h2man Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Ok, I know this sounds strange... but I have a feeling people 'pick' on me because of how I 'appear' - not how I dress, or look, or my haircut, etc. - but, how I 'present' myself to the world... I don't think I come across as being 'bully-able' by having poor posture, no eye-contact, etc., but I do truly wonder if people think they can 'bully' me because of something they can 'sense' about me... I am just wondering what it might be, or what might have caused this, and how to change it? Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 It's difficult to answer, without knowing a few things, age, where the bullying is happening (school, work etc) are the bullying styles the same? Eg. Is all the comments about how you look? How do you react? Bullying sucks, completely. I'm sorry you're going through this. I can't relate, unfortunately. But I'd like to advise. You'll get some good advice here. Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 If you are getting bullied that is awful. You have to establish that you will stick up for yourself. Even if only with words. If a bully knows that you will say something to cut him to the core, he will think twice about messing with you Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 to postulate on this would take some understanding of the encounters. Will say this, i dont fight fire with gasoline. I give the offender a flashback of my leaving them in a quandry. A quick wit response does the trick. Some folks assume your silence leaves them consent to continue... try to find a one liner that brings them back to reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 to postulate on this would take some understanding of the encounters. Will say this, i dont fight fire with gasoline. I give the offender a flashback of my leaving them in a quandry. A quick wit response does the trick. Some folks assume your silence leaves them consent to continue... try to find a one liner that brings them back to reality. That is what I was fumbling to say Link to post Share on other sites
Author h2man Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Thanks, everyone... it's no where specific (i.e. work, school) or any particular people (boss, classmates, family, etc) but more like complete strangers that just seem to 'sense' that they can have a go at picking on, or bullying me, often for no real reason, and I just wondered if there was something in my demeanour that they 'picked up on'? I seem to 'attract' them out of the blue just randomly Link to post Share on other sites
maymaymay Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Perhaps your perception is off and you aren't actually being bullied. It's hard to say without specific examples. If you provide an example or two it'd be easier to give a constructive opinion. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kilgore Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Thanks, everyone... it's no where specific (i.e. work, school) or any particular people (boss, classmates, family, etc) but more like complete strangers that just seem to 'sense' that they can have a go at picking on, or bullying me, often for no real reason, and I just wondered if there was something in my demeanour that they 'picked up on'? I seem to 'attract' them out of the blue just randomly Always be ready to stand up for yourself. Not lose your cool but just stick up for yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author h2man Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Well, just today I was waiting at a construction crew blocking the right hand turn at a "T" in the road... there was a big line of cars waiting behind me, and so they actually opened up the blocking so that they could clear some of the congestion... I was right at the junction and actually had to turn left, and the car behind me also had to turn left, but the construction worked came up to my window and started telling me he had cleared the way for me to go right... I said I had to go left (as did the car behind me, so even if I went right, the car behind me would still be waiting to go left) but anyway, the point is I felt like he just 'sensed' he could come up and try to 'bully' me for no real reason... I think this happens a lot to me, and I wonder if there is something I 'project' that 'tells' or invites people to come 'pick on me'? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Well, just today I was waiting at a construction crew blocking the right hand turn at a "T" in the road... there was a big line of cars waiting behind me, and so they actually opened up the blocking so that they could clear some of the congestion... I was right at the junction and actually had to turn left, and the car behind me also had to turn left, but the construction worked came up to my window and started telling me he had cleared the way for me to go right... I said I had to go left (as did the car behind me, so even if I went right, the car behind me would still be waiting to go left) but anyway, the point is I felt like he just 'sensed' he could come up and try to 'bully' me for no real reason... I think this happens a lot to me, and I wonder if there is something I 'project' that 'tells' or invites people to come 'pick on me'? Hmmm...I sense a mixture here. The Guy was doing his job and conveying what could be accomplished. Was it his tone that you considered aggressive? He may well talk that way to many a folk. Sometimes we have to "reframe" what the data is , to understand and be accomodating. This scenario seemed pretty upfront. I can't say that your perception is off, but rather it may be that what we hear and what we see hits a more personal note, that doesn't sit well. Use your best judgment and respond in a reasonable fashion. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 OP, what you stated here may have some bearing, that being a combination of your own perception and presentation of that aura to the world. Here's a relevant passage: "I feel like I am constantly having bad luck - being in the wrong place at the wrong time, missing opportunities due to some elaborate unforeseen event, etc." The anecdote shared in this thread could easily be a manifestation of 'bad luck', or your perception of it. My take on this dynamic, a result of many years of life, is that we make plans, life happens, we have choices as to how we handle how life happens and are in charge of our own perspective on things. Lastly, people aren't that important. Think about how many people in the world think or demonstrate that you're important or valuable. Practically none. That's instructive and, also, unremarkable. It's normal. In the anecdote, the construction guy was doing their job. You needed to go in a certain direction and it was permitted so just assert your need and move on and don't assign emotional content to it. If you needed to wait to go that direction, that's OK. I get how you might assign emotional content based on past perceptions and experiences but you do have a choice in the matter, not how you feel but rather how you process it. Sometimes there are adversarial situations in life. It happens. Pick your battles and wade in and deal with people who challenge you appropriately. Again, people aren't that important in the big scheme of life. There's billions of us. We're like ants. Everywhere. Link to post Share on other sites
GravityMan Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Are you insecure, OP? Most people, including kids (who may not know what the word "insecurity" is) can intuitively sense insecurity in someone very easily. For some, that's like a green light to go pick on that person...especially if said person just "takes it" or shrinks or lashes out in emotion. You have to learn to stand up for yourself...that is one of THE most important life lessons everyone needs to learn, ideally during childhood. That is how you earn respect from your peers. You can't let others' barbs faze you or get under your skin, and if necessary you need to be willing to dish it out in a calm, collected way. Get to the point where you don't even care about what mean people say to you. Also, humor is an invaluable tool when dealing with bullies. Tayla is right on point with the quick wit suggestion (although I think quick wit is not something everyone has...you either got or you don't, i.e. it's a natural talent). If you can respond in an effective humorous way, not only will you defuse the situation, the other person may even come to respect and like you. Lastly, keep in mind that some people are just naturally abrasive or blunt in how they communicate with almost everyone. It doesn't necessarily mean that they possess any malice or ill-will towards you. It just means that they're probably a little lacking in social graces. Or perhaps they're working a job that requires a "type A" personality in order to succeed. In some social circles and fields, poking fun at each other is normal and even enjoyable. It's how the group stays loose and lighthearted...no-one has to walk on eggshells and people are willing to laugh at themselves, live a little and not be politically correct. Awkward moments are infrequent and brief and everyone just shrugs them off and turns the page. That said, everyone in the group needs to be comfortable in their own skin and around each other in order for this to work out. (That said, there is a line though...crossing that line into outright bullying or serious offensiveness is not acceptable.) Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Are you insecure, OP? Most people, including kids (who may not know what the word "insecurity" is) can intuitively sense insecurity in someone very easily. For some, that's like a green light to go pick on that person...especially if said person just "takes it" or shrinks or lashes out in emotion. Uff- I hate to admit I am one of "those people" - not that I am insecure, but I will - I am not going to say "pick on" - but I think I can be unfair / unkind to insecure people. At first at least - I am not doing it consciously, but I make a terrible friend or girlfriend for insecure people - I start disrespecting them (I don't call them names, but will flake, be inconsiderate etc). I think its because I sense that they do not respect themselves. And the more they "take it" - the more respect I lose for them. I start disliking myself for how I treat them! And I don't like how they won't stand up for themselves. Its all bad. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Ok, I know this sounds strange... but I have a feeling people 'pick' on me because of how I 'appear' - not how I dress, or look, or my haircut, etc. - but, how I 'present' myself to the world... I don't think I come across as being 'bully-able' by having poor posture, no eye-contact, etc., but I do truly wonder if people think they can 'bully' me because of something they can 'sense' about me... I am just wondering what it might be, or what might have caused this, and how to change it? people who are scrawny and short of stature tend to get bullied Link to post Share on other sites
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