Just another worrier in an LDR

[UrbanAngel]

Stats on my LDR:

 

Met online: July 2004

Met in person: November 2005

Committed LDR: Yes

Since?: After meeting Nov. 2005

Time spent in person: Spent almost 2 months all together.

Met family and friends?: Yep on both of our sides

Distance: USA (me) BC, Canada (him)

Said "I Love You"? Yes, both of us.

Current plans?: We want to live together, here.

 

Problem: THE CALLING ISSUE

 

Details: Says he'll call (later, tomorrow, tonight) then won't. I have expressed how important that is to me. I feel very let down, and disrespected by this simple action. Longest we have gone without talking is only a day or so and mainly because he failed to call when he said he would and I got angry when he finally bothered to. Last night I was really depressed. I just moved to a new place, don't know very many people, I miss him and I was so upset I was crying. He tells me he is going for a movie and then to bed. 6 hours goes by and I turn on computer for music to sleep to and he is online. Sometimes he leaves messages for me online, but nothing. I message him and THEN he asks if I am feeling better. I wasn't. What he did not see was me bawling on the other end as I typed. Says he'll call tomorrow. And after some pretty serious arguments over this sort of thing he did not call. I actually broke up with him a week ago cause I had had it with the feeling that I wasn't important enough for him to call when he said he would. He conintued to call himself my boyfriend and told me to "BE GOOD" when I attended a party with a new guy friend I made. He says even though I wasn't considering him my boyfriend he planned to stay faithful to me until he could get here and we could talk about thing face to face. He did not want to break up to begin with. And I took him back 2 days ago because he was doing really well. Now this? I love him but f*cking hell what to do now???

 

Thanks for any feedback.

[Jtizzle]

I understand completely...ive been in ldr's and have had the same probs...i basically told my bf at the time, that if you cant call me for a millisecond to say hello to me and see how i am doing then this is not going to work..we would go months without phonecalls,emails, seeing each other,nc whatsoever..and thats not what relationships are about..

 

i understood that he had a life of his own, and i had mine just as well...but i had to make him see that because were far away for now, that the only way to stay CLOSE, was thru communication of any kind..after me bitchin that to him a million times and not gettin any progress done...i decided to give him a dose of his own medicine...after that he got on the ball pretty much..but fell off again..

 

and well i dont want to be with no man who says he loves me and will do something small as in a phonecall but doesnt do it..so i had to leave...

[MWC_LifeBeginsAt40]

My story as well. He is working away for a few months, and because he can't make it back every 2nd weekend as originally planned, I thought we could replace that with msn and phone calls. Well, he texts me to say he didn't notice the time and will call tomorrow. And he's been on msn maybe once a week. Emails dwindled.

 

Why can't he call me in the time it takes to text me for two f**ing minutes? sheesh! And then he doesn't call the next day, or return my text (said it was late). So what ? I turn my phone off anyway at night, and it would be nice to turn it on in the morning and have a nice text from him.

 

I started feeling like I was "chasing" and at my age that's just childish but now I'm thinking maybe he was enjoying it a bit too much. Although, my reply to his "sorry it's late" text, all I said was "sure" and he took that as a blow-off and got p'd off. So he's allowed to be p'd off and I'm not I guess. And he said the next day "I can do without the bullsh*t". Okay, well I can do without it too.

 

So yeah, we broke it off too because of me feeling so unimportant in his life.

[UrbanAngel]

I am beinging to think this may just be a common male issue. Maybe guys just don't see phone calls like we do, or make the correlation between a phone call and us wanting to feel close. Some guys just aren't intune to the amount of empathy women can crave. I guess if it continues to bug me, and he continues to do this then I will have to decide wether it is important enough in the end not to continue my LDR.

 

So finally at 8pm he called. He finally found a job, so now he will have money which is going to get him here. I spent my whole day being angry that he did not call to check and see how I was during the usual morning call I get, so when he finally did call I had a hard time not letting it go. (I know this is partly a maturity thing on my part see below).

 

My bitch side says: (About time! He could have gotten one a month ago but was to picky to take just anything, and I am here thinking who cares!? Don't you want to be here with me as soon as you can? AND...why didn't you call and let me know the good news during your usual morning call which didn't happen, along with seeing how I was???)

 

This is all so confusing.

 

He is moving here from another country to be with me (getting married to remain legally as well and at 23 that can be a really scarey thought), but, he lagged for a month with little effort as possible to really show he was trying to get everything to together to get here, but, he admitted he is a bit afraid of leaving everything routine and comfortable behind, but, he knows he wants to be with me here as soon as he can, but, he tends to just guess when that will be or say what I want to hear (like "I am hoping to be there in 2 weeks"), but, in reality he isn't sure, but, I know he says this to make me feel better.

 

It's hard. Reality is I KNOW he loves me, I KNOW I love him. But all this uncertainty is weighing on both of us. Uncertainty of when he will be able to get here mainly. I don't feel like he is playing games with me though I think he is a bit intimidated by the situation, just as I am, and with that brings doubt and insecurity, and then not knowing how to handle it he unconciously avoids dealing by not thinking about it.

 

I know one thing, if this dosen't work out (...and I really hope it does! If we can get through this I see a very promising future.) ...I never want to have an LDR again! Not like I planned this in the first place, him and his damn charming personality made be fall in love eventually, without even knowing what he looked like at first!