Trying to date when you have nothing to offer.

[Krieger]

I am turning 32 soon I hate my life getting old sucks. I have noting to offer a woman in a relationship. I am still working at a dean end job same kind of job I been at since high school . Even thought I went to community college to learn a trade but it did not work out.

 

If you ever worked retail you know the only way to get promoted is to brown noses or get on your knees. That is not me i am far from a suck up. I made an offer but they did not like it i said i need 250k take home a year and I'll dip my nuts in marinara sauce just so the fat bastards can get a taste of home while they're at it.

 

OK well I am a more call it like i see it kind of guy. I rather just get to point and tell you how I feel and think. I rather kill myself than be a yes man a question everything . I do not buy into thing blind and not worry about it.

 

For me I envy people that are happy at a dead end job content with there job and there place in life. I always needed to be challenged and finding ways to push myself to be better at what ever I am doing.

 

Sadly I had to cut all my friends lose because drinking and the drugs was fun for a little bit. When I say drugs I am not talking about pot .

 

They only bright spot is I have a job and i make more than most . I feel 20 bucks an hour will not feed a family now days .

 

I have been getting my life in order and been going to college a 2nd time and want to get into nursing I know I will be great at i it because people seem to like me.

 

I am what you call a people magnet and an animal magnet. Not to brag but you have no idea how much people love me . I could go into almost any bar in the city and eat for free or at least get a few free drinks with not even asking or doing a dam thing for that person. People tend to gravitate towards me.

 

Also I am natural good with children and been asked a few time if I walk him or her home because he or she was scared of getting bet up and wanted some to walk them home.

 

Also not to brag one of my coworkers looks up to me He told me I am like the big brother he never had growing up. I try to show him things and be a good role model.

 

People from all walks of life have approached me asking for help or just wanting talk. For example I was doing some school shopping and this guy asked me for help in finding school supply's for his kid so I helped him .

 

Sure his English was not the best but I am very understanding and took the time to help him and never judged him for it.

 

It seems like I cant go any place with out some one asking me for hep finding something or wanting to talk my ear off.

 

I still cant help but feel that I do not have much to offer a woman

I do not want to wait to find a wife and have children .

 

I want to be a dad so bad you have no idea .

 

However I know I need to work on a few things and

I am . I just need to let myself be more vulnerable and let people in more. I tend not to trust easy . I am sure it is not the healthiest thing in the world to be motivated by the fear of hating myself but it defiantly help's.

 

Also when it come s to sex I behind woman my age so it does not make me feel good.

[oberkeat]

I am turning 32 soon I hate my life getting old sucks. I have noting to offer a woman in a relationship. I am still working at a dean end job same kind of job I been at since high school . Even thought I went to community college to learn a trade but it did not work out.

 

If you ever worked retail you know the only way to get promoted is to brown noses or get on your knees. That is not me i am far from a suck up. I made an offer but they did not like it i said i need 250k take home a year and I'll dip my nuts in marinara sauce just so the fat bastards can get a taste of home while they're at it.

 

OK well I am a more call it like i see it kind of guy. I rather just get to point and tell you how I feel and think. I rather kill myself than be a yes man a question everything . I do not buy into thing blind and not worry about it.

 

For me I envy people that are happy at a dead end job content with there job and there place in life. I always needed to be challenged and finding ways to push myself to be better at what ever I am doing.

 

Sadly I had to cut all my friends lose because drinking and the drugs was fun for a little bit. When I say drugs I am not talking about pot .

 

They only bright spot is I have a job and i make more than most . I feel 20 bucks an hour will not feed a family now days .

 

I have been getting my life in order and been going to college a 2nd time and want to get into nursing I know I will be great at i it because people seem to like me.

 

I am what you call a people magnet and an animal magnet. Not to brag but you have no idea how much people love me . I could go into almost any bar in the city and eat for free or at least get a few free drinks with not even asking or doing a dam thing for that person. People tend to gravitate towards me.

 

Also I am natural good with children and been asked a few time if I walk him or her home because he or she was scared of getting bet up and wanted some to walk them home.

 

Also not to brag one of my coworkers looks up to me He told me I am like the big brother he never had growing up. I try to show him things and be a good role model.

 

People from all walks of life have approached me asking for help or just wanting talk. For example I was doing some school shopping and this guy asked me for help in finding school supply's for his kid so I helped him .

