Trying to date when you have nothing to offer.

[oldshirt]

Sometimes what you do 'not' offer women can be the most important things in a relationship.

 

You do not offer drunkenness

you do not offer being a jerk

you do not offer cheating

you do not offer lying

you do not offer aggression

You do not offer abuse

You do not offer manipulation

You do not offer selfishness

 

The list goes on!

 

Just manage not to be an assehole and already you have more to offer women than 50% of all the men out there.

 

That is actually a pretty decent resume.'

 

 

In regards to employment, as long as you are employed and employable and are self-sufficient and not mooching of her, most women in real life are ok with that.

 

 

All women are going to say they want a rich and famos gazillionaire, but most normal women in real life are OK with a gainfully employed Joe SixPack that treats them well at the end of the day.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

The way I see it, if your a man, as in Human male, you are NOT owed or entitled to anything more than women are

[Krieger]

Unfortunately life is too short for this.

 

In the modern world everyone seems to think 'i will be happy when'

When i get a new job

when i get a new house

when i finish my studies

when i reduce my debt

when when when when blah blah blah

and then before they know it, life is over!

 

people need to learn how to be happy in their life today TODAY, not tomorrow. Happiness is a state of mind, claim it!

 

I don't need a GF to be happy but it would be nice to have someone and be there for one another. Oh yea the sex cant forget that.

[Krieger]

With the exception of married men, I've never seen any women interested in those types.

 

 

Have you ever been to America ? Not being a jerk but some woman will never get over there lust for the wrong guys.

[LovecraftLover]

I have been reading this site (and sites like these) for a while, but I decided to reply here because I relate a bunch to many of the frustrated and lost men in the world of dating. Here is a bit of my story...

 

I'm 32, haven't gotten into a LTR, or even a long term relationship. No experience in dating, but I've had a few flings and FWB situations. I always imagined that I would organically build a lasting relationship. As long as I can remember (since childhood), I dreamed of finding a woman who I could be romantic with and share my love. I pictured myself being a caring father, a loving and loyal husband, an attractive man.

 

Yet, the cards I were dealt affected me greatly. I've been shy since a young boy. Was locked in a dark closet by my teacher (Lutherian School, 1st Grade), because I was insistent on going home and away from the older kids who bullied me for being quiet and introverted. Was afraid of the dark because of it for most of my childhood. I was sexually abused by a trusted person (my neighborhood friends much older brother). I literally watched that same neighborhood friend (girl) get raped by two older boys and was too young to process it. I looked to food as a way to escape the pain, became obese (I was a cute kid before) because my mother let me eat anything I wanted including fast food, candy bars, junk food. I was kicked out of the Lutherian school for being disruptive (being bullied made me lash out) and in public elementary school I was bullied as well. I loved sports, but because of my weight, I was that stereotypical last picked kid. All the girls I had crushes on, knew it and thought it was funny. I befriended many of the special education kids because I related to their struggle, cared for them when no one else would, because I knew how it felt. All the while, my father was never home, the alcoholic that he was (is) and my mother would sleep the day away in chronic depression. The only true affection I got was from my grandparents; there are times when I wished they would of taken me in.

 

Fast forward to high school, I became a ghost. Barely talked to anyone. I was always a very intelligent guy, yet I slept in class. I was smart enough to pass tests without barely even studying. My teachers could of cared less. I had a few girls feel pity on me and ask me to sit with them at lunch, but I would shut out everyone with my headphones. The friends I did make, were users. They took advantage of my kindness, knew my self-esteem was low and knew that I was desperate for companionship any way I could get it. I watched as all of them formed relationships while I could only look at girls in school and wish I could approach them without fear.

 

Fast forward to my late teens and into my 20s, I eventually stood up for myself and let many of my "friends" go. I dropped out of HS and got my GED at my counselors suggestion. I stopped taking drugs (smoking weed, taking E pills), quit cigarette smoking, got my Associates Degree in Computer Science even though it took me a few years. I was unemployed due to being largely depressed about my situation and afraid of judgement during interviews. I lived with my parents for another decade, basically isolating myself due to distrust and apathy.

 

Then I got severely depressed. It all happened after one my sister's friends knew I had a crush on her, even though she was in a relationship. She and her BF were going through the death throes of their relationship and she came right out and asked me "do you like me?". Things escalated, we had sex a few times, there was a bunch of drama and it didn't last. My apathy turned into deep depression after that, because I felt something I never felt before. The real idea that I could be desirable, could be attractive to someone I fancied, even if part of the reason she opened me up was out of pity.

