MarriedwithChild Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 My hubby watches webcam girls when I am not at home...or in the home...as long as I am not in the room he is just a click away to nude/seminude live girls. Yes I have a problem with this, but I have come to accept the fact, but I am concerned for our son. DS is almost 2, when I am work and my husband is here with him, I know he goes to these sites. The worst part is I know he does it while he is feeding our son dinner and the kid is eye level to the computer. I am guilty of lurking around LS, but words are different than actual pictures/video of women with boobs sitting there for all the world to see, including my son. At what age will he know what is going on? I have been very careful not to let our son watch violence, sex, or anything other "Blue's Clues" types of things. This is not something I want to ask my ped or family advisor. How would it come across..."what age group is porn no longer acceptable, 2-16 years?" Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 I don't know about acceptable, but it certainly isn't appropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer it certainly isn't appropriate. Ditto. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Even if I were accepting of pornography for adults (I am not) viewing porn, or keeping porn where a child has access to it, crosses a big decency line in my book. There may even be some laws that address this and your husband could be breaking them by exposing your child to this. Indecency with a child covers viewing of pornography too! How much attention is he paying to his child if his mind (and hormones) are focused elsewhere? I'm sure there are some books about this, and Internet research (do some searches on parents and porn) and then sit down with your husband and set some boundaries. If you are OK with hubby watching porn, then set a boundary that he can only do it when your child is asleep and NEVER in front of him. As a baby he may see these girls and think "lunch" but as he gets older it may cause some problems for your child, and for the both of you when he starts talking. Imagine going to his school someday to meet his teacher and principle because your child, in all innocence, describes what his he and his daddy see on the computer. The plus side (if there is one) is that your son may not end up with some of the embarassment many people endure when talking with their parents about sex (or the parents embarassment when talking to their child). As he gets older he's going to know his dad looks at porn and it may be a way to teach him the differences in porn viewing and treating people (women) in real life. My bottom line: If you are at all uncomfortable with your son seeing this -- then he shouldn't until YOU are ready for him to see it (or when he hits his teens and his natural curiosity comes out. Link to post Share on other sites
fyrwyfe Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 [color=darkblue]How do you know he is watching it while feeding your child dinner? Just curious... I would be p!ssed if my husband were doing this in front of my son. Not only is he not paying attention to your child but he is also exposing him to the very adult world of porn - that's just wrong! Little kids minds are like sponges, and porn is not what I'd want my child to be absorbing. You don't know what all your he is getting from that... I would tell him that porn is not okay around your son... period. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by MarriedwithChild I am guilty of lurking around LS, but words are different than actual pictures/video of women with boobs sitting there for all the world to see, including my son. Guilty for lurking around LS?!?!?!?! I don't understand. And at the same time you don't have any problem with him watching live naked girls, except that the child is there too. It's outrageous that he watches it in front of the child. But the kid doesn't understand anything yet. Is the child a boy or a girl? Make sure your obsessed-with-sex husband doesn't start molesting the child. It happens even at very young age (1-5 y.o.) to kids of both genders. Sorry for being negative, but better to save one kid if I can by being negative than remain silent about things that are awful. Link to post Share on other sites
suegail Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 This is so wrong. Pornography does something to the brain, (and I believe that), and becomes an obsession and addiction as powerful as any narcotic. It's not just that it's wrong, but it's criminal to expose the child to it. It really is. The child is young, yes, and doesn't understand what he's seeing, but these are images which will stay with him, and God knows what it could eventually do to his life. Don't stand by. Don't allow this to happen. Personally, I'd be so upset about it, I'd probably smash his harddrive into about 30 thousand pieces. Link to post Share on other sites
