No interest in going out. Ever.

[deadelvis]

So I used to be a really social person. I was a big drinker, very popular and I went out almost every night, even when I had to work the next day. That ended about 4-5 years ago.

 

Around that time I moved deep into the woods where I was miles from the nearest person. I moved there with an ex. We lived off the land and grew our own food. I raised an orphaned fawn. I got back to the earth and "found myself". At first living in the woods, we both felt trapped by our isolation and constantly looked forward to going into town to be social, have drinks etc. I found myself often driving to the neighbors house (15 minutes away) to hang out and drink a couple beers.

 

It was hard being so isolated. But as time went on gradually things began to shift inside me. While my (ex)GF still always wanted to go to town and be social, I found myself pulling away. I began to dread going to town. I just wanted to play in the forest with my little fawn and read books. I hiked a lot and worked on an old cabin that was on the property. I began to dread dealing with other people. I became much more comfortable alone in the woods than in social settings. Raising the fawn I started noticing myself feeling more like a deer than a human. I would spend a lot of time teaching the fawn to interact with other deer. The deer became so comfortable around me I could walk up to them and they would let me get close enough to almost touch them. I admired their life. So simple and pure.

 

I started to consider living in a Tipi and going "indigenous". Then things took a bad turn. My GF left me for someone she met in town and shortly after my fawn was attacked by coyotes. The little creature died in my arms. Losing the fawn broke me. That little animal meant the world to me and when it died I had a bit of a mental breakdown. So I left the wilderness. I couldn't handle being there alone. I went to the closest city and spent a few months drinking myself into a stupor and crying a lot. I went out and tried to meet people but I didn't find much desire to be around humans anymore. They disgusted me.

 

I missed the peace and tranquility of my life in the woods. I felt disconnected from people. After doing some soul searching I decided to move back to my home town so I could be near my family. I found a job in my field and shortly after I began dating the woman I'd been infatuated with since my teen years. Things were often difficult between us but we were still happy together. I struggled to accept her sexual history and often felt disgusted by her life before me.

 

We got an apartment together and continued to try to make things work. She had some pretty severe health problems and she wasn't really able to go out much. But she also was at a point in her life where she had no desire to go out and be social. Sometimes we would have a few friends over for drinks. But then we stopped drinking and hanging out with drunk people isn't fun when you are sober. We both grew up in this town so we know everyone and have hundreds of friends here. But yet I feel no desire to be around people. Ever. I like spending time with her, but we never leave the house. Now we've been talking about breaking up. But that's a different topic for a different thread.

 

I guess what I'm wondering is... is this normal? I used to go out every night and be the life of the party. Now I dread going to the supermarket because I hate running into people I know and having to talk to them. Is this part of "growing up" or have I become a misanthropist or an agoraphobic? Anyone else feel like being social is just not worth the effort? I'm afraid of how this might affect my future if we do in fact break up.

Edited September 2, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Ruby Slippers]

I'm my own boss and can work anywhere I have an Internet connection and cell phone reception. I've experimented with a lot of different working/living styles over the years, and have found that I'm much happier living outside the city in nature, only going out to socialize occasionally when I'm in the mood.

 

More and more, it annoys and disturbs me that cities and even towns are set up to be these ugly, aesthetically barren advertising landscapes, designed to funnel people into a variety of situations that will part them from their money.

 

It's fair to say that I've taken the "red pill," and when I see people shuffling around in the Matrix with their noses pointed nowhere except to the next shopping or entertainment spot, competing with one another over empty things such as material possessions, I often find it hard to connect with those people.

 

Now that I'm learning to grow my own organic fruit, vegetables, and herbs, I'm a lot more discriminating about the food I buy from grocery stores.

 

I think that when you feel a need to retreat from society and have some quiet time to yourself, it's wise to do that if you can. Society will still be there when you get ready to mingle with them again.

 

I think you'll find that some things will shift when/if you break up. I just broke up with someone and am moving into my own new place this weekend. I can already feel that a new chapter is about to begin. I'll be living alone again for the first time in a while, so I'm sure I'll venture out into the social ether from time to time. But I'm most relaxed and in tune when I'm far from the madding crowd.