His Ex pregnant with his child.

[MissBrunette84]

I hope I have posted in the right place?

 

I started seeing a guy in April as of this year. However a few weeks in he found out his ex (more booty call kind of relationship) is pregnant with his child.

 

He gave me he choice to stay or leave if I wanted to.

 

He wants to be there for the child and be a good dad. I have no issues with this at all, I think thats the right thing to do, its not the childs fault.

 

However, the child is due soon and I'm just wondering if anyones been in this situation before and how it turned out?

 

She has alot of feelings for him still, he has no feelings for her at all. So shes starting to use the baby as a weapon even before its born and I have no idea how she is going to be. I have nothing against her, I dont know her and they met and broke up before we met, but she is making it a little difficult. As no matter what it is a difficult situation.

[Fleur de cactus]

I don't think this is a good situation really. I don't think you will win. Seriously a man you loves you should ask you to stay with him. He should beg you, promise you that he will not have anything to do with the woman, ask to not go, tell you that he will not know what to do if you leave him, and all what he did is to give you a choice to stay or to go?

 

And that woman who continues to want him? you are staying so that you can fight for him? He seemed attention seeking man. He wants to sit down and watch you girls fighting and I am sure one day it will happen or you will be driven crazy by the whole situation.

 

Good luck.

[adna89]

He maybe loves you but i dont think this situation is easy enough to make you win this.The child is not even yet here and you sense already problems,,,remember he is going to be a dad for the restvof his life,so this woman is going to be a part of his life forever

[AngeliqueC]

Can you see the next 18+ years of your life being consumed by his ex, their child and the power struggles that result? Or do you see him establishing firm boundaries and placing you and your relationship with him first? Personally, I can see the former a lot more readily than the latter. You aren't married to him; give yourself a fair shot at a normal, drama free relationship with a man who isn't someone's "baby daddy". Tell him goodbye and move on with your life.

[Lois_Griffin]

You weren't and aren't the 'other woman,' so no, this section isn't the right one for this post. Also, you cross-posted this elsewhere here on LoveShack.

 

As the others have said, welcome to the next 18+ years of this guy's life - in Hell.

 

Run. Like the wind.

[anika99]

I once dated a guy with a somewhat similar situation. He was an alcoholic but when I dated him he had been sober about 5 yrs and he had a son that was 5yrs old. The mom had been a fwb type relationship while the guy I was seeing was still a raging alcoholic.

 

At the time I dated him he usually got his son on the weekends. I say usually because every so often the mom would become resistant to letting the visits happen. The weekend would come and she would say the boy was sick. Then the next weekend she would say the boy doesn't want to visit because of other activities he had. Then the next weekend she just wouldn't answer the phone. After several weeks of this, my BF would just haul her back to court.

 

His visits were court appointed and where I live family court is free and nobody needs a lawyer. Since she never had any valid reasons for denying my BF visits with his son the judge would chew her out and tell her to smarten up. She would improve for a while and then backslide so my BF would have to go to court again, as this was 20yrs ago and there were no real consequences to the mom for causing difficulty other than having to go to court and being reprimanded by a judge. Therefore my BF would usually have to go to court about once a year to prevent her from keeping his son away.

 

I came on the scene when the child was 5 and the situation caused no drama or hardship to me. After my BF had gotten the mom pregnant he quit drinking and seriously worked on his recovery and on becoming a better person. By the time I met him he had learned to handle problems with maturity and dignity. He didn't get involved in altercations with the mom. He wouldn't allow himself to be manipulated or pulled into drama. Every time the visits became a problem he simply followed the steps he had to take to resolve the situation without any drama. Therefore there was never any conflict or drama in our relationship surrounding his son and the mom. Also he never gave me any reason to distrust him or make me worry that he still had something going on with the mom. Since he handled it all so well, I just let him do his thing and I stayed completely out of it.

 

So if your BF is mature, responsible and knows how to resolve problems in a dignified way without dragging you into it and causing you drama then perhaps you have a shot. You need to stay out of it and if he lets the situation with his ex impact his relationship with you then you should probably move on.

[lovecoach]

Are you and this guy in a relationship? All you said was that you was seeing him in April and now he has told you that he got his ex pregnant. Well, how serious is y'all? Did you meet his family yet? Do you and this guy live together? Do you know where he lie his head? Because if not, he can be telling you ANYTHING! Men lie all the time. I do believe the pregnant part is true but how do you know that she's using the child as a weapon? You is worrying about the wrong thing. What you need to be asking him is why is him and his pregnant ex not together anymore? Have you thought that maybe he can get you pregnant next then leave you, then you'll be getting called the pregnant ex who's using the unborn baby as a weapon. Have you met the pregnant baby mother? Maybe you should, woman to woman. Do he go with his baby mother to doctors appointment? If not. He is probably a deadbeat and the woman isn't using the child as a weapon she's just letting him know that child support is in his future if he don't step it up. Listen, it is too soon for this guy to be in a relationship. You mean to tell me he get people pregnant who he don't love? RED FLAG! Guys sometimes put their ex down but what that really does is reveal what type of men he is. Pay attention.

[privategal]

I feel like you are starting out already in an uphill situation. Its only been months, I hate to say but I would move on. Its going to be so hard and in MANY cases...love isn't enough.

 

A booty call relationship? Even though thats his past...its the RECENT past and he isn't mature enough to balance nuturing and growing a new relationship and a former ex who is now the mother of his child...then theres the child itself to consider and the financial aspect.

I hope you are really soulsearching as to whether this is the future and man you had envisioned for you.

I agree with the advice to run.

It may hurt you and him but my gut tells me its too much baggage for a relationship to survive. Nothing about it seems good. Im sorry and dont mean to sound negative but you deserve the best. please don't settle.