I finally talk to her and find out her ex has been lurking around

[Clarity4us]

So we last broke up a few months ago due to her constantly involving her ex bf into our lives. She does not see how putting him before me has tore us apart, and frankly I do not think she cares.

She was on the phone with him for seven hours discussing partly why I needed to have a label?? I told her that was enough and to go be with him. We did not talk for 2 weeks and then tried again. I care about her but was hoping she would come to terms with why he has to get out of our relationship.

She has the baby and pretty much blows me off for 3 weeks, telling me she is too tired and moving. Okay So I am patient and wait only to find out last week that Her ex bf saw the baby 3 TIMES, before I did. That was a crushing blow.

I would say that was the worst fight we ever had and she attempted to choke me, as my words were like daggers and all the built up resentment came flowing outwards. The months of neglect and the emotional turmoil had finally taken me down.

She said she wanted to die cuz of what I said. I was just expressing how she has acted and how she was completely oblivious to all the pain she had caused me. We tried to get past it and saw each other two more times, each time harder than the last to even want to touch her. I finally said if she puts him above me one more time then I am out. I can not endure it. She has completely cut off contact with me. It has been 4 days and she has avoided every attempt at talking. I want to tell her to stay away but don't want to instigate anything. I am sure he is there comforting her even though he is the PROBLEM. Well she is the problem and I am done. How should I tell her this when this silent treatment is over, when he is again not fulfilling her needs and she run to me to heal the wound?

[PaperCrane]

Uhhhhh, she tried to choke you out.

 

If it were me I'd be outta there pronto.

[Clarity4us]

No she attempted to choke me, she put her hands around my neck and kinda squeezed but she never actually put pressure. It was more out of frustration like why are you saying this to me.

In fact she then grabbed my face and said "why are you doing this?!"

[Space Ritual]

Clarity,

 

I am afraid your relationship is at an end and has been for a long time.

 

If you are the father of the baby please see an attorney and know your rights. Especially if you need to set up a visitation schedule.

 

You are currently in a no win situation and if this is truly the case then seek legal redress and if this ex is a problem make sure part of the legal documents cite that this ex bf is to have no contact with your child whatsoever.

 

It actually is doable depending where you live.

 

Remember, since she showed you who she is, your goal should be only to be the best coparent you possibly can. Nothing more, nothing less.

You are not in a relationship with her. She fired you from that job. Make sure she sees real life consequences for her actions.

 

If you approach it from that angle it will save you a lot of sleepless nights.

[Chi townD]

Wait, what?!?! She had a baby? Who's is it? Yours or the Ex?

[Clarity4us]

Thanx for the advice, it is neither of ours but I was there the entire pregnancy and we had made agreements throughout that he was ours and we would raise him together.

I know that can change but we even tried after the fight and I stayed up all night with him and then we just keep coming back to this guy. He is standing infront of everything. She just told we were together and I was the most loyal and devoted partner she ever met last week. Friday came and she came over and we cuddled but she wouldn't kiss me. She did apologize and we were talking fine. Saturday came and she just shut shut off. I was texting her telling her how happy I was to be a part of her life and her son's and I barely mentioned her ex.

I just said he was the reason we had that fight and I can't handle having him above me. I am not sure but I think that is why she started this. She has some view of him that cuz of his abuse in life she must cater to his feelings but he has not shown her the same. He has hurt her time and again and I hate it.

If he did't hurt her so bad then I prolly would be more understanding but when she makes excuses up for his awful behaviors towards her, I just get so upset. It is more cuz he is still a problem and has been for over a year. We were split up when she got pregnant.

[Darren Steez]

ummm...

 

What is the question?

[Clarity4us]

haha It is more of a rant then a question but I am pretty upset. I like her to have support and people that make her happy around but wth is with this guy?!! He is constantly texting her and being more active now then he was the 5 months they were together.

He was a ****e bf and made her feel all sorts of messed up ways and never seemed to care about what he did to hurt her and he just pops up when she is in a relationship and is acting savvy. It is pathetic and I want to kick his ass. He is only threatened. I just want to wake er up and I know leaving is the only way for his true colors to come back to the surface.

It just hurts so much that I have to leave them for her to recognize his malice behaviors causing more problems!!

[Clay]

Some people just don't care. She is only thinking of her needs and herself. I would block her and walk away.

 

You don't deserve what she is doing.

 

Good luck

 

C

[Chi townD]

Dude, just move on. Start a strict NC on her. She's got WAY TOO much baggage. She always had one foot out of the door on this relationship anyways. If the Ex wants her, he can have her and all of the problems she brings with it.

 

 

There are more girls than guys on this planet. Find a girl that has her head on straight and knows what she wants out of life.

