Asking my Ex out. How should I do it?

[Prelude23]

Hi all. Thanks for taking your time to read my post. Here it goes.

 

In June, my girl, who has been with me in a 4 years of relationship, broke up with me. The manner and the timing of the break up hit me with devastating effect. First two weeks I was basically desperate and hoping to beg myself back. That was follow by 2 weeks of limited contact and 1.5 months of no contact.

 

I have to stress that during the limited contact period, we managed to make our peace and end it well. We agreed that in the future, we can still be good friends and now we are just gonna focus on improving ourselves.

 

It was until last week, I texted her again. She did not find me at all during this NC. I asked her how was she doing without mentioning the breakup or our relationship. I make it like I just want to catch up and update about what we have been doing. I casually told her I am going to be at Starbucks at noon and would love to talk to her if she could drop by. However, she told me she had something going on and she could not make it. Last 2 day, I texted her again to tell her to be careful as she was traveling to another city where there's gonna be a big protest. She told me thanks and that she will take care of herself well.

 

Now the big question:

 

Do I keep the communication flowing or should I just contact her like once every few weeks? How can I ask her out for a cup of coffee (or even a meal)? The thing is I know there's a couple of guy is chasing her. I do not just want to sit there and do nothing and wait until she contact me. I figured it will be risky. But I have ran out of idea how do I ask her out? Is there any tips to increase her chance of agreeing to an outing?

 

What is the next step that I should take? Please feel free to ask any question and I will be happy to provide more information.

[bluefeather]

Well no one's said anything so I'll say something: it doesn't sound like she wants you back at all. If there's nothing there, you can't force it.

[madjac74]

It's pretty simple. Don't contact her again. If there is the slightest bit of hope (which there isnt) she will miss you and try to contact you. You being all pathetic and puppy dog like is only going to make things worse.

[Prelude23]

Thanks for your reply.

 

First, I really want this girl back. In fact, before we broke up, I have already planned for our wedding and marriage. I really believe she is the one for me. I wanna grow old with this girl.

 

Don't tell me I should let go of this or I cant force her to come back because if I am prepared to let go, I wont take all the hassle to come here and ask for opinions.

 

I just wanna know what should I say to her or maybe I should not even find her (but for how long?). I know it will not be easy to get her back. In fact currently I have been going on holidays and improving myself physically. I have revamped my wardrobe with new clothes too. My point is I am not sitting everyday in front of my computer thinking how should I get her back. I'm trying to make my life more exciting and make myself happier without depending on her but I know my life will be complete with her.

[clam]

If she wanted to be with you, she would have met you for that cup of coffee.

 

Just give it time. After she dates a few of the guys that are chasing her, she may decide she misses you and wants to try again. Until then, keep improving yourself. And go on a few dates yourself. Perhaps you'll discover she really isn't "the one."

[stillafool]

I completely agree that you should leave her alone and let her date these other guys. She's going to do it anyway since she is now single. The best way to get her back would be to have her miss you and you haven't been NC with her long enough for that. I would suggest you let her contact you next time. Stop texting her.

[TaraMaiden2]

Thanks for your reply.

 

First, I really want this girl back. In fact, before we broke up, I have already planned for our wedding and marriage. I really believe she is the one for me. I wanna grow old with this girl.

 

You need to get this through your head: The feeling is NOT mutual...

 

Don't tell me I should let go of this or I cant force her to come back because if I am prepared to let go, I wont take all the hassle to come here and ask for opinions.

You've posted 3 times, so far. You have had responses from people whose total posts come to around 10,000....

 

I'm sorry: We've all seen this so many times before. This is just lather-rinse-repeat to us.

So many guys (and it IS mainly guys) insist they can get the girl back, and in spite of all advice, counsel and experience to the contrary, the guy insists this is different, special, life-long, meant-to-be, and we're all wrong.

 

We're not.

 

I just wanna know what should I say to her or maybe I should not even find her (but for how long?). I know it will not be easy to get her back. In fact currently I have been going on holidays and improving myself physically. I have revamped my wardrobe with new clothes too. My point is I am not sitting everyday in front of my computer thinking how should I get her back. I'm trying to make my life more exciting and make myself happier without depending on her but I know my life will be complete with her.

 

Ugh. The "you complete me" line. It's so... tacky.

 

You cannot permit the process of permitting someone else to 'complete you' or your life, to even figure.

YOU - complete you.

She would want the whole package. Not something she has to make up for...

