Am I out of the friendzone?

[objob1994]

We kissed (tongues and everything) passionately for 1-2 hours in a nightclub and she's been going round saying stuff like 'he'd be a great catch', and she's said to me not to call her 'a mate'. She reacted a bit angrily when I called her 'mate', does that suggest she wants more.

 

I personally can't go back to 'just friends' after kissing someone, what would you say? I get a peck, but someone I kiss like that, I want more than a friend.

[oldshirt]

The good news is you have an opening out of the friend zone.

 

The bad news is that window of opportunity can close very quickly if you sit on your hands and do nothing or if you show any timidness or hesitation.

 

Make your best move and give it your best shot while you have the chance!!! That chance is not going to last long!

[objob1994]

The good news is you have an opening out of the friend zone.

 

The bad news is that window of opportunity can close very quickly if you sit on your hands and do nothing or if you show any timidness or hesitation.

 

Make your best move and give it your best shot while you have the chance!!! That chance is not going to last long!

 

Well it was 4 months ago. I needed time to think and it was an awkward situation to get involved in. If you read my previous thread on how it changed from being platonic, you'll understand why.

 

Anyway, short story cut short, she gave hints that she wants more when I saw her last weekend, saying things like 'I can have your babies' and disliking me referring to her as a 'mate'. You wouldn't get bothered by someone calling you a 'mate' if you didn't want anything more, right?

[oldshirt]

you've been doing waaaaaayyyyyyyy too much thinking and no where near enough doing.

 

 

You need to get out of your head and just do it.

 

 

Let's try a simple exercise - if you find yourself thinking about it but your body is not doing anything about it......knock it off!!!!

 

 

stop analyzing and thinking about stuff and just do what your body wants to do.

 

 

If someone says no or says to stop or they run away from you, then you can stop. but until someone either says no or moves away from you, just keep on truck'n.

 

 

What has held you back and kept you from becoming involved with women is you are in your head and you are not expressing yourself interpersonally with them and you are sitting on your hands thinking about things. Stop thinking so much and start doing.

[oldshirt]

....and also, all situations have a degree of awkwardness and all attractive women are seeing someone to one degree or another. learn to embrace awkwardness and move forward anyway. you'll never feel completely comfortable and carefree. The guys that score with chicks feel just as awkward as the next guy, but they keep moving forward anyway. If you let awkwardness stop you, you'll never get anywhere because you have social anxiety. you will have to learn to move forward in spite of feeling awkward. only stop when someone tells you no or physically removes themselves from your presence.

[Popsicle]

You were never in the friendzone. The true friendzone is not something you ever escape from. You two were just moving slow, which is fine.

[Snakeoil]

....and also, all situations have a degree of awkwardness and all attractive women are seeing someone to one degree or another. learn to embrace awkwardness and move forward anyway. you'll never feel completely comfortable and carefree. The guys that score with chicks feel just as awkward as the next guy, but they keep moving forward anyway. If you let awkwardness stop you, you'll never get anywhere because you have social anxiety. you will have to learn to move forward in spite of feeling awkward. only stop when someone tells you no or physically removes themselves from your presence.

 

I disagree with waiting until a woman tells me to stop before stopping. When a woman says no to sex it always means no. Sometimes even yes means no. Pursuing until she says no or stop is going too far and can be considered rape. By the time she says stop it may already be too late.

[objob1994]

Thanks for the responses guys.

 

I guess you're all right and this is something I need to work on. It's an inherent feature of mine and whilst overthinking is good for certain aspects of life, it's rubbish for dating.

 

I'm 100% calling her on Sunday to get it off my chest. I think you're right and that I wasn't truly in the friendzone and I think she said that to me once - if you read my other post - to save her face if it seemed like I wasn't interested in her.

 

I'm expecting her to say she was drunk/she's over it/ it didn't mean anything but I'll at least try but accept it if she no longer feels anything, that's natural after so long I guess.

[oldshirt]

I disagree with waiting until a woman tells me to stop before stopping. When a woman says no to sex it always means no. Sometimes even yes means no. Pursuing until she says no or stop is going too far and can be considered rape. By the time she says stop it may already be too late.

 

 

 

Pursuing AFTER someone says no/stop or walks away can be considered rape.