seagirl Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Can he really not leave the porn alone during the time he is taking care of your son? BTW is he the father of your son? Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 If he is doing it--and that is the key, that is called endangerment and is against the law. Porn site, porn movies, etc. are all for the over 18 crowd (some require you to be 21). The fact that he is that young has no bearing You could lose your child to the Child Protection Services. Play that whole scene through in your mind. You need to find out for sure, or to simply have a takl and insist--in no uncertain terms, that it is wrong. OK after everyone is asleep, or you are there (well you said you were accepting of it) but absolutely NOT when your son is there. Do not be afraid to toss out the ultimatum about you leaving---IT IS THAT IMPORTANT Kids have sponge minds. I remember when my son was 2. He was coming down the steps and dropped some toys, he looked at them and said in an angry tone "Oh Bucket". Obviously imitating either my wife or me when we drpped somethnig and said "oh F&^k it" He just did not get the full pronunciation. You need to do something and nip this in the bud. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 This is not good. I agree with the others. Kids minds are like sponges, they are absorbing things very quickly right now. Your husband either simply doesn't care or maybe he doesn't even realize the child is learning or absorbing what hes doing. Kids learn what they see, or hear in the environment they are in. I know the child is only 2, but what if as the child gets older you husband is still doing this sort of thing. I wouldn't want my child growing up thinking this is normal or acceptable behavior to do infront of others. I think you need to have a serious talk with him about this. If he is doing this with your child present then he really does have a problem. Good luck. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 The worst part is I know he does it while he is feeding our son dinner and the kid is eye level to the computer. How do you know if he's only doing it when you're not home? Link to post Share on other sites
softrider Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Exposing your child to pornography is considered INCEST. Mince no more words and tell him to stop - NOW or else... or else: you report him you destroy the computer you leave him [and take kid with you] ... surely you can come up with a couple more creative "or elses"? or anyone else? Check out this article to see some of the effects: Study on Effects of Showing Porn to Children Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 this is disgusting. what kind of pervert needs to look at chicks and get all horned up while shoveling peas into his toddler's mouth? i would think the presence of this child alone should be a huge boner-killer, and if it's not, then you've got an even bigger problem. gross. this man has a serious problem and the child should be removed from his care immediately. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 14, 2005 Share Posted May 14, 2005 Originally posted by softrider Exposing your child to pornography is considered INCEST. Unless he sticks his penis in the child, it's not considered incest. Hell, it would more likely be rape than incest. It's certainly irresponsible behavior. Can't he just throw on Sesame Street or something? This would make a social worker's mouth water. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer This would make a social worker's mouth water. which is also sick, in its own right....ew. and by the way...you don't need a penis for incest....just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 Yeah, but the courts don't convict you based on thoughts. If that were the case, we'd all be in jail for one thought crime or another, and Orwell's prophecy would be fulfilled. I see what you mean, SexyCat, but it has nothing to do with incest. Link to post Share on other sites
SexKitten Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Yeah, but the courts don't convict you based on thoughts. If that were the case, we'd all be in jail for one thought crime or another, and Orwell's prophecy would be fulfilled. I see what you mean, SexyCat, but it has nothing to do with incest. hehehe, "sexycat." and eeeeesh, orwellian stuff....goooooooooo but he's not just thinking, he's doing, even if it means looking at porn while his child is watching. this is sexual abuse, if not incest. i agree with you. see? friends. if he is exposing a child to pornography, the conviction may not be incest, but certainly would be something... once more, goooooooooo. in any case, this guy is way way way way way foul. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 I totally agree with you, SexyCat. Link to post Share on other sites
softrider Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 I don't expect everyone to understand what "incest" might all entail - but know that it is much more than the act of "putting a penis in a child's hole" Ignorance is bliss - I don't wish the knowledge upon anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 The world is a sick place... and I'm stuck here with the flu on a Saturday night. *cough* Link to post Share on other sites
