to miss mojo

[jennie]

thank you for your understanding. i appreciate that very much. i just wanted to say that my daughter does not want to move back home, and as much as i do love her, i hope that soon she will find a place of her own so that it will not interfere with mine and my boyfriends relationship.

 

there are two sides to everything, and on this board you will only always hear just one side so i don't know what the point of saying that was.

 

i do have the OCD and that is why i am on paxil i was on celexa but did not like the high dose my dr. wanted me to go to, when at such a low dose i was already having too many problems.

 

part of the problem with working is/was the anxiety attacks i have, hopefully the paxil will help that as well.

 

it is not that i am lazy or not wanting to work, it is so hard to work when things seem to be falling apart and knowing that work will help to put things back together does not fix the problem.

 

i have been working this whole time, i guess i never made that real clear. i was still getting 'some" work, not alot tho.

 

these last two days i have worked tho and i am so glad about that. this morning my boyfriend told me to use the money from my jobs to pay my bills and that when i start getting paid from my new job then i could help with the rent.

 

nice guy huh? so why all the problems? well i think cause when he was/is paying for everything that it built up and he was coming off saying these things that were hurtful and made me very depressed.

 

it also affected me as well, i never felt good about him paying for everything, and i never will, so my best recourse is when i start this job on monday to make up and or compensate in what ever way i can to show him i appreciate all his help.

 

now the other day he paid my cell phone bill cause it was due and i did not get paid until today, and the phone is in his name as well as mine.

 

so i did not ask him, and he did not want to wait for two days for me to get paid to pay the phone bill. yet he made a little snip today about him paying the phone bill.

 

i told him that everytime he makes his little digs that i wish i had just kept going dispite the truck breaking down.

 

he said, no, no honey, don't say that, i love you, you are my life.

 

i asked him then to please! stop saying those things, that he only makes me feel worse it is not helpful criticism as he thinks.

 

he agreed to stop taking his little jabs but admitted that he did not know that were upsetting me that much, he just thinks that i am too sensitive and that is why it bothered me.

 

i told him my self-esteem is shot as it is from all the little digs he gives me and all that has gone on since november.

 

he said he would quit. i will still save money to move tho if things don't change. this guy is far from a saint but i am far from one either.

 

he has done alot for me, tho i never asked, not once for his help, he has always, and i stress always, offered or did it anyway. but i have always said thank you and how much i appreciated it.

 

i responded to a post from laurynn and she never seen it i guess cause she never responded back from it, i explained alot of things in that post, from "hurting mom".

 

i do not make up excuses to not work, i sincerely want to work, and i will be working come monday, as i have worked the last two days as well.

 

i don't think i should have to defend myself and i feel that i am always defending myself to laurynn. afterall this board is for free speech, and no one has to answer any posts if they are upset by them, disagree with them or don't like the person repeatedly posting here.

 

then they are free to express their feelings but i think sometimes some things are better left unsaid. as for my daughter, i understand fully what your mom is talking about and going through.

 

i want to tell my daughter that she needs to quit with the back and fourth stuff, but i adore that little baby, he is so georgeous and so loveable as is my daughter and i could not turn my back on her when she is in need.

 

but honestly i do like it when she has her own place and it has greatly helped my boyfriend and me out cause we've h ad time alone and are able to do things now that we could not do before.

 

my daughter does not want to move home tho but i can't turn her away either nor will i, but she is trying so hard to get her own place, unfortunately she don't have a full time job, but is looking for one, that and day care as well.

 

it is hard being a single mom. but she will at least have her mother as i had mine. sorry this is so long, i got carried away too..............jennie

[Miss Mojo]

hi jennie,

 

it is not that i am lazy or not wanting to work, it is so hard to work when things seem to be falling apart and knowing that work will help to put things back together does not fix the problem.

 

i have been working this whole time, i guess i never made that real clear. i was still getting 'some" work, not alot tho.

 

i hope you don't think that i ever thought you were lazy (i'm sorry if i ever gave that impression). i'm aware from what you wrote in your most recent post that you have the option of a cleaning job that pays $500 a week. i really do think that is a good thing for you to be your own person, but as you say, there are so many things happening in your life that it does not solve it all. but i hope that it can solve even just a tiny part of the problem for you

 

it also affected me as well, i never felt good about him paying for everything, and i never will, so my best recourse is when i start this job on monday to make up and or compensate in what ever way i can to show him i appreciate all his help.

