thunder777 Posted September 6, 2015 Share Posted September 6, 2015 Im 35 years old, unfortunately my body cant tolerate drinking anymore This shuts off huge outgoing experiences come weekends because i have to avoid going out doing what friends do I have played football all my life, and last week i have had to retire, as my leg is permanently screwed (knee & sciatica) I have a part time job but its only 10 hours a week, so the rest of my wage unfortunately is coming from unemployment. this also means i have about 25 hours free time each week with really not a lot to do and i get very idle/bored of all the jobs i apply for no one gives me a chance let alone an interview, it is becoming painful & depressing trying to look for work im quite an attractive guy tall & handsome, but most girls eventually screw their face up towards my lack of employment i really dont have many hobbies and now football is over these voids just tripled just so desperate to get up and be somewhere instead of sitting around home watching the hours drag by i have a gym membership but i havent been for 2 months and really have no enthusiasm to go. plus i seem to be smoking every 20 minutes after going 5 years without a smoke everything is highly isolated and i do suffer from social anxiety despite being an impressive person, i can only handle about 5 minutes of conversation then want to bail how can i storm away from this isolation even if i still cant find employment? thanks for any help 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Kellens Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I can relate in a way in what you're going through, not in all aspects but some. My first suggestion would be to go back to the gym, I know you aren't inspired to at alll right now but once you get up and go you will feel better, be around other people and hopefully gain more confidence to speak to them. I also have social anxiety at times, I can work through it most of the time but others I just feel like I am in a bubble and nothing can come out of or penetrate it. You have to just try, nothing will happen on its own unfortunately. I am also 35 and quit smoking 5 years ago but then started smoking after a really bad break up last year, just two or three a night or while drinking but it's still smoking again. I feel like it is what I look forward to at night when I get home and sometimes I need something happy! Do you have a lot of friends or are you more of a loner? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Sorry to hear about your situation. I myself am stuck in a rut. I don't know anything about you other than what you just shared. I tend to get stuck in my mind when i get in a rut and instead of just going out and doing things, I withdrawal and sulk or just get depressed. I agree with the first poster - just get back to the gym. I've been trying to do that for months. Life is intertwined. Just go. Fight the feeling and just go. Even if the workout isn't great - you'll be unstuck from your mind. Keep going. You may start to improve your looks (not saying you aren't attractive or fit now) and your attitude, creating positive results. It's tough when something we love gets taken away from us. Or, when we can no longer do the things we love the way we used to. However, that's the part of life that comes along with growth. I'm not going to spout off on everything else you wrote. Just get your ass to the gym and use that as a starting point to do other things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 10 steps you can take which “consistently tend to make people's lives happier and more fulfilling”. - Do things for others - Connect with people - Take care of your body - Notice the world around you - Keep learning new things - Have goals to look forward to - Find ways to bounce back from difficulties - Take a positive approach - Become comfortable with who you are - Be part of something bigger that gives you purpose and meaning in life 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thunder777 Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 you'll be unstuck from your mind thanks for advice, i really like this line youve mentioned especially if theres nothing to do just do this stuff it, going for a bike ride now!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author thunder777 Posted September 12, 2015 Author Share Posted September 12, 2015 Do you have a lot of friends or are you more of a loner? yea generally a loner, but ive moved in with a mate which is helpful but the only places we go to away from the house is to drinking venues, and i cant really drink anymore and it sucks cos i'll be sick for 3 days Link to post Share on other sites
JustGettingBy Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 I agree that returning to the gym will help and I also recommend the following: get in some volunteer activities, it will give your life meaning, get you out of your place, and can be added to your resume, which means that any volunteering you do in whichever field you have your career in will help you with getting a job. When you go out with friends, if you have a licence and vehicle access, you can be a designated driver. That way you can still be social, and not drinking will work to your advantage. It also gives you a reason not to drink that nobody will give you hell for. Sober people can still have fun and be fun to be around, anyway. Listening to them might also give you some hobby ideas. Wean your way off smoking. I have never smoked, and aren't close to anyone who has quit successfully, meaning any advice I give for that would be pulled out of my ass, for I hope someone else can give you insight on this. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted September 12, 2015 Share Posted September 12, 2015 10 steps you can take which “consistently tend to make people's lives happier and more fulfilling”. - Do things for others - Connect with people - Take care of your body - Notice the world around you - Keep learning new things - Have goals to look forward to - Find ways to bounce back from difficulties - Take a positive approach - Become comfortable with who you are - Be part of something bigger that gives you purpose and meaning in life From your list Satu, I'd say that most of those are not realistic and really won't help lift someone out of their poverty. Only a stable, well-paid job does that, and that's the cold, hard truth. Mostly because happiness does depend on your income, whether people admit it or not. It's true. Do you really think poor people are thinking to themselves, "I should volunteer more b/c even though I live on Ramen noodles since my food stamps only last for 3 months due to federal guidelines, that I'll feel so much better about my situation." If you BARELY make ends meet, your brain is focused on where your next meal comes from, can you pay your rent and your bills, gas for your car? It's an idealistic list but it's not relevant to people who live at or below poverty guidelines. OP, if you want to get out of your rut, spend your extra 25 hours a week at your local city's Job WorkForce Center on the computer applying for full-time jobs. Finding a job is a full-time endeavor. If you don't have that, you will continue to feel stuck in a rut. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thunder777 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 yea i saw his list and figure it as spam, not really reaching into my issues just bombing me with a brochure and saying here deal with it as much as i appreciate the effort cheers Link to post Share on other sites
Author thunder777 Posted September 13, 2015 Author Share Posted September 13, 2015 OP, if you want to get out of your rut, spend your extra 25 hours a week at your local city's Job WorkForce Center on the computer applying for full-time jobs. Finding a job is a full-time endeavor. If you don't have that, you will continue to feel stuck in a rut. im trying im trying, it takes a lot of energy out of you, and you walk out depressed and when it leads to nothing you get further depressed, and enthusiasm for the next work search shrinks but im trying & thats all you can do yes work is really the only relief here, so tired of empty & broke days Link to post Share on other sites
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