midwestgirl8429 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 My BF and I have been together for 2.5yrs, he has been living with me for 1.5yrs. He is in the process of his divorce. I have met his 4 kids only a few times..ages 12-20. Our kids haven't met yet, but would like them to in a mutual place, not my home. So, the only time my BF can spend time with his kids is if he takes them out or at their home with their mother. The W always invites him over saying we are having family dinner please come over. He tells me it's not family time, but then she posts on Facebook what a great family night, like everything is peachy. Then he comes home feeling down and almost depressed. He takes his kids out places and she just happens to show up or tags along, he says he doesn't tell her no because he doesn't want to cause problems. Every time afterwards her texts say when is the nonsense going to end, when are you coming home where u belong..we can still fix this mess. I know it's important he spends time with his kids but why does he let her be included, why can't he say no this is my time..Im afraid this will maybe re Kindle things. He says I love her as a person and mother of my children, but not as a partner or not in love with her. I have a hard time hearing that. Is it normal to spend time with ex and kids..I wish he had the balls to tell her no. Link to post Share on other sites
whatatangledweb Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 I think he doesn't say no because he doesn't want to hurt her. Though him allowing it is giving her hope that they can be together again. He needs to not go to family dinners as they are no longer a family. He also shouldn't tell her the exact places he is taking the kids. He can do it in a nice way so it doesn't hurt her. He also should know from you that it hurts you that he goes and acts like a family with her. Has either of them filed for divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Everybody has a different normal and it depends how they broke up . If it was an amicable split, she may think they can fix things. Does she know about you? Did he leave her for you? Was there a dday? It also depends on how the kids are dealing with the break up. Do the kids know you to be a friend or his new GF? My related experience.......I remember my niece and nephews wanted their mom at a family event when her and my brother were seperated. My brother didn't want her there, but my DD told me how upset his DD was that her mom would be the only mom not there. I spoke to my brother about it and asked him for the kid's sake to please let her come along and put his feelings aside for a moment. He wasn't overly keen because of his new GF (he didn't cheat BTW, divorce was in process) and how she might perceive it. I told him rather gently, that she knew he had a STBXW and kids and needed to get used to his baggage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author midwestgirl8429 Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 (edited) No..they did file13yrs ago and had a oppsie..stayed together for that reason. They separated about 3yrs ago, and it she starting to accept it until she figured out our relationship was Indeed real and found out who I was. My BF and I had worked together 16yrs ago, but nothing happened. The kids do know, we have met, but 2 refuse to accept me or our relationship. When she asks or says when u coming hime, let's fix thus mess or when will this non sense end..he never responds (I have seen the messages) she invited h8m over for dinner monday, said yes but he has yet to tell me Edited September 5, 2015 by midwestgirl8429 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 A year ago you said you had been in this relationship for 2yrs but he had only been separated for 7 months so it does seem that there was an affair. Perhaps he gave you some story about his wife just being his roommate but as long as you are having a hidden relationship with a married man who is still in the marital home it's an affair. Also by reading your backstory as well as this thread I would say that your BF is a more willing and more active participant in these family visits than he lets on to you. I think his wife is still holding on because he is giving her reason to. I think you and his wife may have traded places and now she's the OW. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Sorry I had a look at your first thread again and see I got it wrong. You said in that thread that you had been with him a year but he had only been separated for 2 months. A few months later you said he was separated 18 months so I think he had you believing he was separated while he was still living with his wife and keeping you a secret. The situation with him spending time with his kids and wife without including you has been going on since he separated a little over a year ago ( I'm not counting the time before that when he was still at home and just pretend separated) and you have told him countless times that you won't put up with it yet here you are putting up with it. He doesn't care what you say and he doesn't take your threats seriously. This situation won't change until you do something to make it change because your MM is perfectly happy enjoying the attention and having 2 women vying for him. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 No..they did file13yrs ago and had a oppsie..stayed together for that reason. They separated about 3yrs ago, and it she starting to accept it until she figured out our relationship was Indeed real and found out who I was. My BF and I had worked together 16yrs ago, but nothing happened. The kids do know, we have met, but 2 refuse to accept me or our relationship. When she asks or says when u coming hime, let's fix thus mess or when will this non sense end..he never responds (I have seen the messages) she invited h8m over for dinner monday, said yes but he has yet to tell me So she accepted them seperation until you came into the picture? Were they trying to reconcile when you hooked up with him? Why have they been apart for 3 years and divorce not concluded? Or was the seperation to try and work things out? I know you might not know the answer to these questions, but I'm wondering why she is saying these things. If two of the kids don't accept you, they can be tricky in trying to get the parents back together. I'm just not sure your BF has made it clear the marriage is over and he's with someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
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