 

During this time things started to fall into place. I got my drivers license at 25. I got a job in retail as part of an overnight stock crew and warehouse worker. I landed a job working as Technical Support for a wholesaler of surveillance equipment making a salary (which I still work at today and still looking for better opportunities). I started lifting heavy weights and walking; lost 60 pounds (and still look to lose another 100). I moved out of my parents and now rent a part of my sister's house, looking forward to moving into my own town home this time next year. I read books on sexuality, philosophy, spirituality, dating, relationships, classic literature...listen to podcasts, watch TEDTalks, anything to expand my mind. I got with a psychologist who is urging me to take risks due to my general/social anxiety and what we now discovered to be mild ADD.

 

The moral here is that yes, the experiences we have in life shape us. We can't ignore what led us to this point in our lives, regardless if it was within our control or not. We can't shoulder all this shame, but at the same time, we can't play the victim. We have to take responsibility for our lives to be able to gain the sense of self-worth and confidence that other people (especially women) find attractive.

 

Hell yes I have insecurities. I still have body issues. I still cry sometimes with sudden bouts of loneliness, frustration and hopelessness crop up. I despair sometimes when I think of the "red flag" of not having any relationship experience at my age. I'm still neurotic and shy.

 

But, I feel myself getting stronger. I feel myself challenging the beliefs that held me back for so long. I feel like my past and my emotional baggage aren't flaws, but a trial that tempered me; my depression and fear are actually a call for change. I chat it up with strangers more (laugh with the cashier at the grocery store, a random chat in the elevator, small talk with my physician). I go on trips, attend concerts, comedy shows and parties when before I would of stayed home out of anxiety. I treat every success, no matter how small, as one step closer to living the life I want to live. You have to look back and see that all along, you've had this great potential, and although there have been hardships, traumas, skeletons still rattling in the closet...it is never too late to become the man you want to be.

 

And then it came to me...I am unique and amazing; a man with a big heart, who isn't afraid to be vulnerable with people he loves and stands up for what he believes in.

 

So yes, I still want to be the best possible lover, friend, companion for that special woman and I still want to be a present father who empowers his children to live beautiful and fulfilling lives. But now, I feel it is actually possible. And in possibility, there is hope...

 

Now I just need to grow some balls and approach some women...

[LovecraftLover]

I've heard from so many people, including my therapist and various friends of mine, that the best way to meet women (and to make friends in general) is to join something. A class, a club, a meetup, a community. I'm seriously considering either a cooking class, Spanish, yoga, salsa dancing, volunteer work (animals or charity)...all of those are great opportunities to meet women but also to simply lead a more interesting life. The more you network, the most chances for warm approaches or naturally forming relationships. Of course this won't work (neither will cold approaches or internet dating) unless you are congruent, comfortable and open. If you have debilitating anxiety, insecurities, shyness, negative perspectives...you just end up skipping out on opportunities, turning people off or shutting people out.

[Krieger]

I don't have a high paying, glamorous career. I only have an associate's degree in lib arts and a ton of technical training.

 

 

I've haven't been without a girlfriend, FWB or spouse for more than a month since 1986.

 

 

Since that time I have never once had a woman ask me how much money I make or how much I have in the bank or what I have for investments... not a one. Even my wife of almost 20 years doesn't know exactly what I make or what I have in the bank.

 

 

What these women have seen over the years however is me getting up every day and going to work. And they know that I have never asked them or anyone else for a dime.

 

 

They know I am sane, sober, law abiding and I treat them and everyone else with kindness, dignity and basic common courtesy. They also know that I am affectionate and I give them orgasms and appreciate the affection and orgasms they give me.

 

 

That has always been good enough.

 

 

Yes I am sure they would like me better if I was some kind rich and famous multi-gazillionaire or super hot A-list celebrity. But being a decent, self-supporting, employed, good person is good enough.

 

 

Even though I am average looking, have an average income and live in an average suburb of an average city and even have an average dck, there are millions of women envious of my wife for the life we have.

 

 

There are millions of women with drunks, druggies, cheaters, guys with mental illness and fat lazy slobs that do not work at all or even try to.

 

 

You are just having a little woe-is-me attack. we all have them now and then. Get over it and keep plugging along and keep trying to improve your lot in life bit by bit, day by day.

 

 

I need more than a paycheck and being stuck at a dead end retail job . On top of that $20.00 an hour will not feed a family IMO.

