my wife cheated with 3 men for 4 months, what do i do?

[wvb1123]

So if you get sick again? ??????? She'll do the same right? If not why not?

 

If my son married a woman like this, I'd be telling her a few choice words. What a lousy example of a mother she is. Cheating parents jeopardise the stability of their children's lives.

 

What's so great about her that you'd tolerate this? Not loyalty .

 

--------------------------------------------

 

 

You are so completely right. A mother who would seek 3 men past her 12yr old so to do that is almost unreal. If I didn't have it on video I would not believe it myself. WHY she is still here is beyond me, I don't have low self esteem, I'm not into getting abused, I've worked in the casino business for 10 yrs and got two degrees ..... one in criminal justice "law enforcement" and the other in "supervisory management", so I'm not a dead beat. My heart disease is what halted my law enforcement career and put me on disability. Maybe its because I'm afraid of being alone.....especially because my dad passed 3 months ago and I see my mom heart broken. I guess that's why I am asking for help, your opinions are def helping to make this right choice. ------ I cannot believe that she means to promise not to do this again, I just can't. What she did to our trust and my feelings and then I'm sure some type of damage to my healing process to heal my heart damage.

 

When the judge asks if this marriage can be saved I guess maybe that's my time to speak up about why it can't and why....maybe the judge will take it into account then. I just CANT fall into her lies and not GET this divorce.

[wvb1123]

Honestly, most likely not. They won't consider it abuse. Infidelity has no bearing on divorce since no fault was introduced, as far as I know. Remember the only parties that win in divorce are the lawyers.

 

 

 

Your right sir. Absolutely correct. After thinking about it why do they care why.

[aliveagain]

--------------------------------------------

 

 

You are so completely right. A mother who would seek 3 men past her 12yr old so to do that is almost unreal. If I didn't have it on video I would not believe it myself. WHY she is still here is beyond me, I don't have low self esteem, I'm not into getting abused, I've worked in the casino business for 10 yrs and got two degrees ..... one in criminal justice "law enforcement" and the other in "supervisory management", so I'm not a dead beat. My heart disease is what halted my law enforcement career and put me on disability. Maybe its because I'm afraid of being alone.....especially because my dad passed 3 months ago and I see my mom heart broken. I guess that's why I am asking for help, your opinions are def helping to make this right choice. ------ I cannot believe that she means to promise not to do this again, I just can't. What she did to our trust and my feelings and then I'm sure some type of damage to my healing process to heal my heart damage.

 

When the judge asks if this marriage can be saved I guess maybe that's my time to speak up about why it can't and why....maybe the judge will take it into account then. I just CANT fall into her lies and not GET this divorce.

 

Give her the mattress and bed as her settlement, get tested for all STD's, file because there is nothing to save here friend. Being single is better then sharing your wife with half the neighbourhood. Knowing her son was home just makes it that much skankier, sorry. She's a nasty serial cheater and your going to catch something nasty if you stay with this one.

[sandylee1]

--------------------------------------------

 

 

You are so completely right. A mother who would seek 3 men past her 12yr old so to do that is almost unreal. If I didn't have it on video I would not believe it myself. WHY she is still here is beyond me, I don't have low self esteem, I'm not into getting abused, I've worked in the casino business for 10 yrs and got two degrees ..... one in criminal justice "law enforcement" and the other in "supervisory management", so I'm not a dead beat. My heart disease is what halted my law enforcement career and put me on disability. Maybe its because I'm afraid of being alone.....especially because my dad passed 3 months ago and I see my mom heart broken. I guess that's why I am asking for help, your opinions are def helping to make this right choice. ------ I cannot believe that she means to promise not to do this again, I just can't. What she did to our trust and my feelings and then I'm sure some type of damage to my healing process to heal my heart damage.

 

When the judge asks if this marriage can be saved I guess maybe that's my time to speak up about why it can't and why....maybe the judge will take it into account then. I just CANT fall into her lies and not GET this divorce.