lnichols Posted May 24, 2005 Share Posted May 24, 2005 Not appropriate! I can't even feature that one could combine the two - watching your child grow up and watching porn. He's missing all the experience of seeing the child grow and learn. Not to mention that the child is learning to objectify women. You have to put a stop to this at once. I don't want my looking at porn at all, but if we had a small child and I found out that he was viewing with the child in the room... My head would just explode! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer Yeah, but the courts don't convict you based on thoughts. If that were the case, we'd all be in jail for one thought crime or another, and Orwell's prophecy would be fulfilled. I see what you mean, SexyCat, but it has nothing to do with incest. Right. The real name would be "sexual harassment of a child" which is very illegal. You don't need a penis for a rape, a hand or mouth is enough for it to be considered molesting. If the child watches the screen too then it's illegal. Otherwise it's just disgusting and risky. I mean, who can blame me for thinking about something sexy and getting horny while I am lying next to my kids? Thoughts are not enough for court, but if this guy masturbates in front of the kid then it's molesting. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 Wow,..man,.........they ARE sick puppies aren't they. To just not be ABLE to NOT watch porn even when a time is SOOOO obviously NOT THE TIME to. That says sick, perverted, porn addict to me. I think its very disrespectful to bring that into your home if your wife or husband clearly doesnt condone it. Its one thing for them to ask you to not look at naked pictures or women walking by on the street,..the home is different. He or She has to live there too. If you are making it disgustingly uncomfortable by bringing in porn when it clearly bothers others who live there....then theres a problem. And I dont even really have to comment on the looking at it in front of children. Thats just PSYCHO-SICK Link to post Share on other sites
swirlingdaisy Posted May 28, 2005 Share Posted May 28, 2005 MarriedwithChild, Why have you "learned to accept" the fact that your husband views nude webcam chicks while you're there at home? Just because you're married to someone, that doesn't mean you have to compromise your values and principles and just "accept" behavior that you find hurtful, rude, offensive, disrespectful. I sense by your phrase "learned to accept" that doing so has not been easy for you - that his behavior bothers you. So why do you think you accept it? As for him viewing this trash while he's SUPPOSED to be properly caring for your child, why are you even tolerating this?? How could you even compare your viewing Loveshack to what your husband does? Is your husband abusive? Domineering? Disrespectful to you? Why is it that you're out working while he's at home with your child? Was that a mutual decision or were you simply told that that's the way it would be? I'm not implying a man shouldn't be able to stay home with his child while his wife brings home the bacon - but I get a sense here that your husband calls the shots and you're left to "accept" what he wants, regardless of how you feel. It's absolutely sickening and demented that he would view porn while caring for your child. Is this going to continue as your child grows up? ..until your child is at the age to figure out what he's seeing? Will he then grow up to think porn is just a way of life? Having no respect for women? You have no idea what this could do to your child longterm. Not to mention, it's totally creepy that a father would want to get his kicks by viewing this stuff while his baby is in the same room. That's just revolting. I'm sure on some level, it's against the law. Exposing a child to porn, I'd think, is illegal. Is this the kind of father and male role model you want for your son? Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted May 29, 2005 Share Posted May 29, 2005 Having a 2 year old means that you're not a brand new mum, and by this stage you should have enough confidence in your parenting-decision-making abilities to form a firm opinion on this subject quickly and without any outside assistance. It's a bit worrying that you even need to mull this one over. Your husband and toddler should most definitely NOT be sitting down to watch webporn together over lunch. If your husband really is doing this (and like other posters, I'm curious as to how you know he is) then he clearly doesn't understand - or care about - the importance of laying down boundaries between adult activities and parenting tasks. On to the more sinister undertones. Could this mean he's a potential abuser? Who knows? My understanding is that child abusers do not have a different genetic make up from other people, and neither do good people suddenly become paedophiles overnight. The process of a normal person's behaviour going badly wrong generally involves a gradual breaking down of boundaries. Let's say that boundary A is not allowing your child to be exposed to porn. If you break that boundary and nobody challenges you, then boundary B is next - not actively encouraging the toddler to look at porn. Now it could be that your husband still has that boundary "Yeah - I watch porn while the kid's in the room, but it's not like I'm encouraging him to watch it." Not yet, but presumably your husband has some level of interaction with the child while he's feeding him and watching this stuff. What does that interaction involve? Might he get bored and liven things up for himself by telling the little boy to "check out the boobies on that"? What's boundary C? Masturbating in front of the child? I don't know. I do know that you really shouldn't be dithering over this one. If you don't feel able to challenge your husband for inappropriate behaviour in front of your son, then you need to contact someone who CAN. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts