ZA Dater Posted September 2, 2015 Share Posted September 2, 2015 Sometimes one needs to step back to realise a problem. As some may know there is someone I am besotted with, its an acute attraction of personality. After trying and getting nowhere I decided I need to make myself attractive, be an attractive guy. For years I thought being a nice guy was enough and plainly it isn't. I realised I was looking for a chance with someone who wouldn't give me a chance because I wasn't "physically attractive", I can look better and I can be better. My plan : convert skinny into something more muscular without looking like Hulk. : adopt a more confident approach : think less about what I do and do more than I think. : try and woo her with my new look and style because I know I can. : take charge of what I do, I have never been the guy who goes for unrealistic beauty, that's not attainable but this person I think is I just need to be the best I can be. : I have taken the step of buying a new range of clothes, different styles to what I am used to. Nothing in life has come easy for me but I am determined to get this right. I may then get the chance I so want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Wow za dater, what made you decide to do this ? How is it going so far? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 Wow za dater, what made you decide to do this ? How is it going so far? Close friend and friend of the lady I like sat me down and basically said I need to improve, there are many areas I can improve and this chat basically lead to a change of mind set from "I am miserable she doesn't want me" to "Ok she doesn't want who I am now but there is lots I can do to improve and I CAN present as someone she WILL like" I realised that I do need to pander to the superficial to some extent, clothes, hair style, bulk up a bit and I needed to adopt a new way of thinking, one where I don't OVER think each thing The bottom line is, she wows me, I need to do the same! Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Well first, congratulations and good luck! Working on your body image will do wonders for your confidence. This can probably be figured out with the help of your friends, but there may be more underlying issues that cannot be fixed with simply changing your image. If that is the case, make sure you fix that too. You should do this for you not for that other girl. Even if her friends flat out told you she liked you but your look was problematic, I would see it as a red flag if someone sent over his friends to tell me how my look is a turn off and how I should change it. If you're not sure about what I mean, what Bedazled (with Brandon Fraser and Elizabeth Hurley) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
joseb Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I agree with maleficent. Dont do this only in the hope of attracting this one girl. By all means, use her as some inspiration, but dont base the success or failure of what you are doing on the whim of one woman whose opinion and preferences you cant really control. Its great that you are willing to listen and do things that you didnt really agree with before. Chapeaux! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 Well first, congratulations and good luck! Working on your body image will do wonders for your confidence. This can probably be figured out with the help of your friends, but there may be more underlying issues that cannot be fixed with simply changing your image. If that is the case, make sure you fix that too. You should do this for you not for that other girl. Even if her friends flat out told you she liked you but your look was problematic, I would see it as a red flag if someone sent over his friends to tell me how my look is a turn off and how I should change it. If you're not sure about what I mean, what Bedazled (with Brandon Fraser and Elizabeth Hurley) If I am honest this is more because I want to be more marketable, yes my arms are sore as anything from a variety of exercise but I remind myself this is for the best. The thing I missed and the fundamental mistake I made was I never looked at myself from the point of view of others. Ladies do like muscle, they do like guys who dress well with nice hairstyles, I think in the past I dismissed this because I DONT really put a massive premium on how ladies look or how their hair is styled, for me its about who they are as in personality, in essence I equated my way of looking at things and assumed they looked at things the same way. I don't like long hair but I am going to have to sacrifice this and compromise. The biggest thing is for me to look at the positive and not default to looking at the negative. A large part of the reason is because I really do like this person and would like an opportunity with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted September 19, 2015 Author Share Posted September 19, 2015 In terms of working out this is going fairly well. In terms of mind there are up and down days, each day I try look at everything positive, see the positive in each thing. Also try and smile and laugh. There is still a great deal that bothers me though and unfortunately that goes give me the "weight of the world on my shoulders" feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
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