 

I will never be a brown nosier and a yes man . So the higher ups do not like me because I tell them there ideas are stupid and will not work . I am not scared to call it like I see it .

 

Also If i want a woman with a career I better dam well have one and not a job.

 

There are a few things I want to do in life . For example I am going skydiving for my birthday and once I get 100 jump I am going base jumping.

 

I want to go to the The fiestas of San Fermin are celebrated in Irunea/Pamplona and run with the bulls

 

son doong cave Vietnam go you tube it or google it.

 

Also this year i am going skiing for the first time.

 

rock climbing is next on the list.

 

One thing i always wanted to do is run a 10k but have not got around to doing so but I going to get my fat butt in shape to do so.

 

There is a ton more i want to do but cant because of money.

 

I know some people are just happy going to work clocking in every day and clocking out and going home and not doing anything . That cool for them but it not for me .

 

It is hard to make retail sound cool it not. I cant stand people that do not care about there job . I work hard so I can play hard . It suck the energy out of me when we hire people the Kmart said NO to.

[mystikmind2005]

I need more than a paycheck and being stuck at a dead end retail job . On top of that $20.00 an hour will not feed a family IMO.

 

I will never be a brown nosier and a yes man . So the higher ups do not like me because I tell them there ideas are stupid and will not work . I am not scared to call it like I see it .

 

Also If i want a woman with a career I better dam well have one and not a job.

 

There are a few things I want to do in life . For example I am going skydiving for my birthday and once I get 100 jump I am going base jumping.

 

I want to go to the The fiestas of San Fermin are celebrated in Irunea/Pamplona and run with the bulls

 

son doong cave Vietnam go you tube it or google it.

 

Also this year i am going skiing for the first time.

 

rock climbing is next on the list.

 

One thing i always wanted to do is run a 10k but have not got around to doing so but I going to get my fat butt in shape to do so.

 

There is a ton more i want to do but cant because of money.

 

I know some people are just happy going to work clocking in every day and clocking out and going home and not doing anything . That cool for them but it not for me .

 

It is hard to make retail sound cool it not. I cant stand people that do not care about there job . I work hard so I can play hard . It suck the energy out of me when we hire people the Kmart said NO to.

 

Women are often put off by guys who talk about these things they want to do in life. What they are thinking is "this guy is full of sh.. exit stage left". It is actually better not to mention it at all unless you actually have a real plan in place such as a savings account with a regular contribution and say "this is for my sky diving dream" then women will love it, because it seems more real

[sandylee1]

woman for the most part want a financially secure man and if they tell you they don't they are not being honest.

 

A guy with a mediocre job or bumming it at home, even if he is smart, never fully applied himself. However, a bad job still might make a girl think that they lack drive and determination.

 

If a man is in a ****ty financial position, or stuck in an ill-paid job he hates, it’s going to stress, depress, and affect his self-esteem. Happy, positive people are generally preferred to mopey and negative. And if he’s happy, it’ll make it easier to make her happy.

 

Okay I agree that a lot of women want financial security, but you can't put a price on the following :

 

Good character

Honesty and integrity

A great sense of humour

A guy who actually wants to settle down

 

A guy could be a millionaire, but if he was a lying cheating full of himself rat, then I'd walk on by.

 

You have ambition. If you qualify as a nurse, you won't be out of work and will have opportunities around the world.

 

Try meeting good people and don't be so down on yourself. By recognising you need to improve, you're half way there already.

[oldshirt]

Women are often put off by guys who talk about these things they want to do in life. What they are thinking is "this guy is full of sh.. exit stage left". It is actually better not to mention it at all unless you actually have a real plan in place such as a savings account with a regular contribution and say "this is for my sky diving dream" then women will love it, because it seems more real

 

I agree.

 

I will go one step further and say it's always better to say what you have done rather than what you are going to do.

 

People that talk about the things they are "going" to do are just talkers. I say they have 'The Gonnas" when someone tells me what they are going to do but haven't taken any steps to actually accomplish it.

 

When my kids start giving me ' the gonnas' I tell them to not waste my time with what what they are gonna do but rather tell me what they have accomplished.

 

'Gonna's" don't count. "Did' s" do.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I have been reading this site (and sites like these) for a while, but I decided to reply here because I relate a bunch to many of the frustrated and lost men in the world of dating. Here is a bit of my story...

 

I'm 32, haven't gotten into a LTR, or even a long term relationship. No experience in dating, but I've had a few flings and FWB situations. I always imagined that I would organically build a lasting relationship. As long as I can remember (since childhood), I dreamed of finding a woman who I could be romantic with and share my love. I pictured myself being a caring father, a loving and loyal husband, an attractive man.

