jws Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 Hello, I recently proposed to my fiance on April 3rd after being together with her for 3.5 months. I know that does not seem like a long time but I knew about two weeks into our relationship that she was the women I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Up to that point, things were fantastic!!!!!! However, Now since I put the ring on her finger, things have changed. Our relationship is not as exciting as it once was, we seem to be at odds or arguing most of the time ( something we never did before we got engaged). We dont have a good line of communication ( she says that she doesnt express her feelings well because of fear of my reaction) She has a 3 year old son, and she is also a nurse making good money. I on the other hand am not as financially stable, and am looking at getting into college in the fall. Our wedding date is Aug 20. I love her very much, and she has told me that she still loves me and cares for me and her feelings about me have not changed, but she is not sure whether or not she would be happier with or without me. She has not spoken to me in two days, and the last time I saw her, she was very affecionate with me to the point of not letting me go when we held each other!! We also work in the same building ( not together ), and I just happened to pass her cubicle, and she has taken her framed picture of me and laid it down so it is not visible. I am very confused about this. Are these wedding jitters she is going through something more serious???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jws Posted May 13, 2005 Author Share Posted May 13, 2005 I meant to say, are these just pre wedding symptoms, or is this something more serious?????? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 I think you're doing the two of you a disservice by rushing into this. 3.5 months? Big mistake, pal. You've got divorce written all over you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jws Posted May 13, 2005 Author Share Posted May 13, 2005 Originally posted by westernxer I think you're doing the two of you a disservice by rushing into this. Is postponing the wedding something that would damage our relationship growth from that point???????? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 13, 2005 Share Posted May 13, 2005 You work together. You're not financially stable. She's divorced with a child. Only been dating 3.5 months... you hardly know her. Love will not conquer all. Good luck. Prove me wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Shaaz Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 >>Are these wedding jitters she is going through something more serious???? >>Is postponing the wedding something that would damage our relationship growth from that point???????? These are not just wedding jitters. Postponing the wedding will NOT damage your relationship growth. Rushing into a marriage you may not be ready for WILL. Relationships are often really exciting and argument-free early on. It sounds like you two need to take some time to learn how to communicate with each other, and maybe to give you some time to get on your feet financially. (not that you need to be a provider, but you brought it up when describing your relationship, and maybe you feel insecure about it??) Good luck and take it slow! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jws Posted May 15, 2005 Author Share Posted May 15, 2005 Originally posted by Shaaz Postponing the wedding will NOT damage your relationship growth. It sounds like you two need to take some time to learn how to communicate with each other, and maybe to give you some time to get on your feet financially. Good luck and take it slow! Thanks alot Shaaz, My wish is for that to happen, unfortunately, I am not sure that it will. I left a message for her yesterday on both her cell phone, and her home phone, and she has still not called me back???? That makes 3 1/2 days that she has gone without seeing me or trying to get in touch with me....... Could this be over already???????????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted May 15, 2005 Share Posted May 15, 2005 Something is definitely UP!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jws Posted May 15, 2005 Author Share Posted May 15, 2005 Originally posted by Shaaz Postponing the wedding will NOT damage your relationship growth. It sounds like you two need to take some time to learn how to communicate with each other, and maybe to give you some time to get on your feet financially. Good luck and take it slow! Thanks alot Shaaz, My wish is for that to happen, unfortunately, I am not sure that it will. I left a message for her yesterday on both her cell phone, and her home phone, and she has still not called me back???? That makes 3 1/2 days that she has gone without seeing me or trying to get in touch with me....... Could this be over already???????????????????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jws Posted May 15, 2005 Author Share Posted May 15, 2005 Sorry, didnt refresh my page and thought that my post was not submitted!! Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 In my opinion it's you, not her who is not ready for marriage. If you're not financially stable, she will be obliged to support you together with her child. I don't think she's thrilled by that. Honestly I am a single mom with two kids and I wouldn't marry a guy who I would have to support. You should postpone the wedding for better times. How can you get married and you want to go to college? It seems that you don't take the responsibility of marriage seriously enough. Besides, it sounds a bit like you need somebody's stable income during the college time. No offense, but right now you're not a good catch from the practical point of view. Most women need men who can provide no matter how wealthy or poor they are themselves. Your fiancee is obviously not an exception. Why hurry with the wedding? When people talk about marriage too soon, the impression they usually leave is that they are afraid to lose their partner. If you're afraid you'll lose her, it's like admitting that you're not good enough for her. She is doing well the way it is now. She has a good job, a child, and a great boyfriend. And then you ruined that for her by practically obliging her to support you during school time if you're not financially stable (which you are not). She shouldn't have said "yes" to your proposal in the first place, but now that she did, she wants to undo it somehow. Hence the anger toward you. I absolutely understand your fiancee and I think you need to postpone the wedding for the time when you graduate and have a stable job. Link to post Share on other sites
Shaaz Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 It's too bad your fiancee isn't talking to you right now... that definitely makes it difficult to know what's going on with her. While RecordProducer speculates that your college plans are what has caused her to reconsider, there are plenty of women who are comfortable supporting their loved ones through school (me being one of them). She may not be freaking out about that particular issue... but obviously you won't know until you talk to her. I hope you get a hold of her and can talk things through soon! You must be in agony. Link to post Share on other sites
TexasSammy Posted May 16, 2005 Share Posted May 16, 2005 I understand that RecordProducer wants to look at marriage just from the “practical point of view.” But I think it is wrong to say there is no way for you to get married just because you want to go to college. “Most men need women who can provide”? I don’t know where RecordProducer got that from. Maybe the eighteenth century? Or maybe she is only speaking from her own situation, in which she needs a man to support her, and wouldn’t even thinking of being with someone who wasn’t bringing in the bucks. She suggests, it’s fine to date a guy with no money (i.e., you were a “great boyfriend”), but it’s not okay to marry him. As a rule, that seems superficial, if not a bit silly. As with any situation, it would be important for you to talk about finances with you fiancee, make clear what expectations you have of each other, and discuss how realistic they are. The bottom line is, none of us can know what is going through your fiancee’s mind. But I am very sorry, since it sounds very upsetting for you. I hope you can get a hold of her and tell her that you are worried about how your relationship has suddenly changed. Just remember to be open-minded and let her explain how she feels. But don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you just aren’t a “good catch.” That’s stupid talk, and you don’t have to put up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
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