Being the other man - What to know?

[Space Ritual]

Well of course only you can make up you mind about what you want to do in this situation. However, I will say the fact that my post gave you pause to even consider it is actually an encouraging sign.

 

She may throw you under the bus in any event. Cheaters will more likely do so when faced with the reality of consequences for their actions. Sure she may have feelings for you but those feelings only go so far when someone is faced with getting tossed out of their home on their ass or being subjected to the embarrassment of being discovered.

 

Let me ask you...what are your TRUE feelings for her?

 

Because if this does in fact end up with the nuclear option, she is going to expect YOU to be her Knight in Shining Armor. I mean, was she just a piece of ass to you that you would not mind tapping once in awhile? There is a vast difference between being the Other Man and becoming The Man. If they split and she is beating down the door of the rented condo expressing her love for you, are you sure you want to take that step? Never mind a Jealous BF for second, are you prepared for this eventuality? Because if something like that does happen, YOU are going to be the first person she contacts.

 

Again we can only dispense advice based on the information provided. I just hope you really take a hard look and think about if this is all worth the potential awful drama that could ensue. Unless her pussy is lined with mink and diamonds I would really think twice. lol.

 

Sorry for the levity but the power of the pussy can be tremendous, as you well know.

 

Good luck and please let us know how everything turns out. And most of all, please be safe.

[jetsetter]

Well of course only you can make up you mind about what you want to do in this situation. However, I will say the fact that my post gave you pause to even consider it is actually an encouraging sign.

 

She may throw you under the bus in any event. Cheaters will more likely do so when faced with the reality of consequences for their actions. Sure she may have feelings for you but those feelings only go so far when someone is faced with getting tossed out of their home on their ass or being subjected to the embarrassment of being discovered.

 

Let me ask you...what are your TRUE feelings for her?

 

Because if this does in fact end up with the nuclear option, she is going to expect YOU to be her Knight in Shining Armor. I mean, was she just a piece of ass to you that you would not mind tapping once in awhile? There is a vast difference between being the Other Man and becoming The Man. If they split and she is beating down the door of the rented condo expressing her love for you, are you sure you want to take that step? Never mind a Jealous BF for second, are you prepared for this eventuality? Because if something like that does happen, YOU are going to be the first person she contacts.

 

Again we can only dispense advice based on the information provided. I just hope you really take a hard look and think about if this is all worth the potential awful drama that could ensue. Unless her pussy is lined with mink and diamonds I would really think twice. lol.

 

Sorry for the levity but the power of the pussy can be tremendous, as you well know.

 

Good luck and please let us know how everything turns out. And most of all, please be safe.

 

It definitely did help me pause and think about things and this post even more so. You're right, cheaters will mostly fend for themselves when faced with the reality of their consequences.

 

I do genuinely like her in many ways and if she showed up at my door I wouldn't leave her out there. I guess in the end I would be okay to be the main man but I'm avoiding thinking about it, as for now I try to keep feelings out of things as much as possible.She'd have to come an awful long way for that though, I'm back in my own city which is a solid 6 or 7 hour drive (I normally fly) but I'll be moving to her city in the coming months as I need to for my own career ambitions.

 

Haha, the levity is fine but if I'm to be candid about it, yes it pretty much is lined with mink and diamonds. She's now the best I've been with by a long shot, and it helps but I've been keeping this out of the proverbial pros and cons list as I'm trying to think this through rationally with a hint of emotion.

 

Thank you again for all the advice and I most definitely will keep you up to date and stay safe.

[sandylee1]

I hate to say this but try not to let her know too much about you. Like where you live and work. .

 

It worries me that she has said he'd break your arms and legs and that you feel if you dumped her, she could tell him another story.

 

There less she knows about you the better. If you meet her again, don't take her to your house. Make it a hotel, so she can't track you down. Consider using another cell number to contact her on, not the one all your friends use.

 

If it hits the fan, you don't want her BF tracking you down. This will help protect you.

 

Remember - the less she knows the better. Don't introduce her to your friends, don't connect with her on social media. Make your settings private and remove your profile pic or make it a non identifiable one.

[jetsetter]

I hate to say this but try not to let her know too much about you. Like where you live and work. .

 

It worries me that she has said he'd break your arms and legs and that you feel if you dumped her, she could tell him another story.

