Long term relationship/long term affair with husbands bf

[autumnnight]

Abarr's husband could be cheating. My GF's close friend's husband was "not the type" to cheat either (short, not attractive, seems "too nice"), but he has been cheating for over 6 months (wife knows now).

 

If you're going out with your husband's friend on weekends, and your current husband does not care about it, it is possible that he views your going out as an opening for him to do what he wants with a girl he has on the side. What I mean to say is that your lack of availability to your husband, and he being fine with it, is a potential red flag IMO.

 

We have zero reason to believe he is cheating. It was a what if question. The issue is not speculation; it's the OP's affair.

[ch72]

If not, that's not your husband's friend at all.

 

And you ARE NO FRIEND to his wife either....Nor are you a wife to your husband.

 

What to do, divorce and go be with OM. Let your husband find a good wife. Sometimes things just happen in life, those are called accidents where you have ZERO control over what happens. You had a choice, plain and simple. That's called making a decision based solely on your wants and needs without regard to others around you.

Edited September 9, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language and troll call out ~T

[sweet_pea]

What you're doing is not only messed up, but really messed up. I hope you're prepared for when this comes to light and the huge atomic bomb that will explode. A double betrayal is one of the most damaging things one can go through. So, congrats on that I guess.

[Clay]

She has done it for this long do you really think she cares one bit about her husband or her kid.

 

I seriously doubt it. My xW could care less if my kid is still in WBI and needs his mother. The day my Oldest daughter killed herself she told me my xW was really horrible to her over the phone. This was the same more my daughters husband had died. She just could not believe how selfish my xW was. It wasn't her biological mother but someone she spent ten years of her life with. These people do not care at all. They want what they want and they are willing to do anything to anyone to get it.

 

Your best saving your breath for people that come to this site that really need help then trying to argue logic with OP.

 

C

[ShatteredLady]

Oh Clay I'm so sorry. I truly am. No one can know the unimaginable pain that you have endured. My heart goes out to you.

[William]

Folks, lets keep in mind that people come to LS to find help and advice. We don't ask that you agree with everything another member does, but we do demand that everyone receives the same respect.

 

If you do not have something that can be of use to the OP, then feel free to move along to a topic more in line with your values. ~Thank you

[m.snow]

definitely not the worst i've seen so far, hopefully the bh's child is his own.

 

this will definitely be harsh lesson for the BH to learn. "trust no one". not even your wife. and specially not your best friend.

 

but its what they call "double betrayal".

[Winterina]

One question to answer for you: do you feel guilt and shame? Did you ever, or to what extent in your life did you experience these emotions?

 

If you do not and did not, then you should have your answer right there, and you cannot help being like that and nobody can blame you for not feeling something that you are not capable of feeling. However, people do want to stay away and steer clear of people like that.

 

If you do feel shame, then it must be horrible to live like that. From your post it does not appear that you have any negative feelings about your affair though.

[Abarr8228]

Why not have your H and the other wife join you?

 

Then you could continue because they would be doing it too. Just let them know and let them in on the fun.

 

Do you have kids with your H?

 

 

 

I know neither spouse would be down with joining although I have suspected that my AP wife may have a slight crush on my husband, just by the little things she does when shes drunk.

Yes I have a daughter with my H.

[SoleMate]

I really don't know why im posting or what kind of feedback im looking for... Maybe some sort of support.

I recommend that you spend some time thinking about exactly what motivated you to post. I believe you do have one or more serious questions that need answering, you just don't fully and consciously know what they are yet (or haven't fully acknowledged them yet). There's something nagging at you that brought you to the keyboard and got you searching. One hint: what search terms or phrases did you use to get here? Are you willing to share them?

 

I know what is going on is not right, so if you have something negative to say about it please keep it to yourself.

I would suggest that you look at the cognitive disjunction in that request. You want people to avoid any suggestion that what you're doing is dangerous, harmful, risky, wrong? Even though it appears you know all of that, you want it off limits?

 

Im just looking for anyone that's been in a similar situation as me.

An affair with a spouse's best friend is not the common scenario and tends to have some of the worst outcomes as the trust violation is multi-faceted (and the chance of discovery is greater). Even on LS with the many, many A's we've advised on, the bf scenario is rare... If you want happy examples only, that is the rarest of all.

 

Given that you H and AP work together, is there any chance that discovery could lead to job termination (by choice or otherwise)? Have you ever looked forward to the day when your A is discovered? Are you afraid of what might happen?

[qubist]

OP: what you are feeling toward the OM is not necessary love, we've seen similar stories many times. It is a combination of lust,excitement na selfishness. Your AP fills a gap that you can't see in your H and won't put the effort to find it. Your AP also seems to be a typical cheating MM who enjoys the stability of a married life and a side chick for extra sex on the side, we will never leave his W for you unless she busted him and left him and even in this case he might not choose you and this is based on many stories I've seen heer and other websites.

Before you do anything you should see who you are first in order to do that you should make an effort and stop your A now. Because nothing can compete with excitement the the A can provide. Once you stop the A completely see how you feel. If you think you are in love with OM just do it respectfully and ask your H for D trust me it will hurt less. If you are too active sexually for you H he deserves to know and decide how he should act upon it. If you are just confused about love and sexuality and the A is just a fog that's blinding your judgements which by the way most likely the case, you should just heal yourself and do your best to save your M

[Lois_Griffin]

well

1. I would be very hurt if my husband had an affair, but I really doubt I'd have to worry about that because he's def not the type to do that.

