Any chance of reconciliation?

[Gamer92]

Hey guys, I'm new to this forum and I'm here looking for help and advice. 2 weeks ago my girlfriend left me, she said she felt like she only loved me as a friend and that we had fundamental differences meaning we had no future. We went out for 2.5 years, with a great 2 years, where we planned the future sent letters to each other to open multiple years later and it looked like we would survive that long! But after we both went to university I had a bad time and lost all my confidence and my anxiety returned. I became excessively needy, paranoid and ended up neglecting her, becoming selfish almost. She actually said before breaking up proper that she wanted to leave, so I went and convinced her to give it a chance over the summer, it worked. We had a great time, became intimate again and she eventually said she loves me again, after replying with 'thank you' whenever I said it to her. Things were looking up, but I still hadn't 'cured' my anxiety, the stress of almost breaking up did this, and I didn't get my confidence back and was still unmotivated to change for both myself and her sake. A week before breaking up we spent abroad, had a great time and acted like a couple (I love you etc.). But a month before returning to uni she has now left me.

 

She doesn't suffer from anxiety at all and is very independent and emotionally stable, she thinks that these differences between us are nothing to do with my anxiety which I have struggled to get rid of. I am the only person she has ever let in, she doesn't ever get personal with anyone except me.

 

I went on no contact (NC) for 2 weeks, and spoke to her after a meet up with a group of mutual friends, I said I've changed and I feel I have started to understand what was wrong with the relationship and my own behaviour. But when I suggested a break for a couple of weeks or until she's back from uni in Christmas she said no. But when we broke up she said that maybe something will happen in the future, but not to hold out for anything and she even messaged a friend saying she sees something in the future (which she would never too, as it's too personal to tell other people in her eyes). Does this mean she was just annoyed with me breaking NC and pushed me away because she needs time to heal from me using her as an emotional crutch for many months? If I give her 3 months NC and actually improve myself, physically and mentally and start showing her we are the same, indirectly of course, will she maybe fall in love with me all over again?

 

This is both of our's first proper relationships and I'm wondering if she'll miss me over these 3 months even if she is at university and doesn't hear from me?

 

I think she has gotten scared and fed up about being in a relationship, since it was difficult for her to deal with me in such deep anxiety and she wants to embrace her independence at university for a while before she even thinks about getting back together. What do you guys think, any help is appreciated ?

[emotional_particle]

unless you get your confidence back not only her, but no other girl wants to be with you.

the way you acted made her feel Superior to you and thinking i can do better than that.

i think break ups can be best motivators. go to the gym get in shape,learn some cool activities dancing,magic tricks ...etc. try to look the best you can and don't connect her at all by all means for 45-60 days. if she calls you or tries to get in touch with you ignore her. resist the temptation.this is your goal for now.

[d0nnivain]

She hasn't gotten scared of being in a relationship since she has gone to university Most likely she has seen a taste of what the world has to offer & she wants to go explore that. University probably empowered her & emboldened her.

 

 

Unfortunately it has the opposite effect on you & you admit your personality changed for the worse with you having increased anxiety & being clingy.

 

 

While it's magical & special that your high school romance included dreams of the future, most relationships do not survive the transition to adulthood & yours was no exception.

 

 

Let her be. No I don't think there is hope for reconciliation. Take some time to get your issues under control. Concentrate on your studies & then when you are ready find a new GF at school.

[Gamer92]

So dOonavain why do you think it won't work, she stuck by me for a year and then felt she couldn't handle it come summer! If she really thought that she didn't want to be in a relationship (especially a negative one) at university then wouldn't she have left much MUCH sooner?

 

Plus she has mentioned to a mutual friend that she maybe see something for the future? Is this her way of hinting that actually I still have feelings for him but i don't want to be with the person he is now! She said that some days together thi summer it was like old times, she said she loved me again. Do you not think that maybe she has changed her mind before uni and wants to go and gain her independence back fully (something very important for her) and come back once I've sorted out my messed up head?

 

Why would she not think of reconciliation after a while if she saw that I've finally broken away from the anxiety and am back to what I was before university, when we were in a PERFECT relationship, no arguments or worries etc. complete attraction!

 

After all that time together, and having opened up to me in a way she has never done before, not even to her own parents, will she close the door on us forever? Surely if you felt that way about someone before then you can feel that way again if you see that he is actually everything he was before but also improved and not as needy, clingy and pathetic as he had become?

[d0nnivain]

No. Once the feelings go, they rarely come back. You have to assume hers won't.

 

 

She may simply be tired at this point. If she feels like she tried & now she's done.

 

 

I don't know her. I can't read her mind through your posts on a computer. But I do have enough life experience (I'm probably older than your mom) to tell you that this is over. Let it be.

[Gamer92]

Thank you for your advice.

 

I have one last question, why would she mention to someone else that she sees something in the future, what does that mean?

 

If it means that she will end up missing me will giving it time and then her seeing what she wanted from me? Not for her but because I changed for myself.

[theredpill]

I'm going to give you the wisest advice and implore you follow it, do absolutely nothing, let her go as the others mention - if she cares, she will come back of her own accord although note this is very unlikely in the short terms you're thinking of.

[d0nnivain]

"Maybe in the future" is one of those lies dumpers tell the brokenhearted other person to soften the blow & make their own pain go away. She's not a malicious person who set out to hurt you. She probably feels bad that you are in pain. Not bad enough to take you back but empathetic & she doesn't like the fact that she is the cause of your pain. That makes her a nice person. It doesn't mean you should hold out hope.