Just found out he deceived me for 2 years

[so gutted]

Don't you think you should just talk to him and see what he has to say?

 

He will deny.

[Art_Critic]

Don't you think you should just talk to him and see what he has to say?

 

She should but she should also hand him his walking papers, they have been together 18 MONTHS not 18 days and he has kept this from her.. he is lying..

If he is lying his wife should know.. for all the thread starter knows he was never separated.. I've seen happen...

 

A girl at work dated a guy for 6-8 months and it turns out he had been married for 20 years and was only living in her apartment complex because he built shopping centers and was building one in the area so his company put him in an apartment rather than have him travel or live in a hotel..

 

IMO the thread starter should be given the benefit of the doubt not the guy who is married and dating someone and as people have mentioned.. separated is still married.....

 

I'm guessing there is no divorce filed.. go check the county civil records for an open case.

[CarrieT]

Lesson learned: don't date guys who aren't 100% single and available.

 

Separated means they are still legally (and often emotionally) attached to someone else. That means they are not 100% available for a new relationship.

[TaraMaiden2]

These are my options:

 

1) send his wife the email detailing times snd dates (e.g valentines day, new years eve). I can email her at her work address via an anonymous email.

To remain anonymous is both cowardly and redundant.

 

Cowardly because if you ARE having what turns out to be an illicit affair, you need to own it be upfront and declare who you are. After all, if you're an innocent injured party who's been lied to, then why conceal your identity as if you're guilty of anything?

 

Redundant because she may well know all about you already, and she would ask what the heck you're doing supplying all this info, when she's perfectly aware he's seeing you?

 

2) confront his mate via fb and ask why he deceived is both?

That's juvenile. If you want to stir the hornet's nest, then tackle the situation head-on...

 

3) confront him and ask straight out?

You're squaring up for a big fight which may actually be completely unnecessary... confront, confront, confront...

 

Are you actually listening to any of the rational advice being given, here?

[Redhead14]

He was spending a lot of time with me, but not every day.

It wasnt a physical relationship for a long time, but he took things further having thought about it for a while.

 

I do not have proof but i have dates and information about his life that show he trusted me. He travels a lot for his job and that is probably how he covers his tracks.

 

He owes me an explanation.

 

I cannot confirm this 100% but the video was telling. They were at her birthday as husband and wife.

 

You cannot have one face for society (married with kids) while lying to me. Its

wrong. Morally corrupt. Im surprised you are giving him thebenefit of the

doubt.

 

I am giving the benefit of the doubt because you were't giving information that demonstrated he wasn't worthy of it. In addition, if they have children, him being at the birthday party isn't such a big deal. You need to clarify with him. Plain and simple. And, they are still husband and wife. Talk to him, get clarity. I am not the only one posting here with doubt about the situation.

 

I will tell you this, there were a number of times when my husband and I attended functions together while separated for the benefit of the kids. We are now divorced and are still good friends. We cannit erase 30 years of sharing, caring and support.

 

In the video, what were they doing that clearly demonstrates that they are still committed to the marriage as partners?

 

And FB stalking causes so much confusion, misunderstanding in all kinds ofthings. It sucks.

[katiegrl]

He was spending a lot of time with me, but not every day.

It wasnt a physical relationship for a long time, but he took things further having thought about it for a while.

 

I do not have proof but i have dates and information about his life that show he trusted me. He travels a lot for his job and that is probably how he covers his tracks.

 

He owes me an explanation.

 

 

 

***I cannot confirm this 100% but the video was telling. They were at her birthday as husband and wife. ****

 

 

 

You cannot have one face for society (married with kids) while lying to me. Its wrong. Morally corrupt. Im surprised you are giving him thebenefit of the doubt.

 

But didn't you also say in your previous thread you had met his cousins, and they all knew who you were?

 

Surely, he would not have introduced you to them if he and his wife were still together as husband and wife, right?

 

I think you may be over-eating here. Talk to him and get the facts.

[so gutted]

But didn't you also say in your previous thread you had met his cousins, and they all knew who you were?

 

Surely, he would not have introduced you to them if he and his wife were still together as husband and wife, right?

 

I think you may be over-eating here. Talk to him and get the facts.

 

Yes he did. But his cousin was a pervert and was having affairs with older women. He admitted that whilst drunk.

 

His friends were normal and i met them many times which is what hurts. I did not see that coming.

[katiegrl]

But didn't you also say in your previous thread you had met his cousins, and they all knew who you were?

 

Surely, he would not have introduced you to them if he and his wife were still together as husband and wife, right?

