Trying to date when you have nothing to offer.

[LovecraftLover]

Whoa...you know what is really crazy? After all this...I went to my sister's friend's birthday party. She had a bunch of people there. I didn't socialize much with anyone I didn't know well, but I kept my cool and didn't care whether I was the life of the party or not. I met this woman who I met before at another party. She came with her BF. I could tell she liked me. She kept talking to me about work, life...we connected very well. Honestly, I had a crush on her from before....

 

After I left the party, I sent her a text message admitting I liked her and that I couldn't stop thinking about her. She told me she thought about me too and that she didn't want to stay with her BF (he has too much baggage and doesn't want to do anything with his life). Wow...this was so unexpected, but we exchanged information and she is interested in me! =D If this can happen to me, I swear to you...this can happen to you. Just be your best self and if people don't like you, to hell with them, they don't know what they are missing...

[Teraskas]

Okay I agree that a lot of women want financial security, but you can't put a price on the following :

 

Good character

Honesty and integrity

A great sense of humour

A guy who actually wants to settle down

 

A guy could be a millionaire, but if he was a lying cheating full of himself rat, then I'd walk on by.

 

You have ambition. If you qualify as a nurse, you won't be out of work and will have opportunities around the world.

 

Try meeting good people and don't be so down on yourself. By recognising you need to improve, you're half way there already.

 

The irony is that I have all those traits you mentioned. xD

Yet, no woman in her 20s seems to have those as well, nor are they looking for that.

No, instead they are judging someone based on the size of their wallet, and swooning over 'confidence' because that's clearly the be all / end all trait as opposed to loyalty, honesty, and the sort.

[LookAtThisPOst]

Whoa...you know what is really crazy? After all this...I went to my sister's friend's birthday party. She had a bunch of people there. I didn't socialize much with anyone I didn't know well, but I kept my cool and didn't care whether I was the life of the party or not. I met this woman who I met before at another party. She came with her BF. I could tell she liked me. She kept talking to me about work, life...we connected very well. Honestly, I had a crush on her from before....

 

After I left the party, I sent her a text message admitting I liked her and that I couldn't stop thinking about her. She told me she thought about me too and that she didn't want to stay with her BF (he has too much baggage and doesn't want to do anything with his life). Wow...this was so unexpected, but we exchanged information and she is interested in me! =D If this can happen to me, I swear to you...this can happen to you. Just be your best self and if people don't like you, to hell with them, they don't know what they are missing...

 

Right, because some women use the "monkey swinging through the jungle" method of dating. Some women are usually looking for something better, but before they can dump the first guy (keeping one hand on the branch behind them), they need to establish something with the new man (reaching out to the branch in front of them.)

 

So you may be the next branch. Congrats.

[LovecraftLover]

Right, because some women use the "monkey swinging through the jungle" method of dating. Some women are usually looking for something better, but before they can dump the first guy (keeping one hand on the branch behind them), they need to establish something with the new man (reaching out to the branch in front of them.)

 

So you may be the next branch. Congrats.

 

You know, I considered that...but my sister knows a lot about her and from what she tells me she is a very sweet girl. Her BF is a recovering drug addict, and she pretty much financially supports him and he has no aspirations to better his situation. It is like they are complete opposites...she travels a lot, rides horses and is getting into fitness while he is kind of a street guy. My sister doesn't know what she sees in the guy...

 

At my age, it is hard to find someone who isn't already shacked up or has a bunch of kids...not that I am against dating someone with children, but you know you will never be a priority to that person (which is understandable). The way I see it, if you are dating, nothing is signed and sealed. There is no point where one should just give up the romance out of complacency.

 

Anyway, I told her I'd like to get to know her, as friends or otherwise...so if it doesn't go anywhere romantically, I'll at least make a good platonic friend in the process...

Edited September 12, 2015 by LovecraftLover

[preraph]

Krieger, you have a lot going for you. I'd kill to make $20 an hour. I have been working my entire life without coming close to that.

 

Your strength is people like you. That's the most important thing. Your other strength is you knew when to walk away from an old group of friends who could have sucked you under.

 

Your position as it stands right now is not at all hopeless. Working retail, you meet lots of people. Get a back-office job, and that advantage goes away. My social life began to wane when I went from a little minimum-wage record store job to a good job at the corporate office with lots of perks and more money. That money and perks was fun, but nothing replaced the meeting all these people I enjoyed making friends with. So be aware of what you have now and don't take it for granted.

 

Stop thinking of marriage and kids as being only you to carry the household. Find yourself a nice woman with goals of her own who wants to work and she'll only be out of work for maybe 3 months to a year depending on how she wants to handle it and what the delivery was like, and then she'll be back to work. But you have to talk about those things, because it's true some women just want to stay home. If that won't work for you financially, don't take it further with that type woman. In general, you can tell without even bringing up the subject because they expect gifts and are more about money and how much the guy makes. But despite what you see on tv, there are far more women out there willing and even eager to continue their career when they have family. You'll just have to be willing to do your half of everything domestic in that situation, but if you're not willing to do that, then you probably aren't really ready for kids anyway. I think you'll do fine.