 

There less she knows about you the better. If you meet her again, don't take her to your house. Make it a hotel, so she can't track you down. Consider using another cell number to contact her on, not the one all your friends use.

 

If it hits the fan, you don't want her BF tracking you down. This will help protect you.

 

Remember - the less she knows the better. Don't introduce her to your friends, don't connect with her on social media. Make your settings private and remove your profile pic or make it a non identifiable one.

 

I'm definitely trying to figure that out and find a way to limit what she finds out about me.

 

It worries me as well, the only reason I believe she may tell him a different story is that she's very much into me. In the past I've had women do some pretty dirty things after ending it randomly, when they were this into me so I'm basing this off experience.

 

It's the reason I rented the condo and will be renting a different one in a different location each time. Regarding the phone, it's hard for me to carry another one, however, location tracking is off and her notifications are instantly hidden. She know's where I work but we have a good amount of security both at the front door and in front of my office.

 

Unfortunately, my main limit is social media. One of my hobbies is lifestyle photography and over the last couple year's I've built a brand (just for fun) on the side. It's surprisingly easy to find out what I look like and I'm not sure how I can limit this without ruining my lifestyle photography brand. I'm going to try and see if I can remove anything with a face but working in business, it's not possible in all locations (e.g. Linkedin) without damaging my career.

 

Is there anything else I should account for?

[sandylee1]

Renting a different condo is a good idea.

 

I'm not sure she'd tell her BF about you. It was probably just single girls who went crazy on you. She'd probably just fade away.

 

Social media really is the kicker if they want to hunt you down. You seem hell bent on keeping this going if I were in your situation and wanted to get out of it with ease......I'd make up a story about being gravely ill or about having to leave the country on a work assignment, as a way to end it.

 

It's more drama than you need and some angry BFs can cause hell.

Whenever I think about doing something a bit wrong or risky, I ask what's the worse that could happen and if it happened, how would I cope. Your worse in this scenario isn't so good.

 

It's like preparing for battle. Is it really worth it for a shag?

[Cymbeline]

"It's like preparing for battle. Is it really worth it for a shag?"

 

I so agree! This is ridiculous.

[beatcuff]

I'm wondering what I need to know about being in this situation? .

 

carhill gave some, here are mine:

 

positives: when she wants to see you she will not be emotional (that time of the month) or 'feeling ugly' (cold sore). she could be a 'little' wild (a/k/a let her hair down). because it is not daily there should be plenty to 'catch up on' so the conversations should flow. she is on the clock so much less 'games' with sex. basically you will get the good.

 

negatives: you are on her timetable. you could go weeks with no contact. last minute cancellations or 'cutting it short' will occur often. would not expect too much 'cuddle time' (that may not be a bad thing). she will not recognize 'special days'. you will have to be prepared to suddenly be a cousin (if spotted in public).

 

the 'he will xxxx you' are really overblown. it is similar to having to deal with a crazed ex.

 

basically you are the backup quarterback: you have to ready willing and able but with little notice and will be replaced (by her man) with even less.

[carhill]

Yeah, the timetable thing was one area I neglected to mention, and a big one, especially if the MW has children too. This used to be more of an issue when MW's were SAHM's but work and travel for work have opened up new pathways for those MW's who want to expand their timetable and make things more convenient for OM's.

 

I see it as sort of a double-edged sword. The work stuff provides more opportunities but it also takes up more time, compared to the flexibility time-wise a SAHM has. That's why, when I was young, the common joke was the milkman always had a smile on his face. Hard to imagine but yeah, a guy would deliver milk to the door a couple times a week and 'being the milkman's baby' was a common infidelity joke, but it underlined an important parameter: Opportunity.

 

That old stereotype also underlines another area - variety. A successful OM, to use today's vernacular, keeps a number of plates spinning. This respects that people come and go and also that timetable thing because things come up and the OM necessarily will usually place behind the family in priority. That's part of the bargain.

 

IMO, if LDR as apparently in this case, if not pressing flesh regularly, it's basically an electron fantasy for the most part. For the married woman, such can be an EA, though most I've known would never consider such an affair, perhaps a 'fling' or 'ONS', but spousal responses vary widely. The OP could set up a deal like Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn did in 'Same Time Next Year' where they met up at the same time and place each year for a tryst over many years.

[NewLeaf512]

Well to be blunt...be prepared to possibly be murdered

 

 

can you clarify?

[dubliner]

The other thing you may want to consider is, should you meet someone and want to start a serious relationship, family etc, your being an accomplice in infidelity could bite you hard.

Your lack of concern for boundaries could cause serious trust issues.

It would be a major red flag and raise questions about your character.

You are writing your own history, make sure its one you can live with.

[Got it]

It will be what you two set it up to be. So you could be based around her timetable, or not. You could get left alone on holidays, or not, etc.

 

I think you need to have a clear understanding on what you want in a short term and long term relationship, what she can and can't do, and what the pros and cons are to the relationship. Then assess it if it works for you.

 

I would advice that until she can be fully committed see her as icing on the cake of your life. Make sure you are focusing on other areas and making sure that she does not become the top priority. So if she is free spur of the moment, and you had plans, carry on with your plans.

 

And I would advice, if this is truly something on the side, that you definitely continue to date others.

 

Affairs can work for some people as their lives are full enough that they don't want/have time for a full time partner. But it can be hard, takes a high level of communication and transparency with each other, and a lot of team work.

 

I would also say, that it is okay if at any point it no longer works for you. Stand by that. Her being in another relationship is her baby to rock, not you, and so she should be the one jumping through the hoops, not you.

 

Really think about if this is putting yourself in the best situation, given your history, and advocate for yourself. I would caution to examine if you aren't repeating old patterns and then make your decision.

[Furious]

I met a woman from another city while she was visiting mine and well I recently visited hers. We had an amazing night out and ended back at the condo I rented and 'had some fun'.

 

Afterwards, we started talking and I found out she has a long term boyfriend. She mentioned how things haven't been going well for years and felt trapped. Our relationship is an escape from her, she likes me and wants to keep it up and talk daily. She left as she couldn't disappear too long and well I agreed to keeping this up.

 

I know I can be judged for this, but I've learned it's easy to judge until you're in the situation yourself. I've never cheated, though I've been cheated on.

 

I'm wondering what I need to know about being in this situation? I like her as well and use her as an escape from my life as well but it's the first time I've been in such a situation.

 

I'm not sure if it's relevant but some background info on my past relationships: serious relationship 1 and 2 were both abusive partners and ended due to infidelity by them, I then casually saw many women but the ones that stuck more than a night or couple weeks include far older woman with a child who wasn't over her ex, fell for a girl leaving the country and then met this current girl. I'm in my mid 20s.

 

 

Be generous with making her feel special, things like you've never felt this way about any other woman. Talk about how it was meant to be and you feel you've met your soulmate. Buy her little gifts, but not gifts that she'd have to hide or explain to her boyfriend. Maybe some poetry and love letters.

 

If you're not sure about taking things beyond an affair do not future fake.

 

Listen to her, make her feel she's too good for her boyfriend, text her often, and ask about her day and listen to her problems.

 

Make sure you present yourself at your best, showered and fresh, use cologne and keep your breath fresh.

 

Tell her she's beautiful and you can't stop thinking about her.

[Sassy Girl]

I'm definitely trying to figure that out and find a way to limit what she finds out about me.

 

It worries me as well, the only reason I believe she may tell him a different story is that she's very much into me. In the past I've had women do some pretty dirty things after ending it randomly, when they were this into me so I'm basing this off experience.

 

It's the reason I rented the condo and will be renting a different one in a different location each time. Regarding the phone, it's hard for me to carry another one, however, location tracking is off and her notifications are instantly hidden. She know's where I work but we have a good amount of security both at the front door and in front of my office.

 

Unfortunately, my main limit is social media. One of my hobbies is lifestyle photography and over the last couple year's I've built a brand (just for fun) on the side. It's surprisingly easy to find out what I look like and I'm not sure how I can limit this without ruining my lifestyle photography brand. I'm going to try and see if I can remove anything with a face but working in business, it's not possible in all locations (e.g. Linkedin) without damaging my career.

 

Is there anything else I should account for?

 

Do not underestimate a spurned spouses ability to ruin you on social media. I think the physical aspect is he least of your worries. That 'brand' you e been building over years will be destroyed quite easily. For what?

 

I hope she's worth it

[gettingstronger]

Something is off here- you are busy and desirable- what is so special about this person that you are willing to take such a risk-surely there are more suitable partners for a person like you-

 

If for some reason its the "taking what belongs to someone else" thing- I think maybe you should give the why behind that some thought- that type of thinking and action is not very healthy-

[Popsicle]

I get the feeling that you enjoy this expressly because it can't lead to a real full-on relationship. At least that's why some single guys deliberately go for married women. Is there some truth to this for you?

