need help and it is bad again

[lynnspies1]

I need help, and it is bad....

After several weeks of what I thought was no contact between my @#$%&* husband and the @#$%^&* other woman, I find an email from her today on my husbands email that says ...

 

This isnt easy. But I think we need to stop talking at all. I dont want

to

take the chance that annette will find out and I DONT want to be the

other woman.

 

You are so wonderful and sweet and maybe in a different time in both

our lives things could of been different, unfortunately they arent. You

need to concentrate on your family and finding a job. I need to concentrate on

getting myself healthy, not to mention the mess I have created for

myself

 

I will always think of you as a great wonderful loving person and Im

glad that we got to spend some time together. I wish you all the best the

world has to offer. I cant see you, it would be too difficult and you know

exactly what I mean.

 

Drop me an email every so often and let me know how you're doing.

 

Im sooo sorry... You take care.

 

I will always think of you with warm fond thoughts.

 

So here we go again. I thought we were doing well and he has the balls to due this. I am beyond pissed off and to make matters worse he is scheduled to go to the town were she lives on Friday on business. From the looks of the letter he made plans to see her. I have had it. I don't want to be made of fool of anymore. I hate him and I hate her. I have no idea what to do next. He does not know I saw the above letter. He provided me all of his passwords so that I could check his email and I have been doing it every couple days. I guess he forgot to tell her that I had the F***ing password. I know what you all will say but I need to hear it anyway. ....You will tell me to pack my three kids and walk away from my 15 year marriage. But I guess it is not really a marriage now ...is it?

 

I am going to go have a drink, go to bed in my bed, and sleep on it.

 

Lynn

[whichwayisup]

You TELL him you found the email. How it made you feel, all of it. Did he have any intention of telling you? He's pretty stupid by leaving that email in there isn't he? I'm not sure what he is doing...Either purposely letting this go so you could catch him or if he thinks you aren't checking up on him.

 

OK comments on the email...Seems she's cutting all contact off ... YET asks him to drop a hello note once in while. She's not walking away from him, she's LETTING him know to keep intouch INCASE things don't work out with you ahd him. She contradicted herself as plan as day!

 

Did you check in his sent box? What was his reply to her.

 

Anyway, you have alot of thinking to do, I really don't know what else to say. You only know when to say ENOUGH and by the sounds of it you're pretty darn close to that point.

[Merin]

F*ck that..

 

I would print the freakin email and hand it to him!

 

This isn't okay.. you shouldn't be feeling all sh*tty and keeping it to yourself.

This is eating you up..

 

As WWIU has said the only person who knows when enough is enough is you... but for real obviously his making things okay for you and doing the right things for the 2 of you isn't his priority and honestly the OW isn't his priority either.. HE is his only priority...

 

3 Little Peeps too... Ugh!

 

I won't say time to divorce his dumb a** because that's your call to make... but maybe it is time to seperate yourself from this and figure out what is going to be okay for you and your wee peeps...

 

Sorry you're going through this...

[RecordProducer]

Wait a minute! If he gave you his passwords, it means he didn't intend to communicate with her anymore. In the email she makes it sound like they are still talking so that would be on the phone, right?

She didn't say anything about seeing her and no, it didn't sound like he wanted to see her. To me it sounds like she wants to create trouble in your home. She wants you to think that he WANTS to communicate with her, that he calls her and now she wants to stop the contact. She sounds like she is cool with the break-up but if she were she wouldn't have written that email.

I bet he told her on the phone, once only, that he gave you all the passwords. Why do you think she didn't email him before after they broke up? She KNEW she wasn't allowed to.

She doesn't want to be the OW and she wants him only for herself. So what does it cost her to try and divorce you by using "force" (lies)?

She can't lie totally so she probably called him on the phone and he ditched her and now she uses it as a "we need to stop talking" excuse. She didn't say "You need to stop calling me if you don't want to be with me."

Also what she said "I dont want to take the chance that annette will find out and I DONT want to be the other woman" is bullkrap. She wanted you to find the email. She knew you would.

The part where she talks about how sweet and loving he is is just to piss you off. To show you that he loves her. She doesn't want to be the OW, he just ditched her for you and she calls him sweet and wonderful? What is she, an idiot? She must think of him as a complete ass who pulled her nose and finally dumped her!

She's playing a dangerous game. Don't bite her bait. She thinks you will, because your husband already has a cheater's reputation.

In any case, talk to your husband and see what he has to say to that. I hope I am right.

[Dream_iz_36]

Be very careful. I was in the same type of situation. He could have given you the password, knowing you would check his email, then have her send the email saying it was over. Both of them knowing you would intercept the email first. These men are very sly. Could be the perfect cover up. You also might want to check the computer history to see if he is now talking to her under a differnet name that you have no clue about. And if he talks to her on messanger make sure the archives is turned on and check it. I was able to catch my ex with the help of the main computer history, (he would delete the daily history and didn't know there was a main history LOL) and with my messanger achives.

 

And as for him going out of town, isn't there any way you could go also. If he plans to meet her, he will make up a ton of reasons you can't or shouldn't go.

 

Honey just don't let him make you feel like a fool. If your intuition is telling you something, i usually found mine was right on, no matter how much i denied it and ignored it. You deserve a honest man that is totally into you and only you. Take care and good luck! ---- Brandi

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by Dream_iz_36

I was able to catch my ex with the help of the main computer history

 

Please note that Brandi said "my EX"!