 

Maybe you just need a different type woman than the one in your head who doesn't work and relies on you for everything. It's 2015. Good luck.

[Lady2163]

I had avoided answering anymore, because it seems to me you are stuck and didn't want to listen to anyone.

 

I own my own business and make six figures a year. I am the boss. The buck stops with me.

 

YET....I still have to suck up to my temporary employees. I have to brown nose them ALL. THE. TIME. I have to kiss a lot of customer butt. So, the only way you will ever avoid kissing but is if you become a multi millionaire.

 

Trust me, nursing is tough and when you start out at the bottom of the totem pole, you will be looking at a lot of weekend, 2nd shift, holiday work. I had a friend who was top of her class. The first position she was hired for? Friday 10 hours, Saturday 16 hours, Sunday 14 hours. She had no life and little chance to date. Monday was a recovery day.

[Krieger]

Krieger, you have a lot going for you. I'd kill to make $20 an hour. I have been working my entire life without coming close to that.

 

Your strength is people like you. That's the most important thing. Your other strength is you knew when to walk away from an old group of friends who could have sucked you under.

 

Your position as it stands right now is not at all hopeless. Working retail, you meet lots of people. Get a back-office job, and that advantage goes away. My social life began to wane when I went from a little minimum-wage record store job to a good job at the corporate office with lots of perks and more money. That money and perks was fun, but nothing replaced the meeting all these people I enjoyed making friends with. So be aware of what you have now and don't take it for granted.

 

Stop thinking of marriage and kids as being only you to carry the household. Find yourself a nice woman with goals of her own who wants to work and she'll only be out of work for maybe 3 months to a year depending on how she wants to handle it and what the delivery was like, and then she'll be back to work. But you have to talk about those things, because it's true some women just want to stay home. If that won't work for you financially, don't take it further with that type woman. In general, you can tell without even bringing up the subject because they expect gifts and are more about money and how much the guy makes. But despite what you see on tv, there are far more women out there willing and even eager to continue their career when they have family. You'll just have to be willing to do your half of everything domestic in that situation, but if you're not willing to do that, then you probably aren't really ready for kids anyway. I think you'll do fine.

 

Maybe you just need a different type woman than the one in your head who doesn't work and relies on you for everything. It's 2015. Good luck.

 

I do want a career oriented woman or has a career but if I don't have one most woman will not give me the time of day.

 

The cost of living is high were I live you be lucky to find a one bedroom for under 1k a month.

 

Also I do not want the mother of my kids feel like she has to work right away.

[Krieger]

I had avoided answering anymore, because it seems to me you are stuck and didn't want to listen to anyone.

 

I own my own business and make six figures a year. I am the boss. The buck stops with me.

 

YET....I still have to suck up to my temporary employees. I have to brown nose them ALL. THE. TIME. I have to kiss a lot of customer butt. So, the only way you will ever avoid kissing but is if you become a multi millionaire.

 

Trust me, nursing is tough and when you start out at the bottom of the totem pole, you will be looking at a lot of weekend, 2nd shift, holiday work. I had a friend who was top of her class. The first position she was hired for? Friday 10 hours, Saturday 16 hours, Sunday 14 hours. She had no life and little chance to date. Monday was a recovery day.

 

There is nothing wrong with giving compliments to your boss..as long as you are actually genuine about it. If you really do like your boss, nothing wrong with a little flattery here and there, especially if they did accomplish something. Brown nosing is when you are being fake and ungenuine about it and are interested in your own interest. Also, paying flattery just for the sake of it even though your boss is awful and incompetent.

 

 

I know nursing is hard work and some times you have no life but it beats working at a dead end job until I am 70 years old.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

And I think you said OP your only sexual experience with women was with a FWB, no real relationship yet?

[Krieger]

And I think you said OP your only sexual experience with women was with a FWB, no real relationship yet?

 

For the most part that is correct. I have been on dates and know how to ask woman out.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

For the most part that is correct. I have been on dates and know how to ask woman out.

 

just officially haven't had a girlfriend yet?

[Krieger]

just officially haven't had a girlfriend yet?

 

Well nothing long term I know it might be a red flag but at lest I don't have a ton of kids with different woman and an STD right? LOL

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Well nothing long term I know it might be a red flag but at lest I don't have a ton of kids with different woman and an STD right? LOL

But have you been exclusive with a woman before?

[Krieger]

But have you been exclusive with a woman before?

 

Yes

 

To make a long story short it was this girl i knew from work . She needed a rebound guy so we used eachother for 6 months and than it ended.She ended it but i was not really into her.

[craw]

Krieger, write out a list of ten things you love/like about yourself and read it back to yourself.

 

You have a lot going on for yourself.

 

32 isn't old at all. BTW

[circlesinfinity]

Relationships are not job offers!

