorite sexual positions, experiences of past sexual encounters, individual attitudes about sex. Even sent sexy pics. But I agree with a previous poster that this kind of interaction needs to cool. I need to show him that yes, I do want him, but I am not a push over and he can't waffle on his ability to follow through with a tryst and have me just keep playing around with him. I can be a fabulous friend, but I'm not going to keep risking my marriage for a maybe. It's a yes or it's a no. If no, then it's back to casual convos every once in a while. I'll be alright with that, but upset I didn't get to try him out at least once. Ok, you didn't include everything--just that bottom line that he would prefer to remain friends. That tells a lot. Then you have an over-the-top plucked from cheesy romance novel paragraph that seems to mix love and sex feelings and comes on like a freight train. If you have to throw yourself that hard at a guy, when you've already been offering up NSA sex, he doesn't want you, my guess. I think he's collecting pics and the sexting is NSA-entertainment, my guess. He knows it's gonna be a sh*tshow if he goes for it for what so he can take on the burden of you? I'm just being blunt. Think like he's thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Well she wouldn't need our advice to talk this guy into doing it, IF HE WANTED TO DO IT. I don't think he does. Throwing yourself at him is the worst idea to get him to change his mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Ok, you didn't include everything--just that bottom line that he would prefer to remain friends. That tells a lot. Then you have an over-the-top plucked from cheesy romance novel paragraph that seems to mix love and sex feelings and comes on like a freight train. If you have to throw yourself that hard at a guy, when you've already been offering up NSA sex, he doesn't want you, my guess. I think he's collecting pics and the sexting is NSA-entertainment, my guess. He knows it's gonna be a sh*tshow if he goes for it for what so he can take on the burden of you? I'm just being blunt. Think like he's thinking. That paragraph was a late night text draft I never sent. It's been.deleted. Link to post Share on other sites
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