 

I believe we all need a certain level of respect in any relationship. We decide what that level is for ourselves . You have a stepson that you like. A woman who does this isn't just going to stop overnight, so I see you getting attached to her son, her cheating again and then maybe divorce but you'll be worrying because of the bond you formed with him and feel sorry for him.

 

Sorry, but her behaviour is embarrassing. What kind of wife does this???

 

Did she marry you for stability ? To make your home look better to gain custody?

 

Honestly if I saw my H sneak 3 women into our house - that would have to be the end of our marriage.

 

I wasn't born to take such crap from another human being, never mind my H.

[No Limit]

I'd be mad at the 12 year old for keeping such a big secret from his new stepdad.

 

Blood is thicker than water - he's probably been taught by his mother to just keep quiet. Guess she did the same with her previous guys.

[Tayla]

Honestly, most likely not. They won't consider it abuse. Infidelity has no bearing on divorce since no fault was introduced, as far as I know. Remember the only parties that win in divorce are the lawyers.

 

the OP was asked to seek legal advice .

 

Lets not assume that infidelity is no longer allowed in dissolution's. That is a false statement that needs corrected.

 

OP- Most lawyers will consult you the first time for consideration of your case. At which point they may or may not offer suggestions if you can do this on your own.

 

Here is an article that gives some guidance or info.

Divorce Questions: How Does Adultery Affect A Divorce Case?

[ShatteredLady]

This time last year I nearly died. My H sat by my bed after emergency surgery. My body was septic, poisoning my internal organs. I have been a chronic pain sufferer for years due to a degenerative spine. I have pushed through the pain & done everything I can to be a good mother & wife. It took only 4 months of 'neglect' while mostly bedridden due to surgery for my H to request that SHE set-up a secret account for them to communicate! Death bed too infadility just 4 months! I thought that was bad but OMG what your wife has put you through....while dealing with surgery AND your fathers death!

I know the cheater feels they were also under tremendous stress! Yeh right! I am I very compassionate person. I truly understand that it's hard for our partners to deal with our health issues. Is it really too much to expect kindness & loyalty while we're going through the worst times of our life! "In sickness & health" are just words along with all the others to some.

You are not alone. She isn't ALL you have left. I truly believe it takes an astounding lack of character to be so incredibly selfish. You don't have her. She doesn't deserve you! You don't cease to have value just because you're sick. Isn't this the time that any loved one should truly be selfless & support?

 

I'm now facing even worse health issues. It's terrifying! What effect will this 'stress' have on our relationship? Ugh!!

 

Look at the statistics for healthy recovery after traumatic surgery. She is greatly reducing your chances by inflicting this extreme mental stress on you. You need a safe, calm enviroment to fully recover. You don't need her. Quite the opposite! Take care of yourself. She is a parasite robbing you of what you need at a time like this. Being lonely & sick is terrifying. The effects of this stress on your body is even worse. I think you know what you need to do. Be brave & eliminate this pain & mental torture in your life!

[bathtub-row]

I don't have much to add to this but this is just such a sad situation, and I'm so sorry you're going through it.

 

I can't imagine someone doing this kind of thing so I have to think that she's really a heartless person. It really doesn't matter about not having sex when a person has been as sick as you have been. You have enough to think about without having to worry about something like that. Does she not have enough sense to know how to please herself? Sorry, I don't think much of her at all. She sounds very immature, slutty and abusive if you ask me. She should not ever hit you or cheat on you. People like her just prey on others and wreck their lives. It's pathetic and unconscionable.

 

And just to give you some perspective, on any absolute worst day of my life, my very lowest point, my most negative self -- I would never, ever, ever dream of advertising on craigslist and screwing around with total strangers. This is a concept that isn't even in my realm of thinking. And if I ever cheated on a spouse, I would never, ever bring them in the home that I lived in with my spouse. There are just some things that are too far off the moral compass, and she is completely off the charts.

 

I wish you peace, dear sir.

