Just found out he deceived me for 2 years

[so gutted]

You saw recent texts? Are you still in contact with him since you began this thread?

 

his wife has taken drugs because of this.

 

She lives alone now.

 

They had a long marriage. I think the texts were about the past.

 

I last spoketo him yesterday to say happy birthday and he sounded down.

 

We were supposed to meet today and he hasnt confirmed. He also said he would call me back testerday and he didnt.

 

He has really ledme on. Why mention marriage earlier in the week???

[so gutted]

All, I thinks she is describing ANOTHER guy. Sigh.

 

So gutted, get therapy. NOW. Stop dating. I am saying this as kindly as possible, you are not relationship material right now. You have issues you need to work through. If not you will continue to repeat this for the rest of your life.

 

Yes another guy.

 

Stopdating and do what??? Most of my friends are married, im lonely!

[so gutted]

You saw recent texts? Are you still in contact with him since you began this thread?

 

This is another guy

[eye of the storm]

So_gutted. I know it is tough when all/most of your friends are married. Trust me, I can relate.

 

But you keep going to the store and coming home with rotten produce. Or you may occasionally get a good apple but you are so used to the fruit being rotten you mishandle it. Whichever it is, the only person you can work on is you. And that is what you need to do.

 

You ask questions like how to hold someone accountable. You say you read their texts. This is a guy you started dating a month ago. He started talking marriage after a couple of weeks?! This guy has issues. Nobody should be talking marriage within the first month.

 

Honey please, for your own sake. Stop dating and find someone professional to talk to.

[Redhead14]

Yes another guy.

 

Stopdating and do what??? Most of my friends are married, im lonely!

 

Stop dating and get your head on straight. Allow yourself to process and get over the first guy in this thread. Get centered and focused on your life and being able to support your own needs for a happy, emotionally healthy life as an independent, secure woman.

 

I never liked the statement that Tom Cruise made in Jerry McGuire -- "You complete me" . . . it implies that he was not a whole person to start with. A better statement would be "you supplement my life".

 

A woman should be happy with herself and her life in and of it's own. A man should only enhance the happiness a woman already has, not bring all of it to her.

 

Desperation and neediness come across in strange ways.

 

Most of my friends are married -- So, what?

[so gutted]

So_gutted. I know it is tough when all/most of your friends are married. Trust me, I can relate.

 

But you keep going to the store and coming home with rotten produce. Or you may occasionally get a good apple but you are so used to the fruit being rotten you mishandle it. Whichever it is, the only person you can work on is you. And that is what you need to do.

 

You ask questions like how to hold someone accountable. You say you read their texts. This is a guy you started dating a month ago. He started talking marriage after a couple of weeks?! This guy has issues. Nobody should be talking marriage within the first month.

 

Honey please, for your own sake. Stop dating and find someone professional to talk to.

 

I thought he was agood apple. Dont i deserve an explanation?

[eye of the storm]

If we all got what we deserved....we would be in for a world of hurt.

 

No, you don't deserve an explanation. It would be nice of him to explain. But it is not a requirement.

 

You two were only dating a month. That is barely into the "lets be exclusive" territory.

 

You thought he was a good apple. But the fact that he was moving so freaking fast tells you that he has issues. The fact that you were willing to discuss marriage so quickly says that you have issues.

 

Is he gone for good? Who knows. But you need to stop fixating constantly on men and start fixing you.

[TexasMan68]

You walked into this by dating a seperated man, uh that means he's still married last time I checked. That also should have told you that he's off limits until he gets a divorce and its finalized. Yes it sucks he lied. The only outcome to telling the world about it is pain to the people in this situation that are truly innocent and that is his wife and kids. You had an affair with a sperated but married man so sorry that does not make you innocent...just pissed that you got lied to by this trash. Pick yourself up, put away your pride and move on. Don't give him the time of day if he tries to contact you in the future.

[so gutted]

If we all got what we deserved....we would be in for a world of hurt.

 

No, you don't deserve an explanation. It would be nice of him to explain. But it is not a requirement.

 

You two were only dating a month. That is barely into the "lets be exclusive" territory.

 

You thought he was a good apple. But the fact that he was moving so freaking fast tells you that he has issues. The fact that you were willing to discuss marriage so quickly says that you have issues.

 

Is he gone for good? Who knows. But you need to stop fixating constantly on men and start fixing you.

 

Disappearing without saying anything (after speaking everyday for a month) is rude.