 

Sure his English was not the best but I am very understanding and took the time to help him and never judged him for it.

 

It seems like I cant go any place with out some one asking me for hep finding something or wanting to talk my ear off.

 

I still cant help but feel that I do not have much to offer a woman

I do not want to wait to find a wife and have children .

 

I want to be a dad so bad you have no idea .

 

However I know I need to work on a few things and

I am . I just need to let myself be more vulnerable and let people in more. I tend not to trust easy . I am sure it is not the healthiest thing in the world to be motivated by the fear of hating myself but it defiantly help's.

 

Also when it come s to sex I behind woman my age so it does not make me feel good.

 

I've gone through and bolded [most of] the negative and self-limiting opinions you have about yourself. I recognize this negative thinking because I've been guilty of it myself for much of my life. Guys need to learn how to talk nicely to themselves. If you don't like yourself, you'll never convince a girl to like you. She will just detect the negative energy you give off. Find something within yourself or about yourself that you like and focus on those things.

Edited September 9, 2015 by oberkeat

[empresario]

I agree with the above, and will add that it is never too late to make a change.

 

I don't care if you're 20, 32, or 86. If you're miserable make some changes. You are living the same day over and over. Take a chance; do something new. Is it scary? Yes. But life is scary. And humans are resilient. Don't waste another day with such a negative life view.

[Krieger]

I know I need to stop being negative but it not easy .

[Krieger]

I agree with the above, and will add that it is never too late to make a change.

 

I don't care if you're 20, 32, or 86. If you're miserable make some changes. You are living the same day over and over. Take a chance; do something new. Is it scary? Yes. But life is scary. And humans are resilient. Don't waste another day with such a negative life view.

 

 

I been making changes and trying to get out as much as i can and thinking of taking a rock climbing class or cross fit.

[No_Go]

Do you realize how many women in your age group are in a similar position - trying to figure their stuff out? Why don't you think you can find a relationship partner among them - you can grow together.

 

From what you wrote, you have a lot to offer. You have ambition to grow at work, you are committed to find a LTR and have kids, and you are an amicable person. These are attractive for many.

 

Same for sexual experience: many women in your age group are not very experienced, and many prefer a guy without a promiscuous past.

 

I experienced similar freak-out when I turned 30: most of my friends had stable jobs for a decade, and families; I spent most of my 20s on my PhD and barely dated. My BF, who I met 6 months ago, also had a rough path and barely dated before me. Also he's on his first stable job (he's almost 38). We're going strong and contemplating moving together soon, so the relative instability and inexperience was not a big deal.

 

One caveat: no matter how insecure you feel, try not to show it to women. This is a turn off, more than the actual reason for it.

 

I know I need to stop being negative but it not easy .

[mystikmind2005]

Sometimes what you do 'not' offer women can be the most important things in a relationship.

 

You do not offer drunkenness

you do not offer being a jerk

you do not offer cheating

you do not offer lying

you do not offer aggression

You do not offer abuse

You do not offer manipulation

You do not offer selfishness

 

The list goes on!

 

Just manage not to be an assehole and already you have more to offer women than 50% of all the men out there.

[Vercetti]

The only thing have to offer is you, so what's with the noise of everything outside yourself.

[Krieger]

Sometimes what you do 'not' offer women can be the most important things in a relationship.

 

You do not offer drunkenness

you do not offer being a jerk

you do not offer cheating

you do not offer lying

you do not offer aggression

You do not offer abuse

You do not offer manipulation

You do not offer selfishness

 

The list goes on!

 

Just manage not to be an assehole and already you have more to offer women than 50% of all the men out there.

 

To me it seems woman want it all witch is fine if they have it all.

 

The fact that I do not have a good job and a ton of friends kind of hurts my chances in the dating world . :(

 

I know I have to overcome that but it is hard to do.

[Krieger]

The only thing have to offer is you, so what's with the noise of everything outside yourself.

 

woman for the most part want a financially secure man and if they tell you they don't they are not being honest.

 

A guy with a mediocre job or bumming it at home, even if he is smart, never fully applied himself. However, a bad job still might make a girl think that they lack drive and determination.

 

If a man is in a ****ty financial position, or stuck in an ill-paid job he hates, it’s going to stress, depress, and affect his self-esteem. Happy, positive people are generally preferred to mopey and negative. And if he’s happy, it’ll make it easier to make her happy.