[bubbaganoosh]

Knew a guy that lived in the apartment next to me. Was seeing a married woman. All was fine for a while and then one day he's out in the driveway washing his car and a pickup truck pulls up. Some guy gets out of the truck dragging his wife, yeah same one that my neighbor was messing with, and next thing is my neighbor getting the living daylights beat out of him. Then as he's trying to get up off the drive way, the husband hits my neighbor with three suitcases and told him that he could keep her and he drove off. So after a first class ass whipping, he also got stuck with a first class bimbo too that he really didn't want but there you have it. Some fun huh?

[Cymbeline]

You could just sit down with a nice cup of tea and call your Mum/grandma for a chat? Risk and excitement isn't all that in the end.

[jen1447]

The righteously vengeful husband story seems to appeal to a lot of ppl, but more often than not it doesn't go down that way. Most aren't MMA fighters (and many have never been in a fight at all), but a lot think they're bad-***es or think that their rage will make them bad, but when the fights go down they end up getting their butts kicked by the guy who's doing their wives. Which obvs is about the worst thing that could happen ego-wise.

[Lois_Griffin]

The righteously vengeful husband story seems to appeal to a lot of ppl, but more often than not it doesn't go down that way. Most aren't MMA fighters (and many have never been in a fight at all), but a lot think they're bad-***es or think that their rage will make them bad, but when the fights go down they end up getting their butts kicked by the guy who's doing their wives. Which obvs is about the worst thing that could happen ego-wise.

That is NOT the norm. Way to encourage the OP into thinking he's invincible from an angry husband fueled by jealous rage. Jesus.

 

A definite advantage the husband/boyfriend has going for him is the element of surprise. Don't ever underestimate that. Like the story in the earlier post in this thread, the OM was minding his own business out in the parking lot washing his truck - he wasn't up in his Fight Club Room doing push-ups and smearing war paint on his face getting ready for battle. He was completely UNPREPARED when the angry husband appeared out of nowhere and took him by surprise, beating the snot out of him while he probably STILL had the wet sponge in his hand.

 

So go ahead OP, and take your chances. Apparently, in Fantasy Land the odds are in your favor that you'll be able to beat the snot out of any angry, jealous husband or boyfriend who comes gunning for you.

[Got it]

That is NOT the norm. Way to encourage the OP into thinking he's invincible from an angry husband fueled by jealous rage. Jesus.

 

A definite advantage the husband/boyfriend has going for him is the element of surprise. Don't ever underestimate that. Like the story in the earlier post in this thread, the OM was minding his own business out in the parking lot washing his truck - he wasn't up in his Fight Club Room doing push-ups and smearing war paint on his face getting ready for battle. He was completely UNPREPARED when the angry husband appeared out of nowhere and took him by surprise, beating the snot out of him while he probably STILL had the wet sponge in his hand.

 

So go ahead OP, and take your chances. Apparently, in Fantasy Land the odds are in your favor that you'll be able to beat the snot out of any angry, jealous husband or boyfriend who comes gunning for you.

 

What hyped up mass hysteria. :laugh:

 

Getting in a physical confrontation is not the norm so enough with the National Enquirer stories. I love when people trot out these stories.

 

The norm? All fun and games in the beginning, then the limitations start to be grating, needs aren't met and the limitations are really frustrating, rinse and repeat until one of the two parties decides it isn't worth the effort, throw in a near dday or dday, and then it really doesn't seem like worth pursuing and everything ends with a fizzle and a gasp.

[jen1447]

That is NOT the norm. Way to encourage the OP into thinking he's invincible from an angry husband fueled by jealous rage. Jesus.

 

A definite advantage the husband/boyfriend has going for him is the element of surprise. Don't ever underestimate that. Like the story in the earlier post in this thread, the OM was minding his own business out in the parking lot washing his truck - he wasn't up in his Fight Club Room doing push-ups and smearing war paint on his face getting ready for battle. He was completely UNPREPARED when the angry husband appeared out of nowhere and took him by surprise, beating the snot out of him while he probably STILL had the wet sponge in his hand.

 

So go ahead OP, and take your chances. Apparently, in Fantasy Land the odds are in your favor that you'll be able to beat the snot out of any angry, jealous husband or boyfriend who comes gunning for you.

