Research shows that people that have children are unhappier than those without

[hotpotato]

To your point it is kind of unfair because women's bodies are very affected by having babies but men's are not. That said I don't advocate the surgery route; I think it's better for people just to appreciate women for the life they have actually lived

I understand that most people dont like surgery. Im getting sone to fix my boobcakes. Anyway, im glad most of us can agree that sometimes childbearing and childrearing can change a womabs body. It is unfair, as well as being a poor single mom, and im sure tge list hoes on.

 

 

Maybe you dont know what youre talking about. Maybe age xame out without obvious signs of childrearing, but many women arent that lucky. Do you understand that women gave different experiences? Hell, i even said that *i* was lucky enough not to come out like ive seen other women. I got lucky.

 

Wait a minute, do i see the outline of implants? Those look like some 300ccs. Silly boyz, most women dont get huge implants, and tt and boob job right after childbirth us not unheard of. Bikini competitors are rife with implants.

 

Oh and im still waiting for that workout to undroop boobies.

[madjac74]

For those of you who cant comprehend that some moms dislike their kids, theres a lot of literature around this. Mean Mothers is a good one as well as books about narcissistic parents.

 

I don't even think that is in question. The news is filled with stories of parents who do horrible things to their kids and I witness and personally know parents everyday who should not be breeding!

 

The thing that urkes me is those that come on here trying to validate that they are better and happier than those of us that have children. It just seems like they are taking a cheap shot when they actually have not experienced it for themselves. Oh yes maybe they babysat their nephew once and he was a monster. Well I hate other people's kids most of the time too but I love being a dad to mine.

[beatcuff]

its too bad that each poster did not clearly stated if they did and (general) ages. i have 4, all teenagers. well its really more with their friends. if you saw our weekly food bill --- let just say we should have a 'special' parking spot at the grocery store.

 

i can fully admit there are times (much less now because they can care for themselves more) i realize how much easier life would be. my neighbor has none as does a close friend, they have about every toy (one owns a boat AND a pair of wave runners), they are tan, they are away every weekend. they do not even bother to pick up money that falls out of their pocket. their 'fights' are cut by a 2/3 (no children rearing or money issues). their stress is considerably lower as they have more 'control'. the first time you see your child drive alone for the first time......

 

yet, as they ready themselves for their own life... i would do it again. absolutely. no doubt.

 

but am i HAPPIER? for those that do not have children how can they answer? they have nothing to compare. and those with could the 'result' cloud their outlook.

 

but as some have mentioned --- it does appears those that do not have a militant attitude about this. a/k/a they are spending a ton of energy wondering if they took the right path.

Edited September 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[thefooloftheyear]

Maybe you dont know what youre talking about. Maybe age xame out without obviohs signs of childrearing, but many women arent that lucky. Do you understand that women gave different experiences? Hell, i even said that *i* was lucky enough not to come out like ive seen other women. I got lucky.

 

 

Direct quote from hotpotato..

 

"And that baby making stuff really ruins women's bodies."

 

 

On that point, you are clearly wrong...This does NOT happen to all women, in fact, women who regularly exercise often show little, if any real change..

 

And several women(who actually have kids and have gone through the experience) have corrected you..

 

 

Its real simple..

 

This same stupid line of logic is employed in other things in life..

 

"I would never want to be wealthy, because then I would be selfish and no longer could relate to the common person"

 

"I don't want to work out because i'd get too muscular"

 

If I had the time, I could come up with a thousand scenarios...Its all bullshyt, cockeyed logic....Quite frankly, as someone else posted, how the hell can someone without kids really know its not for them or that it would make them miserable? The world is full of people that would never have dreamed they'd ever love a child or that it would bring them great joy, then they wind up as one and their whole sentiment changes...People's opinion about this topic actually often changes with nothing else but time..

 

TFY

Edited September 8, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

[thefooloftheyear]

...And lets dispel the notion that guys do nothing but enjoy the moment of conception, then march off into the sunset...maybe that happens in some communities, but I know of NO man that hasn't made enormous personal sacrifices for their children...Enormous...

