BornToDie Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 This person and I have known each other for ~8 months now. We've had a strong attraction to one another from day one, but we were both in complicated relationships. We now are no longer in those. He began pursuit after they ended, and we hung out/slept together a few times. I hear from him maybe twice or so a week as of late. Earlier this week, we were casually texting, and he told me he wasn't against "hanging out platonically for once." I went to his apartment, and we did nothing but sit and talk for 4 hours. We touched on some very sensitive subjects about our lives, and a few times, he gave a really emotional response. He didn't try to touch me or push anything sexual, but of course, there was tension. Before I left, I very forwardly asked him what he wanted with me. I told him I wasn't looking for a specific answer, just a general direction. At first, he said he didn't know. Then, he told me that when it comes to a partner in mind, I was absolutely perfect for him, that I had everything he ever wanted. However, he said, with his current situation after moving out of his apartment he shared with his ex, he wasn't out for anything serious right now. This was something we both agreed on, that we didn't want anything serious. He told me he loved my company, that I was incredibly smart/beautiful/fun, and that he was genuinely happy when he was around me. He told me he was incredibly sexually attracted to me and that it took a lot of self restraint for him not to try anything. Of course, then came the "but." But, he said, with everything being so complicated right now, he knew he would end up hurting me if we slept together. He told me I deserved someone stellar, and that wasn't him. He said he wanted to sleep together, but because of these reasons, friends with benefits was off the table. When he walked me outside, he walked me all the way across the parking lot to my car and hugged me. We kissed and held it for a moment, and he told me that it wasn't a good idea. He said he had to go ahead and walk away because it took a lot of self control to not continue. When I got home, he texted me and said he would have to deal with his "over imaginative dreams" about me, but that the night we had was "very good and much needed." He then said, "I know myself, and if I'm intoxicated and around you, I won't be able to have any self control. I need you to help keep things from getting romantic so we can remain friends." The next day, he texted me early in the morning and checked on me to see how school was and asked about a test I was taking. This is very much unlike him. This is very complicated for me. I know if we are together and drinking, we will end up hooking up. Essentially, it feels like a self fulfilling prophecy: if you already know we're going to end up hooking up, why even mention it? I agree that we probably shouldn't sleep together, but being told it's not an option only makes me want it that much more. It's frustrating to me because I feel like he's very much into me, and I can't stop thinking about him. This feels like more than your regular old "it's not you, it's me" speech. As of now, I'm leaving the ball in his court if he wants to see me. Other than this, I'm not sure how to comprehend the situation, how he really feels, and what I should do. Link to post Share on other sites
maymaymay Posted September 4, 2015 Share Posted September 4, 2015 He sounds like he withdrawing in an attempt to.emotionally protect himself. Give him space, maybe even NC, and he'll either be relieved you allowed him to back off without going nuts on him, or he'll feel he made a mistake pushing you away and get more serious about being with you. If it would hurt you too much to hang around as his back up plan, I strongly endorse NC. The unrequited sexual tension is just going to mess with your head and possibly hold you back from meeting more viable potential relationships. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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