Love or lust?? Boyfriend's older brother...

[jlynn95]

I need opinions on what to do and how you all think his brother feels about me in return...

 

Where do I begin...I'm a 20 year old female. I've been dating my boyfriend Dustin for almost 3 years. He is 22 now and has a 32 year old brother, Aaron. His brother has always been better off than him. He's a manager at a warehouse, has a nice car, has a house, and is the biggest sweetheart.

 

When I first met my boyfriend, his brother was married but got divorced last year because the woman cheated on him. After he got divorced, I got to know him better and we started getting pretty close. All of my boyfriend and I's relationship has been a rollercoaster. We would fight over stupid stuff and my ex was still causing problems while I was in this new relationship which caused a lot of strain on us.

 

I didn't start getting extremely close to his brother until this year. Whenever we would have family events with a lot of people around he would always smile at me and pick on me. His mom watches his two boys on the weekend while he's at work...they're 3 and 6 years old and they absolutely love me. When I'm around, it seems like they can't do anything without me having to be there or by them. Aaron notices this when he comes to pick up the boys after work because they will tell him what I did with them while he was gone and he would then smile at me. The kids always want me to go home with them at night too. All I say to that is "I wish". He gave me his phone number a while ago and told me to text or call him if I ever needed anything or anyone to talk to, but it turned into more than just that. We share common interests like shooting guns for target practice, hunting, and playing Destiny on PS3.

 

Sometimes we would text each other with random conversation or it would start out from playing the PS3 online together. He would start by texting me asking me questions about what we were doing on the game and then veer off to another random topic which half the time included sexual innuendos. I started falling for him a few months ago and couldn't take the awkwardness anymore. One night while we were playing Destiny with each other, he said he needed a break after playing for about 4 hours so he started texting me asking me what I was doing and what I was thinking about. I told him that I was falling for him and that I thought about him a lot and wanted him more than his younger brother who I'm currently with. He told me he was glad I told him that, but that he wouldn't ever do anything to hurt his brother and that it would mess up his family and make things awkward. The age difference didn't even bother him.

 

We went about 2 weeks without playing that game together, texting, or even seeing each other. This past Thursday I wrote him on Facebook and told him I was over him, that it happened quickly, and that I was sorry if I crossed any lines or made him mad. He wrote me back and said he had been very busy and that he wasn't trying to be rude but he just didn't have time for "drama". The Saturday after I wrote him, he was at his parents' house to pick up the boys and I was there. She had made dinner so we sat at the table and ate (me, my boyfriend, the brother, and his kids). I got done before the rest of them and got up to leave when I started talking to my boyfriend. Aaron intervened with smartass comments just so I would say something back. Whenever Aaron is at the house we would usually play around by wrestling a little or something small. This day was completely different than most. I was leaving out the front door and threw a balled up tissue at him and he threw it back at me. I sat down next to him at the table and tried putting it down the back of his shirt but he swatted it away and gave me a funny look.

 

The mom stayed inside watching the boys while I went outside. Aaron followed me, with Dustin trailing behind. Aaron started smacking me in the face and making fun of me because my reaction speed was slow. I started hitting him back, laughing. He repeatedly picked me up and rammed me up against things like his parents' car or the garage wall and then let me go. I got out of breath after about 15 minutes, so I laid face down on the cold grass since it was dark outside. Dustin sat on the grass without saying anything the whole time everything went on...Aaron was getting ready to leave and came up behind me and put his foot on my butt and pressed hard and bent down and asked me if I was okay. I said I was okay and he asked if I was sure and I said yes. He started tickling me and flipped me over on my back and sat on top of me tickling me for at least 20 minutes. He kept tickling my legs, my sides, and beneath my butt. He asked Dustin if I cry when I'm being tickled, and he said no. Aaron smiled at me and said "good". Whenever I would try and tickle him, he would grab my arms and pin them down to the ground. He held both my arms above my head, sitting on me smiling and laughing. I shook my head at him and smiled at him. Never in my life had I wanted to kiss him as much as that moment and I saw it in his eyes that he wanted to.

 

After about 10 seconds of that, he asked Dustin why he wasn't helping and he said that it looked like he had it under control. The mom came outside to tell Aaron he needed to take the boys home and he got up fast and helped me up. The 3 year old came out and held my hand so I picked him up and carried him to Aaron's truck, buckled him in his car seat, and kissed both boys goodbye. The 6 year old told me to come with them and I said I wished I could. Aaron held his hands out to help me get out of the truck. When I got out, we hugged (our hugs are always the full arm wrap hugs that last almost 10 seconds) He told me to be careful on my way home and left. I texted him once I got home and said "*******". He said "Why am I an *******?" I told him I was just playing with him, and he said "I know ;)" I told him I would leave him be, and he said "You're ok. Hope you don't bruise too bad..." I told him he wasn't too rough and that it could've been worse. He said "I wasn't trying to be too rough. I just wanted to make sure I didn't hurt you. Too bad anyways. Lol!" I told him, "You wanted to hurt me but not that bad. I've got it now.." He said "Yeah, pretty much ;)" The whole conversation was nothing but flirty faces and talking about "round two"...

 

I know I pretty much wrote a book, but I want your honest opinions about how you think he really feels, despite what he told me a while back about "not hurting his family or brother". Do you think he really likes me or am I just an item to him?