 

that sounds like a really good idea jenny. personally, i have never thought from your posts that you felt good about him paying for everything. i can understand the pressure you would have felt considering you have had so much weight on your shoulders. i am also aware that you have been trying to make amends and be fair. it can just be so hard sometimes.

 

i told him that everytime he makes his little digs that i wish i had just kept going dispite the truck breaking down. he said, no, no honey, don't say that, i love you, you are my life.

 

he agreed to stop taking his little jabs but admitted that he did not know that were upsetting me that much, he just thinks that i am too sensitive and that is why it bothered me.

 

you know, i felt a sense of relief when i read this part. if he was under stress and making jibes at you, he probably didn't realise how much of an affect just the little comments were having on you. i can relate to that because i was once with a guy where it was the little things he said to me that were really hurtful.

 

i'm so glad you confronted him about this. there's so much to be said for communication! i'm also glad that he seems to have listened to you about this and hopefully didn't get defensive about it. for your sake, i hope that if he does happen to make a little dig at you when he's stressed, you can point out to him again how it makes you feel. sometimes people need to reminded that it's the little things that can really hurt. like you said, it does affect your self-esteem, but you have pointed this out to him now which, hopefully will start to make a difference.

 

i will still save money to move tho if things don't change.

 

that is a good attitude to have - "just in case". you need to look after number 1 - yourself. to get your hopes up too high would be unrealistic, but on the other hand, this communication breakthrough you have had with your boyfriend may make a world of difference. i really hope it does.

 

this guy is far from a saint but i am far from one either.

 

that is something to be said for 99% of the world's population! (being with a saint would get pretty boring and predictable, huh?)

 

he has done alot for me, tho i never asked, not once for his help, he has always, and i stress always, offered or did it anyway. but i have always said thank you and how much i appreciated it.

 

since i've read this post and some of the comments you've made jenny, i have to take back some of the things i've assumed about him from previous posts. he obviously cares for you deeply to do these things for you. i think sometimes i've had a wrong impression of him. whoops!!

 

i do not make up excuses to not work, i sincerely want to work, and i will be working come monday, as i have worked the last two days as well.

 

that never once crossed my mind, but even if you didn't want to work, that's your decision and yours only. i hope you don't feel you have to justify your decision to work or not to anyone. but i think your very aware of bills and stuff and the obligation to pay them (god, aren't we all!!! hehe).

 

i want to tell my daughter that she needs to quit with the back and fourth stuff, but i adore that little baby, he is so georgeous and so loveable as is my daughter and i could not turn my back on her when she is in need.

 

i hope you can confront your daughter about moving back and forth. my sister-in-law's mum recently told her daughter (who wants to move out again), that if she moves out, she stays out for good. her reasoning? - her children need STABILITY. what my sister-in-law is considering is getting a part-time job where she can work around her eldest's school hours, and put the baby in care from say, around 9.30am to 2.30am. this way, she can take the kids to school, work and then pick them up in time. she is also on a single-mothers pension where she receives a child-care allowance and rent assistance. i'm not sure what benefits your daughter could receive, but perhaps she could inquire about them with social security (or whatever government department deals with single mothers). my sister-in-law has really had a kick in the butt from her mother who just can't stand how her lifestyle is going to and is affecting her children. like you, she absolutely adores her grandkids.

 

my daughter does not want to move home tho but i can't turn her away either nor will i, but she is trying so hard to get her own place, unfortunately she don't have a full time job, but is looking for one, that and day care as well.

 

oops, i sort of spoke about that above. i really hope for your sake, your daughter's sake and the childrens sake that she can work this out. and i'm fairly sure she will if she has her children's best interests at heart. hopefully in time she will realise that life for her and her kids will run a lot smoother when she has a stable household for them all.

 

it is hard being a single mom. but she will at least have her mother as i had mine.

 

i know it's hard. i watched my mother struggle for years, but she has now come out such a strong, strong person. my mother suffered so much heartbreak and hard times, and she has always said the one thing that pulled her through was "us kids". we always had a routine and she made sure we were never uprooted all the time. i can honestly say that the stability she provided us, has helped turn us into stable adults. she was a real champion my mum and she still is.

 

i'm sure your daughter knows how much you love her. it is so obvious in your posts, and in the ways you have helped her. we should all be able to turn to our mother's in times of need. just as long as you can remain strong and can guide her in the right direction in any way you can, and as long as she knows she can't walk over you, then hopefully everything will turn out for the best.

 

sorry this is so long, i got carried away too..............

 

so did i!!!

 

best of luck to you jennie :)

[jennie]

thank you miss mojo, thank you for all that you said and the time it must of took you to respond! are you british? is that why you say 'mum' and go by miss mojo?

 

did you watch the austin powers movies? if so did you like them? i think they were so great! my boyfriend does a perfect imitaion of austin and dr. evil. i mean perfect!

 

he can imitate just about anybody tho, i don't know he does it but he does it.

 

anyway, i guess i make him out to be a pretty bad guy huh? he was in the past, when i first started posting, that was why i was posting.

 

after he said he would not take his little jabs at me anymore i feel so much more willing to stick it out and see how things go.

 

i hope they work out. it was not always like this. in the beginning he was a real sweetheart, then he started going strong in his real estate and loan business and turned into a total jerk, i think the success went to his head, literally!

 

so hopefully things will settle down now, we'll see! we even started going to church on sundays. he is a strong catholic and i'm lutheran, but we go to the catholic church anyway which i enjoy more then the lutheran anyway.

 

so on that note, thank you again, you have been very sweet and kind, and i wish you all the happiness in the world...jennie

hi jennie, it is not that i am lazy or not wanting to work, it is so hard to work when things seem to be falling apart and knowing that work will help to put things back together does not fix the problem. i have been working this whole time, i guess i never made that real clear. i was still getting 'some" work, not alot tho. i hope you don't think that i ever thought you were lazy (i'm sorry if i ever gave that impression). i'm aware from what you wrote in your most recent post that you have the option of a cleaning job that pays $500 a week. i really do think that is a good thing for you to be your own person, but as you say, there are so many things happening in your life that it does not solve it all. but i hope that it can solve even just a tiny part of the problem for you it also affected me as well, i never felt good about him paying for everything, and i never will, so my best recourse is when i start this job on monday to make up and or compensate in what ever way i can to show him i appreciate all his help. that sounds like a really good idea jenny. personally, i have never thought from your posts that you felt good about him paying for everything. i can understand the pressure you would have felt considering you have had so much weight on your shoulders. i am also aware that you have been trying to make amends and be fair. it can just be so hard sometimes. i told him that everytime he makes his little digs that i wish i had just kept going dispite the truck breaking down. he said, no, no honey, don't say that, i love you, you are my life.

 

he agreed to stop taking his little jabs but admitted that he did not know that were upsetting me that much, he just thinks that i am too sensitive and that is why it bothered me. you know, i felt a sense of relief when i read this part. if he was under stress and making jibes at you, he probably didn't realise how much of an affect just the little comments were having on you. i can relate to that because i was once with a guy where it was the little things he said to me that were really hurtful. i'm so glad you confronted him about this. there's so much to be said for communication! i'm also glad that he seems to have listened to you about this and hopefully didn't get defensive about it. for your sake, i hope that if he does happen to make a little dig at you when he's stressed, you can point out to him again how it makes you feel. sometimes people need to reminded that it's the little things that can really hurt. like you said, it does affect your self-esteem, but you have pointed this out to him now which, hopefully will start to make a difference. i will still save money to move tho if things don't change. that is a good attitude to have - "just in case". you need to look after number 1 - yourself. to get your hopes up too high would be unrealistic, but on the other hand, this communication breakthrough you have had with your boyfriend may make a world of difference. i really hope it does. this guy is far from a saint but i am far from one either. that is something to be said for 99% of the world's population! (being with a saint would get pretty boring and predictable, huh?) he has done alot for me, tho i never asked, not once for his help, he has always, and i stress always, offered or did it anyway. but i have always said thank you and how much i appreciated it.