 

Yet, the cards I were dealt affected me greatly. I've been shy since a young boy. Was locked in a dark closet by my teacher (Lutherian School, 1st Grade), because I was insistent on going home and away from the older kids who bullied me for being quiet and introverted. Was afraid of the dark because of it for most of my childhood. I was sexually abused by a trusted person (my neighborhood friends much older brother). I literally watched that same neighborhood friend (girl) get raped by two older boys and was too young to process it. I looked to food as a way to escape the pain, became obese (I was a cute kid before) because my mother let me eat anything I wanted including fast food, candy bars, junk food. I was kicked out of the Lutherian school for being disruptive (being bullied made me lash out) and in public elementary school I was bullied as well. I loved sports, but because of my weight, I was that stereotypical last picked kid. All the girls I had crushes on, knew it and thought it was funny. I befriended many of the special education kids because I related to their struggle, cared for them when no one else would, because I knew how it felt. All the while, my father was never home, the alcoholic that he was (is) and my mother would sleep the day away in chronic depression. The only true affection I got was from my grandparents; there are times when I wished they would of taken me in.

 

Fast forward to high school, I became a ghost. Barely talked to anyone. I was always a very intelligent guy, yet I slept in class. I was smart enough to pass tests without barely even studying. My teachers could of cared less. I had a few girls feel pity on me and ask me to sit with them at lunch, but I would shut out everyone with my headphones. The friends I did make, were users. They took advantage of my kindness, knew my self-esteem was low and knew that I was desperate for companionship any way I could get it. I watched as all of them formed relationships while I could only look at girls in school and wish I could approach them without fear.

 

Fast forward to my late teens and into my 20s, I eventually stood up for myself and let many of my "friends" go. I dropped out of HS and got my GED at my counselors suggestion. I stopped taking drugs (smoking weed, taking E pills), quit cigarette smoking, got my Associates Degree in Computer Science even though it took me a few years. I was unemployed due to being largely depressed about my situation and afraid of judgement during interviews. I lived with my parents for another decade, basically isolating myself due to distrust and apathy.

 

Then I got severely depressed. It all happened after one my sister's friends knew I had a crush on her, even though she was in a relationship. She and her BF were going through the death throes of their relationship and she came right out and asked me "do you like me?". Things escalated, we had sex a few times, there was a bunch of drama and it didn't last. My apathy turned into deep depression after that, because I felt something I never felt before. The real idea that I could be desirable, could be attractive to someone I fancied, even if part of the reason she opened me up was out of pity.

 

During this time things started to fall into place. I got my drivers license at 25. I got a job in retail as part of an overnight stock crew and warehouse worker. I landed a job working as Technical Support for a wholesaler of surveillance equipment making a salary (which I still work at today and still looking for better opportunities). I started lifting heavy weights and walking; lost 60 pounds (and still look to lose another 100). I moved out of my parents and now rent a part of my sister's house, looking forward to moving into my own town home this time next year. I read books on sexuality, philosophy, spirituality, dating, relationships, classic literature...listen to podcasts, watch TEDTalks, anything to expand my mind. I got with a psychologist who is urging me to take risks due to my general/social anxiety and what we now discovered to be mild ADD.

 

The moral here is that yes, the experiences we have in life shape us. We can't ignore what led us to this point in our lives, regardless if it was within our control or not. We can't shoulder all this shame, but at the same time, we can't play the victim. We have to take responsibility for our lives to be able to gain the sense of self-worth and confidence that other people (especially women) find attractive.

 

Hell yes I have insecurities. I still have body issues. I still cry sometimes with sudden bouts of loneliness, frustration and hopelessness crop up. I despair sometimes when I think of the "red flag" of not having any relationship experience at my age. I'm still neurotic and shy.

 

But, I feel myself getting stronger. I feel myself challenging the beliefs that held me back for so long. I feel like my past and my emotional baggage aren't flaws, but a trial that tempered me; my depression and fear are actually a call for change. I chat it up with strangers more (laugh with the cashier at the grocery store, a random chat in the elevator, small talk with my physician). I go on trips, attend concerts, comedy shows and parties when before I would of stayed home out of anxiety. I treat every success, no matter how small, as one step closer to living the life I want to live. You have to look back and see that all along, you've had this great potential, and although there have been hardships, traumas, skeletons still rattling in the closet...it is never too late to become the man you want to be.