[Lurkeraspect]

Disappearing without saying anything (after speaking everyday for a month) is rude.

 

You know what? It is rude. But...You're continually picking unavailable men to start relationships with, that's on you. You truly need therapy do figure out your desperation and why you pick broken men in the first place.

[Mount]

Gzzz.. you have been lonely since year 2006, so what, you keep going this way, you are going to be LONELY another 10 and 20 and 30 years....

 

No man wants a desperate woman behaving like you....have some class please. DO NOT ACT so desperately.

 

 

 

Yes another guy.

 

Stopdating and do what??? Most of my friends are married, im lonely!

[Got it]

Yes another guy.

 

Stopdating and do what??? Most of my friends are married, im lonely!

 

Dating isn't making you less lonely is it? You are lonely because you are not happy with yourself, your choices, and your much deeper issues. A man isn't going to fix that.

 

So yes stop and be alone and get therapy. Get some other friends. A hobby. Something. Not looking for a man to fill this void.

[SoulCat]

Geez lady, slow the f**k down!!

 

It was only a fortnight ago that you were 'deeply hurt' and in complete turmoil over the previous guy, and now you've latched onto yet another man as if you are drowning and he's a lifeboat.

 

If you are always this intense and invested in someone you barley know, someone who - at our age - comes with baggage, it's no wonder they run for the hills. It's way too much, way too soon.

Stop talking marriage so early on, it's more than often just fantasy. Or to get into your pants.

 

Your desperation is palpable and they pick up on it.

Then they either use you for sex, or they make a run for it. Or both.

 

 

Please So Gutted, take a break from all this dating madness. It's not doing you any favours whatsoever.

 

Figure out, with help of a therapist, why you keep finding yourself in the exact same situation. Work on making yourself whole, complete and healthy before you embark on any more of these 'relationships'.

[so gutted]

Geez lady, slow the f**k down!!

 

It was only a fortnight ago that you were 'deeply hurt' and in complete turmoil over the previous guy, and now you've latched onto yet another man as if you are drowning and he's a lifeboat.

 

If you are always this intense and invested in someone you barley know, someone who - at our age - comes with baggage, it's no wonder they run for the hills. It's way too much, way too soon.

Stop talking marriage so early on, it's more than often just fantasy. Or to get into your pants.

 

Your desperation is palpable and they pick up on it.

Then they either use you for sex, or they make a run for it. Or both.

 

 

Please So Gutted, take a break from all this dating madness. It's not doing you any favours whatsoever.

 

Figure out, with help of a therapist, why you keep finding yourself in the exact same situation. Work on making yourself whole, complete and healthy before you embark on any more of these 'relationships'.

 

This is it he hasnt asked for sex, treated me well and talked marriage himself. No hint from me.

[S2B]

I thought he was agood apple. Dont i deserve an explanation?

 

Explanation? IF he gave you one - you could only surmise it's MORE lies. I don't see how that's worth your time and energy.

 

He knows he's a douche. Treat him as such.

 

Not all men are like that. But when they are "separated" I don't date them until their divorce is final.

 

Even IF it is final and they are STILL hyper focused on their exW - I don't date them.

 

This situation is something you can learn from...

[SoulCat]

This is it he hasnt asked for sex, treated me well and talked marriage himself. No hint from me.

 

 

It doesn't matter who brings it up. It is way too soon. Too soon to attach any meaning or significance to it. You do not know this man. His emotional state, the extent of his baggage.

 

 

Stop latching on to it.

Just. stop.

[eye of the storm]

This is it he hasnt asked for sex, treated me well and talked marriage himself. No hint from me.

 

Head banging on desk. Everything you post about is them. Stop focusing on them. Jimminy crickets. You are unwilling to see what anyone on this page is telling you. It is all them.

 

Fine, continue doing what you are doing. Continue to post about what they are doing/saying. And continue to be lonely. Or change something. YOU.

 

Out

[SoulCat]

Head banging on desk. Everything you post about is them. Stop focusing on them. Jimminy crickets. You are unwilling to see what anyone on this page is telling you. It is all them.

 

Fine, continue doing what you are doing. Continue to post about what they are doing/saying. And continue to be lonely. Or change something. YOU.

 

Out

 

 

I can only agree with this. Yet again you choose to focus on what he does/doesn't do/says/doesn't say.

You never choose to focus on your part in all this, nevermind take ownership.