 

I think you may be **over-eating** here. Talk to him and get the facts.

 

Sorry guys, I meant over-reacting.... Lol.

[Jules Dash]

She should but she should also hand him his walking papers, they have been together 18 MONTHS not 18 days and he has kept this from her.. he is lying..

If he is lying his wife should know.. for all the thread starter knows he was never separated.. I've seen happen...

 

A girl at work dated a guy for 6-8 months and it turns out he had been married for 20 years and was only living in her apartment complex because he built shopping centers and was building one in the area so his company put him in an apartment rather than have him travel or live in a hotel..

 

IMO the thread starter should be given the benefit of the doubt not the guy who is married and dating someone and as people have mentioned.. separated is still married.....

 

I'm guessing there is no divorce filed.. go check the county civil records for an open case.

 

 

I'm definitely not saying this guy is innocent at all but just talk to him first. Sending his poor wife an email first would be a bit impulsive and the OP may not know how she may look after this. I would confront him and only him first. If you don't like his explanation then you can go from there.

[so gutted]

I'm definitely not saying this guy is innocent at all but just talk to him first. Sending his poor wife an email first would be a bit impulsive and the OP may not know how she may look after this. I would confront him and only him first. If you don't like his explanation then you can go from there.

 

His wife looked very smug. She is overlooking his behaviour for money.

[Gary S]

If she's met the kids already, I'm surprised he has never introduced her to the wife.....unless he does have something to hide? Or has he?

 

You should really be a savvy dater and know what you are doing before you date someone who is married. I recommend most people stay away from it.

[so gutted]

If she's met the kids already, I'm surprised he has never introduced her to the wife.....unless he does have something to hide? Or has he?

 

You should really be a savvy dater and know what you are doing before you date someone who is married. I recommend most people stay away from it.

 

He told me on day 1 the marriage didnt work. I did not meet the kids just his mates and cousins. I did not doubt him because i had been to his house, adulterers do not invite mistresses to their marital home do they?

[TaraMaiden2]

He told me on day 1 the marriage didnt work. I did not meet the kids just his mates and cousins. I did not doubt him because i had been to his house, adulterers do not invite mistresses to their marital home do they?

 

Er... yes, they most certainly do..... if the wife isn't there, or is away, of course they do.

The infidelity forums mention having sex in the marital bed on many different threads....

 

But it sounds to me as if you're looking for every which way to nail the fact that you are certain he's lying to you - as is his family.

That's some feat....

 

His wife, apparently, looked 'smug'...?

Why? in what way?

If you think she was smugly getting one over you, then telling her is a redundant exercise.

Otherwise, I'm not sure what you mean by her looking 'smug'....

[Jules Dash]

He told me on day 1 the marriage didnt work. I did not meet the kids just his mates and cousins. I did not doubt him because i had been to his house, adulterers do not invite mistresses to their marital home do they?

 

 

Were they legally separated?

[Redhead14]

His wife looked very smug. She is overlooking his behaviour for money.

 

She looked smug? Overlooking behavior for money? Smug may be just not feeling it for him because they are divorcing.

 

Overlooking behavior for money? You're drawing this conclusion from a FB video?

 

Make sure you get clarity. You will know if he is lying. I really do not understand all the confusion here. Even if he is separated, by law he is married.

 

If you think he lied about being separated, there still isn't anything you said here that proves that.

 

Talk to him is what everyone is telling you. Do not confront his "wife" that will bite you in the butt.

[AndOrchid]

His wife looked very smug. She is overlooking his behaviour for money.

 

I understand being hurt if you think you've been lied to, but you're making a lot of assumptions and assigning motivations to people when it's clear you are not fully aware of their relationship. Talk to the guy and give him a chance to clarify things.

 

I am surprised you're out for revenge based on a video on Facebook. As he is only separated, he is in fact her husband. If it bothers you to hear his wife refer to him that way, perhaps you should consider dating guys who are single or divorced.

[Redhead14]

If you do anything without talking to him and he actually has feelings for you and wanting a future with you, you will be disrespecting the 18 months that have been spent in the relationship with you and you will be burning your own bridge as well. He will certainly dump you because he won't be able to trust you to not make knee jerk reactions to even perceived problems.

 

Besides the FB video, are there any other things that go on in the relationship that have caused you to doubt things?

[Jules Dash]

It does not seem like the guy had a huge cover up going on,especially since a video of him and his wife was posted on FB for the OP to freely see as she wished. Something is off here.

 

Op, I think you just have to take this one on the chin and move on.