[Siquijor]

I think you're being too harsh on yourself, OP.

 

 

And I know they're women out there who see a good partner as 'wealth' so all is not lost - but you need to believe in this.

[lino]

You absolutely must improve your income situation for things to get better with the women. This goes without saying.

 

You should also form some solid friendships but this is for you, not for dating. It will benefit your life immensely.

[regine_phalange]

Relationships are not job offers!

 

You support yourself and that's more than enough. Your job and your education are no one else's business but yours, you will change those when you feel it;s the right moment.

 

There are always precious things to give to a woman such as love, respect, support, acceptance, quality time and psychological/physical safety.

 

If you listen and remember a woman's needs then that makes you a great lover. Not the amount of women you've been with. I can tell you for certain

[phineas]

Self pity is a stinky cologne.

You need to find new scent.

[Redhead14]

The most important things you need to be able to offer a woman are LOVE, TRUST, RESPECT FOR HER (AND YOURSELF), EMOTIONAL SECURITY (reassurance, support/comfort). You won't be able to offer any of these things until you learn how to love yourself (focus on your strengths and positive aspects of your life, work on the things you don't like one at a time), trust another person until they show you they don't deserve your trust, and be secure in your own life and content/happy with what you have. The rest will fall into place naturally in it's own time.

[Lady2163]

You do bring something to the table. Other posters have already commented on that.

 

Some of this stuff may read harsh, but it isn't meant to be.

 

I was a bit younger than you are when my ex husband and I divorced. I knew when we started the divorce process that I was going to end up in debt and with my credit rating in the toilet. I saw the writing on the wall that I would be struggling. So, I bought a newer used car. Which added to my debt and bills, BUT I needed a reliable car I could get to college, my two jobs and my internship. If I wasn't able to get to those places, I wouldn't get out of the hole.

 

After I finished college I continued to work two jobs. I worked 13 days in a row for four years or more. Every weekend, every holiday. I was also lucky to get in on eBay at the right time and made money from that.

 

Those were awful times for me. I desperately wanted a boyfriend, wanted to be living with someone, wanted to be married. Yet, I was often reminded I was just bringing baggage and debt to the table. Not necessarily by the men I was dating.

 

It took eight years to go from living with my parents, renting a room, renting a 1 bedroom apartment, renting a two bedroom apartment, flipping one small mobile home, flipping a much nicer mobile home to a 2500 - 3000 square foot house. 16 years after my divorce, I'm ready to build my dream house, my retirement house.

 

Somewhere along the lines financial security became more important to me than finding a man. I plan to try harder when I move next year.

 

I'm kind of glad now I didn't have a steady during most of that time. I had a few who were bad for me and actually set me back, both emotionally and financially. I've had my crap together for a few years and I probably should have done more in the dating scene, but during the crunch years, no.

 

And that is pretty much what I'm trying to tell you. Get your nursing degree, get a nursing job. Stabilize your finances, THEN start looking. If you are as good a guy as I think you are, you are entering a great profession to find single women and may have more choices than you know what to do with!

[Krieger]

You do bring something to the table. Other posters have already commented on that.

 

And that is pretty much what I'm trying to tell you. Get your nursing degree, get a nursing job. Stabilize your finances, THEN start looking. If you are as good a guy as I think you are, you are entering a great profession to find single women and may have more choices than you know what to do with!

 

I do not want to wait too long than I be too old to have kids .

 

On top of that a woman might run for the hills if I go too long with out being in a LTR .

 

For fall quarter I plain to get out as much as I can and try to meet people and stuff.

[newmoon]

haven't you read these various boards? lots of women love losers, underachievers, married men, jobless blokes, guys who live at home and so on. i'm sure you'll be fine just as you are.

[Lady2163]

I do not want to wait too long than I be too old to have kids .

 

On top of that a woman might run for the hills if I go too long with out being in a LTR .

 

For fall quarter I plain to get out as much as I can and try to meet people and stuff.

 

Shrug....sounds like you're going to do what you want.

 

I know plenty of men who had children at age 45 and older. Women will understand if you tell the why you had a gap in having a ltr.

[BlueBlood]

I do not want to wait too long than I be too old to have kids .

 

On top of that a woman might run for the hills if I go too long with out being in a LTR .