Edited September 10, 2015 by bathtub-row

[wvb1123]

I believe we all need a certain level of respect in any relationship. We decide what that level is for ourselves . You have a stepson that you like. A woman who does this isn't just going to stop overnight, so I see you getting attached to her son, her cheating again and then maybe divorce but you'll be worrying because of the bond you formed with him and feel sorry for him.

 

Sorry, but her behaviour is embarrassing. What kind of wife does this???

 

Did she marry you for stability ? To make your home look better to gain custody?

 

Honestly if I saw my H sneak 3 women into our house - that would have to be the end of our marriage.

 

I wasn't born to take such crap from another human being, never mind my H.

 

--------------------------

 

Your right, my god....now that I think of it. She mentioned getting her son back from her ex full time 2 months after our marriage. And within 6 months of getting him back this starts.....she used me to get her son back (he is such good kid, that all of this just kills me, and will him too). And for stability, wow how could I have been so stupid.

 

Someone mentioned she is a serial cheater........3 men for 5 months, even inviting them over when my step is here.....not to forget inviting them over while I went to comfort my mom when my dad died 2 & 1/2 months ago.

 

I think I have enough info. Basically she WILL cheat again, put her son and myself in danger with possible diseases.....and was disrespected and basically said by her actions I'm a man who will just take whatever and take it and believe whatever he says if she gets caught. I don't even think counseling can help this situation.

[wvb1123]

I don't have much to add to this but this is just such a sad situation, and I'm so sorry you're going through it.

 

I can't imagine someone doing this kind of thing so I have to think that she's really a heartless person. It really doesn't matter about not having sex when a person has been as sick as you have been. You have enough to think about without having to worry about something like that. Does she not have enough sense to know how to please herself? Sorry, I don't think much of her at all. She sounds very immature, slutty and abusive if you ask me. She should not ever hit you or cheat on you. People like her just prey on others and wreck their lives. It's pathetic and unconscionable.

 

And just to give you some perspective, on any absolute worst day of my life, my very lowest point, my most negative self -- I would never, ever, ever dream of advertising on craigslist and screwing around with total strangers. This is a concept that isn't even in my realm of thinking. And if I ever cheated on a spouse, I would never, ever bring them in the home that I lived in with my spouse. There are just some things that are too far off the moral compass, and she is completely off the charts.

 

I wish you peace, dear sir.

 

 

--------------------

 

Thank you so very much.

[wvb1123]

This time last year I nearly died. My H sat by my bed after emergency surgery. My body was septic, poisoning my internal organs. I have been a chronic pain sufferer for years due to a degenerative spine. I have pushed through the pain & done everything I can to be a good mother & wife. It took only 4 months of 'neglect' while mostly bedridden due to surgery for my H to request that SHE set-up a secret account for them to communicate! Death bed too infadility just 4 months! I thought that was bad but OMG what your wife has put you through....while dealing with surgery AND your fathers death!

I know the cheater feels they were also under tremendous stress! Yeh right! I am I very compassionate person. I truly understand that it's hard for our partners to deal with our health issues. Is it really too much to expect kindness & loyalty while we're going through the worst times of our life! "In sickness & health" are just words along with all the others to some.

You are not alone. She isn't ALL you have left. I truly believe it takes an astounding lack of character to be so incredibly selfish. You don't have her. She doesn't deserve you! You don't cease to have value just because you're sick. Isn't this the time that any loved one should truly be selfless & support?

 

I'm now facing even worse health issues. It's terrifying! What effect will this 'stress' have on our relationship? Ugh!!

 

Look at the statistics for healthy recovery after traumatic surgery. She is greatly reducing your chances by inflicting this extreme mental stress on you. You need a safe, calm enviroment to fully recover. You don't need her. Quite the opposite! Take care of yourself. She is a parasite robbing you of what you need at a time like this. Being lonely & sick is terrifying. The effects of this stress on your body is even worse. I think you know what you need to do. Be brave & eliminate this pain & mental torture in your life!

