my wife cheated with 3 men for 4 months, what do i do?

[wvb1123]

Hi everyone,

 

I had a hard question and really hope some of you can help me. I'll try and make it simple and quick to understand.

 

My wife [] from MI me from WI got married 11-01-13 and were just fine for 8 months.....until I had to have my second stent put in my heart. We were dating when I had my first but in, she stayed at the hospital the entire 6 days the first time....the second was just an overnight thing.

 

Well the doc told me to not get my hear rate up for at least 30 days so we had to reframe from sex for a month even though we cheated with a little four play. Then our apt started on fire were we had to move with my parents for 4 months....I was not feeling good yet from my heart issues and I told her so...so sex was about once a week with a little four play in between.

 

We moved into our new apt and she had feet surgery, I got salemenla, I was still not feeling great heart wise. These things went on for 4-5 months and the longest we went without sex was 9 days.

 

Well four months ago she went on graigs list andstarted inviting a man over anytime I left for more than 2 hers, doc appt, helping my mother.....he eventually brought 2 friends in to join. I suspected something so set up a pen camera and caught her having sex with all three of them two at once at some times. She lied until I showed her the video......3 days ago. She said it was because she felt neglected and says she does take full blame but it was because we went having intercourse like normal.....almost blaming me, but saying she doesn't. She says she loves me and is in love with me and does not want a divorce..........we just got custody of her 12 yr old a yr ago. She even brought them in our bedroom when he was home on the computer. They did everything....one even ejactulated inside her but mostly was on her buttocks and face.

 

What do I do..... I still love her. Some of the times line might be confusing but this all happened in the last 14 months.....starting with my stent. I hope all that made sence because I don't have time to proof read she is asking for me to go by her right now. Oh....we don't have any kids together, loans, house, car loan....nothing. please help me.

 

Thank you for listening.

Edited September 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Remove name and merge similar threads

[autumnnight]

I can tell you are heartbroken. But this woman seems to have absolutely no boundaries OR conscience. You deserve better. Much better.

[Tobin]

I'd be mad at the 12 year old for keeping such a big secret from his new stepdad. It's somewhat surprising that he could keep such a big secret from you or anyone else.. I mean his mom is in there banging multiple guys and he's playing on FaceBook like it's nothing unusual?

 

I guess he just learned to take life in stride.

[TX-SC]

Sounds like the main theme of a porn movie. Why would you even consider staying with someone like that? Assuming this is a real life event, there is nothing that could keep me in that relationship. No amount of "I'm sorry" would keep me married to her. If I had to live in a cardboard box and eat throw outs behind the Chinese restaurant, I would choose that over remaining in that relationship.

 

In case I wasn't clear, I think you need to see a lawyer.

[clam]

Time to file for divorce. She is not wife material.

[Tobin]

Time to file for divorce. She is not wife material.

 

People on here are so quick to say "get divorced" as if it's as easy as signing a piece of paper. It's not, marriage is a commitment and needs work to function.

 

So what she had a few flings in the house with multiple guys while her 12 year old son was home? They've had a communication breakdown and now that she's told him where he went wrong he has the opportunity to make it right, if that's what he wants to do. Cheaper to keep her isn't just an expression, it's the downright truth.

 

Maybe they can work out a compromise, such as she can only bang one guy at a time rather than two. Or maybe he uses a condom rather than cumming on her face and buttocks as he put it. I'm not suggesting this, just giving one possible example of how you can meet in the middle when you don't agree on something.

[mrs rubble]

Your wife is wreckless, heartless and a terrible mother!! What sort of woman has 3 guys having sex with her while her child is present???

What sort of woman risks catching goodness knows what and passing it on to her husband???

 

If my man had bought 3 woman to my home and had sex with them, he'd be history, he wouldn't even get the chance to apologize, explain or ask for forgiveness. I would hate him so much, I couldn't bear to even look at him.

