Author Shin_00 Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 one thing is sure, she never felt like this before we were engaged, like i said before, i know she had done nothing wrong but keeps on having this mixed memories with her past that makes her doubt herself.. She's the same when it comes to her work where she forgets what she had done, but she overcome it the next day by seeing things are in place. I thought it was some from of OCD. She was really secured when i first met her and is marriage material since day 1, that's why i proposed as a promise to marriage, but we're taking our time with the wedding planning. I know for sure that she needs that therapy and I did recommend her highly to speak to her parents for help. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 When exactly does she believe she could have been unfaithful? More importantly - with whom? Some random guy she's never met, before or since? Or does she have a particular guy in mind? If so, wouldn't it be a good idea to ask HIM? You really need to put her on the spot, and if she begins to panic, and get upset...? Good. That's the time you tell her, unequivocally, that she needs to see a doctor, and assess exactly what this poor-memory mess is all about. It could be manipulation on her part - or it could be something more cerebrally serious. I'm not kidding. She needs to see someone.... Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 By 'manipulation' I mean: "I have been unfaithful to you; I DID cheat, but if I play the ditzy 'I just can't remember anything!' stuff, you will forgive me if you find out, because I didn't know what I was doing...." If you tell her family, you might just get the "OMG, not this again, she did this with the last guy she was with - she's pulling this stunt again?" This is all total and utter speculation on my part, you understand.... Whatever happens, you don't even think of marriage until she makes a concerted effort to clear all this up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
bluefeather Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 ok then I completely misunderstood. That sounds a lot worse. This is not "maybe I will be promiscuous," this is.. I don't even know how to describe it.. missing time? I'm sorry, but I can't advise any further. If she is telling the truth, that sounds like a very serious problem that needs to get looked at. Maybe not only by a psychotherapist, but by some kind of doctor that can look at her brain. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 Tell her that her misery is bringing you down too much. Then start spending less time with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shin_00 Posted September 10, 2015 Author Share Posted September 10, 2015 Thank you all for your replies, we will start working on a councellor and see where it would take her.. I'm okay at the minute. I have suggested her to buy a diary to keep track of what she's doing everyday so it makes it easier. I don't think this is manipulation in any circumstances, we havn't even started booking a wedding venue, so it is the perfect time for her to do some self-growing. She hasn't got any particular guys in mind, just some random dudes from before she met me and had to cut off since we began dating. She's not playing games here, it's the same stuff for her job as well. I am going to check for any cerebral related issues (or rather ask her). Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 10, 2015 Share Posted September 10, 2015 You are seeing some REALLY worrying things here. I'm not 100% if it's the way you're describing it or not. When you say you go through everything & she understands what she's spent the day doing & then the next day she can't remember...do you mean she REALLY doesn't know if she cheated yesterday or not until you prove to her she was with you ALL day for example?? You're saying things that 'could' mean she has PHYSICAL brain damage. She NEEDS TO SEE A SPECIALIST! I mean a Neurologist. Please don't loose time & have blanks in their day. I think that's why people are asking you about drugs & alcohol. I'm VERY, VERY worried from your description. FORGET that it's cheating...it really doesn't matter what the delusion is. SHE'S DELUSIONAL & loosing time. Has she had mental 'episodes' before? At 30 it's a little late for some of the severe mental illnesses to manifest but if she's had episodes in the past.... Just because she's appeared 'normal' for a matter of months doesn't mean she's not in REAL DANGER!! People who are mentally ill or even have physical damage in their brains don't always realize that they're very sick. She sounds very very sick. Link to post Share on other sites
Hopeful714 Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 I dunno. I'm still confused. Best I can decipher is that she is having trouble with memory and needs to be evaluated, quickly. She seems too young for Alzheimer's, but you never know what else ...worst case a tumor or something that is causing this. I don't mean to scare you or anything, but if indeed she is blacking out or forgetting blocks of time, this is serious stuff and medical attention is warranted NOW! Skip the counselor and go straight to your family doctor who will be able to direct you to the proper specialist and/or write you an order for testing they deem appropriate for your situation. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 It's this kind of statement.... " I have suggested her to buy a diary to keep track of what she's doing everyday so it makes it easier."!!!!!! PLEASE! Take her to a MEDICAL doctor & tell them what's happening. URGENTLY! I'm very worried the more I look at this. Please let us know what the doctor says. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shin_00 Posted September 11, 2015 Author Share Posted September 11, 2015 i have told her to see a doc for a councelling reference and also to go for a brain check on any damage if neurological, which i hope not, we can work it out from there. And she agreed to put the wedding plans on hold for me. She'll get it sorted next week hopefully Link to post Share on other sites
Everalei Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 I know that other people have mentioned it, but let me tell from experience: love and affection WON'T solve her problems. Even if you marry her and become the perfect husband, her issues won't disappear out of the blue. She must decide to seek professional help, because she'll hardly overcome her issues on her own. And if she just doesn't want to seek help no matter what, then you'd better leave while you can, since things will only get worse and you'll find yourself trapped in an unhappy and miserable marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
acrosstheuniverse Posted September 11, 2015 Share Posted September 11, 2015 She has to get professional help. Anti-depressants, therapy, or a mixture of both. Until she works on herself, she will never be able to be a decent partner. Don't discount the theory that she's actually having second thoughts about the marriage, because you guys rushed so fast, and the worry of not knowing how to slow things down is getting her down and upsetting her. If she's still cut up about her ex, then there's no way you should be marrying her. Additionally, she's a cheat. She dated men behind her ex's back without the decency of leaving him. So watch your step. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shin_00 Posted September 14, 2015 Author Share Posted September 14, 2015 my fiancée has realized what she is doing is bad for us and took a different approach rather than exploding in tears for hours. She is talking about the problem with a rational mind to help us both solve problems. She is definitely going to see a therapist and clear up the air. The problem is definitely OCD related, even her mother has got huge OCD.. By all means, when she does explode in tears i give her space to clear her mind while i play some Pokémon or do something else like going to the gym. But there is some improvement going.. We thought it would be a good idea to not rush into wedding decision yet and leave it till we're ready Link to post Share on other sites
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