stillafool Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 No no no. Don't you think I've been through all the guilt, second guessing myself, thinking about how it would affect my husband Of course I have. I even cut contact with the other guy. But this feeling isn't going away. In fact, the more I try not to think about him the stronger my feelings get. I am not leaving my husband. He is the absolute best thing to ever h happen to me..he's handsome, smart, funny, works hard, loves me and is a fabulous father. I am not in love with other guy. Why would I leave my.marriage for a guy I just want to bang? That's really bad advice. Would you be okay if your husband was craving sex with a beautifu girl and only wanted to ravish her body one time because he can't get her out of his mind? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 2, 2015 Author Share Posted September 2, 2015 Would you be okay if your husband was craving sex with a beautifu girl and only wanted to ravish her body one time because he can't get her out of his mind? At this point I'd have to be. That's silly question. Plus, that'd be basically a free pass to do what I want. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 That paragraph was a late night text draft I never sent. It's been.deleted. Wait did I miss something? I'm just going off what you said in your original post and giving you opinions on that. Still shows the operation of your mind. I think you are into this for the recklessness of it. Looking for a spark in life. Same way you are going hostile on people here. Tightly wound. It's more than wanting to have an affair. Ok, I'm done with you. bye. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Hostile? I've been hostile? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I have been completely honest. Even with your husband about this insatiable lust and how you are looking to act upon it? :rolleyes: 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Even with your husband about this insatiable lust and how you are looking to act upon it? :rolleyes: I discussed the lusty feelings and behavior, but not the intention to actively follow through. I don't even know if I'm gong to. I just want to. I rarely get what I want, so I'm not going to say anything about that aspect unless it gets closer to really happening. Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 This thread kind of makes me sad 3 Link to post Share on other sites
William Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Folks, all alluding to trolling does is get you moderated so don't do it. Moderation never received one report on this thread so this convinces me that there are some members who get their jollies from this kind of stuff. I hope the loss of your posting privileges was worth it. Your reason is in your 'moderation approval' message and is exactly and precisely your own words. Topical and respectful responses are appreciated. I left a report for the early morning moderator to review the thread in its entirety. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 OP, what would you do if you had your one night of lust and you got a STD? What would you do if you got knocked up by the OM? Would go to the Dr to have your love child taken from your womb and murdered? Or would you pass it off on your BH as his own? What would you do if your BH finds out that you cheated? What would you do if your BH wants a divorce after he finds out you cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Gently- he wasn't interested in high school, he's not interested now. Please, you're 30, don't humiliate yourself with a sexy or raunchy text. Link to post Share on other sites
Sandy43 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I think you need to seek out an IC as vigorously as you are seeking out this OM. We all have people other than our spouses that we are attracted to and some even act on it (hence the reason some of us are on LS). However most people see this for what it is, just an infatuation that is best left in the fantasy world. You are determined to do this regardless of the consequences, regardless that this man has rejected your advances. This it Seems to me to be a deeper issue than just an attraction to another person, get yourself into counselling before you ruin your life. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I'm not divorcing. It isn't an option, not for me and not for my husband. Other guy isn't going to sweep.me off my feet. I know better than that. I'm not romanticizing this. I'm realistic and know it's just an infatuation. But it's insidious. It won't go away. I even told my.husband how I felt, and he said he'd be disappointed if I gsve in to my urges but he wouldn't stop loving me and he wouldn't leave me. Sorry if that's hard for you guys to understand. I want to know how to reassure the other guy this is nothing more than sex and for him to not feel guilty. How do I get him to be comfortable enough to have sex without worrying about my marriage. That's easy, just tell your husband to give him the okay. I don't know why you are on a forum asking this question when your husband has already given you the go ahead if you want to. How would anyone here know the answer to your question. You and your husband have the answer. Talk to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 I discussed the lusty feelings and behavior, but not the intention to actively follow through. I don't even know if I'm gong to. I just want to. I rarely get what I want, so I'm not going to say anything about that aspect unless it gets closer to really happening. So here we may have a break-through... You have confessed the lusty feelings to your husband. I think the next step is to confess to him that you are trying to figure out ways to attract the other guy. Get THOSE thoughts out in the open with your husband and they will start to