 

You support yourself and that's more than enough. Your job and your education are no one else's business but yours, you will change those when you feel it;s the right moment.

 

There are always precious things to give to a woman such as love, respect, support, acceptance, quality time and psychological/physical safety.

 

If you listen and remember a woman's needs then that makes you a great lover. Not the amount of women you've been with. I can tell you for certain

I completely agree...I was telling a relative that I wanted to eventually find love. They said I don't have my career, etc. together and to get that before I get love (WTF!). Many people have said this to me and its so disturbing.

 

I honestly think the OP should keep female friends and than see if any of them are interested in dating. It is easier that way because people can't help who they are interested in/fall in love with, whether they have money or not.

 

And this is good advice, btw:love: we definitely should our needs met...

[LookAtThisPOst]

I completely agree...I was telling a relative that I wanted to eventually find love. They said I don't have my career, etc. together and to get that before I get love (WTF!). Many people have said this to me and its so disturbing.

 

I honestly think the OP should keep female friends and than see if any of them are interested in dating. It is easier that way because people can't help who they are interested in/fall in love with, whether they have money or not.

 

And this is good advice, btw:love: we definitely should our needs met...

 

Right, better to work to live than to live to work.

 

I know anyone in their right mind when they are on their death bed as being remembered for being a "career go getter".

[MGX]

The irony is that I have all those traits you mentioned. xD

Yet, no woman in her 20s seems to have those as well, nor are they looking for that.

No, instead they are judging someone based on the size of their wallet, and swooning over 'confidence' because that's clearly the be all / end all trait as opposed to loyalty, honesty, and the sort.

 

There are ALOT of dumb ass women out there. That isn't all women. The good ones are a catch.

[circlesinfinity]

There are ALOT of dumb ass women out there. That isn't all women. The good ones are a catch.

I don't know why this comment made me bust out laughing...

[circlesinfinity]

Right, better to work to live than to live to work.

 

I know anyone in their right mind when they are on their death bed as being remembered for being a "career go getter".

It is sad, a lot of people are going to regret it...

[Krieger]

I completely agree...I was telling a relative that I wanted to eventually find love. They said I don't have my career, etc. together and to get that before I get love (WTF!). Many people have said this to me and its so disturbing.

 

I honestly think the OP should keep female friends and than see if any of them are interested in dating. It is easier that way because people can't help who they are interested in/fall in love with, whether they have money or not.

 

And this is good advice, btw:love: we definitely should our needs met...

 

Well I want to be a dad so i better have a career so i they can have everything I did not have.

 

On top of that I like nice things even though i dont need it.

 

Like i said if you want to move up in retail you have to work a min of 80 hours a week and that might not be good enough.

 

The only way i would ever work 80 hors a week is if i own the company .

 

One last thing if you want to buy a house they start in the upper 300k to 500k and a cardboard box cost are cheap but we ran the homeless people back over the other side of the bridge.

[Krieger]

Right, better to work to live than to live to work.

 

I know anyone in their right mind when they are on their death bed as being remembered for being a "career go getter".

 

I want a balance of both but make good enough money to do thinks .

[Sarabi]

I didn't read everything everyone else has written and I apologise if something here is the same as what other people have said because I only read your first post.

 

I work in the dead end, retail rubbish too and I know exactly how you feel. It is sad (same position, four years, no promotion or when applying told that I am not ready whilst others who started after you are already ahead). I guess I learned the hard way that hard work does not do anything for you.

I also believe this contributes towards some of your negativity; it is hard to feel positive and motivated when doing a bad job that wears you down physically and emotionally just so you can eat and pay your bills.

 

Anyway, I wanted to say...I think you should need to try and be a bit more positive and summon up the energy after a day in retail, in looking for other jobs which play to your strengths. This brings me nicely onto the topic of asking...Have you considered mentoring? Young children/teens..? Helping out at after school clubs or youth groups or something, if you have that nearby.

Can you adopt a pet or get involved in the training of these dogs that aid people? With Guide Dogs here you can be a puppy walker for a year and help train a future guide dog. Or even foster pets before they're rehomed...but I know this can be hard with antisocial scheduling due to shop opening hours

[craw]

Whaaaaaat! You're telling him to make female friends in the hopes of formication!!! Terrible ! Lol

 

I completely agree...I was telling a relative that I wanted to eventually find love. They said I don't have my career, etc. together and to get that before I get love (WTF!). Many people have said this to me and its so disturbing.

 

I honestly think the OP should keep female friends and than see if any of them are interested in dating. It is easier that way because people can't help who they are interested in/fall in love with, whether they have money or not.

 

And this is good advice, btw:love: we definitely should our needs met...

[Krieger]

Whaaaaaat! You're telling him to make female friends in the hopes of formication!!! Terrible ! Lol

 

 

Well good thing most of my classes are 90% woman . Just wish I did not give off the vibe I am married with kids . I been told by woman I give off that kind of vibe by the way I carry myself.

 

Also been told by woman if I wanted a GF all I have to do is ask. What ever that means .