 

For fall quarter I plain to get out as much as I can and try to meet people and stuff.

 

Lol men can sire children for a loooong time. Having a kid in your thirties or forties is quite the norm. And nursing school isn't forever. Plus I would never think less of someone for not dating while they poured themselves into obtaining a better education. Your reasons seem a bit indefensible and paper thin, but hey, you'll do as you'll do, no?

[craw]

Yeah, it's better being a guy and be able to wait!

 

Us ladies have an expiry date of 34 to have children - according to my cousin who is a DR.

[mystikmind2005]

You do bring something to the table. Other posters have already commented on that.

 

Some of this stuff may read harsh, but it isn't meant to be.

 

I was a bit younger than you are when my ex husband and I divorced. I knew when we started the divorce process that I was going to end up in debt and with my credit rating in the toilet. I saw the writing on the wall that I would be struggling. So, I bought a newer used car. Which added to my debt and bills, BUT I needed a reliable car I could get to college, my two jobs and my internship. If I wasn't able to get to those places, I wouldn't get out of the hole.

 

After I finished college I continued to work two jobs. I worked 13 days in a row for four years or more. Every weekend, every holiday. I was also lucky to get in on eBay at the right time and made money from that.

 

Those were awful times for me. I desperately wanted a boyfriend, wanted to be living with someone, wanted to be married. Yet, I was often reminded I was just bringing baggage and debt to the table. Not necessarily by the men I was dating.

 

It took eight years to go from living with my parents, renting a room, renting a 1 bedroom apartment, renting a two bedroom apartment, flipping one small mobile home, flipping a much nicer mobile home to a 2500 - 3000 square foot house. 16 years after my divorce, I'm ready to build my dream house, my retirement house.

 

Somewhere along the lines financial security became more important to me than finding a man. I plan to try harder when I move next year.

 

I'm kind of glad now I didn't have a steady during most of that time. I had a few who were bad for me and actually set me back, both emotionally and financially. I've had my crap together for a few years and I probably should have done more in the dating scene, but during the crunch years, no.

 

And that is pretty much what I'm trying to tell you. Get your nursing degree, get a nursing job. Stabilize your finances, THEN start looking. If you are as good a guy as I think you are, you are entering a great profession to find single women and may have more choices than you know what to do with!

 

Unfortunately life is too short for this.

 

In the modern world everyone seems to think 'i will be happy when'

When i get a new job

when i get a new house

when i finish my studies

when i reduce my debt

when when when when blah blah blah

and then before they know it, life is over!

 

people need to learn how to be happy in their life today TODAY, not tomorrow. Happiness is a state of mind, claim it!

[lino]

haven't you read these various boards? lots of women love losers, underachievers, married men, jobless blokes, guys who live at home and so on. i'm sure you'll be fine just as you are.

 

With the exception of married men, I've never seen any women interested in those types.

[oldshirt]

I don't have a high paying, glamorous career. I only have an associate's degree in lib arts and a ton of technical training.

 

 

I've haven't been without a girlfriend, FWB or spouse for more than a month since 1986.

 

 

Since that time I have never once had a woman ask me how much money I make or how much I have in the bank or what I have for investments... not a one. Even my wife of almost 20 years doesn't know exactly what I make or what I have in the bank.

 

 

What these women have seen over the years however is me getting up every day and going to work. And they know that I have never asked them or anyone else for a dime.

 

 

They know I am sane, sober, law abiding and I treat them and everyone else with kindness, dignity and basic common courtesy. They also know that I am affectionate and I give them orgasms and appreciate the affection and orgasms they give me.

 

 

That has always been good enough.

 

 

Yes I am sure they would like me better if I was some kind rich and famous multi-gazillionaire or super hot A-list celebrity. But being a decent, self-supporting, employed, good person is good enough.

 

 

Even though I am average looking, have an average income and live in an average suburb of an average city and even have an average dck, there are millions of women envious of my wife for the life we have.

 

 

There are millions of women with drunks, druggies, cheaters, guys with mental illness and fat lazy slobs that do not work at all or even try to.

 

 

You are just having a little woe-is-me attack. we all have them now and then. Get over it and keep plugging along and keep trying to improve your lot in life bit by bit, day by day.

[oldshirt]

With the exception of married men, I've never seen any women interested in those types.

 

They may not be interested in them, but there are millions of women involved with them nonetheless.