 

 

To do this right involves a joint effort....

 

 

TFY

[autumnnight]

The thing that urkes me is those that come on here trying to validate that they are better and happier than those of us that have children. It just seems like they are taking a cheap shot when they actually have not experienced it for themselves. Oh yes maybe they babysat their nephew once and he was a monster. Well I hate other people's kids most of the time too but I love being a dad to mine.

 

This this this this....1000 times this.

 

Makes me think someone isn't 100% comfortable with their choices. When I am confident in my choices, I don't have to act snotty about other people's choices.

[serial muse]

 

My happiest times have always been when I'm fully engaged and living, not when things are easy and boring. Maybe that's a personality difference. Having children will bring challenge, chaos, work, stress, etc., so if you prefer life without those things, having kids may decrease happiness significantly. If you're the type who thrives on taking on challenges, and you want kids, it'll likely be a great experience.

 

I just wanted to repost this because of its total awesomeness. I couldn't possibly agree any more.

 

My kiddo is still a toddler so we're still in the highly reactive phase, and it's exhausting and exhilarating all at the same time. But the deepness of the experience is worth everything to me. Yes, it's the hardest thing I've ever done, and I include getting a PhD in that. But it's also the most rewarding, and I include getting a PhD in that. I don't see it as losing my identity because I'm still me and I'm still living my life. My kid is now a part of it and I feel richer for that. But that doesn't mean that I think it's the only way to have a rich and rewarding life; I would never presume to judge people for their decisions on whether to have kids or not, because it's none of my damn business. It just means that it's good for me.

 

The most annoying part of the whole experience, by far, is actually the judginess and attempts at micromanaging by family, friends, and strangers about parenting and how one should be a mother in particular. It's a real sign of our times; the false intimacy created by technology creates a situation in which people think they know more than they actually do. When I think about it, that was probably the number one thing that has affected my happiness in the first couple of years. I wonder whether that was controlled for in the study cited by the OP. (I doubt it.)

Edited September 8, 2015 by serial muse

[xxoo]

Between the Mommy Wars and the actual work of raising kids, I don't know how any parent has time to criticize non-parents for not having kids. Next time it happens, just say, "Don't you have kids to raise or something?"

[GunslingerRoland]

As a parent I'm not surprised by this. I think for the most part people are made happy or unhappy most by the little things in life. And more often than not the little things are more stressful with kids. The overarching joy of having children who you love with all of your heart, doesn't fix your mood when they break your new iphone, or do something else to drive you crazy.

[waterwoman]

Having babies didn't really mess up my body - it changed it but I was ok. Having babies and passing 50 was the real killer! And even if I looked like Jabba the Hutt I would still be happy with my kids.

[Timshel]

There is nothing wrong with choosing to not have children.....my mother always told my sister and I that 'because you are a woman does not mean you have to have kids.' She and dad had two and adopted three, her with a full time career, professor/experimental psych. Hmmm.......

 

My life would be EASIER without children but I would not necessarily be happier. If I had not had them, I would have been running all over the world trying to help make it a better place. Giving my butt off. Having kids, instead, I divvy the giving with more provincial work and to my children. It was going to happen one way or the other.

 

I am a better person/woman for having had them. My life is richer, deeper and fuller and I am a better human being for having them in my life.

 

To each their own.

[readynow]

I haven't read all the posts here or even the article but here's my take:

 

My exH wanted a 'son' and I had one. I didnt particularly like or want kids at the time. The moment I laid eyes on him though, my whole world changed and my life is wonderful because my son is in it. I can't imagine my life without him and if anything were to happen to him and he wasn't alive suddenly anymore, I would see no reason to live.

