laurah Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 so i had gotten divorced about i guess seven months ago or so. i loved him but had to leave. i had no choice. he accused me of cheating and i never did. i do admit, i ended up saying i did because he wouldn't listen to me when i said i didn't and i thought he would stay with me if i made up a story. well.. i realized that you should not have to lie to save your marriage so i went through with the divorce. he also said i had diseases i have not once been diagnosed with from my psychiatrist like bipolar and multipul personality. but anyways that's not what i'm here to talk about. so ive been dating on ok cupid. i met this guy on there about two months ago. he asked me to be his girlfriend about two days after we started talking. we've been skyping and texting. we really hit it off and we match up like 95 percent, but i'm in indiana and he's in texas which doesn't bother me though. so i visited there and we really hit it off more. well two nights ago he asked me to marry him. i paused for a bit but i said yes. we really love each other. then yesterday i started thinking and thought what if we're moving too fast and he said it's not moving too fast baby i promise. i just wanted some oppinions on if its too fast. in my heart i really love him and want to be engaged to him. we were gonna stay engaged for a while before even getting married. we weren't gonna rush it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Yes, I believe it's way too fast. You're only just barely divorced, and you've spent very little time in person with this OLD-man. Not a wise idea. You should be very wary of any man who asks you to be his girlfriend after only talking for 2 days. Get yourself into an emotionally healthy place. Agreeing to marry someone you hardly know who lives across the country does not form part of that emotionally-healthy picture. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 Of course it's too fast but I think you know that. You hardly know this guy but if 'being engaged' makes you happy & you sincerely care about him does it really matter? Don't rush into anything permanent. Don't make huge life changing choices based on this very short relationship or the pain you are clearly still going through over your divorce & very poor treatment by your Ex H. I don't really see a problem with a very long engagement. The romance is clearly helping you work through your life. As long as you're not using this guy & you don't intentionally hurt him "Go for it!". Just don't get married until you really know each-other. Are you thinking of moving to Texas? Would you be leaving your family & support system? From your other post I think a lot of your family are in Florida? If you're not leaving much behind, starting a new life, somewhere else could be cool. Just be careful ;-) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laurah Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 "so i had gotten divorced about i guess seven months ago or so. i loved him but had to leave. i had no choice. he accused me of cheating and i never did. ...." so i've been thinking its not too soon cause were not gonna get married for a while and just be engaged. take things slow. i'm living with my dad right now and i'm happy but i'm happier with him. my family is all over the map. i would be happier if i lived there by him so we could date locally. so i am gonna move to texas around april so i have enough time to save up to get a place. his family seems to like me so that's good. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laurah Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 the old man is not my bf just to clarify. he's my grandpa i was talking about. ok. my bf is 22 years old. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 At the very least you need a multi year engagement. Year one you need to live in the same city, not with each other but in the same place & date traditionally. In year two you can start putting money down for a wedding & talk about moving in together. But slow down. You don't even know each other. You already got divorced once. Why are you in such an all-fired rush to do that again? Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 (edited) I live just north of Dallas. I really like it here. The summer heat takes some getting used to.... Best of luck in your future! In some cases men are faster to propose to divorced ladies. It could be his way of saying 'This is special. It's official!'. Know what I mean? I don't see any harm as long as you don't rush into anything permanent. You only get one life!! Edited September 5, 2015 by ShatteredLady 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 5, 2015 Share Posted September 5, 2015 If you date locally, wait at least 1.5 years, better even 2 years, before getting married. Also, did he give you a ring? Or did he just ask informally? What is he doing at 22? Is he studying? Does he have his own place already? How much does he make? Would he be able to support you and children if you got pregnant and needed to stop working for a while? I'm asking this, because I know couples who had twins and she couldn't go back to work. Also, I guess you were not in love with your husband, or you wouldn't have been looking for another man right away. It looks like you fell for the first guy you got along with after divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laurah Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 it was guy number eight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laurah Posted September 5, 2015 Author Share Posted September 5, 2015 @ justwhoiam: thats not what it is. if you read my other post. my husband filed the papers w/o telling me. i loved him and was planning on spending my life with him. he filed so i had to come to terms with it months ago and i did. Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 @ justwhoiam: thats not what it is. if you read my other post. my husband filed the papers w/o telling me. i loved him and was planning on spending my life with him. he filed so i had to come to terms with it months ago and i did. How long had you been married? And how long were you with him in all (considering time before marriage)? How old are you? Are you 22 too? Isn't it too soon to jump into another marriage after a failed marriage? Please consider all this, even if it seems inconsequential to you right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laurah Posted September 16, 2015 Author Share Posted September 16, 2015 well he lives in copperas cove. maybe that's near you. Link to post Share on other sites
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