Dating married people is just not a good idea and if they say they are separated make sure they are legally separated. If they say they are legally separated, tell them to show you the legal documents. If they think this is too demanding then they are not ready to date you.

Edited September 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed quoted deleted post

[TigerCub]

 

I do not have proof but i have dates and information about his life that show he trusted me. He travels a lot for his job and that is probably how he covers his tracks.

 

 

So in the 18 months you have been together, you guys never took pictures together, like no anniversary outing pics, no bday/or valentines outing pics?

no vacation pics?

 

That seems really weird, especially considering that we live in the age of selfies and that one just needs a phone to take a picture, its not like, 'oh we forgot the camera' kinda thing.

 

weird...

 

You also mentioned that in all this time you never met his kids...weird as well.

 

I totally respect the fact that parents don't thrust the new person into their children's lives, but if he was with you for 18 months, it's hard to believe that he wouldn't have introduced the kids by then.

Edited September 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed inappropriate comment

[Jules Dash]

So in the 18 months you have been together, you guys never took pictures together, like no anniversary outing pics, no bday/or valentines outing pics?

no vacation pics?

 

That seems really weird, especially considering that we live in the age of selfies and that one just needs a phone to take a picture, its not like, 'oh we forgot the camera' kinda thing.

 

weird...

 

You also mentioned that in all this time you never met his kids...weird as well.

 

I totally respect the fact that parents don't thrust the new person into their children's lives, but if he was with you for 18 months, it's hard to believe that he wouldn't have introduced the kids by then.

 

 

 

Almost sound like an affair, doesn't it and someone getting jilted in the end?

Edited September 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[katiegrl]

So in the 18 months you have been together, you guys never took pictures together, like no anniversary outing pics, no bday/or valentines outing pics?

no vacation pics?

 

That seems really weird, especially considering that we live in the age of selfies and that one just needs a phone to take a picture, its not like, 'oh we forgot the camera' kinda thing.

 

weird...

 

You also mentioned that in all this time you never met his kids...weird as well.

 

I totally respect the fact that parents don't thrust the new person into their children's lives, but if he was with you for 18 months, it's hard to believe that he wouldn't have introduced the kids by then.

 

 

----------

 

 

Yeah, this ^^^^

Edited September 6, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Gary S]

I did not meet the kids just his mates and cousins.

 

That's weird that you have not met the kids in 18 months.

 

 

 

I did not doubt him because i had been to his house, adulterers do not invite mistresses to their marital home do they?

 

- Only once, when wify is on vacation? - sure, why not?

 

If I were so close to them, and in the same town, I would have introduced you to everybody by 18 months.

 

Does he have a home phone/landline? If so, do you have that number?

 

I think I smell a rat. Sorry.

Edited September 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
External link removed.

[catlady11]

Wait a day or even a few before you do anything. THINK about it first.

 

Yes, it must be tempting to tell the wife and expose him for what you think is going on. Right now you're jumping to conclusions based on a facebook video. Did you doubt him before you saw the video? Any red flags pop up in the last 18 months or is the video your only source of mistrust?

 

Not all separated or divorced couples have a venomous relationship; for the sake of the kids lots of ex-couple make an effort to be civil and even friends.

 

Calm down first then talk to him rationally and matter-of fact. Listen to what he has to say before you end up making a mountain out of a molehill.

[kendahke]

TL;dr

 

She referredto him in the video as my husband, that is current. So he lied.

 

No, he hasn't lied. Unless a divorce has been executed or she died, he IS her husband. Separated is still legally married <--why it's best to leave guys who are separated alone.

 

He invited me as his g/f. She wasnt there. It was clear a woman had lived there as you could see a womans touch but it was also clear that her belongings etcwere no longer there.

You said he said she lives far away, right? He's still living in the home and she moved out and away?

 

I took this to mean he was serious, as he brought me to his house. Now im thinking she may have been away and he had me over.

You don't have enough proof to jump to that conclusion. If she was away, her belongings would have been there. You said they weren't when you went there.

 

Instead of torturing yourself with speculation, you need to have a conversation with him face to face so you can read his demeanor when he answers you. This isn't a text/cell phone conversation.

[newmoon]

separated is married so, basically you're dating a married man and have no rights to him, and no right to run off and his tell his wife anything. you're nothing. not engaged, not married... no better than a mistress, really. he hasn't deceived you at all, you've deceived yourself by thinking you were with a single man. unless he's unmarried or divorced or widowed, he isn't single. living states apart? still married. it really doesn't matter the circumstances he is in, or what you saw the wife and him doing, what is the future here anyway? go find a single man.