Something was obvioulsy wrong and lacking before, otherwise she would still be with you.

It's not up to her to make up your shortfall and 'complete you' OR your life.

 

I'm sorry, but please listen to old age and experience.

 

It's not going to run....

[preraph]

She broke up with you. She doesn't want to keep going out with you. She doesn't hate you and so she tried to be kind saying you could be friends, but the truth is she's done with being your girlfriend. You need to focus on something or someone else and move on with your life.

[ScienceGal]

General rule: If any chance at reconciliation is going to happen, it's up to the dumper to reach out. If she left you, leave her be. I'm sorry, I can see you care for her, but that's just the hard truth.

 

Edit: and reaching out does NOT mean they want to reconcile. Sometimes it's for other reasons.

[Prelude23]

All giving me the cold hard truth eh?

 

Like I have said, if I wanted to move on, I wont be posting here, would I? I understand all of you are trying to ask me to not contact her. And I believe it to be the right move to a certain extent.

 

My birthday is coming in a month time. Hope she will ask me out or even send a simple text to me.

 

I am so sorry to all of you here. No contact I can do. But I cant move on to another relationship. Not with so much love for her inside me. In fact I have girls confessing to me once they find out I am single but I am just not interested.

[kendahke]

If she wanted to be with you, she would have met you for that cup of coffee.

 

^^^^ This. She would have suggested another time where she could make it. That's a strong indicator of interest, if they make an attempt to book your time for another day, not let it drop.

 

We would not be serving you well if we did not tell you to factor in the fact that she might be done with you and really wants to find someone else. She may feel you've had your chance, it didn't work out, been there, done that, move forward.

[kendahke]

All giving me the cold hard truth eh?

 

Like I have said, if I wanted to move on, I wont be posting here, would I? I understand all of you are trying to ask me to not contact her. And I believe it to be the right move to a certain extent.

 

My birthday is coming in a month time. Hope she will ask me out or even send a simple text to me.

 

I am so sorry to all of you here. No contact I can do. But I cant move on to another relationship. Not with so much love for her inside me. In fact I have girls confessing to me once they find out I am single but I am just not interested.

 

Then throw yourself at her and see how it all shakes out.

[Simon Phoenix]

Sorry, dude, she's just not that into you. It doesn't matter how much "love for her" that you have inside of you, if she doesn't have that love, all you are doing is pissing into the wind. Stop trying to plot and manipulate your way back into her life -- it's not a process with set steps like changing oil -- and keep moving forward. You don't have to date if you don't want to, but the more you try to rewrite the past, the more you are preventing yourself from experiencing the future.

[stillafool]

All giving me the cold hard truth eh?

 

Like I have said, if I wanted to move on, I wont be posting here, would I? I understand all of you are trying to ask me to not contact her. And I believe it to be the right move to a certain extent.

 

My birthday is coming in a month time. Hope she will ask me out or even send a simple text to me.

 

I am so sorry to all of you here. No contact I can do. But I cant move on to another relationship. Not with so much love for her inside me. In fact I have girls confessing to me once they find out I am single but I am just not interested.

 

Okay if you want to waste your time chasing a dream then go ahead. It's scary to the person who dumped you when you can't move on with your life. That attitude alone will prevent her from coming back. No one wants to feel like you can't live without them.

[TaraMaiden2]

All giving me the cold hard truth eh?

Yes, but when it falls on deaf ears, it might as well be chaff in the breeze...

 

Like I have said, if I wanted to move on, I wont be posting here, would I?

Actually, the majority of people posting here want to move on...

 

I understand all of you are trying to ask me to not contact her. And I believe it to be the right move to a certain extent.

No, actually, it isn't.

It's right to the full extent....

 

My birthday is coming in a month time. Hope she will ask me out or even send a simple text to me.

She definitely will not ask you out, so forget that, and she may well text you, but it will be to make herself feel better, not you....

 

I am so sorry to all of you here. No contact I can do.

Then do it. 100%. (Have you actually read the Guide? It's in my signature (first post)...

 

But I cant move on to another relationship. Not with so much love for her inside me.

 

Actually, believe it or not, we're all with you here.

You shouldn't even be thinking of dating anyone else, until you feel sufficiently healed to do so.

It would be a 'rebound' situation, and unfair on you, and distinctly unfair on any eventual possible 'date'.

 

In fact I have girls confessing to me once they find out I am single but I am just not interested.

Nor should you be.

All you will do is miss her more, and sit there compating your date to her.

 

Not a good situation....

[clam]

My birthday is coming in a month time. Hope she will ask me out or even send a simple text to me.

 

She won't. She's not "into you" anymore. She's into someone else.

 

So time to pack it up, move along.

 

Spare yourself the heartache.

[Tobin]

Thanks for your reply.

 

First, I really want this girl back. In fact, before we broke up, I have already planned for our wedding and marriage. I really believe she is the one for me. I wanna grow old with this girl.

 

Don't tell me I should let go of this or I cant force her to come back because if I am prepared to let go, I wont take all the hassle to come here and ask for opinions.

I know my life will be complete with her.

 

Your problem is that you have no respect for your exgf and her feelings. You refuse to accept that she does not want to be with you.

 

It's all about what YOU want and not at all about what SHE wants, which is someone else.

 

This may even be the reason she broke up with you- people are selfish but there are extremes and from your posts on this thread about how you will continue to try to get her back despite it being the last thing she wants.. it's obvious that you are not one to consider the feelings of others and in a relationship, that's really important. Some day perhaps you'll figure it out and you won't be stuck in an eternal loop of being dumped and trying to jump back on the merrigoround that you keep getting pushed off of.

[jphcbpa]

Respect her wishes and let her be. She knows where to find you. Your job is to move on, heal and learn the lessons presented. The best way to honor her and the relationship is to leave her alone.

 

Also, remember that love you feel for her inside you...it is inside you...it came from you. You will learn that your heart has many chambers and this experience will open your heart ever greater.

 

This is happening for you, not to you.

[Prelude23]

Thank you all for knocking so much sense into me.

 

I guess you all are right. I can't force it when she doesnt want to. She doesnt want this relationship and I need to respect that. The more I try to make it happen will be the more it will slip away further from me.

 

Some of you ask me to move along. How do I do that when I still love her so much? It has been three months and my love for her did not even fade. In fact I find myself praying for her happiness and well being. I have learned to love her from a distance without needing to see or feel her. I don't know but unless another special girl appear and took my heart away, I can't see how this is going to end.

 

Well lets see where this brings me. I have made a commitment to God and myself. I will improve myself emotionally, my attitude, spiritually and physically. If she comes back, I will always be here for her. And it is gonna be more beautiful than ever. If she doesnt, I will be well prepared and bless her onto her happiness.

 

I think this is probably the direction best for me. Any advise to what should I do other than this?

[clam]

I think this is probably the direction best for me. Any advise to what should I do other than this?

 

Yes. Make an appointment with a qualified therapist to help you move on from this, instead of pining away waiting for her to possibly come back.

 

It's great that you have good feelings and wish her well, but you need to move on from this so that YOU can have a happy life.

 

Who knows? If she floats back into your life in the future, you might be able to give it another shot. In the meantime, you need to enjoy your life and new relationships (whether romantic or just friendships) and not be "stuck."

 

Life is too short to be stuck.

[bluefeather]

Thank you all for knocking so much sense into me.

 

I guess you all are right. I can't force it when she doesnt want to. She doesnt want this relationship and I need to respect that. The more I try to make it happen will be the more it will slip away further from me.

 

Some of you ask me to move along. How do I do that when I still love her so much? It has been three months and my love for her did not even fade. In fact I find myself praying for her happiness and well being. I have learned to love her from a distance without needing to see or feel her. I don't know but unless another special girl appear and took my heart away, I can't see how this is going to end.

 

Well lets see where this brings me. I have made a commitment to God and myself. I will improve myself emotionally, my attitude, spiritually and physically. If she comes back, I will always be here for her. And it is gonna be more beautiful than ever. If she doesnt, I will be well prepared and bless her onto her happiness.

 

I think this is probably the direction best for me. Any advise to what should I do other than this?

 

I think you already have the best idea of where to go from here. If you have faith in God, then that can get you through much. If you feel it hurting, pray, improve yourself, and come here. Read much. That is what I do.

 

Ease your obsessions. There's a saying that "Fear holds tight. Love lets go." Walk through it with God as you said you would, and heal.

[theredpill]

You don't need anyone's help to get through this, believe in yourself.

 

 

You ask twice and never ask again, never stay "just friends" that's the weak position, join a gym or start running, it will lift your mood, take time to heal, then starting dating.

 

 

If she's ever going to come back, it will be once you have you emotional centre back and by this time, you maybe involved with someone even better as I usually am

 

 

Taking that power back boi!