I'm stuck with a gift I didn't ask for, Am I being un-grateful?

[Country Son]

[color=darkred]Hi Everyone,

 

Well my name is Scott, i'm 25 years old. I have an O.K.

job, i keep pretty busy, i live on my own, i got a girl, i'm

pretty happy in life., hard working, goal oriented, like to

volunteer and help out for various needy causes, etc.

 

My mom & Stepdad bought a 2005 Volkswagen Beetle

last year. They didn't need it, (they already have a $$ Mercedes) but

they got it anyway. My mom doesn't like to drive the Beetle afterall because

it's too Boxy for her, plus it's stickshift.

 

I don't have the greatest "hugs and affection" kind of relationship with my mom. She's not

very good with showing affection. She has a hard time saying "I Love You", but she'll say it if

I say it first. She can Write it in B-Day Cards, but doesn't come out and say it on her own.

 

I was mainly raised by my dad, but have known and seen mom all my life.

We get along well, but it's always been slightly awkward. We can't have "Mom/Son talks"

together, she's not very well equipped to talk about things of a serious nature. So we just

talk about anything else besides, 'serious' like relationships or "life" stuff.

 

Anyway, Here's my prob: my 92 Toyota Truck finally took a dump last Jan. and has had

problems, so i sold it. I don't have money to buy a new car right now.

So my mom, trying to be helpful, offered to lend me the Beetle til i got

my own car. I refused at first, because i don't mind getting rides or walking and didn't

wanna be driving an expensive car around my neighborhood and be

responsible for it, when it's not even mine. I pride myself in being independent

and not having to rely on my parents for money or things like that.

 

So, I gave in and borrowed it for a few weeks, i didn't want to her/their feelings.

Well, 2 weeks have gone by and i wanted to give it back to them last week and my mom

said "it's yours now". She decided she wanted to give it to me as a late College Graduation gift.

(I graduated 4 years ago) I said no, no, no but she said yes, yes, yes. We went around and around

but she wouldn't have it any other way.

 

Now i'm stuck with a car i don't really like, it isn't practical for me (it's too small... I planned

to get another truck to lug all my DJ equipment around, I do electronic music as a hobby)

And it's way too expensive for my taste. I also hate the feeling of people knowing that

"My mommy gave me a brand new car" ( she's already told our whole extended family and her

friends) It's sooo not my kind of car, if you saw me in person, and knew my style and knew

what i was about, you'd laugh at me for driving a 2005 Beetle and think i was going nuts.

 

I just don't know what to do. I am grateful at the gesture. it's an outstanding gift.

But it just bugs me that my mom put me in this position. She always used to buy me toys or

"buy" my love throughout my childhood. She was never very nurturing or inspirational to me in

any way. She's never been mean to me, just not much of a MOM. She would always just Buy me toys and things to

make me smile as a little guy. I never learned life lessons from her or heard the birds and the bees

or anything like that.

 

My girl and my close friend tell me, "Hey, it's free! Enjoy it"... But I just can't feel comfortable about

it. I'm not at the point in my life where i can have a nice flashy car like this. Besides, i always

wanted to buy something nice for myself on my own terms, with my own hard earned money. AND

i'd never ever buy something flashy. Just ecomical and practical, that's me.

 

Everytime I drive it i feel like the biggest dork, what should I do? It's making me very

uncomfortable. I know it's Just A Car, but I don't want it.[/color]

[magda]

well.. maybe you should talk to your mother about it and tell her you don't need the car and don't even particularly like it. If she's still insistent you could trade it in for a small truck and invest the leftover money - or whatever. No reason you have to drive around mom's silly beetle. Not like it was a sentimental present on her part, more likely she just wants to help you out in some way because she's sorry she's never been able to be there for you in the past. It would be rather insulting to throw it back in her face, but you still have options.

[Country Son]

[color=darkred]Thanks so much

 

it's a totally nice Gesture, but she has no idea

about my tastes and what i like or anything like that.

She hardly ever comes to visit me or see my apartment

or me and my girl, i always have to go down to her place.

I mean she calls me a lot, but mainly to talk about herself.

 

There's that huge part of me that would love to just have a

talk with her and tell her I appreciate it, but that the car is not

practical for my needs and if it wouldn't hurt her feelings too much,

and you'd really like to help me out, i'd like to trade it in for something

less flashy, then use the rest of the money to secretly buy her

a thank you gift or many thank you dinners. But I don't want to

seem greedy, picky, un-grateful or hurt her feelings. Plus,

everyone knows she gave me this gift.