[Tobin]

If my man had bought 3 woman to my home and had sex with them, he'd be history, he wouldn't even get the chance to apologize, explain or ask for forgiveness. I would hate him so much, I couldn't bear to even look at him.

 

You say that, but you know what? Everyone says that's what they would do in a cheating situation, but many people can not or will not leave their wayward partner, they do everything they can to reconcile despite the betrayal, and before it happened they would respond to the question just like you did. Fact is you don't know what you'll do until and unless it actually happens.

[TX-SC]

You say that, but you know what? Everyone says that's what they would do in a cheating situation, but many people can not or will not leave their wayward partner, they do everything they can to reconcile despite the betrayal, and before it happened they would respond to the question just like you did. Fact is you don't know what you'll do until and unless it actually happens.

 

Simply untrue. If my wife told me she got drunk and made a mistake and had a ONS, I don't know what I'd do. If my wife did what his wife did, I would not even hesitate to find a lawyer.

[road]

Divorce her for she is not good wife material.

[mrs rubble]

You say that, but you know what? Everyone says that's what they would do in a cheating situation, but many people can not or will not leave their wayward partner, they do everything they can to reconcile despite the betrayal, and before it happened they would respond to the question just like you did. Fact is you don't know what you'll do until and unless it actually happens.

 

I know from experience that this is how I react. The guy mucking me around only had one other woman on the go, I told his other woman what was going on & told him to f$@& off & I've not spoken to him since.

[Mr. Lucky]

So what she had a few flings in the house with multiple guys while her 12 year old son was home? They've had a communication breakdown and now that she's told him where he went wrong he has the opportunity to make it right, if that's what he wants to do. Cheaper to keep her isn't just an expression, it's the downright truth.

 

Maybe they can work out a compromise, such as she can only bang one guy at a time rather than two. Or maybe he uses a condom rather than cumming on her face and buttocks as he put it. I'm not suggesting this, just giving one possible example of how you can meet in the middle when you don't agree on something.

 

I'm hoping this is either sarcasm or a creative writing assignment...

 

Mr. Lucky

[S2B]

People on here are so quick to say "get divorced" as if it's as easy as signing a piece of paper. It's not, marriage is a commitment and needs work to function.

 

So what she had a few flings in the house with multiple guys while her 12 year old son was home? They've had a communication breakdown and now that she's told him where he went wrong he has the opportunity to make it right, if that's what he wants to do. Cheaper to keep her isn't just an expression, it's the downright truth.

 

Maybe they can work out a compromise, such as she can only bang one guy at a time rather than two. Or maybe he uses a condom rather than cumming on her face and buttocks as he put it. I'm not suggesting this, just giving one possible example of how you can meet in the middle when you don't agree on something.

 

It's not his to make it right. That is on her.

 

Cheaper to keep her? No. They have no common debt and a short marriage.

 

She also setting a TERRIBLE example for the 12 year old. I hope custody goes to her ex.

 

Your wife seems like she has many issues - many you can't fix for her.

 

This is who she is. You want this for another 30 or 50 years? If not get out now.

 

When she turns up pregnant you will know it's not yours. She acting trashy.

[bubbaganoosh]

Honestly if you would re read what you wrote to us a couple times, you would know what to do.

 

You don't need any of us to tell you to do the right thing. She lied, cheated, brought men in your home, in your bed under your roof, you have the proof and if that isn't enough then your in for a real lousy life.

 

Honestly friend she just handed you the mother of all disrespect and I don't know how you could stand having her anywhere near you. Hand her divorce papers and move her out of your life quickly before she does more damage.

[linqer]

Honestly if you would re read what you wrote to us a couple times, you would know what to do.

 

You don't need any of us to tell you to do the right thing. She lied, cheated, brought men in your home, in your bed under your roof, you have the proof and if that isn't enough then your in for a real lousy life.

