His he afraid of commitment or his mom?

[lostinmyself]

I need your opinions/advice. This is complicated, but I’ll try to keep it short and sweet.

 

I am 35, divorced w/1 kid. My bf now fwb is 25, never married, no kids. We “dated” for about a month or so until his mother found out about us (his dad knew from the beginning). A few days after she found out he says “I have a lot of things going on in my life right now that I need to work on before I can devote myself to a relationship.”

 

So we are just FWB for now. He calls me a minimum of five times a day, sends text messages constantly and we spend the night together at least twice a week (sometimes sex, sometimes not).

 

All of our friends and half of this small town know about us, but he gets weird if there is a chance his mom or one of her friends will see us together at unusual times (like first thing in the am). He’s said on more than one occasion that he has to or can’t do ‘whatever’ because he doesn’t want to make his mom mad because she writes the paycheck.

 

I’ve been pretty good with the FWB thing so far, but tonight’s dinner plans are now cancelled because he has to go eat with the parents and talk business (farm/ranch, etc).

 

Now I find myself wondering …..

 

Does he really like me? Is he afraid of commitment? Is he afraid of his mom? Am I wasting my time? Is it an age thing? Do I run or wait and see what happens? Or should I just stop whining and enjoy The Dance?

[christopher d.]

I'm new to this -- what's FWB? I think I may know what it means...

 

I don't understand -- is it that his mother doesn't like you that he doesn't want to commit? That sounds pretty lame that he can't date you because his mother knows about you. Have to tried talking to him about this? If he calls you frequently -- it sounds like he definitely has feelings for you...but there is something holding him back.

 

There was an episode on Judge Judy where she says to the mother of a mama's boy in reference to his girlfriend..."it's HER that is going to give him pleasure at night...not you." If its just his mother between you two -- tell him to grow up!

 

My advice is -- talk it over with him. If he is uncooperative...move on. You sound like a nice person -- I'm sure you can find someone better.

[Shaaz]

Sounds to me this kid is not ready for a relationship and you should step back. Is he afraid of his mom? Yes, he is afraid mommy will take the paycheck away if she finds out he's dating you. This is NOT OK. He may be 25 but it sounds like that umbilical cord hasn't been cut yet. I personally would be very angry and YOU CAN DO BETTER.

[lostinmyself]

Originally posted by christopher d.

I'm new to this -- what's FWB? I think I may know what it means...

 

Yeah, I think you probably know what it means.

 

is it that his mother doesn't like you that he doesn't want to commit? That sounds pretty lame that he can't date you because his mother knows about you. Have to tried talking to him about this? If he calls you frequently -- it sounds like he definitely has feelings for you...but there is something holding him back.

 

His mother likes me fine, but she thinks we are just friends....who spend alot of time together. Everytime I bring it up, he just changes the subject. There is something holding him back, but I just can't figure it out.

 

There was an episode on Judge Judy where she says to the mother of a mama's boy in reference to his girlfriend..."it's HER that is going to give him pleasure at night...not you."

 

No doubt!

 

 

Originally posted by Shaaz

Sounds to me this kid is not ready for a relationship and you should step back. Is he afraid of his mom? Yes, he is afraid mommy will take the paycheck away if she finds out he's dating you. This is NOT OK. He may be 25 but it sounds like that umbilical cord hasn't been cut yet. I personally would be very angry and YOU CAN DO BETTER.

 

Thanks for the input. I agree, but don't want to. Sometimes we know the answer to our questions, but need someone else to tell us what's up. I was angry at first, but now I think I'm at the point that I don't really care anymore. I mean, I really like him alot and want everything to work out, but I don't see that happening. At least not anytime soon.

 

I was ready to call it quits yesterday, because of something that happended Sat night, but then he called and I caved. We spent the whole day together. He, of course, knows all the right things to say. And today I feel lost again. I haven't felt this way in so long, I don't know what to do.

 

I'm sure I could do better, but most of the time I just feel like there is no one out there for me.

 

Ok, I'll quit feeling sorry for myself now and go do something constructive with my time.

 

Thanks again!!