Julia_b Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and we've been ok. We argue a lot but we've always stuck with each other. My biggest issue with him is that he is very flirty with other girls and does not seem interested in me at all. He recently went to Japan on a Jamboree trip for three weeks and since he's been back, he's been completely different. Before he left, he planned to do things with his friends and see them instead of me. Throughout the three weeks, he hardly messaged me or called me yet other people who were on the trip with him (who I happened to be friends with on facebook) seemed to always be online on facebook and active on social media. However, with him, he said he did not have any Wifi where he was and that he could only contact me in certain places. When he did talk to me after a week and a half on facebook, he immediately started an argument about me with other boys which was completely irrelevant. On his facebook account, he became friends with more people (mainly girls) but I did not mind this. When he got back, he did not even want to see me or make a massive effort and would blame it on me if we did not see each other. Recently, a girl uploaded photos of him and her together on the trip and he was always smiling happily posing really closely to her. So he's been acting a bit off since he's been back (a month ago) and I'm not too sure what to think of this. I've been getting bad vibes from this and yes, perhaps, I could be overthinking but he had asked to see my phone numerous times before so I asked him if I could see his. For the past two months, he's always on 'active' on facebook but always takes a long time to reply to mine. So, I checked his messenger app but did not see anything but then when I zoomed out, I saw a different app 'kik messenger' which he NEVER had before. The last time I had seen it was around 2010 and this was the first time I had seen it on his phone. When I said, "Why do you have this?", he immediately snatched the phone off me and locked it. He was incredibly defensive and started saying "Oh, you don't trust me blah blah" but I was confused by the way he had reacted to me seeing the messenger app. He made an excuse saying that he redownloaded it because he wanted to see his old chat history but he said he didn't remember the log in. But why would he have downloaded it if he forgot the log in? He's had a history of always talking to other girls in a flirty way but I wouldn't expect him to go so far to message someone else behind me back? I'm not too sure about this. Am I overreacting or what should I do? Sorry for the extremely loooong post. I am just completely confused by this? Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and we've been ok. We argue a lot but we've always stuck with each other. My biggest issue with him is that he is very flirty with other girls and does not seem interested in me at all. He recently went to Japan on a Jamboree trip for three weeks and since he's been back, he's been completely different. Before he left, he planned to do things with his friends and see them instead of me. Throughout the three weeks, he hardly messaged me or called me yet other people who were on the trip with him (who I happened to be friends with on facebook) seemed to always be online on facebook and active on social media. However, with him, he said he did not have any Wifi where he was and that he could only contact me in certain places. When he did talk to me after a week and a half on facebook, he immediately started an argument about me with other boys which was completely irrelevant. On his facebook account, he became friends with more people (mainly girls) but I did not mind this. When he got back, he did not even want to see me or make a massive effort and would blame it on me if we did not see each other. Recently, a girl uploaded photos of him and her together on the trip and he was always smiling happily posing really closely to her. So he's been acting a bit off since he's been back (a month ago) and I'm not too sure what to think of this. I've been getting bad vibes from this and yes, perhaps, I could be overthinking but he had asked to see my phone numerous times before so I asked him if I could see his. For the past two months, he's always on 'active' on facebook but always takes a long time to reply to mine. So, I checked his messenger app but did not see anything but then when I zoomed out, I saw a different app 'kik messenger' which he NEVER had before. The last time I had seen it was around 2010 and this was the first time I had seen it on his phone. When I said, "Why do you have this?", he immediately snatched the phone off me and locked it. He was incredibly defensive and started saying "Oh, you don't trust me blah blah" but I was confused by the way he had reacted to me seeing the messenger app. He made an excuse saying that he redownloaded it because he wanted to see his old chat history but he said he didn't remember the log in. But why would he have downloaded it if he forgot the log in? He's had a history of always talking to other girls in a flirty way but I wouldn't expect him to go so far to message someone else behind me back? I'm not too sure about this. Am I overreacting or what should I do? Sorry for the extremely loooong post. I am just completely confused by this? Sit back and observe how he treats you. Don't initiate contact or seeing him for a while. Let him demonstrate "where" he's at. Be receptive/responsive, but don't initiate. Observe what he does. If he lets it go for some time, you'll know he's fading away. When he got back, he did not even want to see me or make a massive effort In the meantime, go out and enjoy yourself and your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Kik is commonly used for cheating. Message history isn't kept on it. If you're saying he's flirty and doesn't seem that interested in you, why waste another moment with him? He's clearly being inappropriate and if I were you, I wouldn't even bother confronting him. Just end it. Explain that you don't feel he's that into you and it's not working, then go your seperate ways. Don't get played by him. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Sounds like he had already moved on and just doesn't have the balls to officially end the relationship. You will probably have to do it for him and - just to be safe - if you have unprotected sex with him, make sure to get checked for STDs; I'm willing to bet he had sex with others whilst traveling. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 He's too much of a coward to breakup with you, so he is secretly is having an emotional affair behind your back as an escape from your relationship. Confront him, tell him what you know, what you see and ask him if he wants out of the relationship. Better ask now rather waste your time watching him be sketchy. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and we've been ok. We argue a lot but we've always stuck with each other. My biggest issue with him is that he is very flirty with other girls and does not seem interested in me at all. He recently went to Japan on a Jamboree trip for three weeks and since he's been back, he's been completely different. Before he left, he planned to do things with his friends and see them instead of me. Throughout the three weeks, he hardly messaged me or called me yet other people who were on the trip with him (who I happened to be friends with on facebook) seemed to always be online on facebook and active on social media. However, with him, he said he did not have any Wifi where he was and that he could only contact me in certain places. When he did talk to me after a week and a half on facebook, he immediately started an argument about me with other boys which was completely irrelevant. On his facebook account, he became friends with more people (mainly girls) but I did not mind this. When he got back, he did not even want to see me or make a massive effort and would blame it on me if we did not see each other. Recently, a girl uploaded photos of him and her together on the trip and he was always smiling happily posing really closely to her. So he's been acting a bit off since he's been back (a month ago) and I'm not too sure what to think of this. I've been getting bad vibes from this and yes, perhaps, I could be overthinking but he had asked to see my phone numerous times before so I asked him if I could see his. For the past two months, he's always on 'active' on facebook but always takes a long time to reply to mine. So, I checked his messenger app but did not see anything but then when I zoomed out, I saw a different app 'kik messenger' which he NEVER had before. The last time I had seen it was around 2010 and this was the first time I had seen it on his phone. When I said, "Why do you have this?", he immediately snatched the phone off me and locked it. He was incredibly defensive and started saying "Oh, you don't trust me blah blah" but I was confused by the way he had reacted to me seeing the messenger app. He made an excuse saying that he redownloaded it because he wanted to see his old chat history but he said he didn't remember the log in. But why would he have downloaded it if he forgot the log in? He's had a history of always talking to other girls in a flirty way but I wouldn't expect him to go so far to message someone else behind me back? I'm not too sure about this. Am I overreacting or what should I do? Sorry for the extremely loooong post. I am just completely confused by this? Why not? He sounds like just the type of guy who would do exactly that. Sorry girl, but I don't think you're over-reacting. His excuse about not remembering the log-in but downloading the app anyway makes zero sense because it's a lie. I would not trust him. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Interesting that he has no problem with checking your phone, or with you checking his - until you find something to question. And then he grabs the phone and locks it. And yeah, kik is known as a sexting app. Interesting that he uses it but his GF doesn't even know he's on it, huh? And if it's just old messages, why the secrecy? Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted September 8, 2015 Share Posted September 8, 2015 Even if he hasn't physically been with other girls, it sounds like your relationship is in its final days and needs to die a natural and dignified death anyway. You can end it now and have an amicable split without too much drama and hurt feelings. Or you could keep trying to force this R to continue and its just a matter of time before there are lies, and cheating and fighting and bitterness and resentment. Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 kik is a favorite tool used by cheaters. but an IT guy from another forum manage to extract messages from kik. i did not care how it was too complicated. he was good but his job was IT for the FBI. so i did not think his WW was really getting away. Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted September 9, 2015 Share Posted September 9, 2015 No WiFi in Japan, was he on top of a volcano. Hiding message apps, you already know. Link to post Share on other sites
Amelie1980 Posted September 13, 2015 Share Posted September 13, 2015 No WiFi in Japan, was he on top of a volcano. Hiding message apps, you already know. Lol. Exactly. One of the most developed countries in the world and no wifi? if he was in Syria that argument might work. Dounds like he doesnt have the guts to break up. Link to post Share on other sites
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