Author so gutted Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 aren't you looking for a real, ltr? you literally have one of the worst people pickers on LS. a SEPARATED man is not a candidate for a HEALTHY ltr. did you even ASK when the divorce would be happening? sounds like YOU put your head in the sand to keep him around. was this a real, official relationship...? how often did you see him? how often did you go to his home? If i dismiss seperated men at my age there isnt much left. Its unrealistic to expect me to find a ltr with asingle man at my age. Why would i confront him? He has cheated and misled us both, by confronting him im giving him warning of telling his wife. Its not a platonic relationship, she posted the post as a proud wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Facebook now has that "memories" function (or whatever), where you can reposts things you posted in the past. Have you made sure the video you saw is from 2015 and not 2013 or earlier? Apart from that, good luck. I don't know what I would do in your shoes. You sound really hurt which is likely to make navigating this all that much harder. Please take good care of yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Celeste.Carol Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I read on another post of yours that they have been separated 3 years...is it 2 or three years. The reason I am questioning is usually when a marriage is over and a man is ***legally separated, a divorce follows no more than a year later. States differ some only 5 weeks separation is mandatory. The most a year which is more than enough time to separate assets and bid farewell. The only way is to ask her, if they are truly separated then it should not be a problem and if it is, then too bad, it becomes HIS problem. He deserves it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 Facebook now has that "memories" function (or whatever), where you can reposts things you posted in the past. Have you made sure the video you saw is from 2015 and not 2013 or earlier? Apart from that, good luck. I don't know what I would do in your shoes. You sound really hurt which is likely to make navigating this all that much harder. Please take good care of yourself. It was last week, i checked. Thats why im hurt, he was seeing me 2 weeks ago... Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 I read on another post of yours that they have been separated 3 years...is it 2 or three years. The reason I am questioning is usually when a marriage is over and a man is ***legally separated, a divorce follows no more than a year later. States differ some only 5 weeks separation is mandatory. The most a year which is more than enough time to separate assets and bid farewell. The only way is to ask her, if they are truly separated then it should not be a problem and if it is, then too bad, it becomes HIS problem. He deserves it. 18 months ago he told me on day 1 they had been seperated for a few years. After intial problems they tried once again but it didnt work so they seperated and she moved away. It is now clear she has not moved away (from where she works) and they are husband and wife, publically. It takes 1 cowardly text to say im trying again with wife, he instead kept me on the side. What hurts is that we talked about our past, my issues with trust, my family etc. he knew a lot. We dated. We went to the cinema, restaurants etc, i met his friends so i had no reason to suspect he was back with her. He travels a lot for his job and in between that and seeing me and his mates he must have very little time with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Celeste.Carol Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I am really sorry you are going through this and hope you get real and truthful answers. Being separated for 3 years is a BIG red flag waving. When people are done they are done, they do not stay suspended in separation for years on end. I would start demanding questions and firmly hold your ground and place your expectations or you are out. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 His wife looked very smug. She is overlooking his behaviour for money. Now you're just making stuff up. You don't eeveen know her. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 I am really sorry you are going through this and hope you get real and truthful answers. Being separated for 3 years is a BIG red flag waving. When people are done they are done, they do not stay suspended in separation for years on end. I would start demanding questions and firmly hold your ground and place your expectations or you are out. Thank you. Yes i could have seen things but isnt the onus on him to be truthful? Btw i do not want him at all, this is not even closure its being rightful and living with myself. Why am i feeling disgustedwith myself? I was faithful. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 what was his reasoning for being separated for YEARS and not yet divorced or in the process of divorce? based on your previous experiences, I'm guessing you ignored some major red flags and I think you need to reflect on that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 what was his reasoning for being separated for YEARS and not yet divorced or in the process of divorce? based on your previous experiences, I'm guessing you ignored some major red flags and I think you need to reflect on that. His parents would cut him Out of the will if he divorced her. I asked at the friendship stage and again when dating. He spent a lot of time talking to me, not the actions of a married man. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Post here otherwise you will just get useless responses blaming you when YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. Married men are incredibly deceptive.. I should know I've been on the receiving end of it. They will drag you on for years, wasting away your life selling a fantasy. Yes, tell his wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Kamille Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 His parents would cut him Out of the will if he divorced her. I asked at the friendship stage and again when dating. He spent a lot of time talking to me, not the actions of a married man. I'm sorry to say but the "parents will cut me out of the will" thing sounds like a cheater lying in order to keep you on as a mistress without having to dissolve his marriage. It's on par with: "We're staying together for the kids". Even if it were true, it would mean he would always have to keep you as a secret to his parents. I wouldn't feel like I was in a "real" relationship if that were the case. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) Just walk away, why waste a single moment on this. I know you may want to take it further and make a mess but that energy will later come bite you. He's a tax evader, well what proof do you have? Also if he figures out you ratted him out then do you think you need an enemy in your life? Also if you take the moral high ground do you others will see that or do you think you'll be seen as the girl he had a fling with? Also you don't seem to have a very positive view of the wife either — perhaps she's just as bad as him anyway. Edited September 7, 2015 by wb1988 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 Just walk away, why waste a single moment on this. I know you may want to take it further and make a mess but that energy will later come bite you. He's a tax evader, well what proof do you have? Also if he figures out you ratted him out then do you think you need an enemy in your life? Also if you take the moral high ground do you others will see that or do you think you'll be seen as the girl he had a fling with? Also you don't seem to have a very positive view of the wife either — perhaps she's just as bad as him anyway. I wish i could, but i cannot live with myself knowing i kept quiet. There are probably others as well as me and the wife. Why should men have it all? I will send one detailed message to the wife and then leave it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted September 7, 2015 Author Share Posted September 7, 2015 Just walk away, why waste a single moment on this. I know you may want to take it further and make a mess but that energy will later come bite you. He's a tax evader, well what proof do you have? Also if he figures out you ratted him out then do you think you need an enemy in your life? Also if you take the moral high ground do you others will see that or do you think you'll be seen as the girl he had a fling with? Also you don't seem to have a very positive view of the wife either — perhaps she's just as bad as him anyway. I dont have proof of the tax thing but have enough detail to start an inquiry. This was an option instead of telling his wife, but financial loss is not enough. I want pain and awkwardness for him, distrust. Link to post Share on other sites
circe221 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I had a similar experience. He told me he was heading towards separation because of issues in the marriage (XMM and I had been together before he was dating his now W). Lo and behold, W ends up pregnant, xMM wants to continue the A, and no "separation" in sight. I cut him off completely, and have now blocked him from my phone and FB. I never considered telling his W, because 1) she is pregnant and 2) it's not worth it to me. Just walk away and cut off all contact with him. He is a manipulator and a narcissist. It may be painful for a while, but you will save yourself a lot of pain in the long run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 So gutted, Many people on here have tried to tell you to at least confront your MM. You do need to be calm, but just show him the video and wait to see what he has to say. You seem to be dead set on revenge though and won't even have an open discussion with the man you were having a relationship with for 18 months or is it 11 months, I cannot really tell. And as far as not meeting the kids, I do not think separated people should introduce kids to someone else until after a divorce is final. Do you think that your MM deserves at least the chance to explain/clarify, come clean after all you have been through? It does seem far fetched that both his friends and family would keep a secret and that his house would be devoid of any of her things. I would want to talk to him first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mount Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 (edited) Married men OF COURSE bring women to their marital house, even when their wives only left house for 2 hours. Have you not really understand human nature, especially for those kinds of men, the extent of lies and deception can go. How come you are so naïve in your current age?? If i dismiss seperated men at my age there isnt much left. Its unrealistic to expect me to find a ltr with asingle man at my age. Why would i confront him? He has cheated and misled us both, by confronting him im giving him warning of telling his wife. Its not a platonic relationship, she posted the post as a proud wife. Edited September 7, 2015 by Mount 4 Link to post Share on other sites
wb1988 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I dont have proof of the tax thing but have enough detail to start an inquiry. This was an option instead of telling his wife, but financial loss is not enough. I want pain and awkwardness for him, distrust. The fact that you're an estranged ex-lover might even get yourself in trouble, you know especially when you have absolutely no evidence. You might as well file a false rape accusation while you're at it . I wish i could, but i cannot live with myself knowing i kept quiet. There are probably others as well as me and the wife. Why should men have it all? I will send one detailed message to the wife and then leave it. What do you mean by "men have it all?". There are probably countless women that do it as well, also is the wife any better? Married men OF COURSE bring women to their marital house, even when their wives only left house for 2 hours. Cheating husbands are more known to do it in a hotel , cheating wives are the ones who do it at home. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
otherwoman2015 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 don't tell his wife, this is between you and him. You will only feel worse for it in the end. Don't jump to conclusions either. Wait to see what is true and what isnt. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
NewLeaf512 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 Ok... If I may: OP STOP yourself for one minute, you're spinning out everywhere. You need to calm down, do nothing rash or in haste. If you have put 11-18 months into this, what is 2 more nights chilling out going to hurt? The man could be a complete liar or this could be a nothing. If it is a nothing and you go ballistic you may ruin something that could be good. If he is a nutty liar, it gives you a bit of head space to cool out and think about what is best for YOU. what do you think? Can you hold fire for 48 hours to gain some perspective? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 He told me they live apart, she lives quite far away. Lesson learned. Don't ever fall for this line or a separated man. Ever. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lovemesomehim Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 These are my options: 1) send his wife the email detailing times snd dates (e.g valentines day, new years eve). I can email her at her work address via an anonymous email. 2) confront his mate via fb and ask why he deceived is both? 3) confront him and ask straight out? Please do not send her an email via her work address. His affair is a personal matter that should be addressed as such. Sending her personal business to her place of employment (depending on which state) could be considered harassment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 How close or far away do you live from each other? Was there some distance involved making this a long-distance relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 7, 2015 Share Posted September 7, 2015 I'm wondering if he never texted you because he didn't want proof. It's strange that you both haven't messaged each other in 2 years. I mean messages that would confirm a relationship . I disagree with the dating a seperated man. I have a brother who was seperated and divorce in motion when he started seeing his current wife. I agree it's risky if the guy isn't sure about divorce, but I don't consider it the same as dating a man you know is married. Link to post Share on other sites
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