 

Having said that, I'm not into other people's kids and if I didn't already have my own, I would be very happy especially because now, I live in constant worry that something bad will happen, I can't decide to travel for years because I would be away from him too long, I can't date any idiot that comes along because I don't want any wierdo near my boy, I can't sell my house to live in a rock in the middle of nowhere. Last year, I turned down an amazing research opportunity in Denmark because I didn't want to pull my son out of his awesome school and away from his friends for a whole year So all these things make me feel like without kids, life would be much easier. For my son though, I would live a life of bondage forever if it means he will be healthy and happy

 

PS: Research is a good thing, it gives us insight into the world in so many ways. Without it, I wouldn't have a job

[Taramere]

Regardless of what research might say, I'm sure we've all met great, very happy people who are parents - and, equally, encountered some terrible and/or miserable parents. Same goes for the childless. Lots of people will fluctuate between happiness and unhappiness depending on various circumstances.

 

It's not a competition. Our ability to be happy doesn't, or shouldn't depend on people who chose a different life path from ours being unhappy.

[hotpotato]

Direct quote from hotpotato..

 

"And that baby making stuff really ruins women's bodies."

 

 

On that point, you are clearly wrong...This does NOT happen to all women, in fact, women who regularly exercise often show little, if any real change..

 

And several women(who actually have kids and have gone through the experience) have corrected you..

 

 

Its real simple..

 

This same stupid line of logic is employed in other things in life..

 

"I would never want to be wealthy, because then I would be selfish and no longer could relate to the common person"

 

"I don't want to work out because i'd get too muscular"

 

If I had the time, I could come up with a thousand scenarios...Its all bullshyt, cockeyed logic....Quite frankly, as someone else posted, how the hell can someone without kids really know its not for them or that it would make them miserable? The world is full of people that would never have dreamed they'd ever love a child or that it would bring them great joy, then they wind up as one and their whole sentiment changes...People's opinion about this topic actually often changes with nothing else but time..

 

TFY

 

Umm, ok...no one said it happened to everyone. How many times did I in fact, use myself as an example, of someone that it did not happen to. You're just trolling.

 

You know you're full of bs. Even pro bodybuilder women sometime have that loose skin probably from having kids. A woman can still be fit and even show muscle and still have that loose skin from childbearing. And droopy boobs, but most of the time in public women wear what is known as a 'brassiere."

 

Oh, and im still waiting for that workout do undroop boobies. Oh wait, that's right, you can't. Boobs are fat, skin, and glands.

 

Oh, and have these women corrected me? They admitted that women can experience changes from bearing children??? Obviously, many women do feel like having kids "ruined" their bodies hence why they get surgery. You're very much welcome to look at plastic surgery befores and afters.

[hotpotato]

And to be back on topic, I could see how some times being more stressful and unhappier than others, like if you're having your first baby.

[thefooloftheyear]

Umm, ok...no one said it happened to everyone. How many times did I in fact, use myself as an example, of someone that it did not happen to. You're just trolling.

 

 

You know you're full of bs. Even pro bodybuilder women sometime have that loose skin probably from having kids. A woman can still be fit and even show muscle and still have that loose skin from childbearing. And droopy boobs, but most of the time in public women wear what is known as a 'brassiere."

 

Oh, and im still waiting for that workout do undroop boobies. Oh wait, that's right, you can't. Boobs are fat, skin, and glands.

 

Oh, and have these women corrected me? They admitted that women can experience changes from bearing children??? Obviously, many women do feel like having kids "ruined" their bodies hence why they get surgery. You're very much welcome to look at plastic surgery befores and afters.

 

You were the only one that said having kids ruins women's bodies....The only one....And you have no kids...

 

How did the record breaking cock go?

 

 

TFY

[hotpotato]

You were the only one that said having kids ruins women's bodies....The only one....And you have no kids...

 

How did the record breaking cock go?

 

 

TFY

 

I said i've been pregnant 3x. I'm not totally unfamiliar with childbearing.

If many women don't feel like their bodies were ruined, why are they getting surgery in their 30s? Plenty of women do feel like having kids ruined their bodies, even though they love their kids. it was really a big sacrifice for them.