 

I'm respectful and considerate, but in a weird situation.[/color]

[Artifact]

Originally posted by Country Son

[color=darkred]There's that huge part of me that would love to just have a

talk with her and tell her I appreciate it, but that the car is not

practical for my needs and if it wouldn't hurt her feelings too much,

and you'd really like to help me out, i'd like to trade it in for something

less flashy[/color]

 

This seems completely valid to me. I know that I too have to have a car worthy of hauling things around. Just tell her if was a very thoughtful gesture, and you thought it would work out, but that it is not meeting your needs.

 

Artifact

 

P.S. I have driven a Beetle, and I've got to agree with you, I didn't like it. Plus, the back end is so rounded, no matter how you fold it down, you will never get half as much stuff in there as you will a truck.

[Merin]

Well...

 

Yeah it does seem kind of lame that you're making an issue out of your Mom giving you a brand new car IMO.

 

Thats just My opinion.

[Mz. Pixie]

I'm with Merin.

 

If anyone would have ever given me anything like that when I was your age I would have probably cried. Instead I had to bust my tail for everything I ever had.

 

I understand that it's not your style or such but at least you don't have to make the payments on it!

[laRubiaBonita]

it is lame that he is being picky about a free practically new car...But it also lame for mom to pawn it off on him as a "late gift".

 

can you you not sell it?

[blind_otter]

Originally posted by laRubiaBonita

it is lame that he is being picky about a free practically new car...But it also lame for mom to pawn it off on him as a "late gift".

 

can you you not sell it?

 

Word.

 

Then again mom could consider it a slap in the face if he sells it w/o telling her first.

[laRubiaBonita]

yep country son.....take th esilver spoon out of your mouth, tell your mama that you love her and appriciate the car But "that the car is not practical for my needs and if it wouldn't hurt her feelings too much, and you'd really like to help me out, i'd like to trade it in for something

less flashy"

i would hope she would understand.

[scarlyjones]

Look,....hes NOT being picky. Picky would be if he went to his Mom and said "MOooooOOOOooooooooOOOoOOoOM....................I neeeeed A new CAAAAAaaaAAAaaAAAaAAAaar!" And then bitched about the one he got. But he didnt even know he was getting it. Now,....the GESTURE was awesome..............I think you should tell your Mom how delicate a situation this was for you to bring up.............and how much time you spent pondering it..........just to show her how much this meant to you. Then ask her if she would mind you trading it in for a vehicle that you would get 50 times more use out of. She will understand. Your not being selfish or ungrateful. Your being practical.

[Country Son]

[color=darkred]Well,

 

 

That's excatly what I'm talking about, The Silver Spoon...

 

Like I said, i take pride in knowing I can take care of myself and

i've made it a point to never ever have to rely on my parents for

money or anything. And the whole idea behind her giving me a

car is just, silly and uncomfortable for me. I'm 25 freakin years old!!

and it's not like she picked something out for me special, she

knows i only drive trucks or vans because Of my hobby. She

just gave me a car that she doesn't need after all..(which also

bugs me...the fact that she has so much money and can't give it to a

charity or do something better with it.)

 

People seem to think i'm overexaggerating about this issue,

or that I should just except the gift and shut-up about it.

 

The flashy-ness of it, irks me. It doesn't fit or suit my lifestyle, at ALL.

It's almost like a Punk rock dude with a mohawk, driving a Volvo. That's

not punk! But not only that, She doesn't seem to understand that I

can take care of myself, she does these things just to make HERself

feel better, but what about How I Feel?

 

I'm trying to be a good son and just

accept the gift, to not hurt any feelings, but If i could have it my way,

I would have said NO to it. That's just the way i am. "Thanks mom,

but no thanks, i can manage well on my own, but i appreciate it." But I couldn't say it.

It'd probably crush her and make her feel like she has no purpose

in my adult life. I 've never led her to think that, i'm just saying.

 

Anyway, i appreciate all your thoughts and comments. I'll figure something out.[/color]

[Merin]

Well what about just giving her the car back.. not to exchange it or trade it in...

 

Tell her that you appreciate her gift but you really want to do this on your own..

[UCFKevin]

Merin's right on the money.