sisa Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 After 4 years together with him, finally we start our new life. move into MM place in another city last month. MM and his wife start divorce process this spring, and I expect they can finish this summer, however it's pending now because of the finance things. Before moving into MM place, I work in the same city as BS, so we meet several times. She said if i want them divorce, she want get .8M form MM before divorce, and she want me can 'convince' him to pay that. MM has good job but they didn't manage well so he nearly no saving, thats say .8M for him is a kind of impossible. He tried to discuss with her that to pay her monthly in 30 years, but she never agree. So now the thing is pending, MM already sign the paper but BS won't sign it if she can't get this money, how to solve it? or we just ignore her, and continuous our life? BS now is guessing we live together and make drama in front of kids, thats another issue, and MM feel stress about it. MM did think about let kids live with us, but kids still small and need mother. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 After 4 years together with him, finally we start our new life. move into MM place in another city last month. MM and his wife start divorce process this spring, and I expect they can finish this summer, however it's pending now because of the finance things. Before moving into MM place, I work in the same city as BS, so we meet several times. She said if i want them divorce, she want get .8M form MM before divorce, and she want me can 'convince' him to pay that. MM has good job but they didn't manage well so he nearly no saving, thats say .8M for him is a kind of impossible. He tried to discuss with her that to pay her monthly in 30 years, but she never agree. So now the thing is pending, MM already sign the paper but BS won't sign it if she can't get this money, how to solve it? or we just ignore her, and continuous our life? BS now is guessing we live together and make drama in front of kids, thats another issue, and MM feel stress about it. MM did think about let kids live with us, but kids still small and need mother. Let it go to court. A judge will settle it fairly. In the meantime, hold onto your butts during this time, it will be rough. I hope For your sake he doesn't go back to his wife. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted September 3, 2015 Author Share Posted September 3, 2015 Let it go to court. A judge will settle it fairly. In the meantime, hold onto your butts during this time, it will be rough. I hope For your sake he doesn't go back to his wife. There was a time he did think about to return, because of finance load and conflict, he wish he can give her the money she want. I guess this make him feel less guilty. However, we don't have ability to provide it. In fact I know he don't want to divorce (because will cause big finance loading and will hurt kids feelings), but I also know he want to live with me. But is that possible to divorce if she don't sign the paper? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 There was a time he did think about to return, because of finance load and conflict, he wish he can give her the money she want. I guess this make him feel less guilty. However, we don't have ability to provide it. In fact I know he don't want to divorce (because will cause big finance loading and will hurt kids feelings), but I also know he want to live with me. But is that possible to divorce if she don't sign the paper? Yes it is possible if he takes it to court. She doesn't have to sign or agree, it just will become a divorce. And the judge will evaluate what she gets based on both of their actual incomes, assets and debts. It will be a decision a judge makes,not one he makes or she makes, and she will have to accept it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 It seems to be quite normal for the money to be the hold up in many divorces. Most end up in court for the judge to decide. If he doesn't have that kind of money or assets, she can't get it. The most she can get is half of what they have. You can demand whatever you want in a divorce, it does not mean you will get it. Sisa, whatever happens, do not use your money to give to her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 It seems to be quite normal for the money to be the hold up in many divorces. Most end up in court for the judge to decide. If he doesn't have that kind of money or assets, she can't get it. The most she can get is half of what they have. You can demand whatever you want in a divorce, it does not mean you will get it. Sisa, whatever happens, do not use your money to give to her. Omg. I didn't even think of that. Sisa, do NOT give her money! You take care of you!! In fact, I would not mingle your finances with his for quite some time to come. I hope things go well now that you are together. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 OP, IMO, maintain a distance from the financial and emotional milieu of the MM's divorce. It's his partnership and he'll end it on his terms. Focus on living together and your shared finances and other aspects of living together. Treat it like a relationship with another unmarried person. It appears the man and his spouse have ended their spousal relationship and what remains is their legal relationship. That takes time and energy and money to dissolve. Leave it to them. They'll get it done if they want to. The specifics are pertinent to wherever you live. Since you're talking about this being 'this spring', I'll presume southern hemisphere. In any event, jurisdictions vary widely as to particulars. Good luck! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
bkn2121 Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 Can she cause all sorts of drama if you two are living together, but he isn't legally divorced yet? It just seems really risky to me. Other than that, he just needs to take her to court. The court will divide the assets as they deem fair. . Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 There was a time he did think about to return, because of finance load and conflict, he wish he can give her the money she want. I guess this make him feel less guilty. However, we don't have ability to provide it. In fact I know he don't want to divorce (because will cause big finance loading and will hurt kids feelings), but I also know he want to live with me. But is that possible to divorce if she don't sign the paper? What 'we'? This is his divorce and his problem. I hope you're not planning on giving him/them any of your money. You should only be paying up to half of the expenses you currently share. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 OP, since you mentioned living together and that the MM has children, one aspect to consider, relevant to their legal milieu, is whether or not your jurisdiction takes into consideration the income of the new spouse or non-married/cohabiting partner in the calculation of child support obligations. As example, my state eliminated that potential, except for extraordinary cases, in 1994, as seen in this statute: Article 2. Statewide Uniform Guideline - California Family Code Section 4057.5 - California Attorney Resources - California Laws Your jurisdiction may vary and IMO it's one area to pay attention to, as such an obligation could impact your cohabitation finances. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 The adjudication of their divorce is best left to the legal system where you live. Different countries have different laws. Even different states in the U.S. have different laws. I assume he has a competent lawyer. If he doesn't, I would advise that he get one quickly. Let him sort this out with her, through proper legal channels. You can give him emotional support for the stress. As for her lousy behavior in front of their children...that is unfortunate. It's not your fight either, though. The only behavior that you can control is your own. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted September 3, 2015 Share Posted September 3, 2015 They don't live in the U.S. but a place where polygamy is acceptable, I believe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 Long time I didn't log in loveshack, want to give update that MM finally divorce last week. My story is a bit long and complex, MM is still with me, and I get along with his kids well, besides the BS things, now we have more realistic things need to deal with, not easy but I think most difficult time is passed. People here did company me though the hard time, I wish everyone here each story will have a good ending. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Congrats to your happy ending. Did M have to go to court to divorce? Did he have to pay her money? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sisa Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 yes, he did pay and have an agreement with BS, and kids is going to live with us. Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Kids will change things around a bit. Poppy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted June 17, 2016 Share Posted June 17, 2016 Kids will change things around a bit. Poppy True, and a baby born into a first marriage for both husband a wife changes thing around a bit, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 Give those children all the love you can. That doesn't mean that you spoil and indulge them. That means love them. They've been through a lot. They need structure, healthy boundaries, warmth, affection, attention, and acknowledgement of their experience. Love them all you can. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted June 18, 2016 Share Posted June 18, 2016 Give those children all the love you can. That doesn't mean that you spoil and indulge them. That means love them. They've been through a lot. They need structure, healthy boundaries, warmth, affection, attention, and acknowledgement of their experience. Love them all you can. Above all don't resent them. They will change the dynamic of your relationship. Poppy 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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