 

Unfortunately, I've also heard men speak of their wives post baby bodies, and it's pretty harsh. They love their wives, but the aftermath of childbearing and suckling took a toll on their wives bodies. What childbearing does to women's bodies is cruel and very unfair.

 

So i guess you don't like my terminology. That's ok, but most of the women here did say that having kids changed their bodies. Do you like that word better, tfy???

 

I guess i'm also irritated, typical man response "Oh, just workout honey and everything will be ok." Umm, you can't make droopy boobs and saggy skin magically snap back without surgery. *rolleyes*

Edited September 9, 2015 by hotpotato

[autumnnight]

Unfortunately, I've also heard men speak of their wives post baby bodies, and it's pretty harsh.

 

Yeah, this is the part that bugs me too. Fortunately my kids' dad never did this, but I know plenty who do. And you are right. If a woman nurses, her boobs grow exponentially. And no, there is no exercise on the planet that will EVER make them us "upright" as they were. Period.

 

Honestly, most of the women I know who worried about their post-pregnancy body were actually more worried about their HUSBAND's feelings about their post-pregnancy body.

[thefooloftheyear]

I said i've been pregnant 3x. I'm not totally unfamiliar with childbearing.

If many women don't feel like their bodies were ruined, why are they getting surgery in their 30s? Plenty of women do feel like having kids ruined their bodies, even though they love their kids. it was really a big sacrifice for them.

 

Unfortunately, I've also heard men speak of their wives post baby bodies, and it's pretty harsh. They love their wives, but the aftermath of childbearing and suckling took a toll on their wives bodies. What childbearing does to women's bodies is cruel and very unfair.

 

So i guess you don't like my terminology. That's ok, but most of the women here did say that having kids changed their bodies. Do you like that word better, tfy???

 

I guess i'm also irritated, typical man response "Oh, just workout honey and everything will be ok." Umm, you can't make droopy boobs and saggy skin magically snap back without surgery. *rolleyes*

 

For some. I suppose...

 

Ball busting aside..Before you pass judgement, though, maybe you should first think that perhaps the other person might know something or have some experience that you don't...

 

Whats actually more surprising to me is that Ive noticed that the middle aged women (40-50's) , a great percentage of those women (moms) are actually looking better than the younger girls..I cant believe all of those women are mortgaging their houses for a 6 figure surgery budget,...20 something women seem more out of shape now than I ever remember..hmmm...

 

But back to the topic...

 

Life is all about sacrifices..Kids are an enormous sacrifice, but they are well worth it...While I didn't have to carry my kid for 9 months,. since she has been on this planet I have had to work way harder(maybe 2X as hard) than I have ever had to..We chose to not put her in daycare, so that meant I had to sell off stiff I enjoyed to raise some cash and as I said I have had to work much harder and will likely have to for quite some time...no big deal..

 

Nothing worth a shyt in this world comes without shedding some blood, so to speak....I choose to not complain and enjoy the benefit of that sacrifice..Well worth it...

 

TFY

[Tayla]

I cannot speak for others, my life centered around too many superficial things prior to engaging in being a positive parent. Since then and for the most part, my happiness has increased, maybe because my values of what does retain happiness has been adjusted.

 

I do not fight the battle of bodily change, eventually things go south and west and east sometimes, so long as my direction of being content with life choices and seeing the joy in my family moments sustains, life is good.

 

Any time a person is accountable for another life, more duties are involved, ergo more stress sometimes, yet that stress also comes with a new set of decision making, a new set of what is really important. Single, married, single parent, all those categories have one thing in common, as a human you have a choice in your happiness...make it a good one.

[hotpotato]

Yeah, this is the part that bugs me too. Fortunately my kids' dad never did this, but I know plenty who do. And you are right. If a woman nurses, her boobs grow exponentially. And no, there is no exercise on the planet that will EVER make them us "upright" as they were. Period.

 

Honestly, most of the women I know who worried about their post-pregnancy body were actually more worried about their HUSBAND's feelings about their post-pregnancy body.

 

Thank you, now that someone else has said it, maybe tfy will start arguing with me.