 

since i've read this post and some of the comments you've made jenny, i have to take back some of the things i've assumed about him from previous posts. he obviously cares for you deeply to do these things for you. i think sometimes i've had a wrong impression of him. whoops!! i do not make up excuses to not work, i sincerely want to work, and i will be working come monday, as i have worked the last two days as well. that never once crossed my mind, but even if you didn't want to work, that's your decision and yours only. i hope you don't feel you have to justify your decision to work or not to anyone. but i think your very aware of bills and stuff and the obligation to pay them (god, aren't we all!!! hehe). i want to tell my daughter that she needs to quit with the back and fourth stuff, but i adore that little baby, he is so georgeous and so loveable as is my daughter and i could not turn my back on her when she is in need. i hope you can confront your daughter about moving back and forth. my sister-in-law's mum recently told her daughter (who wants to move out again), that if she moves out, she stays out for good. her reasoning? - her children need STABILITY. what my sister-in-law is considering is getting a part-time job where she can work around her eldest's school hours, and put the baby in care from say, around 9.30am to 2.30am. this way, she can take the kids to school, work and then pick them up in time. she is also on a single-mothers pension where she receives a child-care allowance and rent assistance. i'm not sure what benefits your daughter could receive, but perhaps she could inquire about them with social security (or whatever government department deals with single mothers). my sister-in-law has really had a kick in the butt from her mother who just can't stand how her lifestyle is going to and is affecting her children. like you, she absolutely adores her grandkids. my daughter does not want to move home tho but i can't turn her away either nor will i, but she is trying so hard to get her own place, unfortunately she don't have a full time job, but is looking for one, that and day care as well. oops, i sort of spoke about that above. i really hope for your sake, your daughter's sake and the childrens sake that she can work this out. and i'm fairly sure she will if she has her children's best interests at heart. hopefully in time she will realise that life for her and her kids will run a lot smoother when she has a stable household for them all. it is hard being a single mom. but she will at least have her mother as i had mine. i know it's hard. i watched my mother struggle for years, but she has now come out such a strong, strong person. my mother suffered so much heartbreak and hard times, and she has always said the one thing that pulled her through was "us kids". we always had a routine and she made sure we were never uprooted all the time. i can honestly say that the stability she provided us, has helped turn us into stable adults. she was a real champion my mum and she still is. i'm sure your daughter knows how much you love her. it is so obvious in your posts, and in the ways you have helped her. we should all be able to turn to our mother's in times of need. just as long as you can remain strong and can guide her in the right direction in any way you can, and as long as she knows she can't walk over you, then hopefully everything will turn out for the best. sorry this is so long, i got carried away too.............. so did i!!! best of luck to you jennie :)

[Miss Mojo]

hi jennie,

 

are you british? is that why you say 'mum' and go by miss mojo?

 

i'm not british (although i would love to live there!). i'm australian, but we spell like the british do having been colonised by brits over 200 years ago (we're a pretty young country!)

 

did you watch the austin powers movies? if so did you like them? i think they were so great! my boyfriend does a perfect imitaion of austin and dr. evil. i mean perfect!

 

i looooove austin powers!! well, i don't think he's a spunk by any means, but i love the movies. they're just so stupid and funny

 

anyway, i guess i make him out to be a pretty bad guy huh? he was in the past, when i first started posting, that was why i was posting.

 

after he said he would not take his little jabs at me anymore i feel so much more willing to stick it out and see how things go.

 

the fact that you pointed out to him what it is that's making you unhappy and affecting your self-esteem is a big step. sometimes people don't realise how they are affecting you. they can be really ignorant to it if they are feeling stressed themselves. but hopefully now, he'll realise that you won't take any crap from him. i guess you could say that telling him how it made you feel a step in relieving some of the stress. it's so true how communcation is imperative in a relationship.

 

so hopefully things will settle down now, we'll see! we even started going to church on sundays. he is a strong catholic and i'm lutheran, but we go to the catholic church anyway which i enjoy more then the lutheran anyway.

 

i am anglican but i went to a catholic school and understand more about the catholic faith than my own. some people might think it's weird or not being 'loyal' to your faith, but if you get more satisfaction out of another religion that the one you were brought up with, then i think that's a very personal decision. spiritual happiness means a lot to some people. whatever you relate to best and feel fulfilled by is totally your decision.

 

so on that note, thank you again, you have been very sweet and kind, and i wish you all the happiness in the world

 

anytime jennie (by the way, sorry for spelling your name wrong a few times!!)

 

i wish you all the happiness too. keep your head high and don't settle for anything less than what makes you happy

 

...jennie