friend182 Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 I am a freshman in college. I am 25 and have been married for almost 2 years. My husband is 45. His 10 year old daughter from his 1st marriage lives with us. Here is the deal. I want to have a baby, but my husband wants me to finish school first. I am looking at business school and will have to take a slow track to ensure that I make all A's and get admitted to the school. This means that I have probably 5 or 6 years of school left. I want to finish school eventually, but I don't see why I couldn't stay at home with the baby and then go to school when the child starts elementary school. I don't have to work so that is not a problem. My husband feels like since I am not overly-motherly he will again end up being Mr. Mom as he was with his daughter. Her mother left when she was 3 and he has full custody. I feel like I am having to pay for his first wife's mistakes. He said that I have to prove that I would be a good mother. How can I do that without having a baby? I do help him take care of his daughter, but I have to admit, I do not love her like I would my own child. She goes to her mother's every weekend so she does have a mother and I don't want to replace her. I feel like I should not have to prove anything to him. I have to admit, when we were married I was not particularly interested in having children. But now I am older and thinking about long term matters and what is really important in life and I think that I would like to have one. I am an only child and don't have much family other than my mother and father. They had me very late in life and I am afraid of being left alone one day. Please Help!!! Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 First let me say that while I know it sounds simple that you'll just have a baby and then return to school it isn't that easy.. Secondly.. you said when you first got married to your husband you were not all about having a child and while it is your right to change your mind... he also married you with the idea that you really didn't want a child of your own right? Having a baby is a big responsibility, it changes your life in ways you cannot begin to imagine.. in some ways it seems that your husband feels this is a passing fancy (if you will) and if given enough time to think about it you'll change your mind.. You and your husband need to really sit down and talk about this... while I can see your point that you want to be a Mom... I guess I can also see his that this wasn't on the table (so to speak) when the 2 of you got married and he already knows how hard it is to be a parent... Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 you are 25 years old! What is the rush? Enjoy your childless life while you can! If you wait 5-6 years you'll only be 31... I am 27 now and I'm planning on waiting at least until I am 33. Of course your husband will be 51, but I guess you signed up for an old father for your kids when you married him... Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 please don't look at this as being anti-baby, but if you're serious about college, you need to get your degree under your belt before taking on the responsibility of a baby. I've seen women try to do both and become frustrated because if they focus on one, they feel the other is left at a disadvantage. And it's often schooling that gets jettisoned because a child has much more immediate needs than does work on a degree. You can do both, but it's hard, very very hard. Would you consider the option of spending the next two years taking the maximum number of course hours you can -- including summer classes, so you can knock out a good deal of studies, then start trying to get pregnant your senior year? By getting the bulk of studies out of your way and by planning so that you save the gravy courses for your final year, you're not under such a strain to perform academically and being pregnant/planning for a baby wouldn't be as hard as if you were trying to do that at the start of your college career. . I am an only child and don't have much family other than my mother and father. They had me very late in life and I am afraid of being left alone one day. that's a pretty strong pressure to deal with ... but you can have both if you plan properly in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
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