Feeling worried

[BetrayedH]

I know that people who are enamoured with another person tend to want to speak about that person, to anyone who will listen including their spouses. They are besotted, and whilst they may keep it all above board and seem like it is just conversation, they will keep bringing that person up, at every opportunity.

 

YOU: Let's go swimming, haven't been in ages.

Him: Yes, great idea, Emma takes her kids swimming at the new pool down town. Emma says it is a fantastic place. We can have lunch there too, Emma says the steak is out of this world.

 

At the moment, he is has just mentioned her.

Stay quiet and act completely normal, don't ask about her and see if he continues to bring her up up in the conversation a lot. If he does, then you may be right to be worried.

 

There can definitely be truth to this. My wife talked a good bit about her new boss. At one point I said to my wife, "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were having an affair with the guy." She laughed and said I'd "obviously never met Jose before; he's balding with glasses" and that her friend would get a kick out of that. You can guess the truth from here.

[Lois_Griffin]

While I wouldn't automatically assume the worst and suggest you jump into full 'spy' mode, one should NEVER, EVER ignore their gut.

 

For whatever reason, yours has been screaming at you about this particular woman but not any of the other women he's worked with in the recent past.

 

There's a reason for it.

 

Just a word of warning - never ignore your gut. It's rarely wrong.

[World's.Edge]

If your relationship with your husband's good, I'd just ask him about it. Honesty and forthrightness and all that. If you have it, that's much better than going all detective, which'll either make you feel paranoid or creepy for having run around behind his back. Don't be that person unless you really have to be.

The above is good advice. Just talk to him openly and honestly, share with him the suspicions and concerns you have mentioned here, like how she didn't appear older or as motherly as he described and so forth.

 

If afterwards your intuition is still telling you that something is off, then purchase a VAR (Voice-Activated-Recorder) and insvestigate.

[Mr. Lucky]

If afterwards your intuition is still telling you that something is off' date=' then purchase a VAR (Voice-Activated-Recorder) and insvestigate.[/quote']

 

Absent other compelling evidence, this is a brutal invasion of your spouse's privacy. What happens if you hear him say something hurtful - "wish my wife didn't have a fat *ss" - that's non-infidelity related ? Can't unring the bell and you're opening a door to private thoughts you may wish remained closed.

 

It's one thing if you're in survival mode trying to protect your marriage. Not the case here...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Rainbowlove]

we haven't been having sex as much recently but I thought that was because he is working so much. A mutual thing really because i have been busy with my job as well. I can think of some other odd things but now I feel like I am just paranoid.

 

To give a better idea of why I got suspicious I'll try to be more clear on what happened. He is in a hands on course with work with four other coworkers and an instructor and they spend all day together. So he was coming home and talking about all of them. I knew all of them but her. She has a unique name so when I saw it on the list and then he mentioned her I askes who she was as I had never heard him mention her. That's when he told me she was a very motherly person with two kids and you could tell she was older than the rest of the class really easily. I guess I just imagined this soccer mom.

 

I did not imagine her right at all. But I think I will talk to him tonight. No more snooping. I feel really bad about that now.

 

To be honest, I think this is more about you than it is about anything your husband has done.

 

Getting honest with your husband about your jealousy and insecurity is a good start.

[sandylee1]

we haven't been having sex as much recently but I thought that was because he is working so much.

 

 

He is in a hands on course with work with four other coworkers and an instructor and they spend all day together. .

 

You might wanna get your sex life back on OP.

[ShatteredLady]

At heart I'm an "Innocent until proven guilty" believer. Infidelity is brutal but so it invading someone's privacy. This is a new, first time doubt, situation. Why not give him the benefit of doubt & just have an open honest conversation?

 

I know members here say that if you let them know you're 'on to them they take it underground & it's harder to prove they're cheating'. I get this but really? Recording devices! That's a whole different level of betrayal. I've been guilty of snooping...I must confess my instincts have ALWAYS been correct but I see a world of difference between reading emails & setting hidden recording devices. If I was innocent & on the receiving end of that I'd be mortified! My husband knows I talk to myself & sing silly songs when alone but think about what you could hear...completely innocent but incredibly embarrassing to your partner if you record him.

 

With some REAL evidence I support any level of crazy. Following, recording devices, email & text trackers, all that stuff. I'm one of those people who NEEDS to know everything once I know a little. Your H has never done anything for you to doubt him before this. I'd be so hurt if I found that my H did have doubts crippling him & didn't say anything!!

 

Do the 'team' on this course go to lunch together? Can you join them & watch the dynamic of them? It's normal for a spouse to meet the coworkers their H is spending time with.

 

Just to be honest it turns out I threw a birthday party in my home for my H's mistress & had no idea!! Ugh! Sometimes I think I'm too much of a mess to offer advise to others!! I've spent a significant part of my life thinking I had a very special, wonderful marriage. I'm still mortified that I gave my H's mistress relationship advise & tried to set her up with single male friends!! Turns out I coached her on how to date my H!!! Ugh!!!