 

Honestly friend she just handed you the mother of all disrespect and I don't know how you could stand having her anywhere near you. Hand her divorce papers and move her out of your life quickly before she does more damage.

 

As someoe who have cheated so many times..

 

And trying to stop cheating on my wife,

 

I can say its not that easy.. to stop..

 

I think both option can be good to break up or to stay, as long as you will feel complete with your desicion..

 

But before making any comitment with her like kids act, also be complete with that decision..

 

Decide to enjoy life, life will be good with or without her..

[wvb1123]

I so appreciate all your opinions and no this isn't some story or fake post, I would never do that.

 

Her son , my step son, which I love too death was unaware....she snuck them in behind his back without him knowing and out the window. He knows nothing.

 

There is even more I didn't add but the main point was that because of my heart making feel like crap all the time {I'm just now getting back to 75% or so} and not feeling in the mood... out of wind, taking nitro...etc, her having feet surgery and the fire it was a lot in those 6-10 months. I told her that....you know what she said, you could have found a way to please me sexually.

 

I asked her earlier if she felt is was partly my fault....and she said I would feel as it was mine a little if it was reversed. That floored me. She's now saying she feels suicidal and might need to be admitted to the phyc ward. I believe that I am a Victim of mental abuse here, not her.

 

She said I feel bad for what I did, guilty, I told her if I didn't catch you you would still be doing it....she said she was feeling too guilty the last month or so and was going to call it all off because she was terrified It would be the cause of our family breaking up.

 

I now also know I made love to her on the same night she was with all 3 of those men, it makes me sick knowing that.

 

I know a lot of you say dump her and move on idiot.....and I understand that because I would prob say the same thing 99% of the time....when your in love with someone and this happens you get lost within yourself, I am def lost....she is all I have.

 

See... I am on disability due to my heart disease so this would leave me alone with my heart broken (which it already is) the only 2 ways it can be broken, emotionally and physically. If I am going to call it off I was going to wait a few days and mention we visit her family in MI next weekend and when there explain to her parents (who would take her in) what has been happening and leave them there with her family....then explain to her my reasons why, I'm trying not to get my heart going too much and thought this would save me much drama and arguing, (I'm already pushing 160 over 100 because of stress) I would just need to mail her son his school supplies as he wouldn't take those not knowing he wouldn't be coming back. But is that the right thing to do.....that's why I need your guys help.

 

I feel humiliated, punked, disrespected, and unwanted. I guess some of that's normal. I'm not trying to convince myself one way or another, I'm just asking for objective explanations on what I need to do and why from ppl not emotionally involved and some whom have went through this.

 

I don't have a lot of money so getting an attorney for a divorce won't be easy. And do it yourself ones are complicated.

 

Again thank you so much for everyone's honesty and help so far and a thank you in advance to those about to help. Peace and love to all of you.

 

P.S.

My father passed away 2 & 1/2 months ago.....she didn't miss a beat and kept meeting with these 3 men. When I told her I was going over to my mothers for a cpl hrs because she was in need of moral support she invited them over while I was gone......one of the times her son was 50 feet away on the computer the entire time.

[Robert]

Quick reminder to all members, please keep this thread on topic to the OP's situation and remember that every member should be respected for their contribution.

 

Thank you. ~ V

[autumnnight]

People on here are so quick to say "get divorced" as if it's as easy as signing a piece of paper. It's not, marriage is a commitment and needs work to function.

 

So what she had a few flings in the house with multiple guys while her 12 year old son was home? They've had a communication breakdown and now that she's told him where he went wrong he has the opportunity to make it right, if that's what he wants to do. Cheaper to keep her isn't just an expression, it's the downright truth.

 

Maybe they can work out a compromise, such as she can only bang one guy at a time rather than two. Or maybe he uses a condom rather than cumming on her face and buttocks as he put it. I'm not suggesting this, just giving one possible example of how you can meet in the middle when you don't agree on something.

