Is it me or is my bf untrustworthy?

[mlxy]

My bf who is now 24 years old, got married when he was 17 (back home). This wasn't an arranged marriage, he was in love with this girl and wanted to get married. Despite his family being totally against it due to his age and the girl's (she was also 17), they still got married. After they got married, he moved to the US - and the girl stayed back home. Eventually things didn't work out and he divorced her. My bf told me all this the first day we got together, so I was cool with it.

 

Anyways, during our relationship, I noticed he was on extremely friendly terms with another ex-gf of his. My bf never introduced me to this girl as his 'ex' - he always said she was merely a friend. Until much later, I found out through a mutual friend that this girl was indeed an ex, and they had been together for sometime before he met me. IN FACT, this ex of his gave my bf an [COLOR=#22229c]ultimatum[/COLOR] to either stay with her, or go back home and divorce his wife (when they were together). So basically, my bf was dating some girl here in the USA, while being married to some poor soul back home. Nevertheless, eventually things did not work out with his ex #2 either and they broke up.

 

I understand my bf was young at the time. Too young to be married - but not too young to realize he was married AND dating someone? And definitely not too young to NOW be dating me, but still keeping this ex (who told him to divorce his wife) around?

 

On top of all this, my bf also keeps in touch casually with his ex-wife. I mean, one time he even asked me "would you be okay with my ex-wife coming to our wedding?" and I was like WTF?

 

I don't know if this is all just me being crazy or what. But I'm having a really hard trusting my bf now.

[smackie9]

There are some people who don't have a bad rapport with there ex, and become long time friends. This ex of his is more than an ex wife, they went through something that not your average 17 year old would go through. So she will always be a part of his life, in some way or another. Yes he was young and sure didn't make wise choices, but he has learned valuable lessons along the way.

 

There is a reason why he has asked you if she could attend your wedding...because he is considering your feelings in this. This is YOUR opportunity to express how you feel, not only about his ex but his lack of communicating necessary details about his friend being an ex GF. Since you are planning to get married, you need to nip this in the bud, and make sure he understands how vital it is for him to not keep things from you, or it will jeopardize your relationship. IMO he still has some growing up to do before you walk down the isle.

[healingsoul]

It is so easy to understand why you are having trust issues with your bf. You know for a fact that he was cheating on his wife and now he is keeping multiple relationships with ex’s while he is saying he is committed to you. A marriage is the most intimate and highly cherished relationship two people can have and it is a time you are saying to each other and the world that you are making a promise to one another to be life-long mates—that you are going to join together from all the people in the world and become one couple. So it would be normal for you to be concerned because it does not seem that you bf is ready to make a sole commitment to each other.

 

 

 

 

Have you considered going to engagement or marriage counseling? Often they work through many issues.

 

Have you asked him how he would feel if you still had old boyfriends that you kept up with and wanted to invite to the wedding? Do you think you can marry your bf if he wants to continue these type of relationships after your marriage? Has he really matured enough to be a loyal husband totally committed to you alone for life?