 

 

As long as you keep painting yourself as a victim of all these 'rude, evil, horrible' men you will never learn, or grow.

[so gutted]

I can only agree with this. Yet again you choose to focus on what he does/doesn't do/says/doesn't say.

You never choose to focus on your part in all this, nevermind take ownership.

 

 

As long as you keep painting yourself as a victim of all these 'rude, evil, horrible' men you will never learn, or grow.

 

I do look at my part.

 

He chose to share his private thoughts with me, about his marriage.

 

He mentioned life partner, wife, introduced me to his kids very early..

 

1 month is a long time if you spend time with each other. All of a sudden he has changed, which is hurtful.

 

On this occasion im baffled. Its been the first day and night with no contact. Im angry as hell as he said he wanted to explain things face to face but has left me hanging.

 

I cannot chase up as he has not confirmed meeting or followed up. Its a drastic uncalled for change.

[Mount]

But can't you not see the pattern has not been changed since year 2006, and you are always the "victim", and those guys are all bad, did not want you, did not call you, lied to you, went silence....., said marriage WORD to you then "changed" mind.

 

Have you ever not thought why? Next time when any guy says marriage words, or "wanting" to marry you - ask them sign a contract and and sign so they would not "escape" from you.

 

I do look at my part.

 

He chose to share his private thoughts with me, about his marriage.

 

He mentioned life partner, wife, introduced me to his kids very early..

 

1 month is a long time if you spend time with each other. All of a sudden he has changed, which is hurtful.

 

On this occasion im baffled. Its been the first day and night with no contact. Im angry as hell as he said he wanted to explain things face to face but has left me hanging.

 

I cannot chase up as he has not confirmed meeting or followed up. Its a drastic uncalled for change.

[so gutted]

But can't you not see the pattern has not been changed since year 2006, and you are always the "victim", and those guys are all bad, did not want you, did not call you, lied to you, went silence....., said marriage WORD to you then "changed" mind.

 

Have you ever not thought why? Next time when any guy says marriage words, or "wanting" to marry you - ask them sign a contract and and sign so they would not "escape" from you.

 

Yes im wondering why the pattern? Why do THEY mention marriage?

[Mount]

You can not control others' thoughts, speeches, talking, you and everyone should not be influenced by other people - that is the basics being a grown adult.

 

In this world, there has tons of con men (or women) or people will say anything without really meaning it, just for the sake of ONLY saying or their agenda to make you DO something FOR THEM.

 

You need to ignore, or learn to ignore all the non-sense - that is the basic intelligence living in this world, without being a mad or desperate woman.

 

Yes im wondering why the pattern? Why do THEY mention marriage?

[so gutted]

You can not control others' thoughts, speeches, talking, you and everyone should not be influenced by other people - that is the basics being a grown adult.

 

In this world, there has tons of con men (or women) or people will say anything without really meaning it, just for the sake of ONLY saying or their agenda to make you DO something FOR THEM.

 

You need to ignore, or learn to ignore all the non-sense - that is the basic intelligence living in this world, without being a mad or desperate woman.

 

When you know someone and they seem sincere its different.

 

How can i ask for an explanation without looking desperate?

[Mount]

I am just speechless here now, too bad you will just continue your living exactly same - being the "victim" for next forseeable 10/20/30 years or more, unless one day you starts to use your brain to live.

 

When you know someone and they seem sincere its different.

 

How can i ask for an explanation without looking desperate?

[underpants]

When you know someone and they seem sincere its different.

 

How can i ask for an explanation without looking desperate?

 

I get it.

 

You can't win, if you are aloof and not needy, you are ignored, if you are too needy you are ignored.

 

You play the field, which, I have never done, but I think is a smarter way.

 

They talk about 'marriage' because they are feeling you out about sex.

 

They ghost you because they got it and got scared or realize its too much effort (or they have another chick/wife on the line). They however feel perfectly entitled to treat people this way. YES, it is rude and even heartless.

 

When someone shows this behavior, I find myself ...thankful. One less thing to worry about. When someone show their true selves to you, you better believe it.

 

From your post you seem to be husband shopping, and thats fine. Ask yourself or write down the qualities you want in one, aside from a proposal and legal license. See beyond the 'goal'.

 

Aside from the marriage goal, what other passions do you have in life?

 

Answer that and focus on that, and yes (((sorry)))) stop being naive. It is not a virtue, but a weakness and these guys smell it on you.