Is No Contact right for me? Interesting Situation

[schmian]

2 months ago my girlfriend of 5 years initiated a break. We set ground rules that we wouldn't see other people and give each other space.

 

She stated initially and still maintains that she does believe that I am the person she wants to settle down with and spend her life with. By both our accounts we have / had a great relationship (Always have a great time, no real fighting, love each other). However, as our relationship has spanned much of her post college 20s she feels like she needs time to herself to know that she can 'stand on her own two feet' and to enjoy time with her friends without feeling tied down, live some kind of life as an individual before she commits to one person (or something along those lines.. Its not 100% clear to her either). She also cites many of her friends who have done this kind of thing and ended up married.

 

In the past two months we have had periods of 'no contact'. I have done my best at times to keep my space and we have both had moments of weakness where we contact each other and express feelings of longing. We even took a trip abroad together for a week that we had planned before the break and we truly had an amazing time together (even with our feelings set aside). Yet she still keeps this same course.

 

The plan now is to see each other occasionally while this break runs its course but I'm not sure this is the best plan of action for us.

 

She proposed a full breakup may be what she needs to know for sure if this is a mistake on her part. I had difficulty accepting this (as you can understand) and I proposed couples therapy which she was open to.

 

Should we continue on this course and possibly go to couples therapy to try to resolve this or should we fully separate to hasten the resolution? My problem with the 'no contact' breakup is that it seems like a risky game to play if we are both expressing a desire to spend our lives together. It also seems weird to fully separate when that isn't exactly what we want. She even agreed it seemed risky.

 

 

Wow! Thats long! Any help is greatly appreciated.

[preraph]

I think your girlfriend is a very wise woman. A person cannot fully explore who they are with another strong influence around, and she needs to experience freedom and I advise everyone that they MUST spend a couple of years living on their own supporting themselves in order to really not only find out who they are but also gain confidence that they can't stand on their own two feet in bad times and also so that they never feel trapped financially and stay in an unhealthy relationship down the road.

 

Counseling is not the right thing right now, IMO. First she needs maybe a year off or however long she feels she needs and then if you get back together, that would be a great way to clear the air at that time.