 

Lois, what do you actually know about "the norm?" I don't encourage OP to be reckless, but the likelihood of him being sought out and then beaten up by the other guy isn't really that strong, despite the exciting anecdotal stories.

[jetsetter]

Renting a different condo is a good idea.

 

I'm not sure she'd tell her BF about you. It was probably just single girls who went crazy on you. She'd probably just fade away.

 

Social media really is the kicker if they want to hunt you down. You seem hell bent on keeping this going if I were in your situation and wanted to get out of it with ease......I'd make up a story about being gravely ill or about having to leave the country on a work assignment, as a way to end it.

 

It's more drama than you need and some angry BFs can cause hell.

Whenever I think about doing something a bit wrong or risky, I ask what's the worse that could happen and if it happened, how would I cope. Your worse in this scenario isn't so good.

 

It's like preparing for battle. Is it really worth it for a shag?

 

I think you're right, but he's been suspicious about who she's been talking to. My name can be considered a female name just as much as a male so she used that when he noticed the name on the phone. I've made sure we have no social media links and talked to her about communication and ensuring we keep loose ends tied up.

 

I'm someone who always looks out for other first so I'm making sure she doesn't get screwed by avoiding some simple tech basics. I've cleaned up some of my profiles to remove very clear images and any images within my neighbourhood. That's a genius way to end it... She knows I've been trying to move to a city right next to hers for my own reasons but I could always say I got another job.

 

I've been trying to think calmly about it and I'm not too concerned. I find the relationship isn't exactly stressful, it's escape from my daily stress.

 

carhill gave some, here are mine:

 

positives: when she wants to see you she will not be emotional (that time of the month) or 'feeling ugly' (cold sore). she could be a 'little' wild (a/k/a let her hair down). because it is not daily there should be plenty to 'catch up on' so the conversations should flow. she is on the clock so much less 'games' with sex. basically you will get the good.

 

negatives: you are on her timetable. you could go weeks with no contact. last minute cancellations or 'cutting it short' will occur often. would not expect too much 'cuddle time' (that may not be a bad thing). she will not recognize 'special days'. you will have to be prepared to suddenly be a cousin (if spotted in public).

 

the 'he will xxxx you' are really overblown. it is similar to having to deal with a crazed ex.

 

basically you are the backup quarterback: you have to ready willing and able but with little notice and will be replaced (by her man) with even less.

 

Thanks so much for the answer! The positives are really good for me haha. Even the negatives, timetable, limited contact etc are all things that sort of benefit me. I don't exactly have much free time.

 

I think you're right, the more I've been thinking about it, I feel like that beat down situations are a small fraction of all altercations.

 

Yeah, the timetable thing was one area I neglected to mention, and a big one, especially if the MW has children too. This used to be more of an issue when MW's were SAHM's but work and travel for work have opened up new pathways for those MW's who want to expand their timetable and make things more convenient for OM's.

 

I see it as sort of a double-edged sword. The work stuff provides more opportunities but it also takes up more time, compared to the flexibility time-wise a SAHM has. That's why, when I was young, the common joke was the milkman always had a smile on his face. Hard to imagine but yeah, a guy would deliver milk to the door a couple times a week and 'being the milkman's baby' was a common infidelity joke, but it underlined an important parameter: Opportunity.

 

That old stereotype also underlines another area - variety. A successful OM, to use today's vernacular, keeps a number of plates spinning. This respects that people come and go and also that timetable thing because things come up and the OM necessarily will usually place behind the family in priority. That's part of the bargain.

 

IMO, if LDR as apparently in this case, if not pressing flesh regularly, it's basically an electron fantasy for the most part. For the married woman, such can be an EA, though most I've known would never consider such an affair, perhaps a 'fling' or 'ONS', but spousal responses vary widely. The OP could set up a deal like Alan Alda and Ellen Burstyn did in 'Same Time Next Year' where they met up at the same time and place each year for a tryst over many years.

 

I remember hearing the milkman joke even when I was young but yes, you're right about opportunity. It is good to always keep a number of plates spinning. My life is a line of plates I keep spinning and she's just another one for me.

 

It's sort of LDR, pressing flesh a couple times a month which is how often I need to head to the city next to her for interviews and well as often as she can slip away from everyone.