[Dream_iz_36]

Yes I did say ex, but it wasn't after 3 years of my foolishly hoping he would change, we were married 14 years with 2 boys and a great life. I thought anyway. LOL I truely wanted it to work out between us, but one lie leads to another, the you just begin to loose yourself. All that seems to matter is keeping track of a grown man, where is he, what is he doing, why is he late? I lost myself in all this mess! But i must say life is so much easier not babysitting a grown man who does know exactly what he is doing to the ones he is supposed to love. Best of luck to you. ----Brandi [color=indigo][/color]

[lynnspies1]

Thought I would go to bed and sleep on it but instead I type a nice polite email from my husband to the OW and had him come up to the office and read both letters.

 

He said he had not had any contact since the last phone call and that he had no intention of seeing her or contacting her again. He said he was not going away on Friday and he would postpone his trip until I felt more comfortable and said I was welcome to come with him if I wanted to.

 

I want to believe him but still can not bring myself to just yet. I need more time.

 

Thanks for all of your replies, I am still on the fence about this whole thing. It sucks!

 

Lynn (oh and by the was I guess you now know my first name now!)

[lynnspies1]

RP

 

You are damn good!

 

I hope you are right also!

 

Lynn

[HotCaliGirl]

Sorry for what you are going through Lynnspies1. I have a feeling that your husband was planning on seeing her on his trip, and since it is SO obvious, and you found the email, he has decided not to go to play it off since he can't get away with it anymore. I can imagine how difficult this must be, and how much you want to believe what he tells you.

 

I think the OW was giving him a guilt trip and trying to scare him, like if he doesn't choose to be with her, she is ok with no longer seeing him. She's not trying to trick you, although RP's theory is very entertaining. She is trying to trick your husband, by making him want her and he was ready to fly to her on his "business trip."

 

Try to be strong and work things out. Her goal is for you to be miserable and to divorce him so she could have him to herself. Men can be dumb and if you don't work on your marriage, it will fail. But put some fear in him if that's what it will take for him to tell the bitch to stay away. Tell him that if she sends one more email or calls or ANYTHING that the marriage will be over. Then he'll think twice before he goes on a business trip in the same city she lives in.

[I Survived]

lynnspies1

It could possibly have been the OW trying to make trouble and get a rise out of you. My H recently had a 6 month phone/internet affair with a woman he dated when he was 19. He too was out of work when he fell prey to her reconnection. I found out because he got sloppy with an email and he ended it. SHE pesterec ME for a YEAR after that!!!!!!! She maintained that he would always love her, always be in her heart, and she would always be there for him. The woman is a whackjob. Our MC said NO CONTACT!!! which is where we are now. She sent me emails, threatened to tell my H ex, came on vacation to our part of the country..... she did not like being dumped. My theory is your husband's ex-floosie is trying to stir things up for you and him. IGNORE HER!!! If your husband said he will not go because you feel uncomfortable that is good. If he said you can go with him when he goes to the city where he lives, that is good too. It sounds like he's trying. Trust your gut. Get beyond the emotion and don't let it wind you up. That's what she wants to do. NO CONTACT!!!!! and don't read any emails from her - delete them immediately. It's the best way. You and your husband want to repair your "house", she wants to tear it down. I know that it's hard - it will be a while before the little things won't remind you of his infidelity and cause you pain. But if you feel he is sincere and wants to make things right again, believe him. When a man is out of work, it's the most helpless feeling for a wife. A man identifies with having a job and there is nothing we can do or say to make things right. The affair was not about you or her, it was about him trying to fill his ego. Hang in there.

[whitetulip]

Hi there

 

Please do not use drink to help solving your pain. My husband had an affair once and believe me that I know how painful it is. Be strong and do not let anyone ruin your live. I never read your story before so I do not think I know the details. IS he nice to you ? DO you think he still loves you ?

[Ladyjane14]

You did just fine, Lynn. I know it's really painful to find things like that. All your doubts are reawakened.

 

This is the sort of thing that I meant when said that you have to be "thick--skinned" at times. It's little incidences like that one which threaten to destroy your equanimity as well as your resolve.

 

By showing him the letter, and being honest....you gave him an opportunity to fix the problem. By remaining calm, you proved that you're a worthy team-mate, and that he's NOT alone in finding solutions.

 

I know that you're probably concerned that he's still playing you. Anyone in your position would feel that way.

 

If he is, you'll find out sooner or later. But if he's not.....assuming THE WORST will hurt your recovery, possibly even destroy it.

 

It's good that he's postponing his trip, btw. He very likely did have plans to meet with OW. But you don't know for sure what his intentions were, so you can't act on it without causing further damage.

 

Instead, give positive reinforcement to his choice to be supportive of you here, by being supportive of him in turn. He needs to be talking to you about EVERYTHING, and trusting that you will still be there when he does.

 

You're not some 'well-worn' book that he knows every page by heart. Do the unexpected. Be supportive when he thought you'd be mad. Laugh when he thought you would cry. Cry when he thought you would smile.

 

He didn't think he could still find fun and diversion at home. He didn't think he could still find intimacy and partnership. Prove that he can.

 

And if he screws you over.....there's time then, AFTER you know for sure....to kick his sorry butt to the curb.

[Mz. Pixie]

Awwwww Lynn- I'm sorry honey..................

 

I want to believe that he hasn't been contacting her. Afterall, she sent it to him and not the other way around.

 

Hang in there!