Said EVERY shocked betrayed spouse when THEY found out they'd been cheated on.

 

And I'm sure you husband and your 'boyfriend's' wife said the same exact thing about you both.

 

See how erroneous that statement can be?

[aliveagain]

My guess the real reason your posting on here is because you want to find a way out of this mess with your marriage and family intact. If I am right, be honest with everyone here. If I am wrong than I will not post on your thread again because people that are actively cheating and me don't get along well.

[qubist]

My guess the real reason your posting on here is because you want to find a way out of this mess with your marriage and family intact. If I am right, be honest with everyone here. If I am wrong than I will not post on your thread again because people that are actively cheating and me don't get along well.

If I may answer on her behalf since it is obvious, YES you are right.

[Chi townD]

Okay, let me try to bring you into the real world for a minute.

 

 

You and your AP are too close to each other and it's only a matter of time before you're caught out. So, it's not a matter of "if" it's a matter of "when".

 

 

Hell, you're husband might already be suspicious but is in denial. Hell, he might find his way on here and start a thread saying, "I think my wife might be cheating on me" and I will be more than happy to tell him ways to catch you out. Things you never even considered that would get you caught.

 

 

Now, what do you stand to lose? Well, lets take inventory.

 

 

1. You stand to lose your marriage.

 

 

2. You stand to lose your husband.

 

 

3. He'll lose his best friend.

 

 

4. You'll lose his wife as your best friend.

 

 

5. You'll lose your home if your forced to sell.

 

 

6. You'll lose 50% of all martial assets.

 

 

7. You'll lose 50% of all finances including 401Ks, CD's, money market accounts.

 

 

8. You'll lose respect from your friends (and some of those friends will end their friendship with you because they won't want you around their husbands) and disappointment from your family because of WHY you are getting divorced.

 

 

9. You'll be financially strapped because the only thing your husband will be on the hook for is child support (and it wouldn't surprise me if he asks for a DNA profile on your daughter considering the length of your affair)

 

 

10. You get to be a part-time mom. More Family courts are recognizing fathers rights and like to see joint custody as much as possible, 50/50. So, you won't be with her for half of her childhood because he has a right to spend time with his daughter.

 

 

Now, what do you and your AP like to call each other? Fun?

 

 

You see what all of this fun is going to get you?

 

 

You need to wake up to what you're about to lose.

[qubist]

Okay, let me try to bring you into the real world for a minute.

 

 

You and your AP are too close to each other and it's only a matter of time before you're caught out. So, it's not a matter of "if" it's a matter of "when".

 

 

Hell, you're husband might already be suspicious but is in denial. Hell, he might find his way on here and start a thread saying, "I think my wife might be cheating on me" and I will be more than happy to tell him ways to catch you out. Things you never even considered that would get you caught.

 

 

Now, what do you stand to lose? Well, lets take inventory.

 

 

1. You stand to lose your marriage.

 

 

2. You stand to lose your husband.

 

 

3. He'll lose his best friend.

 

 

4. You'll lose his wife as your best friend.

 

 

5. You'll lose your home if your forced to sell.

 

 

6. You'll lose 50% of all martial assets.

 

 

7. You'll lose 50% of all finances including 401Ks, CD's, money market accounts.

 

 

8. You'll lose respect from your friends (and some of those friends will end their friendship with you because they won't want you around their husbands) and disappointment from your family because of WHY you are getting divorced.

 

 

9. You'll be financially strapped because the only thing your husband will be on the hook for is child support (and it wouldn't surprise me if he asks for a DNA profile on your daughter considering the length of your affair)

 

 

10. You get to be a part-time mom. More Family courts are recognizing fathers rights and like to see joint custody as much as possible, 50/50. So, you won't be with her for half of her childhood because he has a right to spend time with his daughter.

 

 

Now, what do you and your AP like to call each other? Fun?

 

 

You see what all of this fun is going to get you?

 

 

You need to wake up to what you're about to lose.

Funny post but you hit it. I like the part of you being more than happy to show her H how to catch her. Lol

I think the OP knows what's at risk but the fog she is in is blinding her unless she stops the A she won't see any light

[stillafool]

I know neither spouse would be down with joining although I have suspected that my AP wife may have a slight crush on my husband, just by the little things she does when shes drunk.

Yes I have a daughter with my H.

 

She probably fantazies about your H all the time. Would it bother you if your H slept with her?

[Chi townD]

Funny post but you hit it. I like the part of you being more than happy to show her H how to catch her. Lol

I think the OP knows what's at risk but the fog she is in is blinding her unless she stops the A she won't see any light

 

 

Oh, the fog is so obvious, dude.

 

 

Her post was more about her AP growing feelings for her. I was like, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!" Thus, my post about what she's going to lose. Hopefully, knock her out of the fog a little. I think she has more pressing things to worry about other than if her AP is developing feelings for her.

[qubist]

Oh, the fog is so obvious, dude.

 

 

Her post was more about her AP growing feelings for her. I was like, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!" Thus, my post about what she's going to lose. Hopefully, knock her out of the fog a little. I think she has more pressing things to worry about other than if her AP is developing feelings for her.

 

I really hope she reads your post more than once to just realize what she is risking for "fun"

Other thing she isn't aware of is that MM/AP is there for the booty call only.