 

 

-----------------------------------------

 

Thank you, your words of honesty and warmth do wonders for me, more than you know. I hope your health gets better because we need more people in this world like you

[BlueBlood]

No advice, only my sympathies. I hope things improve and you can go forward, with good and loving days ahead.

 

Take care of yourself,

B

[Lois_Griffin]

.......we just got custody of her 12 yr old a yr ago. She even brought them in our bedroom when he was home on the computer. They did everything....one even ejactulated inside her but mostly was on her buttocks and face.

You might want to revisit thinking WHY she hasn't had custody of her own child until recently. What an unbelievable pig this poor kid has for a mother. I hope his father gets custody again because she isn't qualified to have a dammed goldfish, much less a child.

 

Seriously. What kind of low life goes trawling through the cesspool of Craigslist and actually hooks up with multiple guys at one time? Who does that? About the only thing missing from that whole sickening scenario is each mouth-breather leaving a $50 bill on her nightstand as they're leaving.

 

I'd eviscerate her in court.

 

Good luck to you.

[BetrayedH]

Many family law attorneys will do an initial consult for free. That's probably your first step to figure out your options. Consider borrowing from family for the lawyer's retainer, or perhaps you can do it solo with so little in shared debts amd assets.

 

And there are still several states (assuming you live in the US) that are "at fault" states where her infidelity (and your proof of it) would matter immensely. Even some "no fault" states such as my own still allow a judge to consider infidelity when it comes to alimony, child support, and custody. Even if they don't, I would safeguard any proof you have because it is not uncommon for a spouse to try to do a character assassination of you and you may need to counter it with what you have.

 

Others may disagree, but personally I like the idea of dumping her off at her parents. Given a few days away from her, I bet you'll see your BP come down. You deserve it.

 

I feel for the 12 yo. No matter what you do, it's going to be yet another disruption for him. But you can't stay with her for another 6 years just trying to avoid that conflict. If possible, I'd look to find a way to explain that his mother had mutliple boyfriends while she was married to you and it simply wasn't something you can tolerate. Sadly, I just don't know how you do that in the drop-off scenario. Perhaps that conversation has to wait until later, if you even have it at all. The mother here has really made a mess.

Edited September 10, 2015 by BetrayedH

[spanz1]

Seriously. What kind of low life goes trawling through the cesspool of Craigslist and actually hooks up with multiple guys at one time? Who does that? About the only thing missing from that whole sickening scenario is each mouth-breather leaving a $50 bill on her nightstand as they're leaving.

.

 

 

 

well, a gangbang with some guys at your house. A LOT of women have that fantasy. MOST will not go thru with it. but, if she is over sexed, and was horny from no sex from you because of the medical stuff, she was probably driven to it, like a heroin addict is driven to get a fix.

 

 

It is easy to just throw out there "divorce her". but if you are willing to do a little leg work, you might open up other options. find out what types of websites she has accounts on, and sit with her and go thru them, her PM's with members, etc. Get an idea of what sex acts she does crave. Find out just how kinky she is. Get a good idea of the timeline involved (was this just recent, or has she been doing other guys your whole marriage long).

 

 

THEN you can figure out who this person really is that you are married to, and figure out if you can put up with her behavior, maybe modify your behavior to better satisfy her kinky sex needs, and if you have the stomach for it all. For instance, if she just craves kinky sex, is willing to do any sex act you wish, and also is willing to give up all external men...well some might say that is a good thing...for you.

[Bufo]

This is practical advice. Do see an attorney versed in family law locally. You need to know your rights and obligations to help you make a rational decision about whether to stay and try to fix the M or to go and be done with it.

 

Specifically learn about obligations to each other, the role if any of infidelity in Wisconsin divorces, get an idea of what a property and debt division would look like, learn if there is any real chance of alimony given the length of the M and your health and disability status, and especially what you can do to protect yourself financially and physically before and during divorce

 

A good lawyer also should have contacts for IC for you if you feel you need it

 

Talking to a lawyer does not mean you are filing for divorce. You should keep the fact and contents of your consultation confidential. There is nothing to be gained from telling her you have seen an attorney.