 

It's all very unfortunate all around. Woman doesn't like her new body, neither does hubby. That being said, most 35 year old women don't want to have the body of a 75 year old woman. It can get really bad if she's been pregnant and nursing for years on end, having kids back to back.

[autumnnight]

I have embraced my body for the most part. I'm still working and tweaking, and I am working on a few pounds right now.

 

But my body is a real woman's body. My body is the body of a successful middle-aged woman with a balanced life. And honestly, being imperfect has its perks. It can be used as a weeding out process. Anyone who cannot embrace the body I have and the life I have and the ME I am is, to put it bluntly, not worthy of the treasure that is me anyway

[hotpotato]

For some. I suppose...

 

Ball busting aside..Before you pass judgement, though, maybe you should first think that perhaps the other person might know something or have some experience that you don't...

 

Whats actually more surprising to me is that Ive noticed that the middle aged women (40-50's) , a great percentage of those women (moms) are actually looking better than the younger girls..I cant believe all of those women are mortgaging their houses for a 6 figure surgery budget,...20 something women seem more out of shape now than I ever remember..hmmm...

 

But back to the topic...

 

Life is all about sacrifices..Kids are an enormous sacrifice, but they are well worth it...While I didn't have to carry my kid for 9 months,. since she has been on this planet I have had to work way harder(maybe 2X as hard) than I have ever had to..We chose to not put her in daycare, so that meant I had to sell off stiff I enjoyed to raise some cash and as I said I have had to work much harder and will likely have to for quite some time...no big deal..

 

Nothing worth a shyt in this world comes without shedding some blood, so to speak....I choose to not complain and enjoy the benefit of that sacrifice..Well worth it...

 

TFY

 

How many times in this thread have I said that different people can have different experiences??? trollololol Who is ball busting here?

 

Yes, you can find older women who are more in shape, but generally it gets harder to stay in shape as one gets older (true for men and women). I'm not even sure what we are debating. Truth be told there's only so much exercise can do, esp when it comes to sagging skin.

 

 

Just so everyone knows, Im not saying dont have kids because you might have some negative physical consequences. I'm just sayin, theres a not so sunny side to childbearing, and women bear the brunt of it. Plenty of women love their kids but don't love the post-baby body.

[hotpotato]

I have embraced my body for the most part. I'm still working and tweaking, and I am working on a few pounds right now.

 

But my body is a real woman's body. My body is the body of a successful middle-aged woman with a balanced life. And honestly, being imperfect has its perks. It can be used as a weeding out process. Anyone who cannot embrace the body I have and the life I have and the ME I am is, to put it bluntly, not worthy of the treasure that is me anyway

 

I get what youre saying about real womens bodies.

I'm open about surgery. Im fine with guys knowing that I dont really look like this. Guys think they know what real womens bodies look like because they watch porn. What women look like in real life esp being mid 30s after 3 or 4 kids (and no surgery) is very different from what most guys imagine.

 

I get what you're saying about self acceptance, but after being on other boards...I'm very pro surgery.

[Tayla]

Thank you, now that someone else has said it, maybe tfy will start arguing with me.

 

It's all very unfortunate all around. Woman doesn't like her new body, neither does hubby. That being said, most 35 year old women don't want to have the body of a 75 year old woman. It can get really bad if she's been pregnant and nursing for years on end, having kids back to back.

 

True bodily changes transpire, and the amazing thing about the human body is...that we have ways to curtail drastic flaws, be it internal or external. Thats the beauty of our bodies! I earned every proud stretch mark I have, and am not "ashamed" of the wider hips or transistions from one phase to another. What others think of my body is not my business, unless its a doctor . For the most part and in general my happiness is not contingent on whether I maintain this ideal image,its unrealistic and simply not worth my time to be of concern. All it takes for any human is to go thru an auto accident, have a debilitating health concern, and suddenly the human body takes on a different meaning. Single people can get ill and deformed just as easily....Nothing is guaranteed by taking a particular path in life.