diffuse. Or, if you don't want those feelings of lust and desire to diffuse because you truly want to act upon them, then you should tell your husband you want an open relationship and give him the opportunity to decide if he wants to be a marriage with someone who values their vows differently than he does. Look, I was exactly where you are right now in my first marriage - 30 years ago. There was a guy that I had uncontrollable lust over and I told my husband how much I wanted to bang this guy. We were young (early 20s) and he understood that neither of us had really sown any wild oats so he was okay with me getting my rocks off with another guy. We ostensibly started having an open marriage as long as I fully confessed what I was doing, with whom and when. He started doing the same and on some occasions, we did so together. Ultimately it imploded because of it. So you don't think you want to or can remain monogamous in your marriage? Than give your husband the right to also choose if he wants to stay in the marriage before you start on the road of deceit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Mind of Shazam Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Get your husband's ok and go see him together. At the meeting, your husband can give him explicit permission to have sex with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 That's easy, just tell your husband to give him the okay. I don't know why you are on a forum asking this question when your husband has already given you the go ahead if you want to. How would anyone here know the answer to your question. You and your husband have the answer. Talk to him. Most of these replies to questions re cheating, like "Go right ahead, don't let me stop you" ,"No I would never divorce you," "Yes, why not?" are said because they do NOT think the potential cheater would ever really cheat. They are responding to a "joke" question. It is a bit like how the parent reacts to their eight year old saying "I am leaving home". They say "Off you go.", "Have nice time", BUT are absolutely horrified when they cannot find their son in the morning and he is picked up by the police hundreds of miles from home with a rucksack. Any husband or wife who is NOT thinking along the lines of an open marriage is not going to take their husband or wife telling them they are actually going to have sex with someone else, seriously. But the potential cheater is so far down the road of cheating that they take such comments as "permission", and they then after the deed is done find their spouse is devastated, heart broken, IS getting a divorce and/or chucks them out of the house. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 OP, if there was a means to stop your desire for OM, at a push of a button, would you? It means, you wake up tomorrow and never think, let alone fantasise about sex with him again. Because, that is all that it is - a fantasy. Made up thing in your own mind about how it would be. Reality is that you were with one man most of your adult life and you don't know what is out there. Let me tell you what is out there - a giant pile of sh*t. One big NOTHING. All that good sex that one has in life, means nothing later on and is a momentary pleasure. And to have a good sex the first time you have it with someone is also a big hit and miss. You have it great at home and many of us would trade places with you and never look for anything more, because we would know that there is nothing better out there. What you have is what people want to have. So do what you have to do, in order to to understand that reality of sex with OM would likely be disappointing for you. You did not see him since highschool and got turned on by him on FB. In a virtual world, where you cannot touch, feel, smell a person.... What you can do though is create a fantasy. He would maybe not smell right. He would be bad in bed. He would maybe not get it up or have it half hard. He would have a small dick. He would come in 1 min. ... Or something. Had you been out there and slept with enough men you sexually fantasised about, you would know how to distinguish fantasy from reality and would not be too phased by him. There is some chance that it might be great too... but what are you going to do then? Are you really that naive to think it will kick it out of your system, or do you think it might make you want him more? If you act on your fantasy, you will most likely, feel like s*it for doing it, and only then regret it. If none of this gets to you, go to doctor and get some sexual appetite suppressing pills and go NC with that guy. When you have no libido, nothing can happen. And yes, this sounds funny, but at least it will save your married life and some dignity. Like this you are throwing yourself at a guy, who is just as interested in you as he would be in anyone else throwing herself at him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 He cheated three times on his ex. But all of a sudden its hesitation when I want him to be the OM. It's society and its double standards. The mans a player, cheated on his ex three times but he's hesitant. Could it be he's just not into you because he knows what you look like? Just a question. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Here's the text draft, with certain words censored: "E, all I can think about is seeing you and ****ing your brains out. I don't care any more if you think I'm too aggressive, or if you are worried about messing up my marriage, or you feel pressured by me. I don't care. I just want to rip your clothes off, explore every inch of your body, and **** you until we are both exhausted, trembling, and weak. I know I'm being selfish and lustful, but I don't care. You tell me the date and the place and I would be there. No second thoughts, no regrets. Just you and me and lots and lots of sex. I have never wanted a guy as much as I want you and it won't go away until I can do it. I promise you there are no strings attached. I just want to use you and for you to use me. Let me come see you, then I can be just friends. No more pressure from me after that, I just need to do this so I can move on from this constant craving for you." One of several things I see as wrong about this text is the "no regrets." You're about to open a Pandora's box of regrets. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Gently- he wasn't interested in high school, he's not interested now. Please, you're 30, don't humiliate yourself with a sexy or raunchy text. He actually was interested in high school. He told me about a church trip we were both on and how he tried to hold my hand on the ride back, and I laughed because I didn't remember that. We were 16, and he moved thate summer. He was too scared to say he liked me and I was too clueless to notice. Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 JMO, he likes to flirt but not much else. He has lots of excuses but in the end he just doesn't want to have sex with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 The mans a player, cheated on his ex three times but he's hesitant. Could it be he's just not into you because he knows what you look like? Just a question. I think it's more the fact we live several states apart. He's already told me if we lived closer this would have gone down by now, but the distance gives him time to second guess his instinct to.hook up. Now he's getting to know me on a interpersonal level and letting familiarity get in the way of a mindless hookup. He definitely likes wear I look like though. I'm pretty confident there Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 (edited) OP, what would you do if you had your one night of lust and you got a STD? excellent point. I've grilled him on sexual history and he srnt a copy of his last STD screening. He says he hasn't had sex since then. The last time was with his ex, 6 months ago. I am chooding to believe him. But it is definitely a risk and a consequence I'd have to live with and would not be able to hide from if it was untreatable. What would you do if you got knocked up by the OM? Would go to the Dr to have your love child taken from your womb and murdered? I addressed this earlier, but I've been sterilized. No more babies from me by any man. Your last part of the question is extremely biased. I'm pro choice, so abortion is a personal decision and none of your business. I've never had one and would never get one unless it's more a legitimate medical reason. Or would you pass it off on your BH as his own? again, not relevant What would you do if your BH finds out that you cheated? cross that bridge if we come to it. He's already said cheating isn't a marriage ender for him. What would you do if your BH wants a divorce after he finds out you cheated? see above Edited September 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix formatting Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 JMO, he likes to flirt but not much else. He has lots of excuses but in the end he just doesn't want to have sex with you. He's said otherwise, but ok. I respect your opinion Link to post Share on other sites
Author maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 OP, if there was a means to stop your desire for OM, at a push of a button, would you? It means, you wake up tomorrow and never think, let alone fantasise about sex with him again. Because, that is all that it is - a fantasy. Made up thing in your own mind about how it would be. Reality is that you were with one man most of your adult life and you don't know what is out there. Let me tell you what is out there - a giant pile of sh*t. One big NOTHING. All that good sex that one has in life, means nothing later on and is a momentary pleasure. And to have a good sex the first time you have it with someone is also a big hit and miss. You have it great at home and many of us would trade places with you and never look for anything more, because we would know that there is nothing better out there. What you have is what people want to have. So do what you have to do, in order to to understand that reality of sex with OM would likely be disappointing for you. You did not see him since highschool and got turned on by him on FB. In a virtual world, where you cannot touch, feel, smell a person.... What you can do though is create a fantasy. He would maybe not smell right. He would be bad in bed. He would maybe not get it up or have it half hard. He would have a small dick. He would come in 1 min. ... Or something. Had you been out there and slept with enough men you sexually fantasised about, you would know how to distinguish fantasy from reality and would not be too phased by him. There is some chance that it might be great too... but what are you going to do then? Are you really that naive to think it will kick it out of your system, or do you think it might make you want him more? If you act on your fantasy, you will most likely, feel like s*it for doing it, and only then regret it. If none of this gets to you, go to doctor and get some sexual appetite suppressing pills and go NC with that guy. When you have no libido, nothing can happen. And yes, this sounds funny, but at least it will save your married life and some dignity. Like this you are throwing yourself at a guy, who is just as interested in you as he would be in anyone else throwing herself at him. You really think libido suppression would be good for my marriage? That's insane. As for all that other stuff, I don't even know where to start. That's a lot of questions. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Maumaymay: do you think that a ONS with your guy is going to calm you down and solve your problem? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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