 

And then it came to me...I am unique and amazing; a man with a big heart, who isn't afraid to be vulnerable with people he loves and stands up for what he believes in.

 

So yes, I still want to be the best possible lover, friend, companion for that special woman and I still want to be a present father who empowers his children to live beautiful and fulfilling lives. But now, I feel it is actually possible. And in possibility, there is hope...

 

Now I just need to grow some balls and approach some women...

 

 

 

so just casual sex only, no girlfriend ever?

[LovecraftLover]

Unfortunately no. I dated a girl from high school for a few weeks, but I didn't escalate fast enough. She really liked me, we could talk on the phone for hours about deep topics, philosophy, life topics...I just felt so connected with her. She knew we were dating, it wasn't like I was hiding my intentions, however she eventually told me "we should just be friends". Apparently I wasn't sexual enough with her, but this was my first real "relationship", so I had no clue when to take things to that level or read any signs from her that she wanted it to. We stayed platonic friends and I can still have such intimate conversation with her even if I haven't seen her in a year or more. She is now about to get married to my best friend and I am extremely happy for the both of them; they make an awesome couple.

 

I had one FWB and one short lived "fling" (not sure what you would call it, but it was short lived; see my story above). The FWB situation was this girl who is fun to hang around with, she had feelings for me, but I didn't for her. She just wasn't on my level intellectually, was kind of irresponsible (3 different kids by 3 different fathers, sleeps around, etc) and doesn't have any ambition. I mean I had low ambition myself, but I've come along way from the man I was 5, 6, 7 years ago.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Unfortunately no. I dated a girl from high school for a few weeks, but I didn't escalate fast enough. She really liked me, we could talk on the phone for hours about deep topics, philosophy, life topics...I just felt so connected with her. She knew we were dating, it wasn't like I was hiding my intentions, however she eventually told me "we should just be friends". Apparently I wasn't sexual enough with her, but this was my first real "relationship", so I had no clue when to take things to that level or read any signs from her that she wanted it to. We stayed platonic friends and I can still have such intimate conversation with her even if I haven't seen her in a year or more. She is now about to get married to my best friend and I am extremely happy for the both of them; they make an awesome couple.

 

I had one FWB and one short lived "fling" (not sure what you would call it, but it was short lived; see my story above). The FWB situation was this girl who is fun to hang around with, she had feelings for me, but I didn't for her. She just wasn't on my level intellectually, was kind of irresponsible (3 different kids by 3 different fathers, sleeps around, etc) and doesn't have any ambition. I mean I had low ambition myself, but I've come along way from the man I was 5, 6, 7 years ago.

You dated her in your 20's?

[Diezel]

If you ever worked retail you know the only way to get promoted is to brown noses or get on your knees.

 

Oh, you're one of "those" guys.

 

Yeah, this right here speaks volumes about you.

I can see why this thread exists.

[GunslingerRoland]

You have a steady job you work hard at... that should be enough for most women. Focus on the positive parts of your life rather than dwelling on the negative will help you find both a woman and possibly a better job.

[LovecraftLover]

You dated her in your 20's?

 

The HS girl? No, that was a chick my at-the-time close friend introduced me to. He was trying to set up me up. We clicked really fast, but I know she could tell I was shy.

 

If you are talking about the FWB situation, that was in my 20s yes. I didn't technically "date" her...we kind of escalated sexually the first time we met (she wasn't reserved in the slightest if you get my drift). Kind of like a ONS that became a FWB...

[LovecraftLover]

Anyways, don't want to hijack this thread. Just felt like saying that we can't let our past or current situation define us. There is always hope...

[nescafe1982]

OP if your life is lacking, you're unhappy with your work, etc, you can and should start making baby-steps to improve that.

 

Finding a woman who accepts you and loves you for who you are... depends upon you accepting yourself for who you are. If the life you're living isn't the one you want to lead, it's time to start thinking about how to change it.

 

It'll be hard. You'll have setbacks. You'll fail, a lot. But it's better to work towards what you want in life than to think yourself in circles like this!

 

The TL;DR version: make your life so awesome that you are quite sure you have lots to offer! I'm sure you've got the goods right now, you just need to make whatever change it is you are afraid of right now

[Krieger]

Oh, you're one of "those" guys.

 

Yeah, this right here speaks volumes about you.

I can see why this thread exists.

 

Will like I said i am way to opinionated to be a yes man and a brown nosier.

 

I have told a boss to his face I thing you suck at life and I still keep my job and never said sorry.

 

I call it like I see it and honest if I think an idea is stupid .