 

And you can discuss fees, costs and the usual timeline for uncontested and contested divorces in your area.

 

Doing this is being proactive as it not realistic to think that divorce is out of the question here. The disrespect and lying she's shown are almost beyond belief.

[poofitsgone]

I'm really sorry to read what your going through. I hope you have a swift and successful recovery not just from your health issues but emotionally as well. How have things gone sine your last post?

 

I echo the sentiment to get a free consultation with a lawyer if you haven't already. Since it seems you already understand how toxic this relationship is for you I wont harp on how angry her actions have made me expect to say this; many WS come crawling on their knees for forgiveness for doing far less...your WW see to have reacted more with an apologetic shrug.

 

And I agree that her blaming you in part for her actions is complete bs. If she was sexually frustrated with her situation (which seems to have happened fast to me, but I dont have her thoughts or drives so I wont judge her for that) she needed to have enough respect for you to voice her concerns. Then at least you would at least have had a chance to work something out. You not being a mind reader doesn't give her a blank check.

 

Once again, Im sorry you have go through this. Stay strong...you can handle this.

[Woggle]

Get a pitbull lawyer and get out of this marriage.

[LostOnes05]

Get a lawyer, get tested, and get the F outta there. I'm all for people in marriages sticking together and working through problems, except in two cases...abuse and cheating. Both are indicative of a lack of respect for the other person. There is no reason to stay in this marriage man!! She doesn't respect you and no relationship can last without mutual respect. When she says she loves you think about how she brought other men into the bed you guys share. Pretty clear that she doesn't. You're gonna have to get over those feelings you have for her. This wasn't your fault but you can remedy the situation by leaving and never having contact with her again. Take solace in knowing that you can do much better than her. Best of luck man, I know it's tough.

[Mr Blunt]

She brought. 3 men in our bedroom over 40 times for intercourse over 5 month period while I was gone to doc appt etc....

 

 

 

Your conclusions are good in that you know you cannot live with this woman. Your bleeding emotions are your biggest obstacle so get help with that IMMEDIATELY. I know you are afraid to be alone but really you are already alone. Your wife will invite two strange men into her bedroom and strip off naked and do all kinds of sex. She has no modesty and she is no rookie at this. A person would have to be very reckless to invite two strange men in to the bedroom knowing that they have no morals. SHE HAS CHOSEN HER SEXUAL LUST OVER YOU AND HER SON; WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?

 

 

 

Your wife has no respect for you and she has little integrity and character. Get a plan, get stronger in your emotions and save yourself a lot of agony in the future by cutting everything off with this woman.

[froz]

Just the title of this thread made me feel a little sick.

I don't even know where to start...

[toma1]

I know people are quick to jump on the separate/divorce thing, but it worked wonders for me! My story isn't the same as yours, but there were 3-4 other men. I tried and tried and lord knows I tried again, but she had gone somewhere as a person that she was never coming back from. I went almost 5 miserable years, THE WORST 5 YEARS of my life!!!

[SammySammy]

Blood is thicker than water - he's probably been taught by his mother to just keep quiet. Guess she did the same with her previous guys.

 

Right.

 

He knows what kind of mother he has. He's a child and looks the other way because he has to.

[autumnnight]

Right.

 

He knows what kind of mother he has. He's a child and looks the other way because he has to.

 

None of this is the child's fault. And none of it makes the child some horrible lost cause.

 

ALL the blame is on this mom.

 

I hope the OP is okay. PHysically and emotionally.

[Spectre]

I can tell you what you do: leave this horrible woman. I just don't get why men stay with skanky women EVEN for a child. I mean holy hell dude..3 men in your bedroom 40 times in a 5 month period? WTF?

 

I bet if you divorce she'll wind up with custody of with her hand out wanting money.