Edited September 8, 2015 by Chi townD

[qubist]

Clarity4us: you have all the answers, read what you wrote

he just pops up when she is in a relationship and is acting savvy.

you must leave it is better for you and her

I know leaving is the only way for his true colors to come back to the surface.

yes agreed

It just hurts so much that I have to leave them for her to recognize his malice behaviors causing more problems!!

I feel you pain, but leaving is your only option if you really want to have a chance with her. we've seen this many times. as long as you are tolerating this she will go on with the same behavior. explain to her nicely that you love her but she can't value your love then just tell her that you have to leave as long as her friend is around. she knows where to find you and what need to do if she really wants you

[clam]

Ok, you SERIOUSLY just need to walk away from this.

 

The kid is not yours, she is unstable, and she keeps choosing the exBF over you.

 

Count your lucky stars that you are not the father of this child. Make sure your name is not on the birth certificate.

[bubbaganoosh]

Why would you want to be involved with someone like this? She has only one thing on her mind and that's her. She really doesn't care about you and seems like she's playing both ends to the middle. walk away and find a woman with less baggage. All she's going to do is make your life even worse than it already is.

[Space Ritual]

Thanx for the advice, it is neither of ours but I was there the entire pregnancy and we had made agreements throughout that he was ours and we would raise him together.

I know that can change but we even tried after the fight and I stayed up all night with him and then we just keep coming back to this guy. He is standing infront of everything. She just told we were together and I was the most loyal and devoted partner she ever met last week. Friday came and she came over and we cuddled but she wouldn't kiss me. She did apologize and we were talking fine. Saturday came and she just shut shut off. I was texting her telling her how happy I was to be a part of her life and her son's and I barely mentioned her ex.

I just said he was the reason we had that fight and I can't handle having him above me. I am not sure but I think that is why she started this. She has some view of him that cuz of his abuse in life she must cater to his feelings but he has not shown her the same. He has hurt her time and again and I hate it.

If he did't hurt her so bad then I prolly would be more understanding but when she makes excuses up for his awful behaviors towards her, I just get so upset. It is more cuz he is still a problem and has been for over a year. We were split up when she got pregnant.

 

 

Based on what you wrote here I'd like to change my advice slightly.And that change is this....

 

You get the hell away from this woman and do it now and don't look back.

 

This Ex is not the problem. It's your girlfriend. Get rid of her now, I don't care if she is a Saint! Get rid of her...rid of her..keep saying it over and over...

 

Rid

of

her......

[PaperCrane]

She is a hot burning stove.

Your hand is your life and emotions and sanity.

Currently you're asking why the burner coils hurt so much and if you should position your hand so it hurts less.

The solution is to remove the hand from the stove. The stove will burn you, because that's what it does.

 

Apply tremendous amounts of cool water and ointment (NC) until the pain stops.

[Lois_Griffin]

haha It is more of a rant then a question but I am pretty upset. I like her to have support and people that make her happy around but wth is with this guy?!! He is constantly texting her and being more active now then he was the 5 months they were together.

He was a ****e bf and made her feel all sorts of messed up ways and never seemed to care about what he did to hurt her and he just pops up when she is in a relationship and is acting savvy. It is pathetic and I want to kick his ass. He is only threatened. I just want to wake er up and I know leaving is the only way for his true colors to come back to the surface.

It just hurts so much that I have to leave them for her to recognize his malice behaviors causing more problems!!

OMG. Just walk away from this she-devil.

 

She had some guy's kid who doesn't even seem to be around (golly, what a huge surprise THERE), was involved with you AND was all up in her ex's face as well.

 

I'm going to predict her future.

 

Ten years from now, she'll probably have 3 or 4 more kids - all with different fathers of course - living in a trailer park and getting all kinds of subsidies from the government. She'll have at least one rusting, disabled hulk of a car up on blocks in the overgrown weeds in her front yard and Social Services will have her phone number on their speed dial. She'll manage to have herself a decent cell phone and data plan thanks to the taxpayers, but her kids will always be doing without. They'll spend their days running amok in the trailer park, filthy and looking like orphans while all her neighbors shake their heads, looking at future juvenile delinquents in the making.

 

Gosh. That sounds attractive.

 

I can totally see why you want to stay with her.

[kendahke]

What about this chick makes it so difficult for you to leave her messy a$$ alone?

 

That baby isn't yours, so get your feelings for it in check. You're not going to be raising it. Find yourself a good woman who wants to be your woman/wife and make/rear babies with her instead.

[JS84]

Dude, are you for real? Pull the plug on that chick with both hands. Block her number, delete her from social media, if she walks towards you turn around and walk in the other direction.

[Keke1]

The baby is not yours or the ex bf? So there are 3 guys in this? How do ppl get involved in crap like this???