 

Trust me I am far from a teachers pet .

[Krieger]

You have a steady job you work hard at... that should be enough for most women. Focus on the positive parts of your life rather than dwelling on the negative will help you find both a woman and possibly a better job.

 

 

I need more than a job and a pay check. I need a career and like working it is rewarding.

 

Seeing that I am a natural people magnet and you wont find too many people that have a negative thing to say about me . If some does not like me that there problem.

 

It feel like people I know and don't know find me and want to tell me there problems and ask for advice.

[Krieger]

I've heard from so many people, including my therapist and various friends of mine, that the best way to meet women (and to make friends in general) is to join something. A class, a club, a meetup, a community. I'm seriously considering either a cooking class, Spanish, yoga, salsa dancing, volunteer work (animals or charity)...all of those are great opportunities to meet women but also to simply lead a more interesting life. The more you network, the most chances for warm approaches or naturally forming relationships. Of course this won't work (neither will cold approaches or internet dating) unless you are congruent, comfortable and open. If you have debilitating anxiety, insecurities, shyness, negative perspectives...you just end up skipping out on opportunities, turning people off or shutting people out.

 

 

I am getting more involved at school and I think next summer I am going to volunteers at the children's hospital.

[Krieger]

Women are often put off by guys who talk about these things they want to do in life. What they are thinking is "this guy is full of sh.. exit stage left". It is actually better not to mention it at all unless you actually have a real plan in place such as a savings account with a regular contribution and say "this is for my sky diving dream" then women will love it, because it seems more real

 

 

Oh I know people always tell me what there going to do and I am like ok what ever.

 

I just need to get out and try new things and meet new people.

[Krieger]

Okay I agree that a lot of women want financial security, but you can't put a price on the following :

 

Good character

Honesty and integrity

A great sense of humour

A guy who actually wants to settle down

 

A guy could be a millionaire, but if he was a lying cheating full of himself rat, then I'd walk on by.

 

You have ambition. If you qualify as a nurse, you won't be out of work and will have opportunities around the world.

 

Try meeting good people and don't be so down on yourself. By recognising you need to improve, you're half way there already.

 

 

For me it having a good job go my kids can go to a better school than I did and be able to play sports or what ever they into . I did not get the chance to play sports growing up.

 

Also I want to make OK money so I don't have to work two jobs to bring home the bacon.

[lino]

Have you ever been to America ? Not being a jerk but some woman will never get over there lust for the wrong guys.

 

Have never been there but our society here is basically a wannabe America.

 

I know many women go for bad guys but not as much those which were described that I quoted.

Guys who are violent and involved with crime yes, I agree with you. Just unemployed and slobby guys, definitely not.

 

Anyway, your biggest concern seems your employment situation and it's a very valid concern as women do love money. You need to be putting your energy into that.

 

I get a lot more opportunities for romance now in my early thirties than I did in my early twenties... Nothing changed other than my income. Telling no?

[LovecraftLover]

I am getting more involved at school and I think next summer I am going to volunteers at the children's hospital.

 

Dude, do it. Don't hold back. Let go. You know that you can make a difference. It doesn't matter if a woman notices it or not. It will change you.

 

When I helped out the special kids when I was younger, it made me feel good. I know at the time, no one noticed, but I didn't care. The special kids noticed. They loved me. That was the truest to myself I ever was. I ate with them at lunch, listened...it didn't matter if no one else listened to me. They knew that I cared, because I felt like they were me and I were them. It is weird to say that...sounds crazy I know. But I felt connected. Trust me when I say, it doesn't matter if a women loves you for money, or lust or the idea of marriage. What matters is if you truly care...in your heart about whoever is there. They should consider themselves privileged, just as you are to be at service to those who you love. Your advantage is yours to give. Give it freely as long as those who respect it and cherish it.

 

I know you feel unsung when helping out others. It isn't about recognition. You are just being who you are. Embrace that. Know that the things you have seen and experienced have revealed your true self. Sex, as naughty as some people make it out to be, is about connection. I believe that most men want to feel connected by making their loved ones feel good, whether it is through being a good role model, a respected authority or a considerate lover. It is in a way selfish, because you are reaching your true potential, but it is also about sharing that potential.

 

Don't be afraid to share yourself. You have a lot to give. When we break things down, all we have is each other. I would rather be friends with a person who is willing to be vulnerable, no matter how damaged or socially impaired, than to be with a person who denies others due to misconception. It isn't about image, or who we would like to be. It is about who we are and what we can be if only we completely let go...