Edited September 10, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Edited for paragraphs ~ V

[CarrieT]

Of course the older brother is better off; he's had more than a decade to work and obtain the car and house. You are being very materialistic if you look at it from those angles.

 

The rest of it? You are a plaything and nothing else. And you are playing with fire if you continue with him.

 

Tell your boyfriend what has happened and come clean.

 

And learn to break up your posts into paragraphs... Easier to read.

[pteromom]

It isn't love or lust. He is just intriguing and different and playful and wakes something up in you.

 

But no good can come out of it, so why think about it?

 

This is one of those situations where you force yourself to think about something else until the feelings go away.

 

And you need to maintain boundaries. Just DON'T flirt with him. Stay cool and friendly and that's it.

 

It doesn't matter if he really likes you or not. No good can come from it.

[PaperCrane]

Powder-keg.

 

He could also be **** testing you for his brother to see if you're a good woman. His lady cheated on him and any big brother worth his salt protects his younger siblings.

[Space Ritual]

Get out of the Made for Appalachian TV movie as fast as possible. Do not even continue to entertain such childish ideas. Nothing good is going to come from this. Why would you even go down this road with your boyfriend's brother?

 

Young lady, all of this not only flies in the face of good judgement, but also of common sense. Please just own up to your boyfriend and give him the decision whether or not your brand of drama is worth changing the channel on.

[sandylee1]

If you are not over big brother ,then break up with little brother. He's had a wife cheat on him. As his sons are growing up, he'll warn them against cheating women , because that's what broke his family up.

 

Learn to recognise appropriate boundaries and just DON'T go there. It's way too messed up. In fact you've probably already messed up your relationship with little brother, because if he gets serious about you to the point of marriage, all it takes is for his brother to tell him what you did and he'll say 'do you want to end up divorced like me'.

 

You will cause too much strife in that family and I think you should leave them ALL ALONE. If his brother caved in with your advances, you would have cheated.......his brother could easily say ' I could have had your GF just like that, it's only because I turned her down, no other guy will be bothered about hurting you like I was'

 

I don't see any future for you in that family.

[No Limit]

Maybe you should learn how to properly close doors before jumping into relationships. Before the little brother there was your ex, now you're interested in big brother while with his little brother... it has drama written all over the wall. Besides, what are you looking for in a relationship? Right now your entire post reeks of materialistic interests. At least break up with your current BF first. And yes, the tension will be too great, it won't have a long future anyway.

[Quiet Storm]

Maybe the older brother is trying to get his younger brother to see that you are not loyal and flirt with other guys.

 

Any guy that loves his little brother isn't going to want him to get his heart broke. Older brother is either

1) trying to expose your character

or

2) knows his brother is not serious about you

or

3) he is an a5shole.

 

None of these possibilities are good for you.

[Try]

I've been dating my boyfriend Dustin for almost 3 years. He is 22 now and has a 32 year old brother, Aaron. His brother has always been better off than him. He's a manager at a warehouse, has a nice car, has a house, and is the biggest sweetheart.

Of course Dustin's older bother is "better of than him". Dustin is 22 and his older brother is 32. When Dustin is 32 he will probably also be better off than he is today at 22, it is ridiculous that you would think to make such a comparison.

 

Many of your issues with Dustin are because when you are in an emotional affair ("EA"), which you definitely are in, that affair fog makes you look for reasons to find fault with your boyfriend. What makes this sick is that you were able to be in a position to fall for Dustin's older brother, because he trusted his older brother with you, and you with the older brother, in a way that he would not trust any other person other than family. You need to be worthy of that trust. You need to stop contact with the older brother. Please understand, that even if you break up with Dustin and give it a little time, Aaron can never be yours without destroying the relationship that Dustin and Aaron have as brothers, and without destroying your and Aaron's relationship with the rest family. This will not end well.

[Leigh 87]

Why are you dating Dustin if you have a crush on his brother?

 

Someone with good strength of character would walk away.

 

You're young and it's been three years already. I think the relationship with your boyfriend has run its course.

 

No it's not normal to let s crush with your boyfriends brother go so far. If you were in love with your boyfriend, you wouldn't have allowed yourself to fall for his brother

[Snakechammah]

You know... from your post, Aaron sounds like a future wife-beater and very disrespectful.

 

He "hit" you and joked about your "slow reaction"? He put his foot on your butt and held you down? You find that attractive, seriously??

 

Does he not know how to be respectful and less physically aggressive to a woman? I think there is more to his divorce than anyone is telling you.

 

If you have a moral compass, use it. Aaron sounds like an azzhole brother to me. If he has the cheek to hurt his own little brother, he isn't a good man. Like they say, bros before hoes.

[Marc878]

Sounds like the older brother has more in everything except class?

[bubbaganoosh]

Sorry but after reading this, you not much of a girlfriend and he isn't much of a brother. One brother doesn't mess with another brothers lady. If he does then he isn't much of a man so do the younger brother a favor and give him a chance to find a woman with a bit more class and his brother can have you and you can tickle each other until oblivion. Sorry but this is low class from the start.

[Keenly]

Poor guy is getting boned by every direction in this one.

[clam]

Poor Dustin sat their watching you and his brother frolicking all over the front yard. Do you honestly think he's ok with that? And do you honestly think it's ok to roll around in his brother's arms, tickling, wrestling, touching each other?

 

WTH am I missing here? This is seriously messed up.

[Space Ritual]

I'm wondering how this episode of Hee Haw worked out....