 

 

I do see your point and do understand your discomfort with that statement.

 

 

However you must consider the person in question and circumstances of the discussion.

 

 

We are not talking about an aggressive, assertive, boarish, drunken frat boy here. The OP is not a recalcitrant playa' that is out hussling chicks and chasing tail every night using whatever trick is up his sleeve to get into chick's pants.

 

 

He is an insecure, unconfident, timid "Nice Guy" that is too into his own head and suffering from a severe case of "paralysis by analysis." What that means is he is sitting there thinking about things and not doing anything. This is a failure to act.

 

 

If he were some playa' hitting on drunk chicks every night, I would not advise him to charge full speed ahead until he got a written Cease and Dissist Order. But in the case of this OP he needs a little nudge that it is ok to act and being giving the parameters of stopping when someone says no or turns away is a valid boundary.

 

 

This OP is not going to go rogue any time soon.

[oldshirt]

You were never in the friendzone. The true friendzone is not something you ever escape from. You two were just moving slow, which is fine.

 

 

 

 

I agree that he probably always had a chance and was never truly in the friendzone.

 

 

 

 

I disagree that the friendzone cannot be escaped from however, most of us guys have done it at some point or another.

 

 

You can jump from the friend ladder to lover ladder (per 'The Ladder Theory') but it takes some work and change in strategy.

[objob1994]

Pursuing AFTER someone says no/stop or walks away can be considered rape.

 

 

I do see your point and do understand your discomfort with that statement.

 

 

However you must consider the person in question and circumstances of the discussion.

 

 

We are not talking about an aggressive, assertive, boarish, drunken frat boy here. The OP is not a recalcitrant playa' that is out hussling chicks and chasing tail every night using whatever trick is up his sleeve to get into chick's pants.

 

 

He is an insecure, unconfident, timid "Nice Guy" that is too into his own head and suffering from a severe case of "paralysis by analysis." What that means is he is sitting there thinking about things and not doing anything. This is a failure to act.

 

 

If he were some playa' hitting on drunk chicks every night, I would not advise him to charge full speed ahead until he got a written Cease and Dissist Order. But in the case of this OP he needs a little nudge that it is ok to act and being giving the parameters of stopping when someone says no or turns away is a valid boundary.

 

 

This OP is not going to go rogue any time soon.

 

Actually, no, I'm not a 'nice guy', I get girls and this was a complex situation which I didn't want to get involved in. You're claiming I bend over backwards for women expecting them to see me in some shining light and offer me sex? And when they don't, I get pissed?

 

No. This girl has been quite confusing. Why I even want to remain friends with her? I don't even know. That's what's telling me there's something more. I'm not like some males out there who can just view a girl, want to ***** them and then leave them. I actually like some kind of connection to a girl before I like them.

 

My situation was very abnormal. The girl has basically been sleeping around, she's not overly fit but attractive enough for me and she's been desperate for a relationship, hence why she's done that. That doesn't bother me because I know her quite well.

[oldshirt]

 

 

You're claiming I bend over backwards for women expecting them to see me in some shining light and offer me sex? And when they don't, I get pissed?

 

 

point out one word I said that even hints at that.

 

 

 

 

 

No. This girl has been quite confusing. Why I even want to remain friends with her? I don't even know. That's what's telling me there's something more. I'm not like some males out there who can just view a girl, want to ***** them and then leave them. I actually like some kind of connection to a girl before I like them.

 

[bthen why are we even having this discussion. Bang her if you want or walk away and go on about your business if you want.][/b]

 

 

 

My situation was very abnormal.

 

no, it happens millions of times a day throughout e whole world. There is nothing abnormal about this situation except for your confusion and indecision.

 

 

The girl has basically been sleeping around, she's not overly fit but attractive enough for me and she's been desperate for a relationship, hence why she's done that. That doesn't bother me because I know her quite well.

 

 

then just do whatever you want.

 

Responses in bold above.

[Siquijor]

Anyway, short story cut short, she gave hints that she wants more when I saw her last weekend, saying things like 'I can have your babies'

 

 

Ugh. Coming out with a comment like that this early is far too heavy. If that was me, I'd be returning to the friendzone.