 

The responsibility for this behavior rests squarely on the WIFE, not the OP or the son.

Edited September 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Derogatory comment at another member ~ V

[TX-SC]

Being sick and physically in poor shape does not excuse you from being an adult who can make rational decisions. Your wife has put your health at risk by cheating. She has shown a lack of parenting skills by putting her son in such a position, and she has totally emasculated you as a man. Your wife is not wife material.

 

I do not agree with just dropping them off with no warning. That, again, is not the adult way to handle this. You need to tell your wife that you plan to separate from her and eventually divorce once you have the funds. Tell her that you simply cannot bear the idea of reconciling with her, given what she has done and how she did it.

 

The amount of disrespect in her actions is staggering. Borrow the money for an initial attorney consultation. The attorney can guide you on the best course of action.

[Tobin]

See... I am on disability due to my heart disease so this would leave me alone with my heart broken (which it already is) the only 2 ways it can be broken, emotionally and physically.

 

I am so glad you posted this part here. You think that if you leave her, your heart will be broken even more, on an emotional level in addition to the physical damage already sustained.

 

Let me assure you that the word "heartbreak" is only an expression, your heart will not be the least bit affected emotionally if you kick her to the curb. after finding out you were the 4th guy in line on the night in question. I've heard of sloppy seconds.. but never sloppy 4ths.

 

I so appreciate all your opinions and no this isn't some story or fake post, I would never do that.

 

Of course you wouldn't, and no one is doubting you on this thread, and trust me, it has nothing whatsoever to do with the forum rules.

[wvb1123]

I would do that because she has once in the past gotten violent and punched me in the chest.....I don't want her to have an outburst and have her son have to see that and go through that....but if she was with her parents she will not do so. That's why I choose to possibly do it that way....I'm reading all your opinions before I do anything. Thank you for yours.

 

 

 

Being sick and physically in poor shape does not excuse you from being an adult who can make rational decisions. Your wife has put your health at risk by cheating. She has shown a lack of parenting skills by putting her son in such a position, and she has totally emasculated you as a man. Your wife is not wife material.

 

I do not agree with just dropping them off with no warning. That, again, is not the adult way to handle this. You need to tell your wife that you plan to separate from her and eventually divorce once you have the funds. Tell her that you simply cannot bear the idea of reconciling with her, given what she has done and how she did it.

 

The amount of disrespect in her actions is staggering. Borrow the money for an initial attorney consultation. The attorney can guide you on the best course of action.

[bubbaganoosh]

 

I know a lot of you say dump her and move on idiot.....and I understand that because I would prob say the same thing 99% of the time....when your in love with someone and this happens you get lost within yourself, I am def lost....she is all I have.

 

And there's were your wrong on two counts. First you have yourself and right now there's no one that should be more important than you and getting your health back.

 

As far as her, Honestly you don't have her. She's only going to make getting healthy harder for you. She's got too many problems and when someone disrespects you in the manner in which she did she's not a help and your never going to regain your health with that kind of rubbish that she hung around your neck. Unload her and get yourself squared away.

Edited September 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote

[wvb1123]

I posted my story already in relationships area but I wanna know if I got a Divorce if I can use infidelity with multiple partners as abuse ..... such as mental abuse. She brought. 3 men in our bedroom over 40 times for intercourse over 5 month period while I was gone to doc appt etc.... In addition I had 2 heart attacks in past 2 yrs and still dealing with some affects from those, which she was/is well aware of. Would the court system even care?

[sandylee1]

So if you get sick again? ??????? She'll do the same right? If not why not?

 

If my son married a woman like this, I'd be telling her a few choice words. What a lousy example of a mother she is. Cheating parents jeopardise the stability of their children's lives.

 

What's so great about her that you'd tolerate this? Not loyalty .

[Tayla]

Speak with an attorney. States have their own statutes on these parameters of dissolution.

 

Sorry that you are going thru this....