 

The other thing you may want to consider is, should you meet someone and want to start a serious relationship, family etc, your being an accomplice in infidelity could bite you hard.

Your lack of concern for boundaries could cause serious trust issues.

It would be a major red flag and raise questions about your character.

You are writing your own history, make sure its one you can live with.

 

That's actually something that crossed my mind. I've never told girls about any of my past, it's clean but I don't open up. The girl that I would want to be serious with a family etc I'd want to be honest with her but I have no idea how the ***k I'd explain this without concern about my trustworthiness. :/

 

It will be what you two set it up to be. So you could be based around her timetable, or not. You could get left alone on holidays, or not, etc.

 

I think you need to have a clear understanding on what you want in a short term and long term relationship, what she can and can't do, and what the pros and cons are to the relationship. Then assess it if it works for you.

 

I would advice that until she can be fully committed see her as icing on the cake of your life. Make sure you are focusing on other areas and making sure that she does not become the top priority. So if she is free spur of the moment, and you had plans, carry on with your plans.

 

And I would advice, if this is truly something on the side, that you definitely continue to date others.

 

Affairs can work for some people as their lives are full enough that they don't want/have time for a full time partner. But it can be hard, takes a high level of communication and transparency with each other, and a lot of team work.

 

I would also say, that it is okay if at any point it no longer works for you. Stand by that. Her being in another relationship is her baby to rock, not you, and so she should be the one jumping through the hoops, not you.

 

Really think about if this is putting yourself in the best situation, given your history, and advocate for yourself. I would caution to examine if you aren't repeating old patterns and then make your decision.

 

It's around her timetable but that's fine and I already spend holidays alone by choice (I left home the day after I graduated highschool and never looked back). Even with ex girlfriends, I would ensure I could have my own days for holidays. Clearly I have some issues haha but XO Cognac and Cigars are a nice retreat - that made me sound way older than I am.

 

That's exactly what I've been doing, icing on the cake. She adds something but it's a bonus, it's not needed. You're right, I need to make sure about that and focus on my plans and not set her as a priority in my life. It's something I'll keep in mind.

 

It fits my pattern of seeing someone where there isn't much of a potential for a future, however, thus far it's benefitted my life. She's pushed me to focus on my self more rather than others - it's actually held me back in life. Thanks again!

 

Be generous with making her feel special, things like you've never felt this way about any other woman. Talk about how it was meant to be and you feel you've met your soulmate. Buy her little gifts, but not gifts that she'd have to hide or explain to her boyfriend. Maybe some poetry and love letters.

 

If you're not sure about taking things beyond an affair do not future fake.

 

Listen to her, make her feel she's too good for her boyfriend, text her often, and ask about her day and listen to her problems.

 

Make sure you present yourself at your best, showered and fresh, use cologne and keep your breath fresh.

 

Tell her she's beautiful and you can't stop thinking about her.

 

Perfect! Those are all things I do to most women, I don't go as far to say soulmate or amazing things but you're talking to a man who has a craft station and typewriter, quills etc for this exact purpose haha.

 

She's been opening up to me, not sure how I feel about it but yes I've been listening and I make sure to present myself the best at all times not just with her.

 

Thanks for the tips!

 

Do not underestimate a spurned spouses ability to ruin you on social media. I think the physical aspect is he least of your worries. That 'brand' you e been building over years will be destroyed quite easily. For what?

 

I hope she's worth it

 

Well, that's what a defamation suit is for I had an ex attempt that in the past year. A large part of my job is marketing/PR so I've been able to recover my image a number of times.

 

Something is off here- you are busy and desirable- what is so special about this person that you are willing to take such a risk-surely there are more suitable partners for a person like you-

 

If for some reason its the "taking what belongs to someone else" thing- I think maybe you should give the why behind that some thought- that type of thinking and action is not very healthy-

 

It's not the taking what belongs to someone else, but this person brings something different to the table. Not that she's taken, but rather, she fits within my life - a major reason why I'm normally single is that people simply can't keep up and I'm okay with that. However, she's glad with how much time we see each other, calls me out on my flaws and encourages and helps me improve them. Most people doing that to me. My friends look at me like I'm Harvey Spectre, I'm as independent as you get. She believes in me and supports me, which has never happened before.

 

I get the feeling that you enjoy this expressly because it can't lead to a real full-on relationship. At least that's why some single guys deliberately go for married women. Is there some truth to this for you?

