Dream_iz_36 Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 Somebody Help! I have been dating this guy for about a year now, we are both divorced and seem to get along great! He has been burned in passed relationships and so have I. I am a little reluctant to jump into anything, but we really are so happy when we are together, usually just on the weekends. ( He lives a little over an hour from me ) Well my problem is that i have fallen in love with this man, head over heels, and he says he can't say the same until he is absolutely sure he feels the same. I don't want him to tell me things just to make me happy by any means, but i am soooooo ready to hear those words. I am ready to settle down and just don't know how long to wait around to see if he is going to come around. He says he just moves slow and can't predict his feelings and i totally understand this, but it just kills me to care so much and not know he feels the same in return. Am i just asking for another let down? -----Brandi [color=indigo][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Bunnylove Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 Only time will tell. If you are getting on so well and are so happy together, i don't see any reason to get too upset about this. But you guys have been dating a YEAR and still nothing? did it take YOU this long to say those sacred words? If it took you that long well maybe he is just like you and wants to be very carefull so as not to get hurt. It seems like he has a problem getting too close as you did, but now your ready to move to the next stage. You can't expect him to be in the same place though. Of course he loves you but falling IN LOVE is a scarey thing and it means putting your heart carfully in the hands of someone else. I think he is just not ready yet casue as you said he has been hurt in the past. Maybe now you have made that move, he has started to come around to the idea of letting himself go. But he will need time to consider it, time to feel it and then a little more time to give it. On the other hand, are you gys in a commited relationship? or was this just for fun? the word 'dating' to me makes me think its not all that serious. i'm from UK though so don't say 'dating'. I'm curious whether you two are in a monogamis relationship. I have been with a guy from USA and he would use the term 'dating' when he was spending time with a women and having sex (or not) but was not fully commitned to her and would still sleep with other women. Is this the case here? if it is then maybe he doesnt feel that there is enough there to commit to. Well thats how my ex would think about girls he 'dated'. I was different as he had commitned to me. If none of this is the case I would be patent with him. But also you CANT wait forever. If its not right for him he will eventually know this for sure and move on. OR go full trhottle with YOU. But personally I dont think i could wait around forever. You will know yourself when the time is right to move on for the sake of your poor heart. It hurts when love is not reciprocated and evetually you will resent him for it. But give it some more time....in this case...you BOTH seem to want to take things VERY slow. But with only seeing him weekends...i can see some difficulties with it. Why not get out of that routine and visit him during the week instead? or maybe both of you can take a week off work and go on a trip together!? much love xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
nancyrosa123 Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 Loving someone and not knowing how they feel in return is frustrating. You have opened your heart, and their messages seem to indicate that they are in love with you, yet at times you feel unsure of their intentions. You adore him and feel fully confident in those feelings and you want to trust them and have those feelings reciprocated. You know that it will work in your heart, but he seems afraid of taking the risk.I am in a similar situation. I am deeply in love with person, I know he is my soulmate, and most of the time, I feel loved by him, but at other times he seems distant and unsure of the situation.It scares me to death, because I can't imagine my life without him in it. I want only happiness for him and for myself. What I'm trying to say is that relationships take patience and time. True love is enduring and neverending. It won't feel bad, it won't hurt you, it is sure and solid and positive. Life can be unfair at times, but you must be persistent and keep the lines of communication open with him. Don't push him, just be honest and straightforward with him. Let him know how you are feeling. Be vulnerable. It doesn't show weakness, it shows humanity. Good luck with your situation. I hope you get all that you need from it. Hugs, Nancy:) Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 I sympathise with how you are feeling right now. I too have been through the same thing with an ex of mine. It took him over 2 years to finally admit/say to me that he loved me. Even to this day I do not beleive that he meant it. I think he said it to humour me or something. Don't wait around for too long though.........he may be just stringing you along until something better comes his way. Burned or not in the past.........if he loves you he should tell you something after a year! bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dream_iz_36 Posted May 16, 2005 Author Share Posted May 16, 2005 I had to thank you - Bunnylove, nancyrosa, and Bubbles for the messages! I really am messed up about this one. I just got home this morning from "his" house. We had a wonderful weekend together, as usual. Until the passing of his dog of 14 yrs on Saturday. It is a very painful time. But at the same time makes me realize once again how short life is and how much i want to spend it with him. I am totally in love with this one. What does a girl do? ---- Brandi ~ [color=indigo][/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 Hi Dream, I was in a similar situation with an ex boyfriend. I knew I loved him. He wasn't sure. We ended up going out three different times over a period of three years. Not once did he say he loved me. Each time I broke up with him because he wasn't treating me the way I wanted to be treated. Largely because I was sooo into him and well.. he liked me a lot. He would always come back, say that he couldn't forget about me, blah blah blah. I fell for it twice. I ended up breaking up for good and about six months later I met my now-husband. However, one thing I've learned through my husband is that a man falls faster than a woman. Within two months my husband said he loved me. I loved him too, but had learnt my lesson to wait till the guy says it. IMO, If he hasn't fallen in love with you now, chances are he won't. It is really hard. I know. However, once you get rid of someone who isn't in the relationship 100%, you're one step closer to finding Mr Right. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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