 

This is definitely a pattern for me, yes. I'd love to settle down, have kids etc but I've given up on finding the right person for that a long time ago. I have too many ambitions which lead me to enjoy relationships where it can't lead to a full-on relationship.

 

Most women I see do not meet my friends let alone family (even after a year) or know much about my past aside from what would show up on an online dating profile. This one oddly has gotten some details out of me about my past which is a shock.

 

Knew a guy that lived in the apartment next to me. Was seeing a married woman. All was fine for a while and then one day he's out in the driveway washing his car and a pickup truck pulls up. Some guy gets out of the truck dragging his wife, yeah same one that my neighbor was messing with, and next thing is my neighbor getting the living daylights beat out of him. Then as he's trying to get up off the drive way, the husband hits my neighbor with three suitcases and told him that he could keep her and he drove off. So after a first class ass whipping, he also got stuck with a first class bimbo too that he really didn't want but there you have it. Some fun huh?

 

Damn, poor guy :/ I do have to say this does sound like an uncommon case but damn.

 

You could just sit down with a nice cup of tea and call your Mum/grandma for a chat? Risk and excitement isn't all that in the end.

 

Hahaha, I wish. I'm a bit of a risk taker in life whether it's business or jumping out of a plane (I'm on jump 176 out of 200 for the summer - hoping to wingsuit next year) or gambling.

 

The righteously vengeful husband story seems to appeal to a lot of ppl, but more often than not it doesn't go down that way. Most aren't MMA fighters (and many have never been in a fight at all), but a lot think they're bad-***es or think that their rage will make them bad, but when the fights go down they end up getting their butts kicked by the guy who's doing their wives. Which obvs is about the worst thing that could happen ego-wise.

 

I think you're right, in this case I'm bigger than the guy, I get in the odd tussle, and well, if he's going to come at me 25 days of each month, he'd have to drive several hours to find me and would be calmed down by the time he arrives or be tuckered out.

 

What hyped up mass hysteria. :laugh:

 

Getting in a physical confrontation is not the norm so enough with the National Enquirer stories. I love when people trot out these stories.

 

The norm? All fun and games in the beginning, then the limitations start to be grating, needs aren't met and the limitations are really frustrating, rinse and repeat until one of the two parties decides it isn't worth the effort, throw in a near dday or dday, and then it really doesn't seem like worth pursuing and everything ends with a fizzle and a gasp.

 

Lois, what do you actually know about "the norm?" I don't encourage OP to be reckless, but the likelihood of him being sought out and then beaten up by the other guy isn't really that strong, despite the exciting anecdotal stories.

 

I think you're both right it isn't the norm haha. That does sound like the norm. Thank you! The more I think about the people who have been caught in my life, the number who've gone out and their spouse searching for the other guy is at zero.

[clam]

I'm the guy my friends consider the whole package: successful career, sponsored athlete, pilot license, fashionable, motorcycle, traveling on the regular and the life of the party.

 

Reading through your description, you sound like a pretty cool guy. Until one realizes that you are the "other man." Which completely downgrades your coolness and moves you into "schmuck" territory.

 

Why settle for being an "orbiter" in this woman's life?

[jetsetter]

Reading through your description, you sound like a pretty cool guy. Until one realizes that you are the "other man." Which completely downgrades your coolness and moves you into "schmuck" territory.

 

Why settle for being an "orbiter" in this woman's life?

 

You're a hundred percent right, it does downgrade the type of man I am. It makes me the contrary of a mensch. There's a lot of reasons as I've mentioned, but the primary being that to have all that going for me and loving myself (not in a narcissistic way but love what you do in life and being able to enjoy anything yourself) leaves me with little time for much else aside from my career and hobbies.

[clam]

...loving myself (not in a narcissistic way but love what you do in life and being able to enjoy anything yourself) leaves me with little time for much else aside from my career and hobbies.

 

Oh brother. Now I've heard it all. So because you don't have the time and energy to find/cultivate an above-board relationship, you'll just become a weasel who steals another man's goods?

 

Sorry, but "real" men can't stand men like you.

 

As others have mentioned, I would be packing heat and looking over my shoulder. A lot.

 

I'll bow out now, as I really have no helpful advice for you in your quest to be a beta-male orbiter. True alphas don't take other men's sloppy seconds.

Edited September 10, 2015 by clam